Tomi and Anu (early 30s) met as teenagers at a New Year party in 2009. 

On this week’s Love Life, they talk about a decade of drifting apart and reconnecting, the life-changing accident neither of them saw coming, and the moment Anu proposed marriage before he ever got the chance to ask.

What’s your earliest memory of each other?

Tomi: 2009. We met her at a New Year’s party through a mutual friend. I was about 17 and went there to dance. But that day at the party, I spotted Tomi and just couldn’t stop staring at her. I’d never felt that kind of pull toward anyone before. It turned into a full-on staring competition between us. 

However, I didn’t know how to approach her because I was clueless and had never really toasted a babe before. After we left the party,  I went to our mutual friend and gave a thorough description of Anu. I described her face, nose, eyes, and what she was wearing. Then she said, “ Oh, that sounds like Anu,” and gave me her number. 

Anu: My earliest memory of Tomi isn’t so different. I noticed him staring at me intensely at the New Year’s party, and I remember thinking, ” Why is this guy looking at me like that?” I was shy, so I just stared back without saying anything. We didn’t talk that day at all; we just kept looking at each other across the room.

Then, I think the next day after the party, our mutual friend asked me if she could give him my number. She told me this guy liked me and wanted to reach out, and I said she could give him. I was just 15, and I wasn’t thinking about relationships. I just expected us to have normal conversations and keep it moving. And that’s exactly what happened. As Tomi mentioned, we were both still really young, and it was a new experience for us. So it was only natural that we started as friends.

Hmmm

Tomi: We spent the next couple of months just getting to know each other. We mostly talked at night, using the MTN night call plans, since daytime minutes were expensive. 

We’d just talk about our likes, dislikes and what we both wanted for ourselves in the future. We were both raised by single mothers, so we were naturally quite disciplined and weren’t thinking about anything physical or intimate. 

And how long did this phase last? 

Tomi: We talked for almost a year before anything was official. One night out of nowhere, Anu said, “Babe, do you realise you haven’t actually asked me out?” And she was right. As a first timer, I’d gotten so lost in the friendship phase that I didn’t even realise I had to make that move. After she raised it, I asked her to be my girlfriend, and that was how it started.

Anu: I remember bringing it up because I think my friends had been asking if he’d asked me out yet, and I realised he genuinely hadn’t. So I just said it to him directly. At that time, we’d been talking for about a year, so there was no point in telling him I needed to think about his request or anything like that. So he got a yes on the spot. 

Sweet. What were the early days of the relationship like, especially since you were both still so young?

Tomi: They weren’t bad. We had the boyfriend-and-girlfriend tag, but much of the relationship was still about building a strong bond. We barely ever met physically, and people find that hard to believe now. In the whole time we dated, I think we saw each other in person maybe four times. If I wanted to see her, I’d take a longer route home just to pass her street and catch her on the balcony. I’d tell her, I’m almost at your balcony, and we’d just smile and wave at each other. It was very Romeo and Juliet.

Anu: Again, I need to mention that we were always both so shy because it was a new experience for us. Even on calls, there were times when we’d just get quiet because we didn’t know what to say. Still, it was a beautiful experience for both of us; we were just fond of each other in a very innocent way. But things took a turn for us around 2011.

Oh. What happened? 

Anu: My family had to move to another city rather abruptly because of financial struggles. I didn’t tell him or call him about the move; I just left. I guess I didn’t want to involve him in what we were going through at the time. It was a whole lot of personal family struggles.

Tomi: That move was a huge shock. But before she moved, there was a Boxing Day party at my place that I wanted her to come to, but she didn’t show up. I ended up dancing with one of the girls at the party that day, and I think word must have gotten to her, building some resentment. It was probably why she didn’t tell me about her family’s move.

Is that right, Anu?

Anu: In a way. I was already dealing with my mum’s illness and a lot of personal struggles, so hearing about him dancing with someone else just added to everything. I convinced myself he’d moved on to someone else, and between that and the move, I just decided to focus on my own life.

So I’m guessing you guys broke up around this period?

Tomi: Well, it wasn’t like we had any official conversation to call it quits. We just drifted apart after the move, and eventually, we only checked on each other once a year through Facebook messages. I took it hard, though. 

After she moved, I remember crying myself to sleep at night, playing sad music. It was a whole lot of strong emotions on both sides that we didn’t know how to handle. She was dealing with life, I was dealing with her absence and even the circumstances around which she left. We didn’t know how to handle something like that, which is why the drift happened. Eventually, even the occasional calls stopped, and just like that, we spent a decade apart. 

Must have been hard. Did you guys date other people during this period?

Tomi: I dated a few people, maybe up to five over that decade, but I never dated more than one person at a time; that’s just not who I am. None of those relationships worked out the way I hoped, but they also helped me grow in a way. I was getting more experience and maturing where necessary. In a way, my heart was always still drawn to Anu.

Anu: I dated other people too, but if I’m honest, what I felt for those people was never as strong as what I felt for him. There was always something different about him that I couldn’t quite explain to anyone else. Through those years we weren’t speaking, I’d check his Facebook page and see pictures of him and his lovers. In my head, I just concluded that he’d moved on, and I honestly wished him well. 

So at what point did you guys reunite?

Tomi: That was around 2018. It happened right after I came out of a relationship where I’d been cheated on. I was completely heartbroken, and one night, while scrolling through old Facebook messages, I saw Anu’s name. I just thought, let me check on this babe. We started talking again, I asked for her WhatsApp number, and the conversation picked up from there, much more openly this time. I remember pouring out my mind to her about what I’d gone through. In a way, I just felt she’d understand. I lowkey knew she’d been keeping tabs on me and knew what my dating history looked like when we were apart. I was always open about who I was dating; I never had any reason to hide, so I knew she wouldn’t doubt my innocence in whatever had happened with the lady.

Anu: When he reached out, I actually felt a bit some type of way that he was sharing all these details about his heartbreak with me before I’d shared anything with him. Still, I allowed him to pour out his mind and listened.

Somewhere in my mind, I felt like maybe God was bringing us back together, especially since I was single and had been praying for a partner around that same time. Outside of his relationship troubles, it just felt really good to reconnect with him after so many years apart. 

I can imagine. So, who made the move to bring the relationship back?

Tomi: That was me. I asked her out on a date that same week we reconnected. I didn’t want to waste time. We met and went to the mall in Ikeja. When I saw her walk up in this red dress, I just thought, ” This girl hasn’t changed at all.” She was still as pretty as ever, and I knew then that I still wanted her. 

That same day, I asked if we could restart things properly, and she said yes almost immediately.

Wait, what? You didn’t have any reservations that he’d just come out of another relationship, Anu?

Anu: To be honest, I had mixed feelings. A part of me was happy and excited that I’d reunited with my first love, and I was even expecting him to ask us to get back together. But another part of me was cautious; I didn’t want to just be someone he used to heal from heartbreak. 

Eventually, I decided to trust God and give it a chance anyway. I didn’t think it was a coincidence that he returned to my life around the same time I was asking God to send me my partner.

I see. And Tomi, did you feel like you’d fully healed before starting things up again with her?

Tomi: If I’m honest, no. I hadn’t fully healed at that point; it had only been about two weeks since that breakup. But the moment I saw her again, something shifted. It felt like it reignited everything we’d had before, and it stopped being about healing from someone else. I already knew the kind of person she was from years back; she wasn’t someone chasing different men around, and that mattered a lot to me. I just felt like, ” What am I even waiting for? Everything I want is right in front of me.”

 And I went for it.

Got it. What did dating look like the second time around?

Tomi: We were a lot more intentional and grounded this time. I’d drive her to work sometimes, we’d go to church together, go to programs and camp meetings, really trying to build our future with God at the centre of it. Things went well for about a year, and then we hit another roadblock. 

What do you mean?

Tomi: I started struggling financially. I was trying to build a business, and I set all these insane targets for myself, like I needed to have made a certain amount of money before I could commit to marriage. When those targets weren’t hitting, I started convincing myself she deserved someone who could already provide more than I could at the time. 

Instead of being honest about it early, I started misbehaving, hoping she’d get frustrated and leave on her own. Eventually, I told her outright to move on, that I wasn’t ready and didn’t know when I would be. I stopped picking up her calls for weeks after that.

Anu: I was confused and wondered what had changed. I remember telling him nobody was rushing him, that we could figure things out together, and that we should keep trusting God. But he insisted he needed time, so eventually I just stopped reaching out. I didn’t want to impose myself on him even though I wasn’t ready to let go. I was heartbroken all over again, especially because we’d already been planning a future together in our minds. 

I moved on with my own life after a while, but the universe still had other plans for us. 

What other plans?

Tomi: On September 12, 2019, while driving an Uber passenger, we were attacked. We got stuck in traffic on a bridge, and two men approached the car, one of them armed. He demanded my phone, and in the chaos, I reached for where I’d hidden it, and he shot me. I passed out briefly and woke up to my passenger screaming. Thankfully, some policemen drove me to the hospital. We were stuck in traffic for about an hour while I was bleeding out.

At the hospital, doctors found out the pellets had lodged beneath my brain and removing them could cause damage. Some are still lodged near my jaw and nose today. Anyway, I was transferred to the teaching hospital in Ikeja. After checking the extent of the damage to my eyes, the doctors told me I might never see again.

I was in complete shock. Depression set in almost immediately.

I’m so sorry. How did Anu find out?

Tomi: My brother knew I’d been seeing her, even though we weren’t speaking at the time. While I was still admitted, he felt like I needed someone. So he took my phone, found her number, and called her himself. I had no clue he’d done that.

Anu: I got a call from his brother at work. Honestly, in the moment, I completely forgot we weren’t even on speaking terms. All I heard was “hospital,” so I left work immediately and went there. I sat outside for hours because his siblings didn’t fully recognise me at first; it had been years. It wasn’t until his mum came out and saw me still waiting that I was finally let in to see him.

I couldn’t even process what I saw once I entered the ward. His face was heavily bandaged and swollen; it was terrible to see. I didn’t cry in front of him, but I broke down once I stepped outside. When I finally went in, I just held his hand without saying anything at first.

Tomi: The first thing I asked her was why she’d even come after everything I’d put her through. She just told me to shut up, that I’d started again, and that she was there, full stop. That was the first time I cried after the accident, though she couldn’t see it because of the bandages.

Anu: After that day, I kept going back to visit him, even after telling myself I’d stop so it wouldn’t look like I was trying to force myself on him again. I couldn’t stay away, though; I genuinely wanted him to be okay.

A few weeks after the accident, I brought up marriage.

Wait, what?

Anu: I remember thinking, instead of going back and forth to visit him all the time, what if I were just there permanently. Before I said anything to him, I sat with the idea for a while and asked myself honestly if my decision was driven by pity. I’ve read enough to know marrying out of pity doesn’t work. Once I was sure it wasn’t that, I told him plainly, “Babe, why don’t we just get married?”

Tomi: My first response was, “Are you blind, can’t you see that I’m blind?”  She told me to stop and said that she wasn’t marrying me because I was blind, she was marrying me because of the man she saw inside me, someone she could build a future with.

How did that actually make you feel, Tomi?

Tomi: I was genuinely surprised because I didn’t think anyone would choose to stay long-term with me in that state. I was still depressed at that point, and I’d even asked doctors at one point to just give me something and let me go. So when she proposed marriage, it didn’t fully make sense to me at first. But I also knew I couldn’t repeat the mistake of pushing her away again. I decided to trust it and told my mum I wanted to get married.

How did your families react?

Anu: It was smooth on my end. I told my sister first, and she encouraged me to tell my mum. My mum’s response was that plenty of people with two working eyes still end up in bad marriages, so if he was a good man and this made me happy, she didn’t see a reason to stand in the way.

Tomi: My side was smooth too. My mum had already grown fond of her without even knowing our full history, just from how homely and respectful she was whenever she visited.

Our wedding was small, just a court wedding, no big party. We didn’t want to spend heavily on a celebration; we wanted to save and invest instead. Around that time, our story started spreading online, and people heard about the accident and her choice to stay, which inspired many. Some started sending financial support, which we used to start building. She started her own business, and I got an Uber car running again.

Nice. What did those early years of actually living together as a married couple look like?

Anu: Those early years were tough. We started out living in a family house, and there are lots of painful memories from that period we’d rather not revisit. 

Tomi and I were fine, though. We’d known each other since we were teenagers, so it never felt like starting from scratch with a stranger; we were already close friends underneath everything. We had a few hiccups around conflict resolution, but we scaled through. 

What sort of issues?

Anu: I go quiet when I’m upset. Instead of saying anything out of spite and anger, I’ll just withdraw into myself. But because Tomi can’t see my face, he wouldn’t always know something was wrong unless he picked up on my tone. It took me time to learn to actually say what was bothering me instead of expecting him to sense it.

Tomi: I’m a big believer in communication. I talk about it often, even in our content. I kept encouraging her, tell me when something’s wrong, don’t hide it from me, I can’t see your face so I need you to use your voice. 

Over time, she’s really grown in that area. On my end, I had to learn to be more patient with how I express frustration. I can get loud when I’m upset, though I’ve never raised a hand or insulted her, that’s something I promised myself long ago because of what I watched my mum go through. We’re not a perfect couple, but considering our unique situation, we’ve grown considerably.

Love it. You mentioned your story spreading online around the wedding. Is that how you got into content creation?

Tomi: Yes, that grew out of it. We started small on YouTube, just sharing our story, then moved into short-form content, comedy skits, and everyday moments. People kept telling us how inspiring it was, so it slowly became something we built intentionally, not just for income, but because we realised we had something worth sharing.

Content creation is also my main source of income these days, alongside the things I’d already been building, like driving. It’s not as much as what she earns, but it matters, and it’s something I’m genuinely proud of.

Curious. Do you have children, and are they aware of your condition?

Anu: We have two. Our son is old enough to understand what happened to his dad. Our daughter is still very young, but she seems to sense it in her own way. She’ll take his hand and guide it toward things, or move out of his path when he’s walking, so he doesn’t bump into her, without anyone teaching her to do that. 

