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Losing a husband changes more than your relationship status. After the funeral, widows have  to navigate a new reality that can come with unexpected challenges. 

We asked seven women to share the parts of widowhood that caught them off guard, and their stories are completely heartbreaking. 

“I’m getting strange advances” — Janet, 53*

My husband had been dead for a few months when I returned to work after my mourning period. I went back to dressing normally, and within my first week, a colleague I’d always been friendly with left me a note saying he liked my smile.

Over time, I noticed more people flirting with me. Another colleague outrightly asked if I’d consider becoming his second wife. Nothing about how I related to these people had changed, so I found the sudden attention strange.

When I mentioned what was happening to a friend, she told me I was “pulling attention” because I dressed too flashily for a widow.

I’m in my 50s, so I never expected this kind of attention. It made me so self-conscious that I changed my style and started wearing my wedding ring.

“I never expected his family to turn on me” — Ijeoma* 41

I had a close relationship with my husband’s family, especially his sister. We visited each other often, and I kept them updated throughout his illness. He fell ill at the start of 2024 and died by March.

After he died, his sister screamed at me and accused me of doing something to him because he’d been healthy when they saw him in December. I was shocked. I used to think families victimising widows only happened in films until I experienced it myself. 

They accused me of poisoning him and insisted on taking his body to their village. I became so afraid they would harm me that I couldn’t attend the funeral. They’ve also tried to take my children from me, and I’m still fighting to keep them. 

“I’m being pressured to remarry” — Faiza* 36

It’s been three years since I lost my husband. In the first year, I paid no attention to my family’s jokes about trying again.  Now, I know they actually meant their words. No one misses a chance to remind me that I’m young and shouldn’t waste the opportunity to remarry.

Earlier this year, my sister tried to set me up with her friend without my knowledge. He would hang around me and help me with my son, so I took him for a true friend until he tried to kiss me one day. When I rejected him, he got angry and said my sister had told him I was interested in getting married. 

I felt hurt that they disregarded my boundaries, so I stopped speaking to my sister. My family still refuses to understand my side, and my father tries to guilt-trip me by saying I’m causing him distress by refusing to remarry. I wish they’d accept that I don’t want to go down that path again.

“The church turned on me” — Joyce*, 58

My husband was a state pastor, and we were highly respected in the church. When he died in an accident in 2018, I expected the church to support me and our three children. Instead, I was left on my own. 

Members of the church had gifted my husband a car, but people came asking for it because they considered it church property. I was also kicked out of our accommodation when the new pastor arrived. The church paid for a few days in a motel, but after that, I had to squat with a friend while rebuilding my life from scratch.

I’d spent my entire life supporting my husband’s ministry and had nothing to fall back on. What hurt most was realising the dark truths about the institution I’d trusted. I lost my faith in the church along with my husband.

“I don’t feel safe” — Omotola*, 46

Shortly after my husband died last year, area boys raided our home. They stole from us and even beat up my young children. I believe they saw us as more vulnerable, especially with his obituary banners still at the gate.

After that, I became extremely paranoid about my safety. I hardly sleep at night and jump at the slightest sound. Even after I got guards, that fear hasn’t gone away.

“His friends abandoned us” — Niret* 41

My husband was an engineer who worked with a group of childhood friends. He died after he got electrocuted on a project. His friends promised to take care of our children’s education and support us.

I trusted them and decided not to pursue a legal case since they seemed willing to do the right thing. But after the first year, their support disappeared. When my son’s final-year school fees were due, I  waited for them to help until, at the last minute, they told me they wouldn’t pay. I couldn’t raise the sum myself, so my son had to defer that session.

I regret trusting those promises and failing to make other plans. These were my husband’s closest friends, but now they barely visit or ask about the children. It’s painful to realise how quickly they moved on.

“I didn’t think I would miss my husband” — Flourish*, 49

My husband and I didn’t have the easiest relationship. He became very ill a few years into our marriage, and when he died in 2024, I felt relieved. I didn’t think I’d miss him very much.

Now that my children are at school, I spend a lot of time alone, and I mourn him more than I ever expected. He used to help me zip up my clothes whenever I was getting ready for work or going out. Sometimes, I’ll finish my makeup, walk to the side of the bed expecting him to be there, and then remember he’s gone.

I’ve had to leave the house with my dress half-zipped or find someone to help me. Those little moments are enough to make me break down. It shocks me that even though he’d only been partly present in my life for a long time, his absence still left such a huge gap.

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