Interested in talking about how money moves in your relationship? If yes, .

How long have you been with your partner?

Alfred and I have been together for about a year and eight months.

How did you meet?

We met through a mutual friend in 2024. I’d seen Alfred a few times at social events, but we didn’t speak until our friend’s birthday party. We ended up sitting next to each other and had fun gisting. I was surprised to find that he was funny because he always looked serious.

We exchanged numbers that night. He called the next day and told me he liked me and wanted us to date. He was very intentional about showing me his feelings, which was another surprise because I’d never met a romantic Benin man before. They don’t have time for lovey-dovey things. 

But Alfred would text me every morning and still call me after work. I remember thinking, “This guy is actually not bad.” I mean, for someone you’re not dating to be that caring, he must be nice.

What made you eventually say yes?

His intentionality, plus the fact that he was a responsible man. He had a good job as an engineer and seemed like a sensible man with a plan. He was also quite generous. He took me to nice eateries almost every weekend and generally cared for me. What else did I need in a man? Of course, I agreed to date him.

Our relationship went smoothly for the first three months, until I found out he had a child.

Oh. How did you find out?

I was at his house one weekend, when I noticed a child’s school bag and some little boy’s clothes around the place. That was my third time at his house, but the first time I saw those items. The other two times, it had just been Alfred’s properties in the house. This was around the mid-term break or the normal school holiday period, so I assumed the clothes belonged to his nephew or something.

While I was still thinking about how to ask him, a little boy came into the room and called him Daddy. I was so confused.

What did Alfred say?

He was just like, “I wanted to tell you, but I didn’t know how.” 

Then he started explaining how the lady he had planned to marry six years earlier died while giving birth to their son. Apparently, the child lived with his mother and only visited him during the holidays, which was why I didn’t know he was a dad. In summary, that was how I found out he had a six-year-old son. 

How did you react?

I was shocked and angry because I felt three months was a long time to go without telling me something like that. We fought, and I refused to pick up his calls for two days. I even fought with our mutual friend for hiding it too, but he claimed he assumed Alfred would.

Eventually, Alfred and I settled. The reason he gave for hiding it was that he didn’t think it was a big deal since the mother wasn’t in the picture, and it slipped his mind. Imagine that. How can you forget something like that? Later, he said he just wanted to make sure our relationship was strong before telling me. 

I forgave him sha. I already really liked him at that point, and thankfully, it wasn’t like he had a baby mama. 

Safe to say you didn’t have reservations about dating a single father?

Not really. I knew his child would always be important to him, which is normal. It would even be a red flag if he denied the child or abandoned him somewhere.

It only became a problem when I noticed how much of his money went towards his son.

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When did you start noticing that?

Around a year into the relationship. At first, I didn’t pay attention to how often he was sending money to his mum for his son because I thought it was the expected thing to do. Of course, he should spend money on his child.

But then I started noticing that whenever there was a financial conflict between something for his son and something for us, his son always came first.

Can you give me an example?

For our first anniversary, he promised we’d go on a staycation at a resort. I’d planned everything and even made my clothes for the trip. I was really looking forward to it. A week before the trip, he told me we had to cancel because his son needed a laptop for school.

First of all, I’ve never heard that a primary school pupil needs a laptop for school. Secondly, I was bothered by how quickly he cancelled our plans. He didn’t even have a conversation with me about whether we could find another way to pay for it or postpone the purchase. He also didn’t entertain my questions about why he needed a laptop. It was simply, “My son needs this, so the trip has to go.” 

And that wasn’t the only time he did that. His mum told him the boy wanted a PlayStation for his birthday, and Alfred bought it. I remember because around the same period, I had been complaining about my phone. It was old and constantly giving me problems.

I never expected Alfred to buy me a phone, but I remember thinking, “You can spend over ₦500k on a PlayStation for a boy I’m not sure can even play well, but we keep postponing things we want to do together because they’re too expensive?”

Hmmm

I feel like he spends more money on his son and prioritises his needs over mine. To be clear, I’m not angry that he’s taking care of his son; it’s how he makes me feel like a second-class citizen. Most of the time, he does whatever the boy wants, and it somehow becomes my relationship’s financial problem.

There was another time when I wanted us to go somewhere nice for my birthday. He cancelled because school fees were coming up. Not long after, he bought the boy a pair of school shoes for ₦50k. I was honestly hurt, but I couldn’t tell him because it’d be like I was dictating what he should or shouldn’t do for his son.

Do you both have conversations about money?

Not really in the way we should. We talk about money when there’s a specific expense, but we don’t have regular conversations about our finances or what we can build together.

I think that’s part of the problem. I know what his duties to his son are, but I don’t really know how he plans around them. We also don’t talk about our income. He spends without communicating with me or asking my opinion on matters. It’s only when I ask him for money that I’ll hear things like, “I don’t have. I just sent ₦50k to Iye for my son,” or “I’m gathering ₦100k to pay for something for my son.” 

That’s even how I get to find out how much he spends on his son. I’ve mentioned a few times that we should talk about money more, but nothing has changed. It doesn’t feel like we’re in a partnership, which is concerning because we’ve passed the stage of boyfriend-girlfriend. We’re now thinking of settling down. I shouldn’t still be thinking twice about talking about money with someone I hope to marry.

What do relationship expenses, like dates and gifts, look like for you both right now?

Alfred pays for most of our dates. He’s also the one who usually suggests going somewhere, so I don’t have a problem with that. I also buy things for him, especially on birthdays and on random gifts.Ěý

Do you contribute financially to his son in any way?

No. And I don’t think I should at this stage. I’m not his mother, and we’re not married yet. I sometimes buy him snacks and toys, but that’s it. 

You’ve mentioned marriage a few times. Are wedding plans in motion?

Alfred is very clear that he wants to marry me. We’ve talked about it, but there’s no date yet. I think that’s why the money issue has started bothering me more. 

It was easy to overlook how much he spent on his son when we started dating, but if we get married, it will affect me, too. I feel like I’m constantly competing with his son for money, and I don’t like that. Again, I know his son should be a priority. But I also want us to have our own financial goals, like travelling, investing, or maybe starting a business. I don’t want every plan we make to be pushed to the side because there’s always another expense related to his son.

What’s the ideal financial future you’d like for you and Alfred?

I just want to feel like we’re building something together. We need to have a proper joint plan for our future. I’m not seeing that right now. 

Interested in talking about how money moves in your relationship? If yes, .

*Names have been changed for the sake of anonymity.

NEXT READ: People Think My Girlfriend Is Too Rich for Me

Interested in talking about how money moves in your relationship?ĚýIf yes,Ěý.

How long have you been with your partner?

Roseline and I have been together for about a year.

How did you meet?

We met at a tech conference in 2025. Because of my job, networking is an important reason I attend conferences. I’m also quite outgoing, so meeting and connecting with people comes easily to me. 

In between sessions, I noticed Roseline standing at one corner of the lobby by herself, so I walked up to her and struck up a conversation. She was there alone and felt out of place since there was no familiar face, so I became her unofficial “plus one.” We followed each other around for the rest of the day.

The following day, we saw a movie together; we each bought our own tickets. After that, she treated me to brunch. We went to this upscale restaurant (which she chose), and she asked me to order whatever I wanted. 

Ooh. Bougie.

According to her, she wanted to thank me for helping her enjoy the conference. If I remember correctly, the bill came to about ₦90k. I was so surprised; I’d never met a Nigerian woman who was willing to spend her own money on a man who wasn’t her husband. 