After six years of marriage, what would you say is the best thing about being with each other?

Anu: His positivity. He has this spirit that makes it hard to sit with him and stay negative about your life. He’s helped me grow so much in that area, because I used to spiral badly whenever something went wrong, and now I catch myself handling things much more calmly because of him.

Tomi: For me, it’s her strength. She carries a lot: work, the house, caring for me, and she rarely complains. The challenges we’ve been through together have made us more resilient, not less connected. We’ve built something real, and there’s a peace between us that I wouldn’t trade for anything, even the millions I once thought I needed before I could commit to her.

On a scale of 1 to 10, how would you rate your love life?

Tomi: I’d give it a 9.5. No marriage is perfect; we still have disagreements, but how you handle those moments determines a marriage’s strength over time. We’ve been intentional about not letting issues sit unresolved, and that’s kept us solid.

Anu: I’d give the same, 9.5. He’s my husband, but he’s also my friend, my business partner, and honestly, one of the people I trust most in the world.

If you want to share your own Love Life story, fill out this .

If you’ve enjoyed reading Love Life, our flagship series on love, heartbreak, and relationships, we have exciting news. We’ve partnered with Cassava Republic to publish a book based on the flagship. Coming January 2026, it’s about to be your favourite book.

.

Dotun and Enitan (early 20s) met during a casting call in 2024.

On this week’s Love Life, they talk about turning a content collaboration into a relationship, the joint savings account they operate as partners, and how he pushed her CGPA from 1.83 to 4.33 in one semester.

If you want to share your own Love Life story, fill out this .

What’s your earliest memory of each other?

Enitan: January 2024. I’d posted online that I needed someone tall and fine to shoot relationship content with. Then he reached out with his picture and his name, and he looked like a good fit for the role. A few days later, we met in person for the shoot. 

Dotun: I’d actually seen Enitan around before. She’d attempted a Guinness World Record for the longest continuous hours of washing, about 58 hours, back in November 2023. I was on campus and saw a crowd gathered around her doing this thing. I didn’t think anything of it beyond, “oh, she’ll be fine.” I had no idea our paths would cross again a couple of months later.

Fast forward to January 2024, I’d just gotten into modelling and photography, and I wanted to transition into content creation. When I saw her post, I thought it would be a good way to start doing collaborative content. I didn’t think about it beyond that; it felt like an opportunity, so I went for it.

Right. Take me through that first shoot. How did it go?

Enitan: The first thing I noticed about him was actually how good he smelled. I told him so right away, and he just said a quiet “thank you”. But yeah, he was very calm and reserved while I was the one cracking jokes and doing most of the talking. We shot what we needed to shoot that day, and I told him we’d meet again for more content.

Dotun: Nothing much was going through my mind that day, if I’m honest. It was all still new to me, so I mostly just wanted to enjoy the experience of doing something different. 

Curious, though; how did your partners feel about shooting relationship content? Or were you both single at the time? 

Dotun: We were both single.

Enitan: Even if I was in a relationship, I think I still would have gone ahead with it, because I really wanted to get into content creation and acting. For me, it wasn’t really about him specifically at first; it was about wanting to build that side of myself.

Got it. How did things progress after that first shoot?

Enitan: We actually shot that same night again, and it was a bit awkward because there were other people around, and Dotun was a little uneasy. But he pulled through regardless. 

The following day, our first post went viral, and he texted me about it. 

What was the content, by the way?

Enitan: It was a rizz-interview format. I asked him things like whether he watched football, and he said he wasn’t really a fan, so I said something along the lines of “I actually like Ronaldo but we could actually make things get messy.” I didn’t give him a script beforehand because I like real reactions, so he was genuinely caught off guard by a lot of my questions, and that came through on camera. People loved the video so much.

Sounds sweet

Enitan: From there, we started speaking more about content ideas and what we could try next. He’s a very reserved person, so I was usually the one carrying the conversation. 

Then one day, I travelled for a job interview and wanted someone to talk to. I texted Dotun, and he stayed on the phone with me throughout. Around that time, he also dragged me to watch an AFCON match with him, even though I don’t like football. Gradually, he started coming out of his shell a bit more.

Dotun: I’m naturally the type that only really talks once I’m comfortable with someone, so that was why I seemed reserved in those first few weeks. There was also a time when a brand sponsored us to go to the cinema, and we had a great time together. We talked properly for the first time that day. We got really personal about details of our lives, our past experiences, and just general life struggles. I remember thinking, ” This person is actually fun to be around.” I also liked someone industrious, and Enitan happened to be doing laundry, running errands, and juggling several things at once, and that stuck with me.

How long did this phase of just working together last before feelings started coming into it?

Dotun: Close to a month. We were spending a lot of time together because there was always a shoot to plan. I’m naturally very careful about relationships; I’d never actually been in one before, so I didn’t want to rush into anything. It was around that three-to-four-week mark that we started having deeper conversations, and that’s when I started to understand her differently.

She talked about how a close friend had betrayed her, and it turned out I actually knew the person. I’d had a similar experience myself, someone I’d tried to be there for who ended up not being genuine. Realising we’d both been through that kind of thing made me feel like we understood each other on a different level.

Was this when you realised you were falling for her?

Dotun: In a way. There was a day we were talking, and I asked her, somewhat nervously, “Is this still content?” I wanted to know whether what was happening between us was still just work or something more, but I wasn’t bold enough to ask her out directly. She told me to ask her when I got back to my place instead of in person. I left, but I was too scared to actually send the text that night. It took a couple more weeks before I finally worked up the courage.

Enitan: When he first asked, I told him I’d rather he ask me later, over text, because I don’t do well with serious conversations in the moment. When he left that day, he didn’t bring it up again, and honestly, I was relieved, because at that point I wasn’t sure I was ready for anything serious. For me, it was always about our work together, but that feeling was also somewhere beneath the surface.

About two weeks later, he said he wanted to talk about something, and I panicked and pretended I was receiving a phone call to avoid it. He said it was fine, we didn’t have to talk about it, but I told him to go ahead anyway. We ended up in the common room of my hostel, and he finally asked me properly, and I just blurted out a yes without overthinking it. This was on February 2,  2024.

But did you have any worries going into a relationship with someone who had never dated before?

Enitan: Since this was only my second relationship, I wasn’t really worried about whether he could handle it. In a way, it was a new experience for both of us. I was more concerned about whether he’d know how to be romantic. As I mentioned earlier, he’s quite the reserved one, and I wondered if he’d be able to keep up with the sweet talk, PDA and all those sorts of things that I like. 

I also worried about finances. From our time working together, I realised he prioritises collaboration with people over getting paid. I like money, so I wondered how I’d get him to understand I wasn’t being desperate, just realistic. But he turned out to be very easy to talk to.

Fair enough. Let’s talk about the early days of the relationship.

Dotun: The first two to three months were the honeymoon phase. They were calm, sweet, and we didn’t have any real issues. I was still shy then, so if there was something I didn’t like, I’d just stay quiet about it rather than confront her about it. 

Eventually, small things that shouldn’t have mattered became actual issues between us.  What helped me get through those moments was learning to understand where she was coming from, that the way a person behaves usually comes from somewhere, and accepting that, instead of just reacting.

Enitan: Everything he said. Those first few months were really precious and sweet, even though I struggled with the fact that he only seemed to be my man when we were texting. He always felt so distant whenever we were together in person. He’s also naturally introverted, so in public the most affection I can get from him is a hug, and if I try to hug him too much, he gets uncomfortable. 

There was a time we were walking somewhere, and I told him not to bother walking me the rest of the way, so I just sat down on the floor where we were. Can you believe he left me there? I felt so hurt. He told me later that he found it embarrassing, that we were adults and shouldn’t be doing things like that. I told him I wasn’t trying to be an adult whenever I was with him; I just wanted to be his baby. Eventually, I had to learn to hold back until we’re alone.

Dotun: I grew up in a family that wasn’t very expressive, so it’s not something I do on purpose. It’s gotten better over time, not because I made a conscious decision to change, but just from being more comfortable with her the longer we’ve been together.

Enitan: The money conversation was also still a struggle for both of us.

In what ways?

Enitan: I made it clear early on that I know what it means to have nothing, and I’d appreciate it if he reduced his collaborations and charges to reflect his worth. He just had a way with finances that didn’t seem to be optimising for the best opportunities we could grab. And whenever I raised it, he always had one reason or an excuse.

Dotun: I wouldn’t say I was defensive about it. I’ve always wanted to learn from my parents’ mistakes and be someone who actually listens to their partner. When she’d tell me to increase my rates or ask when I planned to start saving properly, I took it seriously, even if I didn’t always act immediately. 

Earlier this year, she pushed me again to raise my prices, reminding me I’d built a name for myself and shouldn’t be undercharging. As much as I understood where she was coming from, I was also scared of losing customers. Eventually, I decided to trust her on it. I now charge close to double what I used to, and I’ve actually gained more customers, not fewer.

Curious though. Have these money conversations spilled into your working relationship? 

Enitan: We’ve never had an actual fight about money. As he mentioned, the only time we’ve clashed is when I frown at him for undercharging himself, but that’s not really a conflict.

I think we’ve also been able to avoid issues because I’m very upfront about finances. Once we started dating, I told him I wasn’t in it for his money, that whatever he had at the time was his, and we’d grow together from there. 

Earlier this year, we opened a joint savings account, the kind where we can both see what’s in it, but neither of us can withdraw from the other’s contribution. We use that account whenever we need to fund a shoot, rather than using our personal money. And that has helped us. 

Finances aside, what other issues have you navigated?

Enitan: There was a period when a girl who liked him kept calling me from different numbers, using my name to make anonymous calls and stir things up. It wasn’t his fault, but I gave him a lot of attitude about it anyway. He asked why I was projecting my past relationship issues onto him when he hadn’t done anything wrong. 

Dotun: She ended up blocking me everywhere and removing our collaboration credits from our shared social media content.

Oh. And how did you two resolve this issue?

Enitan: Honestly, I don’t remember the exact details of how it got resolved. I knew I eventually had to decide that if I wanted this relationship to work, I needed to stop holding on to past hurts and projecting them onto him.

Dotun: I can’t remember the specifics either, but I know I eventually had to report the situation to her mum because she checks in on me and prays for me regularly. That’s become a pattern when things get serious between us, I go to her mum, because I don’t really open up to friends about relationship issues.

How do you feel about him bringing your mum into your disagreements, Enitan?

Enitan: I’m actually fine with it. He doesn’t talk to anyone about our issues, so I know that if it’s gotten to the point where he’s telling my mum, it’s genuinely serious. He’s also very proud, so he won’t be the one to text me first after a disagreement, which is usually how I found out my mum already knows what’s going on. But my mum has been a steadying hand for us during rocky moments. 

Nice. It’s been over two years together. What’s the best thing about being with each other?

Dotun: Having someone to share everything with. If something happens, good or bad, Enitan is always there to figure it out with me.

Being with her also changed how I approach business. I used to just post occasionally and hope people noticed, but she taught me the value of consistency, creativity, and standing firm on my pricing. She’s also the reason I started saving properly; she opened a savings account for me herself, and I’ve been using it for almost two years now. I used to just spend whatever I had, but now I know I have something to fall back on.

Enitan: Dotun is home to me. If something upsets me, he’s the first person I want to talk to, and even when he can’t fix it, he reassures me and calms me down. But the bigger change is academic. When we met, my CGPA was around 1.83. He found out I’d hidden my school portal password because I was embarrassed about my grades, and instead of letting it go, he went to my school’s IT office himself to get the password reset. That semester, I made a 4.33, all A’s except for one B, something that had never happened to me before. He also taught me to sacrifice quietly for the people I care about, and I’ve had to learn to tone down how much I need public affection, even though it’s still something I miss.

He’s my friend, my brother, in a way, and I think we mentor each other more than anything else.

Speaking of, do your followers know you’re dating, or do they think it’s still content?

Enitan: If you go through our content, you’ll only ever see us referred to as best friends or homeboy, homegirl. We’ve never posted anything intimate, so a lot of people genuinely can’t tell if we’re dating, related, or just close friends. I actually call him my twin, and I still do, even now.

Honestly, I used to enjoy the confusion. I find it entertaining it when people ask if we’re dating,. But whatever people think we are, that’s what we really are.

Gagging. On a scale of 1 to 10, how would you rate your love life?

Dotun: I’d say an 8. There are still things we’re figuring out, still ups and downs, but overall it’s solid.

Enitan: I’ll say 8.5. The extra half is for surviving a 90-day long-distance stretch while he was away, something I’ve seen break other couples who hadn’t been tested that way before. 

He still has room to grow with words of affirmation, but he shows up for me in every other way that matters.

If you want to share your own Love Life story, fill out this .

If you’ve enjoyed reading Love Life, our flagship series on love, heartbreak, and relationships, we have exciting news. We’ve partnered with Cassava Republic to publish a book based on the flagship. Coming January 2026, it’s about to be your favourite book.

.

Dehinde* (41) and Busola* (38) met at a wedding party in 2016. On this week’s Love Life, they talk about the pregnancy scare that led to their engagement, the work trip that resulted in Dehinde getting another woman pregnant three years into their marriage, and how they navigated a crisis that would have broken most homes.

If you want to share your own Love Life story, fill out this .

What’s your earliest memory of each other?

Busola: 2016. I’d just come out of a five-year relationship a few months before we were introduced properly at his sister’s wedding. My mum saw how sad I was and kept trying to get me out of the house. When Dehinde’s family sent an invite to their event, she insisted I attend.

Dehinde: My mum literally walked Busola over to me and told me to take care of her. It was such an awkward moment. We knew each other a little; our families had crossed paths, but not well enough for my mum to hand her over to me like that. Still, I ended up hosting her for most of the party, and she seemed to have a good time.

Busola: Yes. He was a fantastic host. He kept sending food and drinks my way, even though he didn’t really stay around for conversations.

God abeg. So what happened after the wedding?

Busola: The following week, my mum asked if Dehinde had reached out to me. I was confused. I remember asking her why he’d need to. 

