Tomi and Anu (early 30s) met as teenagers at a New Year party in 2009.聽

On this week’s Love Life, they talk about a decade of drifting apart and reconnecting, the life-changing accident neither of them saw coming, and the moment Anu proposed marriage before he ever got the chance to ask.

What’s your earliest memory of each other?

Tomi: 2009. We met her at a New Year’s party through a mutual friend. I was about 17 and went there to dance. But that day at the party, I spotted Tomi and just couldn鈥檛 stop staring at her. I’d never felt that kind of pull toward anyone before. It turned into a full-on staring competition between us. 

However, I didn’t know how to approach her because I was clueless and had never really toasted a babe before. After we left the party,  I went to our mutual friend and gave a thorough description of Anu. I described her face, nose, eyes, and what she was wearing. Then she said, 鈥� Oh, that sounds like Anu,鈥� and gave me her number. 

Anu: My earliest memory of Tomi isn鈥檛 so different. I noticed him staring at me intensely at the New Year鈥檚 party, and I remember thinking, ” Why is this guy looking at me like that?鈥� I was shy, so I just stared back without saying anything. We didn’t talk that day at all; we just kept looking at each other across the room.

Then, I think the next day after the party, our mutual friend asked me if she could give him my number. She told me this guy liked me and wanted to reach out, and I said she could give him. I was just 15, and I wasn鈥檛 thinking about relationships. I just expected us to have normal conversations and keep it moving. And that鈥檚 exactly what happened. As Tomi mentioned, we were both still really young, and it was a new experience for us. So it was only natural that we started as friends.

Hmmm

Tomi: We spent the next couple of months just getting to know each other. We mostly talked at night, using the MTN night call plans, since daytime minutes were expensive. 

We’d just talk about our likes, dislikes and what we both wanted for ourselves in the future. We were both raised by single mothers, so we were naturally quite disciplined and weren鈥檛 thinking about anything physical or intimate. 

And how long did this phase last? 

Tomi: We talked for almost a year before anything was official. One night out of nowhere, Anu said, 鈥淏abe, do you realise you haven’t actually asked me out?鈥� And she was right. As a first timer, I鈥檇 gotten so lost in the friendship phase that I didn鈥檛 even realise I had to make that move. After she raised it, I asked her to be my girlfriend, and that was how it started.

Anu: I remember bringing it up because I think my friends had been asking if he’d asked me out yet, and I realised he genuinely hadn’t. So I just said it to him directly. At that time, we鈥檇 been talking for about a year, so there was no point in telling him I needed to think about his request or anything like that. So he got a yes on the spot. 

Sweet. What were the early days of the relationship like, especially since you were both still so young?

Tomi: They weren鈥檛 bad. We had the boyfriend-and-girlfriend tag, but much of the relationship was still about building a strong bond. We barely ever met physically, and people find that hard to believe now. In the whole time we dated, I think we saw each other in person maybe four times. If I wanted to see her, I’d take a longer route home just to pass her street and catch her on the balcony. I’d tell her, I’m almost at your balcony, and we’d just smile and wave at each other. It was very Romeo and Juliet.

Anu: Again, I need to mention that we were always both so shy because it was a new experience for us. Even on calls, there were times when we鈥檇 just get quiet because we didn鈥檛 know what to say. Still, it was a beautiful experience for both of us; we were just fond of each other in a very innocent way. But things took a turn for us around 2011.

Oh. What happened? 

Anu: My family had to move to another city rather abruptly because of financial struggles. I didn’t tell him or call him about the move; I just left. I guess I didn’t want to involve him in what we were going through at the time. It was a whole lot of personal family struggles.

Tomi: That move was a huge shock. But before she moved, there was a Boxing Day party at my place that I wanted her to come to, but she didn’t show up. I ended up dancing with one of the girls at the party that day, and I think word must have gotten to her, building some resentment. It was probably why she didn鈥檛 tell me about her family鈥檚 move.

Is that right, Anu?

Anu: In a way. I was already dealing with my mum’s illness and a lot of personal struggles, so hearing about him dancing with someone else just added to everything. I convinced myself he’d moved on to someone else, and between that and the move, I just decided to focus on my own life.

So I鈥檓 guessing you guys broke up around this period?

Tomi: Well, it wasn鈥檛 like we had any official conversation to call it quits. We just drifted apart after the move, and eventually, we only checked on each other once a year through Facebook messages. I took it hard, though. 

After she moved, I remember crying myself to sleep at night, playing sad music. It was a whole lot of strong emotions on both sides that we didn鈥檛 know how to handle. She was dealing with life, I was dealing with her absence and even the circumstances around which she left. We didn’t know how to handle something like that, which is why the drift happened. Eventually, even the occasional calls stopped, and just like that, we spent a decade apart. 

Must have been hard. Did you guys date other people during this period?

Tomi: I dated a few people, maybe up to five over that decade, but I never dated more than one person at a time; that’s just not who I am. None of those relationships worked out the way I hoped, but they also helped me grow in a way. I was getting more experience and maturing where necessary. In a way, my heart was always still drawn to Anu.