We kept in touch after that. I’m not even sure exactly when we got into a talking stage. I just know we were talking almost every day, and we knew we liked each other. The talking stage lasted two months, and we were eventually like, “Let’s actually date for real.” We’ve been together since.

I feel like the brunch thing already gives it away, but what was Roseline’s financial situation? 

Oh, she’s a rich babe. I had an idea when we met at the conference. She holds a senior role at a major fintech company, so I wasn’t too shocked that she could afford to pay for the brunch. The fact that she would have money felt like a given.

However, about two months into our relationship, I realised she also comes from a wealthy background. Her family has money, and all her siblings are abroad. Finding out didn’t make much of a difference for me; it just gave a clearer picture of things.  

How so?

Roseline is very open about money. Even before we became official, she had told me her salary. The conversation started when she asked why “we HR people” don’t like revealing remuneration in job vacancies, and it somehow turned to our own salaries. 

She matter-of-factly said, “I earn ₦2 million.” Again, I’d never met any woman who’d openly share income figures with a romantic interest. It makes sense now that I know she’s never really struggled. I doubt anyone who grew up watching her parents hustle, or who had to hustle herself, would be that open. 

Also, she didn’t flinch when I told her my salary (it was ₦550k at the time). Our income gap is pretty wide and not in the commonly accepted order, where the guy earns more. If she’d grown up in a typical, average household, I doubt she’d be okay with that kind of financial dynamic, especially with all the stories of how men can become weird with women who earn higher. I mean, I’m not like that, but I wouldn’t blame any woman who would be scared of that possibility. 

Roseline doesn’t even think in that line. She’s the “money shouldn’t be an issue with love” type. I feel like that can only be your mindset when money was never a bad subject in your home growing up. 

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I see your point. What’s the financial dynamic in your relationship these days? Do you both have conversations about money?

It’s really not a major topic for us. To be honest, I’m actually enjoying dating a rich woman. She can wake up and be like, “Let’s go out this weekend. It’s my treat.” 

She doesn’t wait for me to spend money for us to have a good time. I pay for dates too, but since she’s often the one who brings them up, she insists on treating me. 

No one is billing me or asking to buy their data. I buy her gifts, but it’s more of an “I think Roseline will look good in this, let me get it for her,” and not a “I have to buy it, or she’ll complain” situation. 

She also buys me thoughtful gifts. For my birthday, she paid for a three-day staycation for us because I’d complained about being stressed at work. At least I’ve been freed from the shackles of receiving singlets and boxers as birthday gifts.

Love it for you. So, the income gap has never been an issue?

Between us, no. However, my friends and siblings think it might be an issue in the future. I recently started thinking about proposing to  Roseline, so I had to involve my family and some of our friends. That’s when a lot of them found out about the income gap. 

I’m not even sure why I told them. It was just one of those things that come up in conversations. Also, I’m not bothered by it, so I didn’t think saying things like, “My babe is richer than me o” could be an issue for people. Apparently, it is. 

What have the reactions been like?

It’s been a lot of “Ah. She won’t respect you,” and “It can become a big problem down the line.” One person even asked if I expected her to leave her family house in Ikoyi and come and live with me in Ketu. Honestly, I hadn’t thought about that. Of course, by the time we get married, I’d need to rent a bigger space, but will she be comfortable with Ketu? 

I think the many naysayers have started to put some doubt in my mind. Roseline and I haven’t really talked about what our financial dynamic would look like if we get married, but I assumed it’d be a joint approach. I know she’ll most likely think the same if we talk about it, but now I sometimes catch myself wondering if it’ll work out in the long run. 

When those thoughts come, I try to snap myself out of it by reminding myself that my current financial situation won’t be permanent. I’m earning this low because of the company I work for. I know people on my level who earn over ₦1 million. I just need to position myself for better opportunities to earn more. I can’t let fear or people’s opinions sabotage the best relationship I’ve ever had.

I reckon a wedding will come after the proposal. Do you have a plan to fund it?

The proposal isn’t till later in the year, and the wedding should be in 2027. I do have some money saved away. Every month, I save at least ₦100k; half in my regular savings and the other half in equity funds, which is essentially my wedding fund. 

I have about ₦700k in the equity funds, which is nowhere near enough to pay for a wedding. I’m looking to change jobs soon, though. There’s one that might click soon. If it does, I intend to start saving at least 50% of my income and cut down on unnecessary expenses to double my portfolio by next year. 

Plus, I have family and friends. I’m sure that, when the time comes, we’ll be able to raise whatever we need for a wedding. 

What’s the ideal financial future you’d like for you and Roseline?

This is more of a short-term future, but I’d really like to be able to afford a destination honeymoon abroad. That’s my next big goal.

Interested in talking about how money moves in your relationship? If yes, .

*Names have been changed for the sake of anonymity.

NEXT READ:ĚýHe’s Perfect, but I Don’t See a Future With an Overspender

Interested in talking about how money moves in your relationship? If yes, .

How long have you been with your partner?

Seyi and I have been together since September 2024, so that’s almost two years.

How did you and Seyi meet?

We were co-workers. He was already working at the company when I resumed in late 2023, but we worked remotely and were in different departments, so we didn’t cross paths.

Six months after I started working there, the company laid off staff because of a “restructuring”, and I was affected. I was devastated, especially because I’d left my previous role for the job. Seyi was one of the few coworkers who entered our DMs (the other affected employees and me) to sympathise with us. He took it a step further and promised to send me job openings. I didn’t take him seriously, though. 

I assumed it was just one of those nice things people say to make you feel better, so while I gave him my WhatsApp number for the promised updates, I wasn’t really expecting him to send anything. But he did. He constantly sent me job vacancies and even helped me revamp my CV.

That’s so sweet. I gather romance wasn’t on the horizon yet

Friendship came first. He became the person I ranted to about job applications and interviews. After a while, we realised we had a lot in common. We swapped movie recommendations and song playlists. 

In August 2024, about two months after I was laid off, he invited me to his brother’s wedding. I remember seeing him at the wedding and thinking, “This guy is actually fine o.” Apparently, he thought the same, too. The vibes shifted after that. We stopped communicating on a “just friends” basis and transitioned into a talking stage. 

A month later, he asked me out, and we officially started dating.

Were you still unemployed at this time?

Very unemployed. I got some virtual assistance gigs here and there, but nothing significant. To make matters worse, my rent was up, and I didn’t have money to pay. I had to endure a few months of squatting with friends all over Lagos because I didn’t want to return to my parents’ house in Ogun State. 

Seyi was very helpful during this period. He was always sending me random ₦20k almost every week and said it was “so you can focus on job search without worrying”. He essentially bankrolled me. 

I finally got a job in January 2025, but then I had an issue with the friend I was staying with and had to leave. I didn’t have any money to rent a new place, so I started living with Seyi. It was supposed to be for a few months until I saved enough or got a loan from my siblings to get a new place, but you know how Lagos housing is. Finding a reasonable place that wasn’t expensive as hell took forever. I just moved out in May this year.

So you cohabited for over a year. What was the financial dynamic like?

Seyi paid for almost everything. My job was on-site for the most part until I resigned early this year to face virtual assistance. That meant I often returned home late, too tired to cook. So, we mostly ordered food, which Seyi paid for. He also handled other expenses, such as fuel and utility bills. 