Dehinde: Funny thing is, my mum also called to ask how things were going with Busola. I was just as confused. There was nothing going on. We exchanged numbers at the party as a courtesy. We didn’t even text or call each other. But my mum’s question made me realise they’d actually tried to set us up, and neither of them had told us.

Mothers! Did you eventually call her?

Dehinde: If I’m being honest, I called mostly to satisfy my mum. She kept pestering me, and it was starting to get on my nerves. I wasn’t dating anyone and wasn’t planning to. I was seriously considering relocating, so dating wasn’t on my mind. My mum knew all of this, so I didn’t understand why she was moving funny. But I called Busola anyway, just so my mum would stop asking.

Busola: My own mum just asked about twice and didn’t bother me. She knew I was still recovering from my last relationship and wasn’t looking for anything new. In fact, we were both still hoping that my ex and I would reunite. She’d grown fond of him and was already referring to him as her son-in-law. But we had some family issues that couldn’t make the relationship move forward. 

Anyway, Dehinde eventually called, and I was surprised at how easy it was to talk to him. We had a decent conversation that flowed easily. Even though I later found out that his mum put him up to call, it didn’t feel like that.

Awww. Sounds sweet.

Dehinde: One call led to another, and before I knew it, we were talking almost every day. I told her about my dating history. She also told me everything about her ex, and I felt for her. Not pity, just genuine understanding, because I’d lost a long relationship too.

Busola: I liked that he didn’t try to rush me or push past what I was comfortable sharing. Some people would want to know exactly what made your last relationship fail. But he just listened to what I was comfortable sharing and didn’t push further. That made it easy to keep talking to him, even when I wasn’t sure what we were really doing. 

After about three months of constant talking and hanging out, we agreed to date properly.

Nice. Did your families know at that point?

Dehinde: Not right away. We kept it quiet at first. Both our families already knew each other, so we knew word would travel fast if we weren’t careful, and we wanted some time to figure things out between ourselves first.

Eventually, they found out. But we were already solid enough that it didn’t feel like a big deal.

What were the early days of the relationship like?

Busola: They were sweet. We understood each other a lot. We knew what we’d both been through in relationships, so there wasn’t a lot of explaining ourselves to do. We gave ourselves a lot of grace. Since our families already had a relationship, introducing him properly wasn’t stressful either. If anything, everyone was happy. I eventually found out it wasn’t even just our mums’ idea to set us up. Our siblings and aunties were involved. 

But yeah, things ran smoothly. We’d talk on the phone most evenings after work, and on weekends he’d come by my place, or I’d go over to his to talk for hours about nothing in particular. I don’t think we had any major issues.

Dehinde: I think I fell harder than I expected to. I went into it thinking I was just satisfying my mum, and somewhere along the line, I actually fell in love. Soon, everyone around us started expecting we’d take the next step, and honestly, we didn’t see a reason to wait.  We both had stable jobs, so there wasn’t really anything holding us back. I always told my mum I’d be married by 30. I was already 31, and a part of me just felt an intense push to take things to the next level.  Still, I wanted to take my time. I wanted the relationship to go on for over a year first.

Fair enough. So, when exactly did marriage enter the picture?

Dehinde: About a year into dating, Busola had a pregnancy scare. In the days we waited to find out, something in me felt like it was a sign to take the next step. I knew then that whether she was pregnant or not, I was ready to marry her. 

It turned out she wasn’t pregnant, but that whole experience had already shown me where my head was. I proposed two months later, at her parents’ house, with both our families there. I hadn’t planned for a public proposal, but the whole thing just kept getting bigger. Everyone wanted to be there.

Busola: I know he didn’t really go into details, but that pregnancy scare was actually quite serious. I was extremely sick, which didn’t help. But the way he was so calm and reassuring really helped. I suddenly went from being scared to asking, “What’s the worst that could happen?” I didn’t get pregnant for a random person, and our families already knew we were together. I honestly don’t know why I was even worked up. 

In March 2018, he proposed. I was embarrassed because I hadn’t dressed up for the occasion at all; I thought it was just a regular family visit. Apparently, everyone else but me knew what was going on. We got married in August 2018, about six months after that.

What was the first year of marriage like?

Busola: Blissful. We were settling into life together, and it felt like we’d figured each other out well before the wedding, so there wasn’t a lot of adjusting to do.

Dehinde: But then our parents started asking about making babies almost immediately, which is normal for us as Nigerians. We weren’t in a rush, though. We just told ourselves that if it happened, it happened, and we carried on with our lives.

Busola: Towards the end of the second year, we started to worry a bit ourselves. I’d have delayed periods sometimes, get my hopes up, and then nothing. We tried not to treat it as an issue because it was still fairly early, but the pressure from family didn’t stop. My mother-in-law would call sometimes just to ask how I was feeling, and I knew exactly what she was asking about.

Dehinde: Honestly, two years isn’t that long in the grand scheme of things, but the constant questions from both sides of the family made it feel serious. I remember telling my mum to relax, that these things take their own time, but she wasn’t fully convinced.

Busola: It was a weird period. At some point, we even stopped attending family events because someone was either praying or asking about kids. 

Then Dehinde went and made things worse.

What do you mean?

Dehinde: I travelled for work that year, and I had a fling with a lady I met on the trip. I regretted it almost as soon as I got back to Lagos, and I genuinely tried to put it behind me and move on. I told myself it was a one-time lapse. I wanted to tell Busola immediately, but since I’d decided it wouldn’t happen again, I told myself there was no need.

Then, about two weeks later, I got a call from a strange number. It turned out to be the same lady. She told me she was pregnant and said I didn’t need to worry, that she only needed money to take care of it.

Oh

Dehinde: Part of me felt like I should have just sent the money and let it end there. But something pushed me to tell Busola first. We were already in our third year of marriage without our own child. As strange as it sounds, hearing that this woman was pregnant felt like confirmation for me that whatever was happening wasn’t necessarily on my side. So I went to her pastor and told him everything.

Curious. Why go through the pastor instead of telling her directly?

Dehinde: I needed someone else in the room. I’d stepped out and gotten another lady pregnant. I knew I’d deeply broken her trust and  didn’t know how to confront her alone. The pastor married us, so he felt like the right person. With him, I knew we also wouldn’t have to worry about our families hearing about what was going on in our home.

Right. So how did the conversation go? 

Busola: The moment the pastor showed up unannounced, I already sensed something was wrong. He doesn’t visit without a heads up. Once he explained what Dehinde had told him, I just sat down there. I didn’t cry or make a scene. I just said plainly that the lady couldn’t carry the pregnancy to term. I remember the pastor looking a bit surprised at how calm I was.

Dehinde: Her reaction threw me off a little. I’d expected her to yell or even walk out on me. She wasn’t dramatic about it at all, but she was very firm that the pregnancy couldn’t stay. She said it almost as if she were stating a fact, not a demand. I sent the money not long after, and that was the end of that issue, at least on the surface.

Busola, what was going through your mind at the time? 

Busola: I was hurt that he would even step out. But, oddly enough, I also felt a strange sense of relief that he was fine, health-wise. I should mention that all this time, we’d not really been committed to fertility treatments. We refused to let external pressure make us feel like something was wrong. Again, this was just our third year.  So for me, it was like, no matter how his actions hurt, I knew he was fine.

Whatever emotions I felt were internal. Almost like I now had to figure out if I was fine. Why did someone else get pregnant so easily when we’d been trying, and nothing happened?

Was this why you stepped out, Dehinde? 

Dehinde: It was purely coincidental.

Got it. Did your relationship feel different after this rough patch?

Busola: It did. We grew distant. We didn’t talk about it much because we didn’t want to give our families any reason to get involved. If word got out, it would have only added fuel to a fire we were already trying to douse. We kept up appearances at necessary family functions and barely said much to each other at home.

Dehinde: For about a year, it genuinely felt like we were living like strangers under the same roof. We still had a physical relationship, but it lacked the connection we once had. On top of that,  we’d started going for fertility treatments, both traditional and hospital-based, trying to figure out what was actually going on. Some weeks we’d go to the hospital for tests, other times my mother would insist we see someone she knew back home. We tried it all just to see what works.

Did the affair come up again between you during that period?

Busola: Not really. He’d told me it was a one-time mistake, and whether or not I could ever fully verify that, I believed him. 

Dehinde: I constantly reassured her that nothing like that had happened again, because it hadn’t. It was a mistake I regretted immediately, and I was determined never to put us in that position again. 

So, where are things now, after eight years of marriage?

Dehinde: We’re in a good place. We’ve built a lot together — careers, a home and a life we’re both proud of. We still don’t have a child of our own, but we’ve stopped letting that define how we see our marriage. There was a period where every conversation somehow circled back to it, but these days we’re able to talk about other things, plan for other things, without that hanging over every discussion.

Busola: We’re still trusting God with it. We’re still fairly young, so we haven’t lost hope. But even if it doesn’t happen the way we originally imagined, we know we’ll be fine. We’ve proven that to ourselves already, through everything we’ve survived together. I used to think a child would make our marriage complete, but I’ve come to see that we’re already whole as we are.

Have you ever talked about what things might look like if you’d kept that pregnancy and raised the child together?

Dehinde: We have, actually. We wonder what it would have looked like to raise that child, especially now that so many years have passed without one of our own coming along.

Busola: We don’t dwell on it for long, though. We made the decision, based on where we both were emotionally, and we’ve made peace with it. Bringing another woman’s child into the marriage in the middle of everything would have been a lot, and I’m not sure either of us could have handled it well back then.

What’s the best thing about being with each other after everything you’ve been through?

Busola: Dehinde is dependable. Even through the hardest parts of our marriage, he never gave up on us, and I never gave up on us either. I know exactly who I’m dealing with, for better or worse, and I like that level of certainty. He’s not perfect, but I’m able to tolerate his imperfections, just like he tolerates mine.

Dehinde: My wife is stronger than she gives herself credit for. I don’t take our love for granted. A lot of marriages wouldn’t have survived what ours went through, and I think about that often.

If you want to share your own Love Life story, fill out this .

On a scale of 1 to 10, how would you rate your love life?

Dehinde: I’d say a 9. We’ve been through real tests, not just the small everyday disagreements, but something that could have ended a lot of marriages. The fact that we’re still here tells me we made the right choice in each other. 

Busola: I’ll also say an 8. We’re not a perfect couple, and we’ve had our share of pain, but we’re growing together, doing life together, and whatever happens with the child situation, I know we’ll handle it as a team. Eight years in, I still choose him, and I believe he still chooses me, too.

 *Names have been changed to protect the identity of the subjects.

If you’ve enjoyed reading Love Life, our flagship series on love, heartbreak, and relationships, we have exciting news. We’ve partnered with Cassava Republic to publish a book based on the flagship. Coming January 2026, it’s about to be your favourite book.

.

On this week’s Love Life, they talk about falling in love after just two meetings, taking the �unpopular’ decision to move in together less than three months later, and how Sarah’s fear of depending on a man almost destroyed the healthiest relationship she’d ever known.

If you want to share your own Love Life story, fill out this .

What’s your earliest memory of each other?

Sarah: November 2025. A mutual friend matched us after I shared on WhatsApp that my mum was pressuring me to get married. She reached out and said, “I actually know someone if you’re serious. He’s a lawyer and a really nice guy.”

I told her I was interested, as long as he wasn’t a player, and she assured me he wasn’t. When Demola texted me, the first thing I noticed was his profile picture. It was a line from a poem. I’m a poet, and I immediately became curious. I actually thought he was trying to impress me, so instead of replying to his greeting, I asked about the poem.

Demola: It was a quote from Interstellar: “Do not go gentle into that good night…” I’d had it on my profile picture for years because it means a lot to me.

Sarah: He talked about the poem, and I realised he wasn’t trying to impress me at all. The backstory was fascinating, which impressed me.

Demola: But yes, my earliest memory also starts with our mutual friend. At that point, I was laser-focused on myself. Then, out of nowhere, our friend tells me she knows someone I’d like. I kept saying I didn’t want wahala because I was perfectly happy being single. But she convinced me to send Sarah a message and even shared her Instagram.

I did a little stalking first. She looked exactly like my type. I liked her job and how she carried herself in her videos. I kept trying to convince myself not to text, but before I knew it, I’d landed in her DMs and was explaining my profile picture.

Screaming. So how did things progress from there?

Sarah: We kept talking because I found him interesting. I was in the middle of organising my first book launch, so I wasn’t always available. But whenever we spoke properly, we’d spend hours talking about our work, values, faith, and the lives we wanted.

One thing that stood out was how emotionally open he was. He sent these ridiculously long voice notes and never avoided difficult conversations. Even when I’d disappear for days, he’d simply check in without making me feel guilty.

Demola: I’ll say we both knew what it was from the jump. By the second day, we’d already agreed we weren’t interested in wasting each other’s time. I came in with very strong, “I’m here to woo you” energy, and that honesty helped us move quickly.

Sarah: Somewhere in the middle of all that, I invited him to my book launch and asked him to bring cake.

How did that first physical meeting go?

Sarah: First of all, he showed up carrying two cakes. I always joke that the moment I saw him struggling through the door with both cakes, I thought, “Ah. I don catch am.” It was incredibly sweet.

Demola: She barely had time for me because she was running the event, but I knew I had to be there. She was leaving for Nigeria almost immediately, and I felt that if we didn’t meet before she travelled, we’d lose whatever momentum we’d built. 

Sarah already had this “I enjoy my own company” energy. She sometimes took forever to reply to messages. Imagine adding another continent to the equation.

Sarah: Even though I remember the cake moment, I don’t think the first meeting at my book launch registered. I was super busy and nervous, and we barely had time to talk. 

The meeting that really mattered happened the next day.

Tell me about this second meeting.

Sarah: It was at Heathrow Airport the day after my book launch. I was flying back to Nigeria and planned to stay for about three months. Demola didn’t want me to leave without seeing me again, so he waited for me at the airport.

It was such a hectic day. I spent almost four hours travelling from the West Midlands to London with two huge suitcases and was already irritated by all the travel-day wahala. We kept texting, and I kept asking him to go home because I wouldn’t get to the airport until 7 p.m. My flight wasn’t until 10 p.m., but I felt he’d be waiting for nothing. When I finally arrived, we grabbed coffee and talked for about an hour before I boarded my flight.

