In the final episode of 麻豆视频鈥檚 100 Nigerians: Anatomy of a Marriage, we asked married Nigerians who have spent years together to share what the journey to forever has looked like.
From couples approaching their first decade together to those who have weathered decades of marriage, childbirth, financial struggles and other difficult seasons, these stories offer a glimpse into the patience, understanding, perseverance and commitment it takes from both partners to build a marriage that lasts.
Korede, 30
We married young, and everyone still saw us as kids. So whenever we had issues, there were always outside opinions. People would tell me, 鈥淭his is how a man should behave,鈥 or, 鈥淲hy are you allowing this?鈥 I started listening to those voices instead of listening to my wife. It changed how I treated her.
Then one day, I read an article that said the most important person in your marriage should be your spouse, not your parents or your children, because that鈥檚 the person you鈥檙e actually building a life with. It hit me hard. I realised I鈥檇 been letting everybody else into my marriage except the person I chose. I had to return to first principles: I loved this girl. This was the person I started the journey with. After that, I shut out the noise. That decision has kept our marriage for over a decade.
Ini*, 34
My husband is one of one. He鈥檚 kind to his core, and I don鈥檛 think he even realises just how good of a person he is. I don鈥檛 think anyone is doing romance like we are. Every single day is intentional, and it鈥檚 in the way we prioritise each other, the way we still hold hands after almost a decade, the way he never forgets to touch me when we pass each other in the house. We鈥檝e built something so strong that even when life happens, we find our way back to each other. A way to know your marriage is solid is to look at your kids. Our children are happy, thriving, and full of love. That wouldn鈥檛 be possible if we weren鈥檛 doing something right as partners.
Titi*, 42
I鈥檝e been married for nine years, and one thing that has always kept us going is intimacy. There鈥檚 no issue, no matter how big or small, that a night of intimacy can鈥檛 solve for us. I struggled in the first few years because my body wasn鈥檛 used to having so much sex, but over time, I realised how much intimacy helped our relationship, so I leaned into it. That鈥檚 why I don鈥檛 understand couples who stop having sex when they鈥檙e fighting. For us, intimacy has been one of the most important things keeping our marriage happy.
Desola*, 55
We鈥檝e weathered so much together as a couple over the past three decades. In the earlier years, my husband didn鈥檛 make it easy. He was hard on the kids and me. He blurred the line between being a strict head of the family and a loving husband or father. But that phase eventually passed. I鈥檓 happy I stayed long enough to see this version of our marriage. I鈥檝e always believed that marriage has different phases, and this current one is beautiful. He鈥檚 kinder, more patient, and not half the disciplinarian he used to be. I see him with our grandkids and remember how our children scattered whenever he came home. He鈥檚 softer now, and we鈥檙e in a good place.
Abraham*, 54
21 years of marriage means we鈥檝e been through many ups and downs. However, people must know that rough patches aren鈥檛 the same thing as a broken marriage. You have to be honest with yourself about which one you are actually in. There are things that can be worked through over time, with effort and genuine change from both sides. And there are things that cannot. Only you know which situation you are truly in. For us, the good that existed between us was always real enough to hold onto, even during the worst of it. That mattered. It kept us together when leaving would have been easier.
Mojeed, 43
In our 15 years of marriage, the most challenging period was waiting for our first child. My wife suffered multiple miscarriages, and each one broke her a little more than the last. I wasn鈥檛 as worried as she was. Even though it had only been a year or two into our marriage, I kept reassuring her that we had time, but she still struggled with the weight of it all.
It was a difficult period for both of us, but I always knew that if having children didn鈥檛 happen for us, we could adopt and carry on with our lives. I didn鈥檛 see children as the thing that would make or break our marriage. I鈥檝e always believed that you鈥檝e still won if all you have is a great partner.
Over a decade later, I still feel the same way. Marriage is a complex institution, but also the best one you can have. And in my case, I bagged the best woman.
Gloria*, 55
I鈥檝e been friends with my husband for 38 years, and we鈥檝e been married for 27. Like every marriage, ours has had its ups and downs, especially when it comes to finances. We planned to have three children, but ended up with six because I really wanted a girl. About five years ago, a cheating episode almost ended our marriage. My husband had never given me any reason to doubt him in over three decades, so I saw it as a lapse in judgement and the devil鈥檚 handiwork. He was genuinely sorry, and we鈥檝e put it behind us. We鈥檒l spend the rest of our lives together.
Adeniran*, 51
I鈥檝e been married for 22 years, and patience is the biggest thing that has kept my union going. My wife can be very troublesome, but underneath that tough exterior, she鈥檚 a good mum and wife. People are still surprised that I鈥檓 in this marriage. Some are even convinced she tied me down with something spiritual. The truth is, I鈥檝e simply learnt to be the understanding and patient one. It wasn鈥檛 easy because, naturally, a man is expected to be the tough one. But when I stopped trying to be tough and became more patient and understanding, our marriage worked. People need to understand what works for their own unique circumstances.
Ibironke*, 38
I鈥檓 celebrating my 10th wedding anniversary next year, and I still can鈥檛 believe we鈥檝e made it this far. For 10 years, we haven鈥檛 had a child, and it鈥檚 been a source of pain in our marriage. Sometimes we forget about it, but other times, it feels like an ache in our hearts. It can feel like something is missing because we haven鈥檛 built the family we imagined. But through it all, my husband and I have bonded. We鈥檝e become best friends, gone on adventures and continually chased happiness together. We鈥檝e reached a point where, whether children come or not, the foundation of our marriage remains unshaken.
Doris*, 50
It鈥檚 been over two decades together and we still do many lovey-dovey things together. For example, we still bathe together. We鈥檝e done it almost every day since we鈥檝e been married. Even our children are aware. They sometimes prepare the bath for mummy and daddy. It has really strengthened our bond. Especially on those days when we鈥檝e had arguments and aren鈥檛 really speaking. At least, we know that when it鈥檚 time to get into the bathroom, we鈥檇 have a reason to exchange words. I鈥檇 always advise younger couples to find that one common ground and nurture it. That has worked for our own marriage.
Abu*, 41
I鈥檝e been married for 11 years, but we鈥檝e stayed together for the last two years or so because of the children more than anything else. The love is still there, but it鈥檚 been buried beneath the pressure of raising kids, struggling financially and having many fights that have left wounds. Sometimes, it feels like we鈥檙e just existing in the same marriage. I hope things get better because neither of us wants to leave. But I also hope we get to a place where we鈥檙e not just staying for the sake of it, but actually enjoying being together again.
*Names have been changed to protect the identity of the subjects.