I assisted in my own way, though. I did the chores, chipped in for fuel sometimes, and bought foodstuff for the few times we cooked. 

Sounds like you both found what worked for you. Was living together all smooth, though?

For the most part, yes. But of course, there was the occasional friction. One thing we often argued about was Seyi’s tendency to keep the apartment messy. It was almost like he was allergic to picking up after himself. I thought that was wild. How can you be an adult, and someone has to remind you to clean your space? So yeah, we fought quite a lot about that. 

One time, I was so pissed, I left the house, threatening not to return unless he washed the plates. It took him a few days of dragging it out, but he eventually washed them, and I returned.

Another source of friction was his spending habits. Before we started living together, I thought he was simply being generous to me because we were dating. After I moved in, I realised that’s how he generally spends money. 

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How so?

Seyi is the type to send money to every health fundraiser he sees on Twitter. One time, he went out to buy fuel and returned home with an empty keg. When I asked why he didn’t buy fuel, he said he’d given the ₦10k to a friend he saw on the way. That was the last ₦10k he had at home and abroad. I had to bring out money to buy the fuel.

Besides his need for generosity, he spends a bit carelessly. He can see a shirt he likes and buy it on the spot, forgetting there’s such a thing as budgeting for the month. If you ask him why, he’ll be like, “But I need this thing. It’s not like I’ll buy it again tomorrow.” I’m not sure if he understands the difference between a need and a want. 

He doesn’t save or plan his money. Once it enters his hand, he spends it freely if a need arises. Overspending is the only word for it. It’s like he doesn’t even think of emergencies. It’s particularly worrying because, since being laid off, I’ve been intentional about my finances. He knows I’m always talking about savings and investment options, but he doesn’t seem inclined to change.

Is that a potential dealbreaker for you?

It might be. He’s perfect in every other area, but I can’t help thinking finances are important too. Imagine being married and never being at peace because I’m worried my husband will spend our children’s school fees or use the rent to buy a new car. 

It’s one reason I was deliberate about moving out of his place. It would have been easy to stay there, given the opportunity to save even more of my income. But I didn’t want a situation where I’d be too relaxed, and if, at any point in the future, I realised our financial differences were too much, I wouldn’t be able to leave because I was living with him.

So, while I’m talking to him and hoping he grows up soon, I’m prepared to leave the relationship if it comes down to it. I don’t foresee a positive future with an overspender who doesn’t plan his finances. Hopefully, things change.

What do relationship expenses, such as dates and gifts, look like for you both right now?

Seyi is really good at giving intentional gifts; I’ll give him that. I only need to mention I need something in passing, and he gets it for me. Sometimes, he just notices I might need something and buys it for me. A few weeks ago, I complained about headaches from constant laptop use, and he bought me anti-blue light glasses.

I buy him things he might need, too. I noticed he was constantly wearing one pair of palm slippers, so I spentĚý₦20k to buy him another pair two months ago. We really just gift each other like that.

You mentioned becoming more financially conscious. What does your safety net look like now?

I try to save between ₦50k and ₦200k monthly, depending on my income. Then I divide it, putting one half into my mutual funds and the other half into my regular savings. Altogether, I have about ₦850k in my portfolio.

What’s the ideal financial future you’d like for you and Seyi?

I’m still worried about whether we even have a future. But if things work out, I have a couple of business ideas I’d like us to try. First on the list is building shortlets across Lagos. That business is a goldmine.

Interested in talking about how money moves in your relationship? If yes, .

*Names have been changed for the sake of anonymity.

NEXT READ: He Thinks Women Shouldn’t Work, but I Can Change Him

Interested in talking about how money moves in your relationship?ĚýIf yes,Ěý.

How long have you been with your partner?

David and I started dating around the end of January, so we’ve been together for about five months.

How did you meet?

We met at my office in 2025. He’s a major supplier of electronic gadgets and occasionally does business with my boss. He started asking me out since the first time we met. 

He was always telling me he liked me, asking for my number so we could “get to know each other” every time he came to our office. He’d also drop cash, sometimes up to ₦50k, for me and my two female colleagues to “do weekend.” 

I didn’t take him seriously at first. Maybe it was because of how quickly he came on to me. I just assumed he was the kind of man who loved to chase women. The constant spending didn’t help either. It felt like he liked trying to impress women, and I was definitely not impressed.

What changed your mind?

After months of his pestering, my colleague noticed and convinced me to give him a chance. We went to the cinema, then went to his house after the movie, and he ordered food. 

When the food came, he dished it out and served me. That seems like a small detail, but I thought it was sweet. I’ve dated men who expected me to cook for them the first time I visited, but David served me and did the dishes after. He didn’t allow me to lift a finger. I felt valued. 

We talked regularly after that, and I enjoyed his company. He was also very intentional. He’d randomly order food to the office for me. One time, he sent me ₦5k airtime because, according to him, I wasn’t calling him enough and he always wanted to hear my voice. I’m not even sure exactly when we transitioned to dating. We just went from me doing shakara to constantly talking and then calling each other cute pet names.

So, what has five-ish months of dating been like?

It’s been really interesting. Being with David has helped me become a better version of myself. I used to be really quick to judge people and lose my temper, but he’s teaching me the importance of patience.

He’s also really generous. I used to be dependent on loan apps, because to be honest, a ₦120k salary in Lagos is nothing. But I can’t remember the last time I had to take a loan because he’s randomly sending me money. In a month, I get up to ₦100k from him. For someone like me, who struggles to ask their partner for money, it’s like living in a dream. 

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Is it safe to assume you’re both transparent with your finances?

Well, he knows how much I earn because I told him — it came up when I was complaining to him about being broke — but I don’t have a clear sense of his finances. I know he clearly has money, but that’s about it. I don’t think that’s a big deal, though. I can’t be asking him how much he has or anything like that.

What kind of money conversations do you and David have?

It’s mostly him helping my life, haha. Though recently, we’ve been talking, more like arguing, about how an ideal marriage should run.

We were discussing a movie we saw together when David revealed that he doesn’t believe married women should work. I thought he was joking, but he was really serious about it, saying stuff like, “God forbid my wife will work for anyone.” And he didn’t even limit it to office work. Whether it’s running a business or working in an office, he said he doesn’t want either.

I don’t share the same sentiment. I can’t imagine not working and depending completely on my husband to buy ordinary pads. We had a long argument about it before I dropped it, so that peace could reign. I’ve brought the matter up a few more times since then, but he still stands firmly on his stance.

Did he say why he’s against married women working?

He gave several reasons which don’t make sense. He said women who work are more likely to cheat because they’re always meeting men. When I pointed out that he wouldn’t have met me if I weren’t working, he said I was proving his point. That what would stop other men from chasing me too? No matter how many times I said that a man chasing a woman doesn’t mean she’ll accept the advances, he refused to change his belief.

He also says he’s a traditional man who believes in providing for his woman. When I argued that taking care of a woman doesn’t mean she shouldn’t work, he was like, “How much is your salary sef? I can pay you double, What do you need work for?”

Another one of his claims is that working women don’t respect their husbands. I pointed out that I already respect him, but he painted a scenario of how wives use stress from work as an excuse not to want to cook or have sex with their husbands. It’s like every argument I bring, he’s ready with a counterargument.

Hmmm. Is his stance against work a deal-breaker for you?

I’d say it’s something I really want to change. I don’t want to marry someone who shares this belief because I know how important financial independence is for every woman. My aunt saw shege in her marriage because of this same issue. The only difference was that her husband wasn’t rich, but he still didn’t want her to work. I don’t want to suffer like that.