Anu: I dated other people too, but if I’m honest, what I felt for those people was never as strong as what I felt for him. There was always something different about him that I couldn’t quite explain to anyone else. Through those years we weren鈥檛 speaking, I鈥檇 check his Facebook page and see pictures of him and his lovers. In my head, I just concluded that he鈥檇 moved on, and I honestly wished him well. 

So at what point did you guys reunite?

Tomi: That was around 2018. It happened right after I came out of a relationship where I’d been cheated on. I was completely heartbroken, and one night, while scrolling through old Facebook messages, I saw Anu鈥檚 name. I just thought, let me check on this babe. We started talking again, I asked for her WhatsApp number, and the conversation picked up from there, much more openly this time. I remember pouring out my mind to her about what I鈥檇 gone through. In a way, I just felt she鈥檇 understand. I lowkey knew she鈥檇 been keeping tabs on me and knew what my dating history looked like when we were apart. I was always open about who I was dating; I never had any reason to hide, so I knew she wouldn鈥檛 doubt my innocence in whatever had happened with the lady.

Anu: When he reached out, I actually felt a bit some type of way that he was sharing all these details about his heartbreak with me before I’d shared anything with him. Still, I allowed him to pour out his mind and listened.

Somewhere in my mind, I felt like maybe God was bringing us back together, especially since I was single and had been praying for a partner around that same time. Outside of his relationship troubles, it just felt really good to reconnect with him after so many years apart. 

I can imagine. So, who made the move to bring the relationship back?

Tomi: That was me. I asked her out on a date that same week we reconnected. I didn’t want to waste time. We met and went to the mall in Ikeja. When I saw her walk up in this red dress, I just thought, ” This girl hasn’t changed at all.鈥� She was still as pretty as ever, and I knew then that I still wanted her. 

That same day, I asked if we could restart things properly, and she said yes almost immediately.

Wait, what? You didn鈥檛 have any reservations that he鈥檇 just come out of another relationship, Anu?

Anu: To be honest, I had mixed feelings. A part of me was happy and excited that I鈥檇 reunited with my first love, and I was even expecting him to ask us to get back together. But another part of me was cautious; I didn’t want to just be someone he used to heal from heartbreak. 

Eventually, I decided to trust God and give it a chance anyway. I didn鈥檛 think it was a coincidence that he returned to my life around the same time I was asking God to send me my partner.

I see. And Tomi, did you feel like you’d fully healed before starting things up again with her?

Tomi: If I’m honest, no. I hadn’t fully healed at that point; it had only been about two weeks since that breakup. But the moment I saw her again, something shifted. It felt like it reignited everything we’d had before, and it stopped being about healing from someone else. I already knew the kind of person she was from years back; she wasn’t someone chasing different men around, and that mattered a lot to me. I just felt like, ” What am I even waiting for? Everything I want is right in front of me.鈥�

 And I went for it.

Got it. What did dating look like the second time around?

Tomi: We were a lot more intentional and grounded this time. I’d drive her to work sometimes, we’d go to church together, go to programs and camp meetings, really trying to build our future with God at the centre of it. Things went well for about a year, and then we hit another roadblock. 

What do you mean?

Tomi: I started struggling financially. I was trying to build a business, and I set all these insane targets for myself, like I needed to have made a certain amount of money before I could commit to marriage. When those targets weren’t hitting, I started convincing myself she deserved someone who could already provide more than I could at the time. 

Instead of being honest about it early, I started misbehaving, hoping she’d get frustrated and leave on her own. Eventually, I told her outright to move on, that I wasn’t ready and didn’t know when I would be. I stopped picking up her calls for weeks after that.

Anu: I was confused and wondered what had changed. I remember telling him nobody was rushing him, that we could figure things out together, and that we should keep trusting God. But he insisted he needed time, so eventually I just stopped reaching out. I didn鈥檛 want to impose myself on him even though I wasn鈥檛 ready to let go. I was heartbroken all over again, especially because we’d already been planning a future together in our minds. 

I moved on with my own life after a while, but the universe still had other plans for us. 

What other plans?

Tomi: On September 12, 2019, while driving an Uber passenger, we were attacked. We got stuck in traffic on a bridge, and two men approached the car, one of them armed. He demanded my phone, and in the chaos, I reached for where I’d hidden it, and he shot me. I passed out briefly and woke up to my passenger screaming. Thankfully, some policemen drove me to the hospital. We were stuck in traffic for about an hour while I was bleeding out.

At the hospital, doctors found out the pellets had lodged beneath my brain and removing them could cause damage. Some are still lodged near my jaw and nose today. Anyway, I was transferred to the teaching hospital in Ikeja. After checking the extent of the damage to my eyes, the doctors told me I might never see again.

I was in complete shock. Depression set in almost immediately.

I鈥檓 so sorry. How did Anu find out?

Tomi: My brother knew I’d been seeing her, even though we weren’t speaking at the time. While I was still admitted, he felt like I needed someone. So he took my phone, found her number, and called her himself. I had no clue he鈥檇 done that.