What did you guys talk about?

Sarah: We just went on reestablishing things we already knew about each other. I told him about writing and publishing my book, what I planned to do in Nigeria, and he told me about work and his December plans. I just really enjoyed talking to him. I laughed a lot, and a lot. I suddenly didn’t want to catch my flight. 

Demola: I think she really fell for me at the airport.

Was this why you insisted on meeting again before she travelled?

Demola: In a way, yes. As I mentioned earlier, even from just texting, I had a strong feeling that Sarah was my person. I knew the potential for something beautiful was there. Meeting her at the book launch confirmed it. But I also knew that if she flew to Nigeria without us spending proper time together, we’d probably lose the momentum. I didn’t want that; I wanted her that much. And I was right, that second meeting changed everything.

Neat. What happened once you got to Nigeria, Sarah?

Sarah: The wooing became intense. Two days after I arrived, he sent me flowers. A week later, he sent me cake, and it wasn’t even my birthday. We talked from morning till night. Everywhere I went, my face was buried in my phone. Everyone around me asked what kind of lawyer had this much free time.

The more we talked, the deeper things became. We still hadn’t put a label, but I already loved how we saw the world. He didn’t have the typical “women should be submissive” mindset. We agreed on religion, society, politics, and almost everything.

Demola: I’d say she became much more enthusiastic, too. Before long, we were already talking about love and what a future together could look like.

Sarah: I should note that at this point, I was talking to another guy who also lives in the UK.  He was in Nigeria for Detty December, and I had plans with him.

Wait, what?

Sarah: Yes. We’d made plans for him to show me around Lagos. But the closer the trip got, the more uneasy I felt. 

So I asked Demola. 

I said to him very frankly, “I plan to go to Lagos for a week to spend time with this other guy that I’m talking to. Would you be okay with that?”

Demola: I didn’t even know there was another guy until she mentioned it. Normally, I’d have said, “Do whatever you want.” That’s usually how I am. But this time, I couldn’t.

I told her not to go because I really liked her. I even promised that if she waited, I’d take her to Lagos myself the following year and we’d do everything she planned to do with the other guy.

Sarah: That was exactly what I needed to hear. If he had said I should do whatever, it would have ended things for me. I hate nonchalance. The funny thing is, I’d already decided I didn’t want to go. I just wanted to know if he cared enough to fight for me.

Demola: I think it was her way of asking me to show that I was serious.

Sweet. So when did you guys become official?

Sarah: We were already acting like a couple, but I wanted him to actually ask.

Demola: I ended up asking twice — first over a conversation that ended up in her asking when I would ask her. I wanted to do it in person, but Sarah wasn’t having it, so I asked anyway.

Then later, after she’d returned to the UK, I cooked dinner and attempted to write “Be my girlfriend” on a plate with chocolate syrup. It looked terrible.

Sarah: I didn’t think it was pathetic at all. I actually loved it. My Instagram followers thought it was sweet. We became official in December 2025.

Awesome. What were the early days of the relationship like?

Sarah: Things moved very quickly. I’d originally planned to stay in Nigeria for three months because I’d sublet my UK apartment. But the more we talked, the more we started discussing my returning earlier. When I mentioned I wouldn’t have anywhere to stay, he simply suggested that I move in with him.

It sounded completely crazy. We’d only met twice and had known each other for less than two months. Still, something about him made me feel safe enough to take the leap. Against all good advice from family and friends, I bit the bullet and returned to the UK.

Demola: We both knew moving in together so early was unusual, but there was a lot of reassurance on both sides. I told her if living together didn’t work out, I’d still make sure she was okay. But it was still a massive leap of faith for her. Anyone can make promises. Whether they keep them is another matter.

Sarah: Those first weeks of living together were really difficult; definitely not what we both bargained for. The �honeymoon’ phase disappeared almost immediately.

I was living with a man I barely knew while dealing with visa issues that meant I couldn’t work. He knew this though; it was part of why I’d returned to Nigeria, to catch a break from UK wahala. I was moody all the time. I became withdrawn. We’d also agreed not to have sex until we were both completely sure, so that wasn’t part of the relationship either. Then my friends started getting into my head.

What were they saying?

Sarah: It was the usual. I was trusting a man I didn’t know. The UK is dangerous, and I had no family here. It was risky to put my life in someone else’s hands. That he’d eventually throw me out because we weren’t sleeping together, and I’d end up stranded and regret leaving Nigeria early.

Meanwhile, Demola was doing everything he could to make me comfortable. I couldn’t cook. I hated house chores. He knew all of that before I moved in, but I still felt guilty watching him cook, clean and take care of me while I lay around feeling miserable. It was like all the love I’d felt disappeared beneath layers of fear. I became angry all the time. I’d shout at him. Whenever we’d argue, I’d threaten to leave even though I had nowhere else to go.

At one point, he even offered to buy me a ticket back to Nigeria or move into a friend’s apartment so I could keep staying in his place until I got mine back.

What was this period like for you, Demola? 

Demola: Oh, those days were rough. The excitement died down really quickly. I’d imagined welcoming the woman I loved into my life. Instead, it felt like I was living with someone completely different from the person I’d spent weeks talking to.

We barely had any real conversation. Still, I knew she was struggling, so I focused on making sure she was okay.

I kept reminding her that her work situation wasn’t a problem. Not cooking or doing the house chores wasn’t a problem. None of those things mattered to me. But she still carried herself like she was a burden. She was always quiet and passive, almost as if she felt stranded in my house. 

Even my lifelines didn’t help. I offered to send her back to Nigeria, to leave my apartment for her until she got hers. Nothing worked. Eventually, I started wondering whether she’d arrived and realised I wasn’t the person she’d imagined.

Sarah: I should mention that I’d also never lived with a man before, so I was caught between feeling guilty for depending on him and angry that I’d left Nigeria earlier than I wanted. It was a very confusing time for me. I knew I wanted to be with him, but I didn’t know how.

But did you share these worries with Demola?

Sarah: I did. He was very reassuring. He told me over and over that I wasn’t a burden. He spoiled me with gifts. He was eager to make me comfortable. If I so much as smiled at something, he got it for me. We slowly filled the apartment with my things until it started feeling like home. He never stopped looking for solutions. The problem was that none of those things fixed what was happening inside me. I’d be happy one minute, then sink back into sadness the next. Eventually, it affected him too. He started walking on eggshells around me.

Was this why you suggested moving out, Demola?

Demola: Not at all. I just wanted her to be fine. They were safety nets I’d promised in case she arrived, and things were different, and I wanted her to know they still stood.

So how long did this phase last?

Sarah: Almost two months, and winter definitely didn’t help. But somewhere in all of that, I realised I didn’t actually want to leave. Even in those dark times, we still had some good moments. Those moments reinforced why I loved this person and wanted to be with him. I’d never met anyone like him before. He genuinely took care of me. We both wanted the same future. Neither of us wanted children. We both hated the patriarchy. He loved that I was creative, and I loved that he was a lawyer. He cooked and didn’t mind that I didn’t. He was also very reassuring. It was literally my dream man right in front of me. I was determined to fight for us till the end. It was really difficult, but I started to come around. 

What changed?

Sarah: I finally recognised my subconscious bias was keeping me in that state. A part of me couldn’t believe I deserved something this good, so I kept waiting for it to be snatched from me. In the end, things started to work out on their own when I began to trust our relationship more. Trust that it was ours, and no matter if it felt too good to be true, I was here now, and I had what I wanted. 

Looking back, Demola, what convinced you to keep holding on?

Demola: As she said, we had our good days in between. She’d tell me how much she loved me and how she still wanted us to work. I also made more of an effort to step into her world. We used to joke about having completely different interests, but I started embracing the things she loved. It brought us closer.

Sarah: I always told him exactly what was happening in my head, even when I didn’t understand it myself. I just kept asking him to be patient with me.

Demola: I think we’ve come a long way, and our love is stronger than ever, really. Those first few months taught me silence. I’d always wanted to tell Sarah everything. Back then, I learnt to hold back because it wasn’t the time. Now we’re in a much healthier place, and I’m actually having to unlearn that silence because she wants to share everything with me. I wouldn’t trade that for anything.

Fair enough. What’s the best thing about being with each other?

Demola: Sarah has made me love life more. That’s the simplest way to say it. I notice things I would have walked past before I met her. My inner child is more alive than it has been in a long time. She has a perspective on the world that I’d genuinely never encountered before, and it has expanded how I think about everything. Being around someone that sharp and original in how they see things makes you want to be a better version of yourself — if only to just to keep up. I am more intentional about what matters to me than I have ever been in my life.

Sarah: Before Demola, I had a lot of fear around men in general. I’m a feminist. I smoke. I have very questionable shopping habits. These are things the average Nigerian man treats as reasons to withhold love or make you feel like you don’t deserve good things. In previous relationships, I felt the pressure to hide parts of myself for fear of being judged very harshly for being who I am. 

With Demola, I show up completely as myself. I don’t have to perform anything. My nervous system is calm in a way it has never been. We are together almost all the time, or he is at work, and I have no anxiety about what he is doing. I have never had that with anyone. When my friends try to worry me, I just tell them that my gut being this relaxed is how I know I made the right choice.

On a scale of 1 to 10, how would you rate your love life?

Demola: 10. We are both committed to being better for each other, and we genuinely just want to see each other happy. She is the most beautiful, most intelligent woman I could ask for.

Sarah: 8. We’re in a good place. The minus two is for the fracture that those early months created, which still shows up sometimes when we quarrel or fight. But we both recognise the problem, and we’re working through it together. We’re a very good team

 *Names have been changed to protect the identity of the subjects.

If you’ve enjoyed reading Love Life, our flagship series on love, heartbreak, and relationships, we have exciting news. We’ve partnered with Cassava Republic to publish a book based on the flagship. Coming January 2026, it’s about to be your favourite book.

.

In this week’s Marriage Diaries, he talks about marrying a single mum, the boundaries he’s still struggling to accept and why, despite everything, patience has become the hardest part of his marriage.

Got a marriage story to share? Please  and we’ll reach out.

I thought marriage would feel like a romance movie

I was a proper lover boy growing up. I consumed every relationship story I could get my hands on. I was always reading romance novels or watching love stories. I remember being obsessed with soaps like “When You Are Mine” and “The Gardener’s Daughter”. Somewhere along the line, I convinced myself that my own marriage would look like that, too.

Obviously, I knew real life wouldn’t be perfect, but I genuinely believed I’d find my princess and we’d build this beautiful, romantic life together.

That mindset even shaped how I dated. Not to brag, but if you ask any of my exes, they’ll probably tell you I was one of the most romantic men they’d been with. I always believed love deserved effort.

So when I pictured marriage, I pictured a fairytale. Maybe not exactly like the movies, but close enough that I’d spend my life trying to recreate it.

I never imagined I’d marry a single mum

If there’s one thing that has surprised me the most about marriage, it’s my wife.

In every version of my future I imagined growing up, there wasn’t one where I married someone who already had a child or had been married before. But I guess that’s life. You never really know where love will find you.

We attended university together, then lost touch for almost five years before reconnecting. She was just as beautiful as I remembered, and everything happened naturally from there.

I’d seen her son before, but I never asked questions. I suspected he was hers, but I promised myself I’d wait until she was ready to tell me. She eventually did, about a year into our relationship.

By then, my feelings were already too deep for it to change anything. Ironically, accepting it myself turned out to be the easy part.

My family almost convinced me to walk away

The real doubts started when I introduced her to my family. My parents liked everything about her until my mum found out she already had a child. It was almost like someone flipped a switch. Suddenly, there were endless reasons why I shouldn’t continue. According to my mum, I deserved someone without any “history.”

If I’m being honest, a small part of me understood where she was coming from. Then, just as wedding preparations had begun, my wife’s son’s father suddenly returned from abroad after years away and wanted to be an active father again.

That complicated everything. I found myself wondering whether I was really ready for the kind of marriage I was walking into. It wasn’t just about marrying the woman I loved anymore. It also meant accepting that another man would always have a place in our lives because of their child.

In the end, love won because I chose her anyway.

Learning to share fatherhood has been my hardest lesson

Nobody prepared me for what it actually means to marry someone who already has a child.

My stepson lives with us, and I genuinely love him. Somewhere along the way, he stopped feeling like “my wife’s son” and simply became my son too. But loving him hasn’t removed the complicated parts.

His biological father still comes to our house to pick him up sometimes, and I’ve never been comfortable with that. Personally, I don’t think he should even know where we live.

The one time I raised it with my wife, it became a serious argument. Afterwards, I kept wondering whether I was being unreasonable or simply protecting my own peace.

The difficult thing is that I can’t exactly run to my parents for advice because they never supported the marriage in the first place. Sometimes it feels like I’m figuring everything out alone.

And if I’m honest, whenever I have to figure things out by myself, I usually end up choosing the option that makes everyone else comfortable except me.

My stepson’s birthday exposed everything we’d been avoiding

Last year, my stepson turned 10. My wife and I had agreed to organise a small celebration until his father stepped in and insisted on throwing a much bigger party.

The moment that happened, I quietly stepped back. I cancelled the plans I’d already made, bought my stepson a nice gift and some money, and decided I wouldn’t attend the party. My wife was disappointed but respected my decision.

She and my stepson left the day before the party and didn’t return until two days later. By the time they got home, I was angry. I said things I shouldn’t have said. I accused her of taking me for granted and told her that not every man would tolerate everything I’d tolerated.

Looking back, I regret saying those things in front of the child. I apologised later that day because no matter how frustrated I felt, he didn’t deserve to witness that.

Still, the conversation itself needed to happen. I’ve never asked my wife to stop her son’s father from being involved. In fact, people complain every day about absent fathers. If a father genuinely wants to show up for his child, that’s a good thing.

What I’ve struggled with is boundaries. We’re still figuring out what those should look like.