On the other hand, I love David. I think, with time, I can show him that he doesn’t need to worry about me changing or stressing him after marriage. So, it would be a deal-breaker for me if, after more time together, he still has this mindset. But I think I can change him. 

I know that statement is problematic. Can someone really change a man? Sometimes I wonder if I should just cut my losses and move on from the relationship. But I think I should at least try, right? I’ll just need to be wise about it and try to gradually change his mindset.

All the best. How do dating expenses like dates and gifts work in your relationship?

David isn’t the going-on-dates type, and the gifts are mostly monetary. For Valentine’s Day, he bought me a wig and some clothes. I gifted him my presence, haha. Now that I think about it, I haven’t bought him a gift yet. I should do better.

Do you both have financial safety nets?

I only just started regularly saving last month. Right now, I have just ₦50k saved. I’m not sure if David has savings, but I expect he should.

What’s the ideal financial future you’d like for you and David?

I’d like for both of us to co-own a successful chain of businesses one day. Of course, I’d have to get him to agree to allowing me to work first for that to happen.

Interested in talking about how money moves in your relationship? If yes, .

*Names have been changed for the sake of anonymity.

NEXT READ:ĚýMy Mother-in-Law Is a Financial Burden, but I Can’t Admit It

Interested in talking about how money moves in your relationship?ĚýIf yes,Ěý.

How long have you been with your partner?

My wife, Phoebe, and I have been married for five years. We courted for a year before we got married.

How did you meet?

My pastor matchmade us in 2020. I’d just come out of a long-term relationship that ended in heartbreak, and my pastor noticed I was getting depressed. So, he was like, “You need to move on. I have the perfect woman for you.”

Pheobe was his wife’s mentee. My pastor shared her number, and we got talking. True to his words, she was the perfect woman. She was warm, outgoing, and we shared similar values. We knew the purpose of the matchmaking was to get married, so once we clicked, we just started planning the wedding. 

It took a year because we had to attend marriage counselling for six months and court for another six — we don’t call it dating in my church — to know each other better. Our families and church helped fund our wedding, which was really helpful.

Would you say you were both financially prepared to get married?

Can one really be completely financially ready? From our income perspective, it could definitely have been better. 

I had an office manager job that paid me ₦150k/month, and Phoebe’s teaching job paid ₦80k. Both salaries combined weren’t ideal for building a home, but we believed in starting small and taking one step at a time.

Also, we agreed that it would be all-hands-on-deck. We were open with each other about our finances, and the idea was we’d operate a 100-100 system. My money is our money, and so is her money. As long as there was a need, either of us could take it up if we had the money to sort it out.

Was it like a joint account system?

Oh no. Each person’s money stays in their own account. I don’t really believe in joint accounts or putting all the money in one person’s account because it can intentionally give one person power over the other. 

You have to start explaining what you’re using your money for, and you can’t even spend your own money freely without someone keeping an eye on it. It works for some people, but I don’t think it’s healthy.

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I see your point

Our own system is different. We know each other’s income and handle expenses as they come. If my wife gets paid now, she can buy food for the home without asking me. If her salary runs out, she tells me, and I send her money for food. 

Or if my salary runs out first after taking care of things for the house, she starts “loaning” me money for transport. I typically don’t pay back, and she doesn’t expect me to. Even if I pay her back and become broke again, she’s still the one I’ll run back to. We’ve been running this system for five years now, and it’s been working for us. 

What do your finances look like these days?

I earn ₦380k/month now, and my wife earns about ₦150k in total from teaching and organising after-school tutorials. 

We earn more now, but things are tougher than when we first got married because we now have two children, and my wife’s mother moved in with us five months ago.

Oh. Why did she move in?

She used to live with my wife’s elder brother until he moved out of the country, and my wife didn’t want her to return to the village alone. I understand her reasons, but having my mother-in-law here has only made our financial struggles worse.

Before, we could manage our finances so that my wife’s salary covered our feeding and her transportation to work. Mine covered rent, transportation, and other household expenses. Now, barely one week after my wife gets paid, she starts asking me for food money because she’s spent all her salary. 

Since my mother-in-law came, our food expenses have tripled. She has certain health conditions and can only eat certain foods, such as fish and vegetables, without seasoning. Most of the time, my wife has to cook two separate meals so Mama can eat. That’s not sustainable, and I’m tired of complaining. Whenever I complain about her money running out too quickly, my wife makes it seem like I don’t want her mother around. 

To be fair to her, my wife tries her best to manage the added expenses, but it’s still a lot for us. The only solution would be for my mother-in-law to leave. She’s a financial burden, and my wife knows it, which is why she interprets my complaints as an attempt to send her away. 

Technically, that’s true. I want her to leave, but I’ve been holding back from saying it to keep the peace. Admitting that would be like signing away my peace of mind. For years to come, she’ll keep referring to the time when I “sent her mother away”.

Hmm. So, how do you intend to handle the situation?

I’ve repeatedly suggested to my wife that we ask her brother to send us some money each month to take care of her mother, but she’s against it for a couple of reasons. 

One, her brother just recently relocated, and she thinks it would be unfair to start asking for money before they get settled. Two, it’s her mum, and she wants to be able to take care of her. Again, I understand that, but how can we do that when we don’t have money? I’m trying to be as patient and understanding as I can to avoid a major disagreement, but it gets to a limit. We’ve been having regular quarrels about it.

I’ve told my wife she has until September to discuss with her brother and settle on a living arrangement or allowance for her mother. Our first child will start school in September. If she doesn’t discuss the situation with her brother, I’ll call him myself and tell him what’s happening here. I can’t keep shouldering extra responsibility.

With all the financial responsibilities, is there any space in your budget for relationship expenses like dates and gifts?

With which money? I can’t remember the last time we went on a date or bought each other gifts. We didn’t even take those seriously before. Now, we’re just trying to survive.

You mentioned saving for rent earlier. Is there any other safety net?

It’s mostly just rent. I save ₦65k monthly for that. My wife makes a ₦15k monthly ajo contribution at her place of work, and we usually use that to get something we need for the house or to repay any loan we’ve taken to cover expenses. 

We take loans from friends almost every month to sort out one unforeseen circumstance or another. In April, for instance, my son fell ill, and we had to borrow ₦100k for the medical expenses.

What’s the ideal financial future you’d like for you and Phoebe?

We both need better jobs. What we earn today is practically nothing. If we both earn at least ₦500k, I’m sure our future will be much better.

Interested in talking about how money moves in your relationship? If yes, .

*Names have been changed for the sake of anonymity.

NEXT READ: I Introduced Her to a Lifestyle I Can No Longer Maintain

Interested in talking about how money moves in your relationship?ĚýIf yes,Ěý.

How long have you been with your partner?

My girlfriend, Roseline, and I have been dating for seven months.

How did you meet?

We met at a house party and sleepover last year. I typically avoid settings like that because I’m an ambivert. While I love partying and having a good time, I get sick of it when I have to stay for too long. So, I almost didn’t attend, but the host was a close friend I hadn’t hung out with in forever.

At some point during the night, I got tired and went to hide in the bar at one corner of the room. That’s where I met Roseline. I’d seen her in the apartment earlier, but we hadn’t said anything to each other. She was the only other person at the bar, so we started a conversation. 