Anu: I got a call from his brother at work. Honestly, in the moment, I completely forgot we weren’t even on speaking terms. All I heard was “hospital,” so I left work immediately and went there. I sat outside for hours because his siblings didn’t fully recognise me at first; it had been years. It wasn’t until his mum came out and saw me still waiting that I was finally let in to see him.

I couldn’t even process what I saw once I entered the ward. His face was heavily bandaged and swollen; it was terrible to see. I didn’t cry in front of him, but I broke down once I stepped outside. When I finally went in, I just held his hand without saying anything at first.

Tomi: The first thing I asked her was why she’d even come after everything I’d put her through. She just told me to shut up, that I’d started again, and that she was there, full stop. That was the first time I cried after the accident, though she couldn’t see it because of the bandages.

Anu: After that day, I kept going back to visit him, even after telling myself I’d stop so it wouldn’t look like I was trying to force myself on him again. I couldn’t stay away, though; I genuinely wanted him to be okay.

A few weeks after the accident, I brought up marriage.

Wait, what?

Anu: I remember thinking, instead of going back and forth to visit him all the time, what if I were just there permanently. Before I said anything to him, I sat with the idea for a while and asked myself honestly if my decision was driven by pity. I’ve read enough to know marrying out of pity doesn’t work. Once I was sure it wasn’t that, I told him plainly, 鈥淏abe, why don’t we just get married?鈥�

Tomi: My first response was, 鈥淎re you blind, can鈥檛 you see that I’m blind?鈥�  She told me to stop and said that she wasn’t marrying me because I was blind, she was marrying me because of the man she saw inside me, someone she could build a future with.

How did that actually make you feel, Tomi?

Tomi: I was genuinely surprised because I didn’t think anyone would choose to stay long-term with me in that state. I was still depressed at that point, and I’d even asked doctors at one point to just give me something and let me go. So when she proposed marriage, it didn’t fully make sense to me at first. But I also knew I couldn’t repeat the mistake of pushing her away again. I decided to trust it and told my mum I wanted to get married.

How did your families react?

Anu: It was smooth on my end. I told my sister first, and she encouraged me to tell my mum. My mum’s response was that plenty of people with two working eyes still end up in bad marriages, so if he was a good man and this made me happy, she didn’t see a reason to stand in the way.

Tomi: My side was smooth too. My mum had already grown fond of her without even knowing our full history, just from how homely and respectful she was whenever she visited.

Our wedding was small, just a court wedding, no big party. We didn’t want to spend heavily on a celebration; we wanted to save and invest instead. Around that time, our story started spreading online, and people heard about the accident and her choice to stay, which inspired many. Some started sending financial support, which we used to start building. She started her own business, and I got an Uber car running again.

Nice. What did those early years of actually living together as a married couple look like?

Anu: Those early years were tough. We started out living in a family house, and there are lots of painful memories from that period we鈥檇 rather not revisit. 

Tomi and I were fine, though. We’d known each other since we were teenagers, so it never felt like starting from scratch with a stranger; we were already close friends underneath everything. We had a few hiccups around conflict resolution, but we scaled through. 

What sort of issues?

Anu: I go quiet when I’m upset. Instead of saying anything out of spite and anger, I’ll just withdraw into myself. But because Tomi can’t see my face, he wouldn’t always know something was wrong unless he picked up on my tone. It took me time to learn to actually say what was bothering me instead of expecting him to sense it.

Tomi: I’m a big believer in communication. I talk about it often, even in our content. I kept encouraging her, tell me when something’s wrong, don’t hide it from me, I can’t see your face so I need you to use your voice. 

Over time, she’s really grown in that area. On my end, I had to learn to be more patient with how I express frustration. I can get loud when I’m upset, though I’ve never raised a hand or insulted her, that’s something I promised myself long ago because of what I watched my mum go through. We鈥檙e not a perfect couple, but considering our unique situation, we鈥檝e grown considerably.

Love it. You mentioned your story spreading online around the wedding. Is that how you got into content creation?

Tomi: Yes, that grew out of it. We started small on YouTube, just sharing our story, then moved into short-form content, comedy skits, and everyday moments. People kept telling us how inspiring it was, so it slowly became something we built intentionally, not just for income, but because we realised we had something worth sharing.

Content creation is also my main source of income these days, alongside the things I’d already been building, like driving. It’s not as much as what she earns, but it matters, and it’s something I’m genuinely proud of.

Curious. Do you have children, and are they aware of your condition?

Anu: We have two. Our son is old enough to understand what happened to his dad. Our daughter is still very young, but she seems to sense it in her own way. She’ll take his hand and guide it toward things, or move out of his path when he’s walking, so he doesn’t bump into her, without anyone teaching her to do that. 

After six years of marriage, what would you say is the best thing about being with each other?

Anu: His positivity. He has this spirit that makes it hard to sit with him and stay negative about your life. He’s helped me grow so much in that area, because I used to spiral badly whenever something went wrong, and now I catch myself handling things much more calmly because of him.