Marriage has taught me patience, even when I don’t feel patient

Marriage has definitely made me a more patient person. I wouldn’t describe my younger self as impatient, but these days I’m much more intentional about processing my emotions before reacting. It’s changed how I deal with people outside my home, too. Situations that would’ve gotten an immediate reaction from me years ago barely get one now.

One thing that hasn’t changed is my romantic side. I still enjoy making my wife feel special. Last Valentine’s Day, I planned a family trip to Ghana. Before we got back, I’d already arranged for a neighbour to receive a giant surprise package and leave it in our house. Watching her open it remains one of my favourite memories from our marriage.

Moments like that remind me why I fell in love with her in the first place. At the same time, I’d be lying if I said I don’t sometimes wonder whether marrying someone with an existing family was the right decision.

If I could advise my younger self today, I’d probably tell him not to go down that path, not because single mothers don’t deserve love, but because relationships like ours come with complications that many people underestimate.

Sometimes those old family ties blur boundaries, even when nobody intends for them to. Maybe I feel this way because my wife and I are still waiting for our own child together. I believe that chapter will change a lot for us.

Until then, I’m choosing to hold on to the part of me that has always believed in love, even when it turns out very differently from the fairytale I imagined growing up.

*Names have been changed to protect the identity of the subjects.

Got a marriage story to share? Please  and we’ll reach out.

Mira (26) and  Tom (30) connected on social media in 2015 but didn’t interact until 2023. 

On this week’s Love Life, they discuss why Mira’s escape plan backfired spectacularly, what it means to build a marriage across continents and cultures, and how faith has kept them together through everything.

If you want to share your own Love Life story, fill out this .

What’s your earliest memory of each other?

Tom: We met on social media in 2015. We’d been following each other for about four years on Instagram and Facebook but barely interacted. We just existed in each other’s feeds, occasionally reacting to each other’s stories and keeping it moving. 

Then, in 2023, I reacted to something she posted on her Facebook story — I can’t even remember what it was — and she responded. That’s when everything changed.

Mira: Tom’s account always seemed suspicious because he barely posted anything. I thought it was fake for years. Who has a profile with almost no posts?

At some point, he reacted to my Facebook story, and we started engaging with each other’s posts. Around the same time, though, I found out he was trying to talk to one of my friends, which I thought was weird. So I ignored him until he came around again in 2023. That’s when our story really began.

Right. Let’s talk about that first real interaction in 2023

Tom: It was just a normal conversation.

Mira: Was it normal, though? 

When he reached out again, a part of me felt like, “oh, this fake account guy”. I wasn’t actively looking for a relationship, but I was open to possibilities. 

I assumed he was in my DMs to flirt so I replied to see where the conversation would go.  It was so random, but he started talking about African products. He was telling me how much he loved African black soap, shea butter and cocoa butter. Most people don’t care about those things the way he did. I remember thinking, “What exactly is this guy talking about?”

 To make sure he was real, I asked him to send me a video. Once he did, I realised he wasn’t a catfish. But I was still confused about why he cared so much about African products.

Tom: I’ve had a deep interest in African culture since I was young. I remember telling my classmates in Europe that I’d marry an African. They laughed because there weren’t any Africans where I lived, but it was something I genuinely wanted. So finding out Mira was African felt like a real connection point for me. Like the universe was saying, “Yes, this is what you’ve been looking for.”

Nice. How did your relationship progress after that first conversation?

Tom: We actually stopped talking for a while and went back to liking each other’s pictures on social media. Then I travelled to Asia for a modelling job, and for some reason, I couldn’t get Mira out of my mind. So I reached out again. That’s when we started having video calls and really getting to know each other. 

Mira: We talked for about three consecutive months as friends, and it felt like we’d never stopped talking at all. It was odd because we’d followed each other for years without talking, and then we suddenly couldn’t stop. 

Tom is a model, so travelling is a huge part of his life. His work also helped him secure a modelling contract in the Philippines, where I lived at the time. So we made plans for him to visit.

Curious, Mira. You mentioned you weren’t exactly in the headspace for something new. What changed with Tom?

Mira: I saw his pictures and thought, “Okay, he’s cute.” But beyond that, he was calm and easy to talk to.

One thing that stood out was how present he was; he replied to messages in record time. I was used to guys taking hours to respond to “maintain” some kind of steeze. But that wasn’t Tom. He responded as soon as my messages came in, and I liked that. Before I knew it, I’d gone from not being interested in a relationship to wanting to see where things could go between us.

Makes sense. What was it like finally meeting in person?

Top: That was one hilarious moment. I arrived in the Philippines and went straight to the apartment my modelling agency provided. Later, Mira came to see me on her motorbike. The first thing I noticed was how shy she was. She looked like she wanted to turn around and go home.

Mira: I was incredibly nervous and shy. The funny thing is that he didn’t help matters. He seemed just as panicked, which made me wonder if he wasn’t happy to see me or if I wasn’t what he’d expected.  I was ready to turn around and leave. But I reminded myself that we’d spent three months talking almost every day. No matter how awkward the moment felt, he was still the same person I’d been speaking to. So I stayed.

Looking back, I think we were both dealing with first-meeting nerves. Once we got past that, everything felt comfortable again. It was like we’d known each other for much longer than three months.

Tom: After our first meeting, we started going on dates and spending more time together. Mira stayed with me while I completed my three-month modelling contract in the Philippines.

We’d already grown so comfortable with each other online that being together in person made everything feel more real. We eventually started dating because it felt natural and right.

Wait, when did you ask her out?

Mira: There wasn’t a formal “Will you be my girlfriend?” moment. We just found ourselves inside a relationship. With Tom, I could be completely myself. He loved me exactly as I was, which meant a lot to me as a Nigerian who grew up in an Asian country. I know how difficult dating can be when you’re constantly navigating stereotypes and assumptions. Even when I dated other Nigerians, I didn’t always feel as secure as I did with Tom.

I never felt like I had to second-guess who I was around him, and my feelings naturally grew deeper because of that.

Still, I had to ask questions at some point. Like, “What we have is great, but what are we?” And he was like, “We’re together. We’re in a relationship.” 

That was towards the end of 2023.

Fair enough. So what happened after you completed your contract, Tom?

Tom: I had to leave the Philippines, which meant we were thrown into a long distance relationship for a year.

It wasn’t easy, but we stayed consistent. We video-called every day, spent hours talking and remained present in each other’s lives despite the distance.

Mira: We actually had a conversation in the park before he left. He was completely honest with me. He said he didn’t know what the future would look like. He wasn’t from my country, and he was constantly moving around for his modelling career. He couldn’t promise how things would work long-term.

I was sad because I knew how hard long distance could be. But I trusted God. I believed that if what we had was genuine and real, it would work out regardless of the distance.

So when did you reunite? 

Tom: A year later.  I returned to the Philippines, and  I came back knowing I wanted to marry her.

Mira: I’d always made it clear that I wanted to date with marriage in mind. I didn’t want to invest years in anything that wasn’t going anywhere. Still, I didn’t expect things to move that quickly.

When he told me he believed I was the right person for him and wanted us to get married, I was shocked. But I said yes immediately. I didn’t need to talk to anyone. I just knew. We’d communicated so much and spent so much time together, even across distance.

What inspired this decision, Tom? 

Tom: Long distance was incredibly hard. There were temptations, loneliness, moments of doubt and darkness. But our faith kept us together. We called each other every day. We prayed and studied the bible together. We spent a lot of time talking about our beliefs. That spiritual foundation became our anchor. When I came back and saw her, I knew it was time to commit fully. It was time to marry her. 

Mira: Faith played a huge role for me, too. I grew up in a very Christian family, and my parents showed me what faith looked like in practice. As our relationship progressed, I saw Tom become more intentional about his relationship with God. His growth made me feel secure about our future.

I knew that even with the distance and all the challenges we faced, God was with us. That was one of the major reasons I said yes to marrying him.

When did you get married?

Mira: December 2024. My parents were surprised that I was marrying someone who wasn’t Nigerian, but they never opposed the relationship.

They also saw how intentional Tom was. He called constantly, stayed involved in my life and always showed up for me. They could see he was serious about me. The long distance didn’t worry them because they saw his commitment was genuine.

Tom: My parents were separated at that time, so the wedding logistics were complicated. But we had them on a video call during the ceremony. 

The wedding itself was beautiful. I had to wear traditional Nigerian attire and do the traditional Nigerian wedding dances and customs. Her family made me go down on the floor and say all sorts of things in Yoruba. It was all new for me and I was nervous about it. But it was fun. I enjoyed it. I loved wearing the outfit and experiencing her culture directly. It was one of the best days of my life.

What were the early days of marriage like?

Tom: Everything was fine at first, but we quickly realised marriage was different from dating. 

Mira: The first year particularly wasn’t easy, and it had nothing to do with our marriage. We didn’t have issues transitioning to living together or adjusting to each other, but I had some unexpected health issues that made it hard for me to be present the way I wanted.

Beyond that, there were huge practical challenges. Long distance is great when you’re dating, but when you’re married, you’re suddenly thinking about where to settle, how to build a life together, nd where to have kids. 

His job requires constant travel. If he stops, he has to start over in a completely new field. And as an interracial couple, finding a place to settle with all the immigration paperwork and requirements is complicated. Instead of enjoying a honeymoon phase, we spent a lot of time figuring out logistics. 

Tom: The good thing is that those challenges never affected our marriage itself.  We never got to a point where the external challenges affected our love or made us want to leave. We kept communicating, praying and working through things together. And things got better over time. We stopped fighting our circumstances and accepted that long distance, travel and cultural differences would always be part of our story.

What were some specific challenges you had to work through?

Mira: The biggest challenge was figuring out where to build our life. We both didn’t grow up in one place. Tom left Europe when he was 18 to model. I grew up in the Philippines, not Nigeria. So we didn’t have a home country to return to together. That was complicated.

Finding a place where we could legally settle with all the paperwork was hard. Eventually, we chose Europe because my passport is stronger. But that meant both of us had to adjust to a new culture.

We also had differences in how we organise things. Tom is extremely organised. He obsesses about where everything is placed. If something is missing, even something as small as a pair of socks, he needs to know exactly where it is. I’m the complete opposite. I just throw my things anywhere. If I can’t find a pair of socks, I’ll just buy another one. Why stress about a pair when I can just get new ones? For him, that’s torture. He would obsess about finding that specific pair of socks. We argued about that a lot in the beginning. 

But here’s the thing that really got me. I thought I married outside of Nigerian culture to escape certain expectations. Then I found out he wants me to cook African food more than any Nigerian guy probably would want.

Tom: Yes, I really love African food. I grew up dreaming about African culture, about marrying an African woman, and experiencing African traditions. Now that I’m married to Mira, I want to experience all of it, including the food. I want her to cook jollof rice, fufu, and all these traditional meals. But I’m also learning to cook some of it myself. Her mum also helps out a lot.

Mira: I was so frustrated because I grew up in the Philippines. I’m not the best cook when it comes to African food. I don’t even eat some of these meals because I don’t know how to cook them properly. I remember thinking, ” Oh, wow, I thought I escaped the matrix”. But here I am, married to a white European guy who wants jollof rice and fufu more than I do. It was ironic. 

Screaming. 

Mira: I think it’s all about making compromises. My mum cooks real African food for him. Sometimes we go to African restaurants.  Sometimes he gets to eat at my aunt’s house. And I’ve learned to cook some simple things. We figured it out.

Speaking of Tom’s job, did you ever struggle with jealousy or insecurity, Mira?

Mira: Absolutely. During the long-distance stage, it was hard not to overthink. The modelling industry is full of beautiful women, and I sometimes wondered whether he’d eventually find someone better. I remember him casually mentioning that one of his colleagues was pretty, and I spent far too much time thinking about it afterwards. But Tom is very honest. He doesn’t talk about other women in a way that makes me uncomfortable. And I realised that I’m also beautiful. 

Plus, I know him. If he wanted to be with someone else, he would just tell me directly. He would never cheat. He’s not wired that way. Once I realised that, I stopped overthinking. I trusted him, and it’s worked out.

Sweet. What’s the best thing about being with each other?

Tom: For me, it’s finding someone I can talk to about everything. Mira’s not only my partner; she’s also my best friend. We know everything about each other. There are no secrets or walls between us. And I love that about her. I love that about us.

Mira: Tom is present. Even during our year of long distance, he was always there for me. He’s loyal, honest and vulnerable. He’s not afraid to show his emotions or be strong when I need him. I love that balance. And the best part is that we’re helping each other become better versions of ourselves. We’re growing together spiritually, emotionally, in every way.

By December, our marriage will be two years. And we have some big news that we’re excited to share. 

Oh?

I’m pregnant. We’re going to have a baby soon. I feel like God made him to be my partner in this life.

Congratulations, guys. Excited for you. On a scale of 1 to 10, how would you rate your love life?

Mira: Definitely an 11. We’ve survived almost two years of marriage. We navigated a long-distance relationship for a year. We overcame unexpected health challenges. Everything we thought would break us, we got through it with God. 

His constant travelling is still a challenge sometimes. But right now, we’re in such a good place. We’re really happy.

Tom: For me, it’s also an 11. Maybe even higher. I believe that everything, the good and the bad, is bringing us closer together and strengthening our relationship. 

I couldn’t ask for more.

If you want to share your own Love Life story, fill out this .

If you’ve enjoyed reading Love Life, our flagship series on love, heartbreak, and relationships, we have exciting news. We’ve partnered with Cassava Republic to publish a book based on the flagship. Coming January 2026, it’s about to be your favourite book.

.

Mayowa (25) and Mfon (23) first met in high school in 2017 but didn’t reconnect until 2023 at church. 

On this week’s Love Life, they talk about how a health crisis brought them together, the vulnerable moments that solidified their commitment, and why they knew marriage was the plan from the very beginning.

If you want to share your own Love Life story, fill out this .

What’s your earliest memory of each other?

Mfon: It was 2017. I was in year 10, and my dad had just transferred me from my old boarding school to a day school. My new school  really far from home, so I had to take the school bus every single day. Starting senior school as the new kid was a bit intimidating and overwhelming. 