We talked for hours about everything from music to movies, and stayed up after most people had crashed. We’d make out, stop to talk some more and then make out again. It was an intense connection. So intense that I didn’t even mind that she lived in Ibadan. We started dating almost immediately after.

I’m screaming. Why did you say Ibadan like that?

I don’t have anything against the city. I just wasn’t the biggest fan of long-distance relationships. I’m always the first to discourage anyone who tells me they’ve found love with someone in a different city. 

Maybe it’s because women have broken my heart a few times, but I think it’s already difficult to manage a relationship with someone you see daily, let alone someone several kilometres away.

However, I completely forgot my own no-long-distance-love rule when Roseline came into the picture. I kept telling myself, “Shebi it’s Ibadan here, we’ll run it.”

So, how have you guys been “running it”?

In the first few months, we travelled to see each other every weekend. Roseline did most of the travelling because she runs an online business and has a more flexible schedule. Whether I was travelling to Ibadan or she was coming to see me, I handled all the expenses from transportation to accommodation and feeding. 

I share a room-and-parlour apartment with a friend, and Roseline is often uncomfortable with company and says she can’t be free around my friend. So, whenever she visits, we stay in a hotel for two nights. This also applies when I visit Ibadan. She lives with her sister, so I pay for hotels there too. Then I still have to consider food and dates, because “we can’t just stay indoors all through.”

Yikes. Sounds like you spend a tidy amount on each trip

I spend at least ₦150k on each visit. Notice how I said, “In the first few months” earlier? About four months into our relationship, I realised how crazy it was that I was spending so much and reduced the trips to once a month, which is still expensive.

I’m honestly not sure what even possessed me to start this whole travelling-and-staying-in-hotels business. I think I was in the love-struck phase and was eager to do anything to please my babe. Also, around the time we started dating, I made ₦3m from a consulting gig and felt rich. Maybe that’s why I lost my senses for a bit and was spending anyhow. 

Hmmm. Where’s that ₦3m now?

Omo. I can’t pinpoint one reasonable thing that I used that money for. After withdrawing ₦700k from it to replace my iPhone and buy a few clothes, the money just gradually disappeared. 

I know a chunk of it went to funding the Lagos-Ibadan trips and the “new relationship” high. I also bought Roseline a ₦140k wig and sent her money a few times. I don’t even want to think about that money because I was incredibly foolish with it. It was my first million, so to speak, and I thought it would last forever. It didn’t last four months.

°Őłó±đĚýĚýis returning on August 22, 2026, in Lagos! Come learn from finance experts and industry leaders, and partake in unfiltered conversations about building wealth and diversifying your income stream in a country like Nigeria.ĚýReal stories, expert advice you can actually use, and a community ready to build wealth together.Ěý.

You mentioned you and Roseline only see each other once a month now. Did that take some getting used to?

We’re still getting used to it. Roseline hasn’t been a big fan of the new arrangement. I fear I introduced her to a lifestyle I can no longer maintain. 

She somehow interprets my reluctance to fund trips as “not wanting her to come over.” The last two times she visited, I insisted we stay in my apartment with my roommate, and she was in a bad mood the whole time. It was as if I knew she didn’t like a situation, and I was forcing her to be in it.

She’s said she won’t visit if we don’t stay at a hotel. I’m lowkey fine with that, but every two to three days, she’ll be like, “So you aren’t missing me, abi?” 

Does she know the change is because of money?

I tell her all the time, but I don’t think she believes me. I think she just assumes I have money somewhere, and I’m deciding not to spend it on her. 

If she’s not complaining about us not seeing, she’s complaining that it’s been a while since I gave her money or bought her anything.

What kind of money conversations do you both have?

We don’t really talk about money like that, except when she’s asking me for it, or I’m telling her I don’t have. Our relationship is still in its early stages, so we haven’t gotten to the point where we talk about our income and finances yet. I honestly think that’s a conversation reserved for people who have been together for a year or two. 

I know not everyone will agree with that, but I think it’s a bit weird to start asking each other, “What’s your salary?” or “How much does your business bring in monthly?” I think money conversations like that should happen organically, and we just haven’t gotten there yet.

Now that I think about it, I think not knowing might be the reason for Roseline’s expectations. I work for a “big” company, so maybe she thinks I’m making serious money. It also doesn’t help that I was spending like a fool when we met. Maybe I’ll tell her one of these days that I only earn ₦600k. She should calm down with the billing.

What do your relationship expenses look like these days?

It’s very minimal. The last two times she visited, we only stayed indoors, watched movies and ordered food. I know she’ll most likely want a more exciting date when we see each other again, but I’m trying to push that forward as much as possible.

Right now, the most I do is send her random ₦10k for data once or twice a month, or pay for her Chowdeck order like once a week.

Do you both have financial safety nets?

I save ₦100k monthly. Most of that goes to rent, and I leave the remaining in my savings app. Right now, I have ₦500k in my savings, which is crazy given that I was technically a millionaire last year. 

I know Roseline also uses a savings app, but I’m not sure how much she saves or how much she has. I’d say we both tend to spend first and save later. We like to have a good time, so it’s really hard — at least for me — to deprive myself just because I want to be able to say I have some money somewhere. But I’ll keep trying my best to be more financially responsible.

What’s the ideal financial future you’d like for you and Roseline?

One where we both earn enough to travel around the world comfortably without having to consider selling a kidney.

Interested in talking about how money moves in your relationship? If yes, .

*Names have been changed for the sake of anonymity.

NEXT READ:ĚýI Fear Marrying Her Would Make Me Her Family’s Breadwinner

Interested in talking about how money moves in your relationship?ĚýIf yes,Ěý.

How long have you been with your partner?

My girlfriend, Nimi, and I have been together for two years.

How did you both meet?

We met at a wedding in 2024. I was the MC, and she worked as one of the caterers’ assistants. Towards the end of the reception, a vehicle hit the caterer’s bus, damaging some utensils, leading to a commotion in the parking area.

I tried my best to calm the affected people because the situation was affecting the party, but they were just shouting. It was chaotic. Nimi was one of the more level-headed people. I noticed how maturely she spoke and suggested solutions. 

After the wahala settled, I struck up a conversation with her. We exchanged numbers, and by the next day, we were dating.

Just like that?

I can be very direct when I want to be. I just told her I liked her and wanted to be in a relationship with her. 

Nimi was like, “Ahan, calm down. You don’t even know me.”

I said, “We can be knowing each other inside the relationship.”

I must’ve been persuasive, because she accepted. Now that I think about it, it was such an impulsive move. I guess I was just tired of all the rules around relationships. I’ve done everything, from long talking stages to forming friendships first before coming clean, yet all the relationships ended in heartbreak. I just wanted to try something different. Nimi was down, and that’s how we started.

We started dating “over the phone”, and I cooked for her during our indoor date the following weekend to officially kickstart the relationship. She often jokes that tasting my cooking was the final sign she needed to be sure she’d made the right decision.

Haha. That’s sweet. Was it easy dating someone you barely knew, though?

We had what I’d call “growing pains” in our first year. We were two people with different personalities trying to be together. Nimi is an introvert, while I’m an extrovert. She likes that I’m outgoing, but she started to have issues with the number of female friends I have. To be fair, I have a lot. 

Nimi and I could be hanging out at my place, and one of my female friends would just knock on my door and enter. Or another would call me and want to talk for hours. I didn’t see any problem with it, so when Nimi started complaining, I thought she was overreacting. We had a lot of arguments and even broke up for a week before I received sense and begged that I’d change.