Tomi: For me, it’s her strength. She carries a lot: work, the house, caring for me, and she rarely complains. The challenges we’ve been through together have made us more resilient, not less connected. We’ve built something real, and there’s a peace between us that I wouldn’t trade for anything, even the millions I once thought I needed before I could commit to her.

On a scale of 1 to 10, how would you rate your love life?

Tomi: I’d give it a 9.5. No marriage is perfect; we still have disagreements, but how you handle those moments determines a marriage’s strength over time. We’ve been intentional about not letting issues sit unresolved, and that’s kept us solid.

Anu: I’d give the same, 9.5. He’s my husband, but he’s also my friend, my business partner, and honestly, one of the people I trust most in the world.

If you want to share your own Love Life story, fill out this聽.

If you鈥檝e enjoyed reading Love Life, our flagship series on love, heartbreak, and relationships, we have exciting news. We鈥檝e partnered with Cassava Republic to publish a book based on the flagship. Coming January 2026, it鈥檚 about to be your favourite book.

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Dotun and Enitan (early 20s) met during a casting call in 2024.

On this week’s Love Life, they talk about turning a content collaboration into a relationship, the joint savings account they operate as partners, and how he pushed her CGPA from 1.83 to 4.33 in one semester.

If you want to share your own Love Life story, fill out this聽.

What’s your earliest memory of each other?

Enitan: January 2024. I鈥檇 posted online that I needed someone tall and fine to shoot relationship content with. Then he reached out with his picture and his name, and he looked like a good fit for the role. A few days later, we met in person for the shoot. 

Dotun: I’d actually seen Enitan around before. She’d attempted a Guinness World Record for the longest continuous hours of washing, about 58 hours, back in November 2023. I was on campus and saw a crowd gathered around her doing this thing. I didn’t think anything of it beyond, “oh, she’ll be fine.” I had no idea our paths would cross again a couple of months later.

Fast forward to January 2024, I’d just gotten into modelling and photography, and I wanted to transition into content creation. When I saw her post, I thought it would be a good way to start doing collaborative content. I didn’t think about it beyond that; it felt like an opportunity, so I went for it.

Right. Take me through that first shoot. How did it go?

Enitan: The first thing I noticed about him was actually how good he smelled. I told him so right away, and he just said a quiet 鈥渢hank you鈥�. But yeah, he was very calm and reserved while I was the one cracking jokes and doing most of the talking. We shot what we needed to shoot that day, and I told him we’d meet again for more content.

Dotun: Nothing much was going through my mind that day, if I’m honest. It was all still new to me, so I mostly just wanted to enjoy the experience of doing something different. 

Curious, though; how did your partners feel about shooting relationship content? Or were you both single at the time? 

Dotun: We were both single.

Enitan: Even if I was in a relationship, I think I still would have gone ahead with it, because I really wanted to get into content creation and acting. For me, it wasn’t really about him specifically at first; it was about wanting to build that side of myself.

Got it. How did things progress after that first shoot?

Enitan: We actually shot that same night again, and it was a bit awkward because there were other people around, and Dotun was a little uneasy. But he pulled through regardless. 

The following day, our first post went viral, and he texted me about it. 

What was the content, by the way?

Enitan: It was a rizz-interview format. I asked him things like whether he watched football, and he said he wasn’t really a fan, so I said something along the lines of 鈥淚 actually like Ronaldo but we could actually make things get messy.鈥� I didn’t give him a script beforehand because I like real reactions, so he was genuinely caught off guard by a lot of my questions, and that came through on camera. People loved the video so much.

Sounds sweet

Enitan: From there, we started speaking more about content ideas and what we could try next. He’s a very reserved person, so I was usually the one carrying the conversation. 

Then one day, I travelled for a job interview and wanted someone to talk to. I texted Dotun, and he stayed on the phone with me throughout. Around that time, he also dragged me to watch an AFCON match with him, even though I don’t like football. Gradually, he started coming out of his shell a bit more.

Dotun: I’m naturally the type that only really talks once I’m comfortable with someone, so that was why I seemed reserved in those first few weeks. There was also a time when a brand sponsored us to go to the cinema, and we had a great time together. We talked properly for the first time that day. We got really personal about details of our lives, our past experiences, and just general life struggles. I remember thinking, ” This person is actually fun to be around.鈥� I also liked someone industrious, and Enitan happened to be doing laundry, running errands, and juggling several things at once, and that stuck with me.

How long did this phase of just working together last before feelings started coming into it?

Dotun: Close to a month. We were spending a lot of time together because there was always a shoot to plan. I’m naturally very careful about relationships; I’d never actually been in one before, so I didn’t want to rush into anything. It was around that three-to-four-week mark that we started having deeper conversations, and that’s when I started to understand her differently.

She talked about how a close friend had betrayed her, and it turned out I actually knew the person. I’d had a similar experience myself, someone I’d tried to be there for who ended up not being genuine. Realising we’d both been through that kind of thing made me feel like we understood each other on a different level.

