The second 鶹Ƶ Life 2 Film, , aired on the 1st of August, and unsurprisingly, we had thoughts.
Chinazo and Tola are raising their daughter, Feyisola, when Tola loses his job, and Chinazo becomes solely responsible for keeping the family financially afloat. At first, it seems like the obvious thing to do. Someone has to pay the bills, and Chinazo is capable of doing it, but as she takes on more of the financial responsibility, Tola begins to struggle with what the change means for him as a man. He is no longer the person providing for his family, and suddenly, something as ordinary as his wife paying for things becomes tied to his sense of masculinity.
What intrigued us, though, was how little the expectations placed on Chinazo seem to change. Even after she takes on the responsibility of providing, she is still expected to occupy the familiar position of the mother who must be available, nurturing and attentive to her child. She gets back from a long day at work and still has to pick up after both her man and child, or cook their dinner. This is something women, unlike men, are rarely allowed to escape. Motherhood can become a role in which everything else is expected to fit around it, rather than a part of a woman’s life that exists alongside her career, relationships, ambitions and needs.
That is why women can find themselves in a complicated position when they become the breadwinners in their families. They are expected to contribute financially, especially when circumstances demand it, but they are not really given permission to let that contribution change anything else about their responsibilities. We see this when Tola tells Chinazo about his upcoming job interview and expects her to be available for Feyisola, even after she informs him that she will be in a meeting.
A man who works long hours to support his family is usually understood to be doing what he has to do, but when a woman does the same thing, there is often another question waiting for her. Who is taking care of the children? Her work can be treated as though it has taken something away from her family, even when that same work is what keeps the family from getting kicked out of the house.
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It is not that children do not need their parents. Of course they do. The problem is that we have created a standard where a mother’s devotion is often measured by how much of herself she is willing to surrender. Chinazo’s worry that people would think she was a bad mother after Tola brought Feyisola to her office captures this pressure perfectly. Her career becomes something she has to balance carefully, her ambitions something she may be expected to postpone and her exhaustion something she is supposed to push through because there is always someone who needs her. When she cannot do all of this perfectly, the word “irresponsible” is quickly thrown at her.
Tola’s experience adds another layer to the film because his discomfort is not entirely about money. He has grown up with the idea that being able to provide is part of being a good man, so losing his job also means losing a role that gives him a sense of purpose. Chinazo’s ability to step into that role exposes how fragile those expectations can be, but it also raises the question of why her competence has to feel like his failure. If a family needs one person to earn more at a particular point in time, why should that arrangement threaten anyone’s identity?
The problem here is that society has made motherhood a role women must constantly prove themselves worthy of. A woman can provide for her family, love her children and still have a life beyond them. She shouldn’t have to sacrifice every other part of herself before we believe she is a good mother.
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