One day, a year 11 student sat next to me at the front of the bus. His name was Mayowa. We didn’t have long conversations on that ride, but I remember distinctly noticing how quiet and withdrawn he was. That’s my clearest earliest memory of him.

Mayowa: I didn’t notice Mfon much at first. I’d been at that school for a while and was more like an OG on the school bus. We shared the front seat because there weren’t many spots up in the bus, so we were forced to interact. And that was how we started talking. We’d have random conversations — just typical teenage stuff. We probably knew each other for about half a term, maybe six weeks total, before we both left that school. It was really just a brief moment in time.

That was in 2017. How did you guys reconnect?

Mayowa: Church. We hadn’t spoken for about six years, but I knew Mfon on X because she tweeted a lot. That’s how I found out that we attend the same church. One day, I sent a text saying I’d been seeing her posts but never spotted her at church. I suggested we link up because I really loved seeing people I know at church. The day she finally showed up, I introduced her to everyone and told them we had gone to secondary school together. 

Mfon: My memory of our reunion is a bit different. A mutual friend reposted his photo on IG, so I checked out his profile and followed him. Then a few months later,  the church text happened. 

We didn’t meet for a month after he texted. I’d been attending for over a year but hadn’t connected with anyone. I was walking toward the back when I heard people laughing. I turned around, and there he was, cracking everyone up. That surprised me.  I remembered him as quiet. 

He walked over, said hi, and introduced me to a bunch of people. That’s how I made my first friends in that church.

I’m guessing your friendship started that day. What happened next?

Mfon: He was in a relationship when we reunited, so we kept being friends. But then I fell ill and needed a blood transfusion. I dropped a message in a group chat we’re both in, saying I needed blood, and I included my mum’s contact.  I was shocked when he came to the clinic to donate blood for me. We weren’t even that close, but he showed up.

Mayowa: When I saw her message, I knew I had to go. She was family to me in church. Sadly, I wasn’t even able to donate, but I still went to check on her. 

About a week later, I called her phone to check on her, and her mum picked up. I was taken aback and asked about Mfon’s whereabouts, and she told me she’d relapsed and returned to the hospital. I rushed down immediately.

Mfon: It probably sounds weird, but I was so ashamed about relapsing. I didn’t want to tell my friends, including Mayowa. After he found out, he kept checking on me. I think that really solidified our friendship. We were constantly talking and texting each other. It became our daily routine.

Sounds sweet. Was this when you realised there were romantic feelings involved?

Mayowa: I can’t pinpoint an exact day or moment when I realised I had developed deeper feelings for her. For me, we didn’t plan anything; we kind of talked ourselves into it naturally.

I started to realise something was changing when it was becoming weird not to talk to Mfon every day. I’d also gotten out of my previous relationship, but I knew I had to be clear headed before getting into something new. 

I gave myself about six months before I even said anything about my feelings to Mfon. I wanted to make sure it wasn’t a rebound or a mistake. I was also being really careful because I’d struggled with communication in past relationships, and I didn’t want to repeat those same patterns with her. 

Mfon: For me, it really came from an admiration point of view. I started observing and noticing so many incredible qualities about Mayowa that I hadn’t given much attention to; how thoughtfully he looked after his friends, how serious and intentional he was about his faith and his relationship with God. I began thinking about what the possibilities might be if we crossed the line from friendship into romance, but I wasn’t entirely certain or confident about it. I just knew that I had developed a soft spot for him and that he was becoming increasingly special to me. 

Then, one day, a few months into our friendship, he told me that he liked me. My exact response was, “I’m buying what you’re selling.” It was such a simple statement but it felt true and right in that moment. 

Around the same time, a close friend sat me down and said something eye-opening. She said, “Do you realise you talk about him literally all the time? Your daily plans and activities are completely synchronized with his. We can’t plan anything without consulting him.” 

That’s when everything clicked. She was absolutely right. I genuinely liked this guy more than a friend.

Mayowa, let’s talk more about confessing your feelings. How did that go?

Mayowa: I was on a trip when this conversation happened. I told her that I liked her and wanted to marry her. Not just casual dating, but getting married and building a life together. But I also laid bare my fears about entering into a relationship with her. 

I acknowledged that we’re really great friends, and I was genuinely scared of ruining our friendship if things didn’t work out. I also shared my struggles in past relationships, particularly with communication and vulnerability. I was honest about those weaknesses and told her how I was working to improve myself. I didn’t come in pretending to be perfect. I was transparent about where I was at.

Mfon: I didn’t take his words seriously at first because he was on a trip. I thought maybe he was just having a moment. But then he came back and asked for a proper conversation. He shared his concerns and fears openly, and I felt safe sharing mine in return. I told him that I needed to really know him on a deep level, not just for fun or surface-level companionship. I needed to truly understand what he stands for, his values, likes and dislikes, so I could predict his reactions and fully understand his personality. 

Now, I had this rule about not dating my close friends. I’d always said I couldn’t do it, especially with someone I saw regularly and felt close to. But then a pastor said something that really challenged that belief. He asked, ‘Those of you who say you won’t date your friends, is your enemy the person you want to marry?’ That comment stuck with me and made me reconsider my own rules. So I did a lot of soul-searching. I thought deeply about my future and what I actually wanted to have in it. I prayed about it extensively. And after all that reflection and prayer, I decided to give him a real chance.

When did you become official?

Mfon: He told me he liked me in September 2024. But we were in a talking stage until April 2025 because I had a personal standard of needing a long talking stage before becoming officially exclusive with someone. I always said I would never date anyone until I’d had substantial conversations with them for a full six months. If it took too long to wait, they were free to leave. But once we both understood clearly that we wanted to make the relationship work, it just made sense to take it to the next level and become official.

What were the early days of dating like?

Mfon: They weren’t much different from when we were in the talking stage. The transition felt seamless. We just kept talking constantly and being together. We literally did a 56-hour FaceTime call at one point. We were so immersed in talking to each other that we kept the call going and going. We’d fall asleep on the call, wake up, and continue the conversation without missing a beat. 

I’d be at work and ask my boss for a minute to talk to him. Even during meetings, I’d step out just to check in. By 10 p.m. every single night, no matter how exhausted he was from work, he would call. It became such an ingrained habit and routine for us.

Mayowa: It felt that way because we weren’t spending tons of physical time together. She was staying with her parents, and I was staying alone. We’d see each other at church and go on dates, but we got so used to talking every day that if we didn’t see each other’s face on FaceTime, it felt like we were arguing. Even now, I promise we just talk. It’s embedded in our system. I think talking like that really helped us become great friends, genuinely. We talked ourselves into affection. 

So Mayowa’s communication struggles from past relationships were non existent with you? 

Mfon: He turned out to be the extreme communicator. If something happens now, he wants to talk about it immediately. He’s always calling and messaging. He even jokes that he’s the caller in the relationship. I never experienced the things he said he struggled with. I think he just saw me and decided he was ready to be serious.

Mayowa: If something bothered me, I’d mention it right away. 

But there was one time we had a bigger misunderstanding and we couldn’t settle it on a call. 

We apologised and communicated like we used to, but it still didn’t feel settled. The next day was church, and when I saw her, I was wondering why I’d even been mad. I asked her if we could go out after service because I just wanted to be with her. Once we were together, the situation was resolved.

Sweet. At what point did you realise you wanted to spend the rest of your life together?

Mayowa: There was a moment, I can’t say exactly when, where I laid down my fears completely. I was completely unfiltered about where I was in life and where I was trying to get to. That day we didn’t say ”I love you.” We said, “I choose you.” That word felt deeper than love because it showed that in thick and thin, I’m choosing this person for life. 

When she said she chose me, something shifted in my head. I realised this was someone who fell in love with a basic version of me and chose me despite everything. That meant so much.

Mfon: It was the same moment for me. There was a time when I genuinely thought he was going to leave. We’d gotten into a little squabble, and I wasn’t 100% sure we were going to end up together; this was still during our talking stage. But he drove to my house in the middle of work and shattered my walls with his words. Later that night, he sent me text messages saying he never thought anybody would really love him if they knew the true him, and how thankful he was. That day we both knew we’d choose each other forever.

So after that moment, how did things move towards marriage?

Mayowa: I was ready for marriage from the moment I asked her out. The next step after dating was always going to be marriage. It was only a question of when.

I proposed in April, and it wasn’t a shock to her. It was just me officially asking her to be my fiancĂ©e and giving her the proposal of her dreams. I’d already planned the wedding venue and everything.

Mfon: After my last relationship in university, I made a rule that the next person I dated would be my husband. I spent years in other situations and talking stages, but nobody ticked my boxes. Then Mayowa came and hit every single one. I had my non-negotiables, and he just came in perfect. Five out of five on everything. Honestly didn’t think I would be surprised when he proposed, but I cried. I actually helped plan my friend’s birthday earlier, and I thought the proposal event was for that. But it was mine. I was shocked and just so happy. We’re getting married in June. 

Congratulations. Has wedding planning stressed you?

Mayowa: We’ve been able to work through it together. I’m very involved in the planning. If she’s tired, I take over. If someone is stressing her, I stress them back. If there are things that really matter to her, I prioritise them. We just make decisions together without fighting about colours or styles. If something matters to one of us, we do it.

Mfon: It’s been really easy because we’re doing it together. He’s very hands-on and takes a lot of the weight off my shoulders. The only stressful part was planning the female Aso-Ebi because I did that alone. But he’s always protecting the things I want. He makes sure to emphasise why the things I want are important and why they have to happen. This whole process has really helped us bond because we realise that prioritising each other over everyone else is what matters. If he doesn’t want something, it’s not happening.

What’s the best thing about being with each other?

Mfon: The best thing is the assurance of growth. I know that by the end of this year, I won’t be the same person. He reminds me of the things I said I would do. We have financial, spiritual, and career goals. Being with Mayowa is an assurance that you’ll grow in so many areas. And the growth isn’t one driven by tough love. I’ve felt loved while growing. I’ve never felt alone.

Mayowa: Honestly, the best thing is getting to spend the rest of my life with her. Before we started dating, one of my biggest goals was to move from being avoidant to being secure. She’s the most loving person I know. When someone loves you that much, it’s easy to love back.

I used to love my personal space, but when she’s not in that space, it doesn’t feel personal anymore. I want to spend every single day with her. That’s how much she means to me. I’ve never felt this way about anyone before.

On a scale of 1 to 10, how would you rate your love life?

Mayowa: I’d rate it a 10, or even more. I don’t know what more I need. I’m extremely happy. The only greater love story I know than ours is the one of Jesus Christ on the cross. 

Mfon: Definitely a 10 and then some. Every time I think this is the best it can be, it just gets better. I know that by the end of this year, something will happen that makes me love him even more. 

If you want to share your own Love Life story, fill out this .

If you’ve enjoyed reading Love Life, our flagship series on love, heartbreak, and relationships, we have exciting news. We’ve partnered with Cassava Republic to publish a book based on the flagship. Coming January 2026, it’s about to be your favourite book.

.

Dasola* (31) moved to Ibadan in 2024 to start over after her mother’s death. Then, she met Tayo* (39). 

On this week’s Love Life, they talk about going from a temporary distraction to moving in together and dealing with the mother of his eight year old son. 

If you want to share your own Love Life story, fill out this .

What’s your earliest memory of each other?

Tayo: I first noticed Dasola at a hotel in Ibadan in March 2024. 

She was working in the lobby, and I immediately became interested in her, so I sent the receptionist to get her attention. When that didn’t work, I sent a waitress. Eventually, I had to summon the courage to approach her myself. That first conversation turned into a mini-date. 

I found out later that she worked remotely and used the hotel as her unofficial work station.

Dasola: That’s not exactly how I remember it. 

I had just moved to Ibadan after my mother passed away. I left Lagos and all its chaos and got a hybrid job as head of marketing and communications at a travel and exam prep agency. On the days I worked remotely, I’d go to the bar of a hotel near my house to use the light and just relax while working. 

One day, I went there as usual and noticed the bar was closed as I was getting off my bike. While I was figuring out my next move, he walked up to say hello. I was impatient because I had a meeting in a few minutes, but he assured me the place would open soon. He sounded so confident that I decided to wait. 

That’s how we started talking.

What piqued your interest in each other?

Tayo: I’d been coming to that bar for a while, but she was the first unfamiliar face I’d seen. That immediately sparked my curiosity. But she was always working on her laptop, really focused and career oriented. That’s what got me genuinely interested in her.

Dasola: I didn’t really notice him at first. But once I did, there was a bit of platonic interest. I’m very attracted to the fine things of life and Tayo looked really good. But I couldn’t pursue anything because I was seeing someone else at the time.

I just wanted to have fun, make new friends in Ibadan, and cope with my grief after losing my mum. But Tayo was very persistent about going on a date. He seemed really sweet and gentle, so I agreed for him to be my friend.

Tayo: I’d been in a lot of on and off relationships but nothing seemed to stick. I also had a baby mama who was still in my life, but I had no intention of getting married to her. I was looking to date seriously and find someone who could be my lifetime partner.

How did that first “mini-date” go?

Tayo: We talked and you couldn’t even tell we’d only just met. I wanted to get to know her as a person and see if she’d be a great fit for me. I didn’t want to end up in a situation where things got serious, we got married, and then realised we weren’t good for each other. I’d already had the baby mama situation and didn’t want to repeat that mistake. So I asked a lot of personal questions about her life and her work, and I liked everything I heard.

Dasola: We went to another bar just beside the hotel. He ordered everything I wanted and I ate with so much relish. I immediately told him about my relationship status so he could manage his expectations, and that helped keep things controlled. 

He was a perfect gentleman and completely non-judgmental. Smoking was my coping mechanism at the time. There’s a stereotype about girls like me who smoke cigarettes, but Tayo was gentlemanly enough to light one for me, and when it finished, he sent someone to get more. 

Tayo: I was sad when she told me she was in a relationship, but I didn’t give up. A part of me felt like whatever she had going on with the guy wouldn’t work out. And I was right, which is why we’re here today. I was very patient and consistent with her.

Did you also immediately tell her about your baby mama, Tayo?

Tayo: I didn’t.