We also clashed over our spending decisions, particularly Nimi’s spending. Nimi is the hardest-working woman I’ve met. She does everything from event catering to makeup and mobile photography. She’s an actual jack of all trades, but you never see the impact of the money she makes. She’s the firstborn and would rather spend all her money on her widowed mum and siblings before buying underwear for herself.

Hmmm. I’m assuming you had a problem with that

Oh yes. I didn’t understand why she couldn’t say no to requests or only help once in a while. In our first year, I constantly brought it up, and we argued a lot. She argued that I didn’t understand the responsibility, and I kept saying I didn’t even want to understand. 

At some point, she said I was complaining because I thought she’d start asking me for money once she was broke. We had a lot of bitter arguments in that line, with Nimi saying she’d never ask me for money, so I didn’t need to bother. 

I learned to back off and present my concerns more sensitively. I’ve noticed she’s more receptive to feedback when I don’t come off like I’m attacking her choices. So, I approach the topic of how much she gives her family by first empathising and suggesting better ways to handle the responsibility. And there have been improvements. Now, she tries to stick to sending them a set amount of money each month rather than just whenever they ask. She also saves more these days.

It still hasn’t completely solved the “family expectations” problem, though. They still call for help. Recently, it’s become an even bigger problem for me.

How so?

Nimi and I are planning to get married by the end of the year or early next year. So, we’ve met each other’s families. The problem is, Nimi’s family seems to have decided I can also be an ATM.

It started with her younger sister asking me for a birthday gift. She reached out to me on WhatsApp and was like, “Bro Lekan, my birthday is on so-so date. Buy me a gift o.” I didn’t think it was a big deal, so I promised to buy her one. Later, she asked me to monetise it instead. So, I sent her ₦20k. 

This was in December 2025. Some days later, her younger brother asked me to do Christmas for him, and I sent him ₦10k. When I visited their mum for the New Year, she complained about her damaged phone charger, so I bought her a new one. 

Since then, it’s like I opened the floodgates of requests. At least once a month, Nimi’s siblings or mum would call me to complain about something, and I’d feel like I had to send money.

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Does Nimi know about this?

Not at first. But when I noticed the pattern her family was bringing, I complained to her about it. This was around March. She wasn’t happy about it and warned them to stop, but just a few weeks ago, her brother still called to ask for a loan.

I’m concerned that this will be a regular occurrence after we get married. So far, Nimi has been practically independent and handles most of her financial responsibilities herself, but it won’t remain the same after we marry. I’ll have to handle most of the bills and take care of her. I’m worried that “taking care of her” will extend to her family, too.

Of course, it’s not bad to support your spouse’s family, but Nimi’s family is extra demanding. I don’t want a situation where I’m working just to feed someone, or some family members will be sitting one place, feeling entitled to my money.

Hmmm

It’s a major concern for me. I haven’t really talked to Nimi about this because I know how she’d react. She’d most likely take it the wrong way and say something like, “I will support them myself. We won’t ask for your money.” But it’s not that simple. 

In marriage, both partners should be one in every aspect, including financially. I believe both partners should pool resources to run the home. It can’t be a case of, “This is my money. I’ll spend it however I like.” We should both discuss and decide on how we’re spending. 

For instance, if I’m bringing more money, I won’t say I’ll spend it all on myself. If my wife has a need, she can just take it. I wouldn’t be comfortable if she’s spending like that on her family, or if she wants to keep her own income separate so she can spend it on them.

Nimi says she agrees with the idea of pooling resources, but I get the sense it’ll be an issue for her. She’s quite independent and will most likely push back if I try to determine how much she supports her family. Also, if she’s broke and her family has a need, she’ll turn to her husband for help. Will I say I can’t give her family money, even though I don’t actually want to? I don’t want to become their breadwinner.

It seems you both have non-negotiables to work through

I guess so. Sometimes I think that couples don’t need to be 100% compatible to get married. I mean, husbands and wives will always disagree. We don’t need to think the same way about everything.

On the other hand, I wonder if this money issue isn’t a fundamental problem to pay more attention to. I still intend to address this, though. I’m eager to read what people think about our situation, and if they have any advice I can use.

Let’s talk about what spending on stuff like dates and gifts looks like in your relationship

I love giving gifts. Whenever I’m out and see anything Nimi might like, I buy it for her. She never buys anything for herself. I also cook for her regularly because she doesn’t like to cook. I consider it my way of taking care of her.

Nimi also does gifts, but it’s mostly during special occasions like birthdays. But she does help me out with money. We both don’t work salaried jobs, so we understand how our incomes can fluctuate. If I’m broke today, I know I can just call and ask her to lend me money. She has my back.

Do you both have financial safety nets?

Yes, we both have savings. I’m not sure how much she has, but I encourage her to save between ₦50k and ₦100k each month. I myself like to save 30% of whatever I make. Sometimes, that’s around ₦100k monthly. I currently have about ₦800k in my savings, but that’ll drop to half in a few days because I have to pay rent.

What’s the ideal financial future you’d like for you and Nimi?

I’ve been dreaming about us jointly owning a successful event production company. We can do it. We have the skill and experience; it’s just the money that’s left. 

Interested in talking about how money moves in your relationship? If yes, .

*Names have been changed for the sake of anonymity.

NEXT READ:Ěý I Can’t Marry Him Because He’s Too Comfortable Being Broke

Interested in talking about how money moves in your relationship? If yes, .

How long have you been with your partner?

Akin and I started dating in July 2025, so it’s almost a year.

How did you and Akin meet?

We met at my birthday dinner. Some of my closest friends organised a surprise celebration for me, but the person who was supposed to bring the cake and drinks had an emergency and couldn’t make it. So, he got Akin to deliver them instead. 

Before Akin arrived, the energy had already dipped. Imagine a birthday with no cake or drinks. However, Akin’s infectious energy lit up the room in no time. Akin has a way with people. You can’t be near him and not laugh. I had such a good time and laughed so much; I didn’t even know when I gave him my number.

I’m screaming

We were in a talking stage for about three weeks. It was that long because every time he tried to set up a date, something came up. I was either busy with work or had an event to go to. He didn’t want to officially ask me out over the phone, so we kept postponing the date. 

We eventually went on a picnic, and that’s when we became official. To be honest, I wasn’t really feeling the picnic vibe. I don’t like heat or insects, so outdoor dates aren’t really my thing. But again, Akin has a way of making you drop your concerns and go with the flow. 

I’ve been going with the flow since then. I don’t always love it, but we move.

Wait. Tell me more. What don’t you love?

Hmm. Akin can be overly carefree. Or maybe it’s because I’m very organised. I like to have plans, backup plans and even more backups if the first couple of plans don’t work out. Akin is nothing like that. Ask him what he plans to do tomorrow, and he’ll be like, “Do I even know if I’ll wake up tomorrow?” 

Sometimes it’s endearing how he never takes life too seriously and does not let things weigh him down. However, most times, his personality triggers my anxiety. Like, how don’t you have a plan for anything? He thinks I’m too serious. I don’t think he’s serious enough. Even worse, his personality seeps into how he handles his career and finances. 

How so?

We’re both freelancers — he’s a web developer, and I’m a writer — but my income is more stable than his. I make around ₦800k – ₦1m monthly, and I’m constantly looking for new clients and pitching people. Akin is content with referrals or with someone miraculously stumbling on his portfolio. 