Was this when you realised you were falling for her?

Dotun: In a way. There was a day we were talking, and I asked her, somewhat nervously, “Is this still content?” I wanted to know whether what was happening between us was still just work or something more, but I wasn’t bold enough to ask her out directly. She told me to ask her when I got back to my place instead of in person. I left, but I was too scared to actually send the text that night. It took a couple more weeks before I finally worked up the courage.

Enitan: When he first asked, I told him I’d rather he ask me later, over text, because I don’t do well with serious conversations in the moment. When he left that day, he didn’t bring it up again, and honestly, I was relieved, because at that point I wasn’t sure I was ready for anything serious. For me, it was always about our work together, but that feeling was also somewhere beneath the surface.

About two weeks later, he said he wanted to talk about something, and I panicked and pretended I was receiving a phone call to avoid it. He said it was fine, we didn’t have to talk about it, but I told him to go ahead anyway. We ended up in the common room of my hostel, and he finally asked me properly, and I just blurted out a yes without overthinking it. This was on February 2,  2024.

But did you have any worries going into a relationship with someone who had never dated before?

Enitan: Since this was only my second relationship, I wasn’t really worried about whether he could handle it. In a way, it was a new experience for both of us. I was more concerned about whether he’d know how to be romantic. As I mentioned earlier, he鈥檚 quite the reserved one, and I wondered if he鈥檇 be able to keep up with the sweet talk, PDA and all those sorts of things that I like. 

I also worried about finances. From our time working together, I realised he prioritises collaboration with people over getting paid. I like money, so I wondered how I’d get him to understand I wasn’t being desperate, just realistic. But he turned out to be very easy to talk to.

Fair enough. Let鈥檚 talk about the early days of the relationship.

Dotun: The first two to three months were the honeymoon phase. They were calm, sweet, and we didn鈥檛 have any real issues. I was still shy then, so if there was something I didn’t like, I’d just stay quiet about it rather than confront her about it.聽

Eventually, small things that shouldn’t have mattered became actual issues between us.  What helped me get through those moments was learning to understand where she was coming from, that the way a person behaves usually comes from somewhere, and accepting that, instead of just reacting.

Enitan: Everything he said. Those first few months were really precious and sweet, even though I struggled with the fact that he only seemed to be my man when we were texting. He always felt so distant whenever we were together in person. He’s also naturally introverted, so in public the most affection I can get from him is a hug, and if I try to hug him too much, he gets uncomfortable. 

There was a time we were walking somewhere, and I told him not to bother walking me the rest of the way, so I just sat down on the floor where we were. Can you believe he left me there? I felt so hurt. He told me later that he found it embarrassing, that we were adults and shouldn’t be doing things like that. I told him I wasn’t trying to be an adult whenever I was with him; I just wanted to be his baby. Eventually, I had to learn to hold back until we’re alone.

Dotun: I grew up in a family that wasn’t very expressive, so it’s not something I do on purpose. It’s gotten better over time, not because I made a conscious decision to change, but just from being more comfortable with her the longer we’ve been together.

Enitan: The money conversation was also still a struggle for both of us.

In what ways?

Enitan: I made it clear early on that I know what it means to have nothing, and I鈥檇 appreciate it if he reduced his collaborations and charges to reflect his worth. He just had a way with finances that didn鈥檛 seem to be optimising for the best opportunities we could grab. And whenever I raised it, he always had one reason or an excuse.

Dotun: I wouldn’t say I was defensive about it. I’ve always wanted to learn from my parents’ mistakes and be someone who actually listens to their partner. When she’d tell me to increase my rates or ask when I planned to start saving properly, I took it seriously, even if I didn’t always act immediately. 

Earlier this year, she pushed me again to raise my prices, reminding me I’d built a name for myself and shouldn’t be undercharging. As much as I understood where she was coming from, I was also scared of losing customers. Eventually, I decided to trust her on it. I now charge close to double what I used to, and I’ve actually gained more customers, not fewer.

Curious though. Have these money conversations spilled into your working relationship? 

Enitan: We’ve never had an actual fight about money. As he mentioned, the only time we鈥檝e clashed is when I frown at him for undercharging himself, but that’s not really a conflict.

I think we鈥檝e also been able to avoid issues because I鈥檓 very upfront about finances. Once we started dating, I told him I wasn’t in it for his money, that whatever he had at the time was his, and we’d grow together from there. 

Earlier this year, we opened a joint savings account, the kind where we can both see what’s in it, but neither of us can withdraw from the other’s contribution. We use that account whenever we need to fund a shoot, rather than using our personal money. And that has helped us. 

Finances aside, what other issues have you navigated?

Enitan: There was a period when a girl who liked him kept calling me from different numbers, using my name to make anonymous calls and stir things up. It wasn’t his fault, but I gave him a lot of attitude about it anyway. He asked why I was projecting my past relationship issues onto him when he hadn’t done anything wrong. 

Dotun: She ended up blocking me everywhere and removing our collaboration credits from our shared social media content.