Dasola: No. I didn’t know until one random day after we’d started dating. I got a call from a strange number.

Before we get to that, how did things progress from friends to dating?

Tayo: We went on many more friendly dates together. Dasola is very entertaining to be around and that made it easy to grow our bond. We both don’t keep a lot of friends, so we were all we had. I got so comfortable talking about everything with her, and my feelings kept getting stronger.

Dasola: I felt he love-bombed me. Things moved faster than I intended. He was constantly calling me, morning, afternoon, and evening, and he insisted we see each other every day. 

At some point, I tried to draw back because I didn’t want to jeopardise my relationship. But it was a long distance relationship, and my partner rarely made time for us. So it was easier to lean into the friendship with Tayo. He knows I like food and was constantly taking me to try new places. 

Even when we stayed out late, we’d drink together and enjoy each other’s company. But I hadn’t invited him to my place and he hadn’t invited me to his.

Tayo: I remember how strict she was about not letting me come to her place or inviting me inside when I did. At some point, I wanted to give up the chase and move on. But because I felt certain that she was who I wanted, I knew I couldn’t back down.

Dasola: One day, we went out and got back really late. I was way too tipsy, but I refused to go over to his house. We ended up sleeping at a hotel, and we had sex.

Oh

Tayo: She was less resistant to me after that.

Dasola: I was still reluctant to accept him as another lover. So I made him a fling and kept my boyfriend around. Since Tayo was big on honesty, I told him what I’d decided, and he was cool with it.

How then did things become official?

Dasola: We continued with the fling situation for about eight months, and everyone was happy. But Tayo was still persistent about wanting to settle down with me. The following year, I turned 30 and started to realise that I wanted something serious that actually led to marriage. 

My partner was still telling me he needed five years before he could consider settling down, and I didn’t have that time. Meanwhile, here’s Tayo who had been nothing short of sweet and perfect. So I took stock of my situation and decided to give him a real chance.

Tayo: As soon as she said yes, I wanted to move fast because I’d waited long enough. I don’t know if my baby mama was stalking me, but she heard about Dasola and me. 

Is that when you got that call, Dasola?

Dasola: Yes. 

Shortly before Tayo took me to see his parents. Someone called, warning me to steer clear of him, that he isn’t a good person, he’s a serial cheat who has a baby mama and an eight-year-old. It was surprising to hear, but I didn’t react emotionally. I simply called Tayo and told him everything the caller said. 

That’s when he came clean, told me about his baby mama and how his parents didn’t like her.

Tayo: On another day, while we were at the bar where we used to hang out, my baby mama waylaid us and attacked Dasola. It was a really chaotic scene. I had to calm both women until things settled down. 

Dasola went home and then invited me over to her place. We had a long conversation about what happened. She seemed very calm and genuine despite what had happened, and that inspired me to speed things along. After that incident, I took her home to my parents and they received her with open arms.

Dasola: And true to his words, his parents were honest about everything the day I met them.

Tayo: My parents really liked Dasola from day one. They could see she was different from my baby mama.

How did you really feel about the incident, Dasola?

Dasola: I wasn’t fazed about her. I saw it as fair competition. We both weren’t married to him, and even though she lived with his parents, they didn’t like her. I knew in my heart that Tayo would never end up with someone his parents were against. He respects them, so she wasn’t real competition.

How has the relationship progressed since?

Dasola: The early days were filled with fights. We argued so much that people kept asking why we were still together. Many of the issues stemmed from the way Tayo spoke to me. He raises his voice when he’s upset, and I don’t respond well to that. Sometimes, his tone was condescending, which only made our disagreements worse. There were moments when it felt like we were arguing more than enjoying the relationship.

Tayo: Looking back, we were still figuring each other out and learning how to communicate. It took time, but we’ve gradually found a balance. These days, when one person is upset, the other usually tries to stay calm. Dasola is the more rational one when emotions are running high, and I think that’s helped us handle disagreements much better than we did at the beginning.

What’s the best thing about being with each other?

Dasola: I’ve gotten to know him beyond the version most people see. We started living together just a few months into the relationship, so I got to see what he’s like in his most vulnerable moments. I’ve learnt a lot from him. I grew up in an environment where most chores were outsourced, and even after I moved out on my own, I still preferred to outsource almost everything. 

I’m also a little disorganised. Tayo is the complete opposite. He gets upset if shoes aren’t arranged properly or if I move items around the house. Living together taught me to be more intentional about those things.

Tayo: Living together helped us understand each other much faster than we would have otherwise. We approach certain things differently, but we’ve found a system that works for us. Instead of expecting one person to do everything, we both contribute in our own ways and support each other where we can.

On a scale of 1 to 10, how would you rate your love life?

Dasola: I’d give us an 8. We’ve had a rocky start, but I think we’re finding our balance now. We’re learning how to communicate better and support each other. I’m hopeful about where we’re headed.

Tayo: I’d also give us an 8. She’s very hardworking and career oriented. I thank God that I have her in my life. 

*Names have been changed to protect the identity of the subjects.

If you’ve enjoyed reading Love Life, our flagship series on love, heartbreak, and relationships, we have exciting news. We’ve partnered with Cassava Republic to publish a book based on the flagship. Coming January 2026, it’s about to be your favourite book.

.

Ife* (27) and Ibrahim* (30) met as freshers in 2016 after gaining admission into the same university.

On this week’s Love Life, they talk about the housing scam that brought them together, falling in love as coursemates, the six-month relationship break that pushed them into other people’s arms, and the difficult journey back to each other.

If you want to share your own Love Life story, fill out this .

What’s your earliest memory of each other?

Ibrahim: I met Ife in 2016, during our first few weeks in university. We were coursemates, so we saw each other almost every day, but were just two people who exchanged greetings whenever our paths crossed. 

A few weeks before resumption, I paid an agent for accommodation. The hostel was undergoing final renovations and was supposed to be ready shortly after school resumed.  But when I got to school, the agent kept giving excuses. Every day, it was one new story.

I was squatting with a friend at the time, so I didn’t panic initially. But after about four weeks, I realised something was wrong. The agent stopped answering my calls and nobody knew him. It turned out that I’d been scammed and the hostel didn’t exist.

Then, the friend I was staying with gave me a deadline to leave. I remember sitting in class that week, completely stranded.

After class one day, I stood up and told everyone what had happened. I said, “If anybody knows somewhere I can stay, please help me.” Nobody really responded, and I left feeling embarrassed. A few minutes later, Ife came after me.

Ife: Most of us were still new students trying to find our footing, so I could imagine how stressful it must have been. We exchanged pleasantries, and he seemed like a cool person. I had a cousin who was a year ahead of us and lived off campus with some friends, so I told Ibrahim I’d speak with him.

I didn’t even know if there would be space. I just felt compelled to assist him at that moment.

Ibrahim: Two days later, she called and said her cousin said I could move in. She didn’t stop at connecting me with her cousin. She actually helped me move. I still remember her carrying bags and helping me settle in.

I’d never experienced that kind of kindness from someone who didn’t owe me anything.

Aww. What happened after that?

Ife: We just started spending more time together. We studied together, attended classes together and ate together. Sometimes, we’d leave class and spend hours talking about random things. It was a lot of getting to know each other better.

People started assuming we were dating long before we actually were. But assumptions like that were pretty normal in 100 level. Once people see students of the opposite gender moving together, they automatically assume something is going on.

Ibrahim: Looking back, I can see where the assumptions came from. If I was going somewhere, Ife was probably there and vice versa. Ife would call me when she was confused about an assignment. I’d call her when I wanted company. We became each other’s favourite person without ever discussing it.

I knew I was starting to like her more than a friend. I just didn’t know if she liked me too. Unless they expressly state it, you can’t assume they like you like that. 

Did you like him, Ife?

Ife: I definitely did. He was funny, dependable and easy to talk to. Our friendship felt effortless. We had this stupid game where we’d see who had the loudest fart. I couldn’t do that with any random dude without fear of judgment. That’s how free I was around Ibrahim.

Even though I could tell he liked me, I wasn’t really thinking about dating at the time. We were freshers. School had just started. I wasn’t trying to jump into a relationship.

At what point did things change?

Ibrahim: Towards the end of our first year. 

We were preparing for our departmental dinner, and everyone was so excited about it. I didn’t think it was a big deal, but then I was nominated for “best dressed fresher.” That was when I really got into it. 

As I was planning outfits and tickets, I heard another guy was planning to buy a ticket for Ife and ask her out. I was so livid when I heard that, I suddenly realised I wasn’t comfortable with another guy making a move on her. I knew the guy had eyed Ife a couple of times, and we’d even joked about him together, but I didn’t know he was that serious about her.

I was initially planning to attend alone, but after this revelation, I had to switch tactics. I can’t even remember what I told my parents I needed money for, but I got it and bought a couple’s table for us. 

Ife: I remember laughing because I genuinely didn’t think it was a big deal. The guy could’ve bought all the tickets he wanted but it doesn’t mean I’d have accepted him. The fact that he didn’t even think to ask me before telling other people was enough of a red flag. 

But Ibrahim became strangely interested in the situation, and showed up with our couple’s ticket. It was both funny and sweet at the same time because I kept wondering where the energy was the entire time before that. 

How did the dinner go?

Ibrahim: We were the only ones in our entire 100 level set to sit on a couple’s table. Everybody was looking at us, and honestly, I liked it. 

Ife: In a way, it felt like our relationship status changed that night without either of us formally saying so. The whole energy was different, and you couldn’t tell anyone we weren’t already an item.

Ibrahim: After the dinner, I finally asked her out properly. Thankfully, she said yes. I was so elated that I didn’t even have time to brood over losing the best dressed award. 

So you were officially dating

Ife: Yes. The early days were very simple. It didn’t feel like we had to do anything extra to fit into the boyfriend and girlfriend role. 

It helped that we were already close friends before anything romantic started. We didn’t have to learn about each other from scratch. We already knew how the other person spoke, what annoyed them, and how they reacted when they were stressed. If we misunderstood each other, it never lasted long. One of us would call, or we would see each other on campus and talk things through until it made sense again.

So it felt natural. It didn’t feel like we were trying to build something new. 

Ibrahim: Everything was so easy and we both didn’t have to try too hard. We were always around each other. If I didn’t see her in the morning, I would see her later in the day, and if I didn’t see her on campus, I would probably run into her on the way back to the hostel or in a friend’s room.

We would eat together when we could, study together when exams were close, and just sit and talk about anything when we were tired of school. 

Ife: We basically grew through university together. It got to a point where it was hard to talk about my university experience without mentioning him. If I had something good happen, he was usually the first person I told. If I was stressed about something, I also went to him. 

Even our friends started seeing us as a pair. If they saw either of us apart, there was the slightly accusatory “Where is XYZ?” question that came at us. It was funny. But then, almost like a blink of an eye, graduation happened in 2021 and we had to be apart for a really long time.

But why?

Ibrahim: I had to go back to Lagos, and she returned to Ede.

We were now in different places, trying to figure out what came next. It wasn’t like we suddenly stopped caring about each other, but you don’t even realise that you’re slowly pulling away from this person.

At first, we tried. We would call, text, try to maintain the same energy we had in school. But it didn’t feel as natural anymore. Sometimes, one of us would be busy with our own things and forget to check in. Slowly, the gaps became noticeable.

Ife: We talked less frequently, and when we did talk, the conversations didn’t last as long as they used to. Sometimes, we would go a full day without speaking, then two days, then it started stretching longer.

And because we were both adjusting to life after school, it was easy to excuse it. We would say we were busy or tired or trying to figure things out. But underneath that, the relationship was changing. We also started arguing more. Things that we would normally laugh off or talk through quickly started turning into issues. 

°Őłó±đĚý is returning on August 22, 2026, in Lagos! Come learn from finance experts and industry leaders, and partake in unfiltered conversations about building wealth and diversifying your income stream in a country like Nigeria. Real stories, expert advice you can actually use, and a community ready to build wealth together. .

Curious. Did you guys discuss what a long distance relationship would look like before graduation?

Ife: To be honest, it always worried me, but Ibrahim would wave it off. There was this one time we went on ASUU strike, and our communication was complete shit. That was when I first thought about what life after graduation would look like, but Ibrahim didn’t think it was an issue.

Ibrahim: I take the blame for that. I don’t like to overthink and stress about problems that don’t exist yet. So every time she brought it up, I’d reassure her that we would cross the bridge when we got there.

So how did you resolve things?

Ibrahim: Ife brought up the idea of taking a break from the relationship.

Ife: It was just something I felt we needed at the time. I was very intentional about assuring him that we were not breaking up. At least that was how I saw it. I just felt like we needed space to breathe and figure ourselves out without the constant pressure of maintaining the relationship.

It felt like maybe if we stepped back a little, we would come back better.

Ibrahim: I didn’t like it at all. I remember telling her that breaks usually don’t end well. In most cases, they just become the beginning of the end. But I could also see that we were struggling. So I eventually agreed, even though I wasn’t comfortable with it.

I didn’t want to be the one holding us back from trying something that might help. But I was right. The break was a terrible idea.

What happened?!

Ibrahim: At first, it felt like a release. With no emotional responsibility on my shoulders, I got with some girls I’d been eyeing while Ife and I were together. Some stopped at casual flirting and some involved no-strings-attached sex. But I told myself the flings wouldn’t go anywhere because I still had Ife. 

But after a while, it wasn’t as freeing as I thought it would be. I would be out, and I’d still think about Ife. Sometimes, I would catch myself comparing conversations, or wondering what she would think about something I had done.

Ife: I wasn’t interested in going from person to person or trying to replace what I had with Ibrahim. But there was someone I had always had a quiet interest in, and during the break, we got closer. 

Yet, I still found myself thinking about Ibrahim more than I expected.

Did you actually agree to see other people during the break? 

Ibrahim: It wasn’t expressly stated, but I guess it was just somewhere in the air. Like, do whatever you want and I’ll do whatever I want.

Ife: We still spoke occasionally during the break. Just small check-ins or greetings, small interactions that felt strange. We were no longer speaking as a couple, but we were also not fully disconnected.