It doesn’t make sense to me. You’re a tech bro and should be making more money than I do. How are you content with averaging ₦500k in a month and often getting broke? This question makes up almost every conversation we have about money. I’m not even sure I can call them conversations; they’re mostly me complaining. 

If I’m not complaining about his lackadaisical attitude to making money, it’s about how he spends without planning for a rainy day. I think he has a thing against saving. If I manage to convince him to save for two months. By the third month, he’ll say something came up, and he had to spend the money. It gets frustrating trying to get him to be organised.

Does this lead to conflicts?

Not really. He’s very carefree, so he never takes offence. If anything, it’s me who gets worked up after complaining. Then he’d tease me, make me laugh, and we’d move on to something else.

This whole routine was cute for a while, but I’m getting older, so I have to think more deeply about things. I’m 28, and I want to get married by 30. Maybe even before then. While I love and care about Akin, I don’t think I can marry him — not while he’s still at this financial level. 

I can’t marry someone who earns less than me, and worse, less than ₦1m/month. I mean, look at how Nigeria is going. What kind of life would we live? I also can’t hope that Akin’s finances will improve, because his attitude doesn’t reassure me. I’ve been thinking about this for the last few weeks, and that’s the conclusion I’ve come to. He’s a good guy, but he’s not my future.

Does he know about your concerns and the “marriage by 30” timeline?

I don’t want to tell him, so he doesn’t start subconsciously pretending to be the man I want, and then return to his old, comfortable self once we get married. The only signs I’ve been giving him are my complaints about his career and financial trajectory. 

If he keeps ignoring the hints, I’ll have no choice but to pack my bags when the time comes. I’m still here because he’s good to me. If someone comes into the picture and ticks all my boxes, I’m sorry, I’ll have to leave. I need to put my future first.

Interesting. Since you’re still together, what does your spending on relationship stuff like dates and gifts look like?

We aren’t that big on gifts, but whenever we can, we go on dates. Akin has a constantly expanding list of places he wants us to visit in Lagos, so we end up doing a lot of outdoor dates. Not exactly my style, but I indulge him. Akin pays for all date expenses. 

Do you have a financial safety net?

I do, but Akin doesn’t. I have ₦2.2m in investments (mutual funds and real estate), ₦660k in my emergency fund and ₦3m in my regular savings app. I also have roughly ₦800k tied up in gold.

What’s the ideal financial future you want for yourself and Akin, assuming you’re still together?

I really just want to live a comfortable life with my partner in our own property, with tons of investments and safety nets. I don’t see that with Akin yet; he can’t see that far ahead.

Interested in talking about how money moves in your relationship? If yes, .

*Names have been changed for the sake of anonymity.

NEXT READ: We Love Each Other, but She’s Not Open About Her Finances

The  is returning on August 22, 2026, in Lagos! Come learn from finance experts and industry leaders, and partake in unfiltered conversations about building wealth and diversifying your income stream in a country like Nigeria. Real stories, expert advice you can actually use, and a community ready to build wealth together. .

Interested in talking about how money moves in your relationship?ĚýIf yes,Ěý.

How long have you been with your partner?

My fiancée, Lola, and I have dated for about a year and a half. We got engaged two months ago.

Congrats on your engagement! How did you meet Lola?

Funny story. We met inside an Uber. We both picked the ride-sharing option, but I was the first passenger. The driver was supposed to pick her up somewhere along the way. However, we got there, and she wasn’t there. He had to start calling, trying to confirm her location. 

I was pissed that she was holding me up. I even considered telling her to her face when she finally came. But when she did, I couldn’t say anything again. She was so beautiful. All I could think about was finding a way to get her number before getting to my destination.

In other words, you lost focus

I did o. She apologised for the delay, and I used that as an opportunity to get talking. Luckily, I did get her number before the ride ended. That weekend, I asked her to hang out at an arcade. We played games, ate and had a good time. I spent about ₦80k on that day, including paying for her cab ride back home.

Did you both start dating immediately?

Pretty much. I think we both just knew we wanted a relationship from the moment we exchanged numbers. There was no long talking stage, fortunately. After that arcade date, I was like, “So I can start calling you my babe now, right?” and she was like, “Before nko?”

Our relationship has sort of followed the same pattern since then: easy and straightforward. Our engagement was pretty easy, too. I just thought one day, “I love this babe, and I’d like to get married in 2027.” 

Within three weeks, I’d bought the ring and proposed. Before I asked her to marry me, we hadn’t really talked about marriage. However, we’d once promised to be together for the long term. She said yes, so it’s safe to say we’re on the same page. 

Love it for you both. Now’s the part where I ask about your finances

Our finances are good for Nigerian standards. However, one small problem is that I’m never really sure how much Lola has or makes. I have a regular 9-5 that pays me ₦800k/month. Lola knows how much I earn since it’s the same amount every month. 

Sometimes, I earn more from side gigs, and I carry her along too. Maybe it’s because I use everything as gist. If someone pays me ₦500k today, best believe I’m telling Lola the next time we talk. Like, “How was your day?” “Oh, I’m fine. This guy just paid me ₦500k for that job I did last week.”

Lola isn’t like that. She’s a freelance writer, so she doesn’t have a stable income, but I know she earns in dollars. What I don’t know is how much she makes. She often gives vague comments about working with clients, but never talks about money. I think it’s weird to ask pointed questions like, “How much are they paying?” so I try not to. It feels like pocket watching.

On the few occasions that I do ask, she typically doesn’t give a straight answer. She could go, “The client is not even paying up to $20/hour,” or “I’m trying to get them to pay $100, but they’re insisting on $50.” It’s like giving me information without actually giving me anything. 

Hmmm

Something happened a few weeks ago. We were both complaining about Tinubu and being broke when a debit alert popped up on her phone. We were cuddled up, so I could see her phone clearly. Her account balance was ₦560k. I was shocked.

For context, Lola has been robbed before, and she doesn’t like leaving “serious” money in her bank account. She’s told me before that she prefers to keep her money in a savings app and only uses a little at a time in her regular bank account. Also, she’s pretty frugal, so she saves more than she spends. 

For Lola to have ₦560k in her account, it means she considers it disposable. It also means she has far more than that saved up. Even me, I don’t have ₦500k just sitting in my spending account on any random day.

Did you ask her about it?

I did, jokingly. I said, “You have over ₦500k, and you’re still claiming you’re broke.” Then she laughed it off with, “Don’t you know women are always broke? We can have millions and still want other people’s money.”

I didn’t say anything else, but it rubbed me the wrong way. I think that’s when her lack of financial transparency started to bother me. I didn’t give it much thought before, but it’s like my eyes opened. I was really planning to marry this babe, and I wasn’t sure what her thoughts were about money, especially as a couple. 

The whole thing struck me as Lola likely being someone who would want to keep her money to herself and expect you to handle every expense. It’s a red flag, to be honest.

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So, you both didn’t have money conversations before getting engaged?

Now that I think about it, I wouldn’t call what we used to do conversations. It was just me gisting her about gigs I got, both of us complaining about the economy, and maybe some ranting about black tax expectations from our siblings.

But for us together, as a couple, we keep our finances separate. Since this incident happened a few weeks ago, I’ve been deliberately getting us to talk about what our financial dynamic would be in marriage. So far, we’ve sort of agreed that we’ll run a “the man pays the bills, and the wife supports sometimes” system. 