Oh. And how did you two resolve this issue?

Enitan: Honestly, I don’t remember the exact details of how it got resolved. I knew I eventually had to decide that if I wanted this relationship to work, I needed to stop holding on to past hurts and projecting them onto him.

Dotun: I can’t remember the specifics either, but I know I eventually had to report the situation to her mum because she checks in on me and prays for me regularly. That’s become a pattern when things get serious between us, I go to her mum, because I don’t really open up to friends about relationship issues.

How do you feel about him bringing your mum into your disagreements, Enitan?

Enitan: I’m actually fine with it. He doesn’t talk to anyone about our issues, so I know that if it’s gotten to the point where he’s telling my mum, it’s genuinely serious. He’s also very proud, so he won’t be the one to text me first after a disagreement, which is usually how I found out my mum already knows what’s going on. But my mum has been a steadying hand for us during rocky moments. 

Nice. It鈥檚 been over two years together. What鈥檚 the best thing about being with each other?

Dotun: Having someone to share everything with. If something happens, good or bad, Enitan is always there to figure it out with me.

Being with her also changed how I approach business. I used to just post occasionally and hope people noticed, but she taught me the value of consistency, creativity, and standing firm on my pricing. She’s also the reason I started saving properly; she opened a savings account for me herself, and I’ve been using it for almost two years now. I used to just spend whatever I had, but now I know I have something to fall back on.

Enitan: Dotun is home to me. If something upsets me, he’s the first person I want to talk to, and even when he can’t fix it, he reassures me and calms me down. But the bigger change is academic. When we met, my CGPA was around 1.83. He found out I’d hidden my school portal password because I was embarrassed about my grades, and instead of letting it go, he went to my school’s IT office himself to get the password reset. That semester, I made a 4.33, all A’s except for one B, something that had never happened to me before. He also taught me to sacrifice quietly for the people I care about, and I’ve had to learn to tone down how much I need public affection, even though it’s still something I miss.

He’s my friend, my brother, in a way, and I think we mentor each other more than anything else.

Speaking of, do your followers know you鈥檙e dating, or do they think it鈥檚 still content?

Enitan: If you go through our content, you’ll only ever see us referred to as best friends or homeboy, homegirl. We’ve never posted anything intimate, so a lot of people genuinely can’t tell if we’re dating, related, or just close friends. I actually call him my twin, and I still do, even now.

Honestly, I used to enjoy the confusion. I find it entertaining it when people ask if we’re dating,. But whatever people think we are, that’s what we really are.

Gagging. On a scale of 1 to 10, how would you rate your love life?

Dotun: I’d say an 8. There are still things we’re figuring out, still ups and downs, but overall it’s solid.

Enitan: I’ll say 8.5. The extra half is for surviving a 90-day long-distance stretch while he was away, something I’ve seen break other couples who hadn’t been tested that way before. 

He still has room to grow with words of affirmation, but he shows up for me in every other way that matters.

If you want to share your own Love Life story, fill out this聽.

If you鈥檝e enjoyed reading Love Life, our flagship series on love, heartbreak, and relationships, we have exciting news. We鈥檝e partnered with Cassava Republic to publish a book based on the flagship. Coming January 2026, it鈥檚 about to be your favourite book.

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Dehinde* (41) and Busola* (38) met at a wedding party in 2016. On this week鈥檚 Love Life, they talk about the pregnancy scare that led to their engagement, the work trip that resulted in Dehinde getting another woman pregnant three years into their marriage, and how they navigated a crisis that would have broken most homes.

If you want to share your own Love Life story, fill out this聽.

What’s your earliest memory of each other?

Busola: 2016. I’d just come out of a five-year relationship a few months before we were introduced properly at his sister鈥檚 wedding. My mum saw how sad I was and kept trying to get me out of the house. When Dehinde’s family sent an invite to their event, she insisted I attend.

Dehinde: My mum literally walked Busola over to me and told me to take care of her. It was such an awkward moment. We knew each other a little; our families had crossed paths, but not well enough for my mum to hand her over to me like that. Still, I ended up hosting her for most of the party, and she seemed to have a good time.

Busola: Yes. He was a fantastic host. He kept sending food and drinks my way, even though he didn鈥檛 really stay around for conversations.

God abeg. So what happened after the wedding?

Busola: The following week, my mum asked if Dehinde had reached out to me. I was confused. I remember asking her why he’d need to. 

Dehinde: Funny thing is, my mum also called to ask how things were going with Busola. I was just as confused. There was nothing going on. We exchanged numbers at the party as a courtesy. We didn鈥檛 even text or call each other. But my mum鈥檚 question made me realise they鈥檇 actually tried to set us up, and neither of them had told us.

Mothers! Did you eventually call her?

Dehinde: If I’m being honest, I called mostly to satisfy my mum. She kept pestering me, and it was starting to get on my nerves. I wasn’t dating anyone and wasn’t planning to. I was seriously considering relocating, so dating wasn’t on my mind. My mum knew all of this, so I didn鈥檛 understand why she was moving funny. But I called Busola anyway, just so my mum would stop asking.