After a while, I started hearing things from mutual friends. People were saying Ibrahim had been with other girls. I told myself it didn’t matter because we were on a break, but hearing it still got me upset. That was when I realised I was still more emotionally attached than I wanted to admit.

Ibrahim: I also started hearing things about Ife. I remember that it stayed in my mind for a long time. Even though I was also seeing people, hearing it about her felt different. That was when I realised the break was actually doing more harm than good. We didn’t specify how long the break was for, but it felt like it was time to have a frank conversation about what we were doing.

Who reached out first?

Ibrahim: I did. I told her we needed to talk properly, but in person.

Ife: I wasn’t sure I wanted to see him at first. Too many things had happened, and I didn’t know what the conversation would even look like. But I also knew we couldn’t keep avoiding each other forever. So I agreed. 

We both told our parents we had clearance matters to attend to so we could travel to school.

Ibrahim: We stayed in a friend’s hostel. I remember the first time I saw her again. It didn’t feel like seeing the same person I left behind. We just kept going around the bush and asking unrelated questions. It was all super awkward until Ife said something like, “We have to be honest.”

Ife: I told him we had to talk about what we’d gotten up to during the break before we could even consider reconciliation or where the relationship was headed. 

Ibrahim: We talked for a long time, and it was a tough conversation. Even when I didn’t go into detail, she would stop me and ask questions. That made me very uncomfortable, but we kept going because there was no other way to deal with it.

Did talking change anything?

Ife: It helped in a way. It hurt hearing everything, but we’d both agreed to take a break, and we didn’t expressly state the terms of what the break entailed. So there was no point trying to hold anything against each other.

If anything, the break only reminded us how we truly felt about each other.

Ibrahim: At some point, we just sat there without talking. And then, I leaned in to embrace her. We started crying together until things got intimate. We had another conversation the next day, and that was when we decided to try again.

It’s been two years since then, and we’re still together. She worked her NYSC to Lagos and has stayed since then, so distance is no longer an issue.

On a scale of 1 to 10, how would you rate your love life?

Ife: I’ll say 8. We learnt a lot the hard way, but we are still here.

Ibrahim: I’ll give it a 9. We found our way back to each other.

If you want to share your own Love Life story, fill out this .

Childhood friends Korede* (41) and Derin* (37) grew up on the same street in Lagos. On this week’s Love Life, they talk about losing touch for years, finding each other again at the wrong time, and the long, complicated road it took to finally be together.

If you want to share your own Love Life story, fill out this .

What’s your earliest memory of each other?

Korede: That’s a hard one because we go so far back. We grew up on the same street in Surulere and attended the same primary and secondary school. So there isn’t one particular memory; she was always in the picture. What I can say is that when her family eventually moved away in 2003, I really felt her absence. I didn’t realise how much I loved having her around until she left.

Derin: I feel the same way. I don’t think there’s any single first memory I can recall. We were childhood friends who grew up together and did everything together.  We were present in each other’s lives; we had the same friends, and our families knew each other. But yeah, we had to move at some point, and that was really painful. I couldn’t imagine leaving my friends, my childhood home, and everything I’d grown up with.

Left to me, I’d have stayed back and lived with any kind neighbour who would have taken me in. But I also knew it was impossible.

What happened after her family moved, Korede? Did you keep in touch?

Korede: We lost contact for a really long time. Both of us were too young to own phones. However, when Facebook came out, I tried to find her online, but her name was so common that I kept connecting with the wrong person. It was frustrating. I would think I’d found her, only to realise it was someone else entirely. I eventually gave up.

Derin: I actually never forgot Korede. He was that one childhood friend I always wanted to see again. But I didn’t really search the way he did. Life moved very fast for me after we relocated. There was school, there was adjusting to a new place, and then I lost my dad. I barely had time to waste at the cybercafĂ©. My friends at school talked about Facebook, MySpace, and the rest, but I was too busy to spare the time. Plus, my mum got extra strict after we lost my dad. 

Right. So at what point did you guys reconnect? 

Korede: 2010. Funny enough, it happened on Facebook. I was scrolling one evening when her name came up as a friend suggestion. I almost kept scrolling, but something made me stop and click on the profile picture. She had changed a lot, but the face was unmistakable. I sent a message, and she responded, and that was it. We finally heard from each other again after seven long years of silence.

Derin: I was genuinely happy when he reached out. We spent the next few weeks talking almost every day, catching up on everything we had missed. It felt like no real time had passed. 

So was it purely catching up, or was there something more there?

Korede: For me, there was always something more. But I guess I never brought it up earlier because I felt we were still too young. I just always assumed she’d always be there. But then they moved, and that was when I really started to realise that I liked her more than normal. 

After we reconnected, I hoped she would be single. But I found out she was married, had one child and was expecting another. I was really disappointed. I wanted to ask so many questions because she was just 21, and I couldn’t understand why she was already married. But I controlled myself. At the time, it wasn’t uncommon for women to marry early. Still, I couldn’t hide how I felt.

Derin: I sensed his disappointment even though he acknowledged it directly. And I understood why. But that was my reality at the time, and I couldn’t do much to change it.

I didn’t want the marriage itself, especially not so early. But my dad’s demise really disrupted our family. And as the first child, there was a lot of pressure from my mum. She really wanted me to get settled quickly.  When someone came along, it didn’t take long to get things in motion. I barely had much to say on the matter. I also didn’t really even know much about Korede’s feelings at the time. Even if I did, there wasn’t much we could do. 

I see. So I’m guessing you guys just maintained a friendship? 

Derin: That was mostly it. We saw each other occasionally. If one of us had a party or a gathering, we would invite the other. But it stayed like that for a while. Then, around the third time we met in person, I confided in him about my marriage —  how I didn’t really feel genuine love from my husband. He wasn’t cruel or anything like that, but there was no warmth between us. We were ages apart, so our views were completely different. I told him how  I’d once considered just running away and starting life somewhere else. I also complained about how my mum had gone from loving and caring to someone who just wanted to use me as a means to an end.

I think I opened up to Korede that day because I felt safe confiding in him. He knew me from my childhood, before I became anyone’s wife or mum. 

Korede: It broke my heart to hear it. Derin had always been one of the most alive people I knew growing up; bright, sharp, full of energy. The experience she was having was so far from what I would have imagined for her. But there was nothing I could do except be a friend. So that’s what I focused on.

What was your love life like around this period, Korede?

Korede: It was barely existent. I had female friends from university, but nothing solid. And the fault is mostly mine. In a way, I always felt I had to reach a certain financial point before I could approach a girl. And since I was still hustling my way, I didn’t want to be spending the little I had on romantic ventures that wouldn’t lead anywhere. 

Still, I had people I had casual sex with, and we kept it moving. But there wasn’t anything serious. 

Fair enough. And how did your relationship with Derin progress over time?

Korede: We just continued as friends. Although I won’t lie, it felt weird knowing she was married. But I didn’t let that get to me because she didn’t make it her personality. I could still crack jokes with her like the old times. I remember another friend who got married and said I couldn’t call her by name again because it was disrespectful. Derin was nothing like that. She even stopped me from calling her by her firstborn’s name.

Then, in 2012, she told me she was trying to go back to school and asked for my help. I was more than happy to give it. She wanted to go to UNILAG, and I pulled some strings with some of my old lecturers. But that’s when her husband got involved.

Derin: I didn’t really mention Korede the whole time because I felt it wasn’t necessary. But when the school thing happened, it became necessary. So I invited Korede to our house and told my husband he was the one helping me with the admission process. He seemed genuinely thankful, and I thought that was all there was to it. 

But after a while,  he became convinced something was going on between us. He showed up at my school unannounced one day, and because Korede was there, he flared up. The whole thing got blown out of proportion. He involved both our families, and I felt really stupid defending my friendship.

Korede: At first, I was even trying to act all defensive. But the moment the family was involved, I could tell it was no longer a trivial matter. So I stepped back completely. I was also preparing to relocate to Abuja, which made the decision easier. We didn’t keep in contact for a few years after I moved. Then I heard the worst news in 2014.

What happened?

Korede: A family friend who was visiting in Abuja told me that her husband passed. I immediately felt bad for her. Someone so young with two kids losing her husband that early? I wouldn’t even wish that on my worst enemy. That same week, I reached out to Derin to offer my condolences.

Derin: To be honest, he had crossed my mind a few times, and I wanted to reach out. But I didn’t want to cause any problems. I also wanted to tell him when my husband died, but I guess I never got around to it. So when he called, I was really glad. We spent more time catching up on the last few years again, and then I invited him to the funeral. 

Oh. Was that a good call, considering the history?

Derin: I wasn’t even thinking about that when I extended the invitation. I just needed to see another face other than my in-laws and my own family. They were extremely annoying during that period. I also knew that despite the accusations, there was nothing between us. 

Korede: I attended the funeral just to show up for a friend, and it was definitely the wrong call. Her mother, who used to be fond of me when we lived in the same area, barely acknowledged my presence or greetings. The atmosphere was cold, and I could feel people pointing fingers at me. Immediately, I sensed what was happening, and I knew it was best to keep my distance from Derin. I only came to show up for her as a friend. But the optics were really bad.

Derin: I can still remember the looks. It was as if everyone decided I was already moving on because I brought a man to my husband’s funeral. 

Like he said, we didn’t really talk that day. Even though it had been almost three years since we last saw each other in person. After he left, I remember sending a thank-you note and not really keeping in touch afterwards. 

Curious, what was that period like for you, Derin?

Derin: Very difficult, I can’t even lie. My husband and I weren’t exactly the best lovers, but having him around gave me a sense of security. I didn’t have to think too much about finances or anything like that. But suddenly, it was just the kids and me. 

Everyone around me also had a clear idea of what my life should look like from that point forward. My mother was extremely unbearable. She would tell me regularly to face my children, that they were my husband now. What did that even mean?

But even though I hated hearing it from people, my kids were really my priority at the time. I didn’t have time for much else.

And did you still keep your distance during this period, Korede? 

Korede: We never fully stopped communicating. There were stretches where we spoke often and stretches where everyone just went about their own business. But she was always somewhere in my mind. 

I’d also been engaged to someone else, but things didn’t work out. I didn’t tell Derin about the engagement, but we got closer again after the lady and I went our separate ways. Of course, it was mostly on the phone. I was in Abuja, and she was still in Lagos. Over time, I started to admit to myself that my feelings for her were still very much alive. But considering her situation, I didn’t know how to bring it up. So I just kept on being in touch and didn’t say much.

Derin: I noticed. He became more consistent and intentional about reaching out. We would talk about life, the things we’d both been through and how we were still in each other’s lives. Over time, we got comfortable enough to start actually being truthful about how we felt with each other. He would say things like, “He should have been the father of my two kids,” and so on. After a while, we started a long-distance courtship.

How long after your husband’s demise was this, and were your family aware?

Derin: I think this was around 2016. My mother was firmly against it. She said it was too early.  My late husband’s family was also still deeply involved; they came around regularly for the kids, and always wanted to be in my business. The idea of me seeing another man felt like a betrayal to them. 

Korede: My family also had their own concerns once I told them. They knew and liked Derin as a person. But they worried about what starting a life with someone who already had two children, with a late husband’s family still actively in the picture, would mean for me. 

Right. How did you manage all of that?

Korede: We tried to lay low for a while and just keep doing our thing. I came to Lagos a few times, and we met up, but those few times, Derin didn’t really feel comfortable. She was constantly worried, as if she didn’t want us seen publicly. 

It was annoying but also understandable. The pressure from every side also made it very difficult to hold on. My parents didn’t even always want me to mention her; she was also on and off. She could go weeks not picking up my calls, and when she finally does, it’s to complain about something her in-laws did. Eventually, I got tired of the whole thing and we agreed to step back and give each other space.

Derin: Honestly, it was the right call even though it hurt. No matter how we tried, the relationship couldn’t grow under the conditions we were dealt with. The beautiful thing about all this is that, even when we agreed to step back, it was from the relationship and not the friendship. We still called each other once in a while, but it wasn’t like it used to be.

Korede: During that period, I also reunited with my ex-fiancĂ©e, who had broken off our engagement. We tried again, and things went better this time, and we even had a child together. But the relationship didn’t survive. It ended after three years, and I was left as a single father raising a child on my own. That period really made me think about Derin. Because I kept imagining how she was able to raise two kids on her own and pursue a university degree while doing so. It was no small feat.

Was this when he reached out again, Derin?

Derin: Yes, he told me his relationship had ended and that she had left their child alone. 

Then, in that same year, my mother-in-law passed. Then my own mother, not long after. I know it sounds strange to say, but something changed when they died. Those had been the two loudest voices opposing our relationship. With them gone, things changed rapidly. 

Korede: We started talking again, and by 2023, we had found our rhythm again. My parents didn’t have much choice but to support me this time around, seeing as my last relationship went.

We’ve spent the last couple of years just building our lives and our relationship.

Derin: I moved to Abuja in early 2024. We are not living together yet. But being in the same city makes it feel like we’re actually in each other’s lives for real. Unlike when it was mostly phone calls and rushed weekend trips. Abuja also gives us privacy to just be ourselves and figure out our lives without people judging us or dictating what we can or cannot do. 

Considering everything you’ve both been through, what’s the best thing about what you have with each other?

Korede: Derin knows me. We started so long ago that the foundation is already there. You can’t manufacture the kind of bond we share. There’s genuine friendship that spans decades, and then there’s the love we share for each other. I truly think she’s my soul mate. 

Derin: He sees me as someone with a future, not just a past. After years of feeling defined by my losses — my father, my marriage, my husband — Korede looks at me and sees someone who still has somewhere to go. He doesn’t look at my children like they are burdens or treat me like someone who should be loved out of pity. I’m truly blessed to have him in my life.  

On a scale of 1 to 10, how would you rate your love life?

Korede: 8. We’re still building our relationship, and I believe we’re still writing our stories.

Derin: I’d give it a 9. I’m saving the 10 for when we become husband and wife in the real sense of it.

 *Names have been changed to protect the identity of the subjects.

If you want to share your own Love Life story, fill out this .