However, I’m not sure if that counts as progress because Lola’s still not transparent about her finances. I recently brought it up, but she doesn’t seem very open. She sees it as me wanting her to tell me every kobo she makes, and she considers that controlling. I think we still have a way to go to be on the same page, but I think we’ll get there. At least, I hope so. 

What if you don’t?

Ah. I don’t want to think about that. It won’t be good, and I can’t imagine having to rethink our marriage plans. Because I don’t think it’d be wise to start a marriage with a “what’s mine is mine, don’t ask me” mentality.

Speaking of, what’s the plan to fund the wedding?

I have a wedding fund which I’ve been topping up with at least ₦30k every month for about three years. It’s currently close to ₦2m. That’s not enough for a wedding, but I’m sure my parents and elder siblings will step in when it’s time.

Do you have another safety net besides this wedding fund?

Oh yes. I save ₦50k – ₦100k monthly in an investment app. I currently have ₦1.6m there.

What does your spending on relationship stuff like dates and gifts look like?

There’s no strict budget to it. Whenever we can, we like to go on dates and visit new recreation spots in Lagos. I typically budget ₦80k – ₦120k for those dates. Sometimes, it’s more, but it’s not all the time. Also, it’s typically just once a month. 

Gifts are usually for special occasions like birthdays and our anniversary. For her birthday, I gave her ₦500k to swap her phone because the one she was using had packed up. For my birthday, she got me a two-piece set and a pair of footwear.

What’s the ideal financial future you want for yourself and your partner?

One where we can afford international trips at least once a year without having to think too much about it. I’ve been dreaming of having our honeymoon on some Island somewhere, but I can’t afford that. Unless maybe a miracle happens before 2027.

Interested in talking about how money moves in your relationship? If yes, .

*Names have been changed for the sake of anonymity.

NEXT READ: He Hands Over All His Money to Me. People Don’t Like That

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Interested in talking about how money moves in your relationship?ĚýIf yes,Ěý.

How long have you been with your partner?

My husband, Timi, and I have been married for two years. We dated for 9 months before marriage.

How did you meet each other?

We were both members of a Facebook group. Timi was quite popular there. I recall often seeing his posts. Me, I was just a regular commenter, so I was quite surprised when Timi sent me a friend request one random day. I accepted, and we started chatting almost immediately.

Apparently, he’d been reading my comments and liked my opinions. We had similar values and sense of humour, so our conversations flowed naturally. 

We would talk for hours about anything from politics to conspiracy theories. It took him two weeks to ask me to be his girlfriend.

Even before he asked me to be his girlfriend, I knew he would be my husband. We clicked too well. 

Love it for you both. What was your and Timi’s financial situation like?

I was newly unemployed, having just left a toxic job as a lab technician at a hospital. It was even unemployment that pushed me to become an active commenter on the Facebook group. I’d been job-hunting for three months without any luck.

Timi, on the other hand, had a business centre near the state university (we were both in Osogbo at the time), where he made money from student projects, printing and the like. About a month into our relationship, Timi did something very unusual. 

He opened a new bank account, put the bank app on my phone so he wouldn’t have access to it, then started sending everything he made there. Then, every week, he sent me his expense list, and I handled it. 

For instance, if he wanted to send ₦30k to his brother or needed to buy ₦10k fuel, I sent it from the account. I became his unofficial accountant.

Do you know why he did that?

Timi isn’t very good with money. In fact, it was one of the things we talked about before we started dating. He’s bad at tracking his finances and saying “no” when people ask him for money. 

We agreed I was more financially responsible, so he’d run every financial decision by me before making it. I didn’t expect that he’d literally put all his money in my hands one month into our relationship. 

That was another thing that really cemented my conviction that he was my husband. No man would do something like that except he was 100% sure of his future with the person. He was all in, and so was I.

We are married now, and we still run the same arrangement with our finances. Funny enough, the money thing isn’t even the craziest thing Timi has done in our relationship. 

Something else beats that?

Oh yes. My dad died in 2023, while Timi and I were planning for our wedding, and it affected me so much. I was mourning my dad and dealing with bad dreams, fearing that my aged mother would also die soon. 

I shared my fears with Timi, saying how I wished I lived close to my mum in Akure so I could spend more time with her before she passed away. This husband of mine immediately said, “We can move to Akure.” I thought he was joking. He wasn’t.

We were planning our wedding and moving to another city at the same time. I can’t even say for sure how we raised money to make it happen. I had a job at that time, but my ₦70k/month salary was hardly enough for anything. 

Our saving grace was that we were moving to my late dad’s house — I’m the only child, so it’s practically mine — and didn’t need to worry about renting an apartment. Also, Timi’s friends and family really showed up for us. We were just getting financial help all around. Another relative helped us secure a space close to a school area, so Timi could relocate his business, in addition to the one in Osogbo (a colleague manages it for him). God has just been really good to us. I can’t deny how lucky we’ve been.

You mentioned you both maintained the same financial dynamic in your home. How does that work these days?

It’s pretty straightforward. I divide my salary into two and keep half in a savings account. Then I add the remaining half to whatever Timi sends to the account that I have access to. When he needs money, he tells me, and I send it. 

When I make purchases, I tell him. I always try to tell him before spending money, but he really doesn’t care. He trusts my judgement and always says he knows I can’t spend money anyhow without a good reason. That’s the truth, but I carry him along all the same. 

I know our dynamic isn’t common, and most people won’t understand it. One mistake we made when we first got married was letting people know how we ran our finances. It’s not like we were announcing it, sha. It just happened. For instance, if my husband needed to pay for something or send money to anyone, he’d go, “I’ll tell my wife to send it.” 

When people noticed the pattern and asked him or me questions, we’d innocently joke that I was the accountant who handled every expense. Before long, people started telling my husband things like, “You don’t do things that way,” and “Why will you let your wife know the exact amount of money you have?” Someone even said, “As a man, you mean you don’t have anything? Your wife has cooked efo (cast a spell) on your head.”

Wahala

Thankfully, Timi is not the type of man who cares what anyone else thinks. It’s that thing that’s unconventional gan gan he always wants to do. We sha stopped telling people. 

Some family members and close friends know about it, but they still don’t understand. We’ve both stopped explaining. We’re sure everyone talks behind our backs, but they’ll be fine. It’s our marriage, after all.

That’s right. How do you both budget for relationship expenses, like dates and gifts?

We used to go to eateries at least twice a month when we were dating and in our first year of marriage. I handled the payment (from his account) when this happened.

However, the dates haven’t been regular because business hasn’t been so great lately, and everything is now expensive. We’re looking to start another business, which is why I’ve been saving ₦50k (half my salary) every month. The remaining ₦50k barely covers food. So right now, we’re just managing that and whatever Timi makes from the business centre.

What does this safety net look like now?

We’ve saved ₦350k. The plan is to hit ₦500k in the next three months and start something else. 

What’s your ideal financial future as a couple?

We’re currently trusting God for a child. I want it to happen soon, but I’m also hoping we can be a bit more financially stable before then. So, an ideal future would be us with our kids and thriving businesses.

Interested in talking about how money moves in your relationship? If yes, .

*Names have been changed for the sake of anonymity.

NEXT READ:ĚýI Feel Disrespected Because I Don’t Contribute Financially

The Naira Life Conference is returning in June 2026!ĚýExpect honest conversations and insightful sessionsĚýon building wealth, scaling businesses, as well as practical strategies to manage your money.Ěýto be the first to know when tickets start selling.