Busola: My own mum just asked about twice and didn鈥檛 bother me. She knew I was still recovering from my last relationship and wasn’t looking for anything new. In fact, we were both still hoping that my ex and I would reunite. She鈥檇 grown fond of him and was already referring to him as her son-in-law. But we had some family issues that couldn鈥檛 make the relationship move forward. 

Anyway, Dehinde eventually called, and I was surprised at how easy it was to talk to him. We had a decent conversation that flowed easily. Even though I later found out that his mum put him up to call, it didn鈥檛 feel like that.

Awww. Sounds sweet.

Dehinde: One call led to another, and before I knew it, we were talking almost every day. I told her about my dating history. She also told me everything about her ex, and I felt for her. Not pity, just genuine understanding, because I’d lost a long relationship too.

Busola: I liked that he didn’t try to rush me or push past what I was comfortable sharing. Some people would want to know exactly what made your last relationship fail. But he just listened to what I was comfortable sharing and didn鈥檛 push further. That made it easy to keep talking to him, even when I wasn’t sure what we were really doing. 

After about three months of constant talking and hanging out, we agreed to date properly.

Nice. Did your families know at that point?

Dehinde: Not right away. We kept it quiet at first. Both our families already knew each other, so we knew word would travel fast if we weren’t careful, and we wanted some time to figure things out between ourselves first.

Eventually, they found out. But we were already solid enough that it didn’t feel like a big deal.

What were the early days of the relationship like?

Busola: They were sweet. We understood each other a lot. We knew what we鈥檇 both been through in relationships, so there wasn’t a lot of explaining ourselves to do. We gave ourselves a lot of grace. Since our families already had a relationship, introducing him properly wasn’t stressful either. If anything, everyone was happy. I eventually found out it wasn鈥檛 even just our mums鈥� idea to set us up. Our siblings and aunties were involved. 

But yeah, things ran smoothly. We’d talk on the phone most evenings after work, and on weekends he’d come by my place, or I’d go over to his to talk for hours about nothing in particular. I don鈥檛 think we had any major issues.

Dehinde: I think I fell harder than I expected to. I went into it thinking I was just satisfying my mum, and somewhere along the line, I actually fell in love. Soon, everyone around us started expecting we’d take the next step, and honestly, we didn’t see a reason to wait.  We both had stable jobs, so there wasn’t really anything holding us back. I always told my mum I鈥檇 be married by 30. I was already 31, and a part of me just felt an intense push to take things to the next level.  Still, I wanted to take my time. I wanted the relationship to go on for over a year first.

Fair enough. So, when exactly did marriage enter the picture?

Dehinde: About a year into dating, Busola had a pregnancy scare. In the days we waited to find out, something in me felt like it was a sign to take the next step. I knew then that whether she was pregnant or not, I was ready to marry her. 

It turned out she wasn’t pregnant, but that whole experience had already shown me where my head was. I proposed two months later, at her parents’ house, with both our families there. I hadn’t planned for a public proposal, but the whole thing just kept getting bigger. Everyone wanted to be there.

Busola: I know he didn鈥檛 really go into details, but that pregnancy scare was actually quite serious. I was extremely sick, which didn鈥檛 help. But the way he was so calm and reassuring really helped. I suddenly went from being scared to asking, 鈥淲hat鈥檚 the worst that could happen?鈥� I didn鈥檛 get pregnant for a random person, and our families already knew we were together. I honestly don鈥檛 know why I was even worked up. 

In March 2018, he proposed. I was embarrassed because I hadn’t dressed up for the occasion at all; I thought it was just a regular family visit. Apparently, everyone else but me knew what was going on. We got married in August 2018, about six months after that.

What was the first year of marriage like?

Busola: Blissful. We were settling into life together, and it felt like we’d figured each other out well before the wedding, so there wasn’t a lot of adjusting to do.

Dehinde: But then our parents started asking about making babies almost immediately, which is normal for us as Nigerians. We weren’t in a rush, though. We just told ourselves that if it happened, it happened, and we carried on with our lives.

Busola: Towards the end of the second year, we started to worry a bit ourselves. I’d have delayed periods sometimes, get my hopes up, and then nothing. We tried not to treat it as an issue because it was still fairly early, but the pressure from family didn’t stop. My mother-in-law would call sometimes just to ask how I was feeling, and I knew exactly what she was asking about.

Dehinde: Honestly, two years isn’t that long in the grand scheme of things, but the constant questions from both sides of the family made it feel serious. I remember telling my mum to relax, that these things take their own time, but she wasn’t fully convinced.

Busola: It was a weird period. At some point, we even stopped attending family events because someone was either praying or asking about kids. 

Then Dehinde went and made things worse.

What do you mean?

Dehinde: I travelled for work that year, and I had a fling with a lady I met on the trip. I regretted it almost as soon as I got back to Lagos, and I genuinely tried to put it behind me and move on. I told myself it was a one-time lapse. I wanted to tell Busola immediately, but since I鈥檇 decided it wouldn鈥檛 happen again, I told myself there was no need.

Then, about two weeks later, I got a call from a strange number. It turned out to be the same lady. She told me she was pregnant and said I didn’t need to worry, that she only needed money to take care of it.

Oh

Dehinde: Part of me felt like I should have just sent the money and let it end there. But something pushed me to tell Busola first. We were already in our third year of marriage without our own child. As strange as it sounds, hearing that this woman was pregnant felt like confirmation for me that whatever was happening wasn’t necessarily on my side. So I went to her pastor and told him everything.

Curious. Why go through the pastor instead of telling her directly?

Dehinde: I needed someone else in the room. I鈥檇 stepped out and gotten another lady pregnant. I knew I鈥檇 deeply broken her trust and  didn鈥檛 know how to confront her alone. The pastor married us, so he felt like the right person. With him, I knew we also wouldn鈥檛 have to worry about our families hearing about what was going on in our home.

Right. So how did the conversation go? 

Busola: The moment the pastor showed up unannounced, I already sensed something was wrong. He doesn’t visit without a heads up. Once he explained what Dehinde had told him, I just sat down there. I didn’t cry or make a scene. I just said plainly that the lady couldn’t carry the pregnancy to term. I remember the pastor looking a bit surprised at how calm I was.

Dehinde: Her reaction threw me off a little. I’d expected her to yell or even walk out on me. She wasn’t dramatic about it at all, but she was very firm that the pregnancy couldn鈥檛 stay. She said it almost as if she were stating a fact, not a demand. I sent the money not long after, and that was the end of that issue, at least on the surface.

Busola, what was going through your mind at the time?聽

Busola: I was hurt that he would even step out. But, oddly enough, I also felt a strange sense of relief that he was fine, health-wise. I should mention that all this time, we鈥檇 not really been committed to fertility treatments. We refused to let external pressure make us feel like something was wrong. Again, this was just our third year.聽 So for me, it was like, no matter how his actions hurt, I knew he was fine.

Whatever emotions I felt were internal. Almost like I now had to figure out if I was fine. Why did someone else get pregnant so easily when we鈥檇 been trying, and nothing happened?

Was this why you stepped out, Dehinde?聽

Dehinde: It was purely coincidental.

Got it. Did your relationship feel different after this rough patch?

Busola: It did. We grew distant. We didn’t talk about it much because we didn’t want to give our families any reason to get involved. If word got out, it would have only added fuel to a fire we were already trying to douse. We kept up appearances at necessary family functions and barely said much to each other at home.

Dehinde: For about a year, it genuinely felt like we were living like strangers under the same roof. We still had a physical relationship, but it lacked the connection we once had. On top of that,  we鈥檇 started going for fertility treatments, both traditional and hospital-based, trying to figure out what was actually going on. Some weeks we’d go to the hospital for tests, other times my mother would insist we see someone she knew back home. We tried it all just to see what works.

Did the affair come up again between you during that period?

Busola: Not really. He’d told me it was a one-time mistake, and whether or not I could ever fully verify that, I believed him. 

Dehinde: I constantly reassured her that nothing like that had happened again, because it hadn’t. It was a mistake I regretted immediately, and I was determined never to put us in that position again. 

So, where are things now, after eight years of marriage?

Dehinde: We’re in a good place. We’ve built a lot together 鈥� careers, a home and a life we’re both proud of. We still don’t have a child of our own, but we’ve stopped letting that define how we see our marriage. There was a period where every conversation somehow circled back to it, but these days we’re able to talk about other things, plan for other things, without that hanging over every discussion.

Busola: We’re still trusting God with it. We’re still fairly young, so we haven’t lost hope. But even if it doesn’t happen the way we originally imagined, we know we’ll be fine. We’ve proven that to ourselves already, through everything we’ve survived together. I used to think a child would make our marriage complete, but I’ve come to see that we’re already whole as we are.

Have you ever talked about what things might look like if you’d kept that pregnancy and raised the child together?

Dehinde: We have, actually. We wonder what it would have looked like to raise that child, especially now that so many years have passed without one of our own coming along.

Busola: We don’t dwell on it for long, though. We made the decision, based on where we both were emotionally, and we’ve made peace with it. Bringing another woman’s child into the marriage in the middle of everything would have been a lot, and I’m not sure either of us could have handled it well back then.

What’s the best thing about being with each other after everything you’ve been through?

Busola: Dehinde is dependable. Even through the hardest parts of our marriage, he never gave up on us, and I never gave up on us either. I know exactly who I’m dealing with, for better or worse, and I like that level of certainty. He鈥檚 not perfect, but I鈥檓 able to tolerate his imperfections, just like he tolerates mine.

Dehinde: My wife is stronger than she gives herself credit for. I don’t take our love for granted. A lot of marriages wouldn鈥檛 have survived what ours went through, and I think about that often.

If you want to share your own Love Life story, fill out this聽.

On a scale of 1 to 10, how would you rate your love life?

Dehinde: I’d say a 9. We’ve been through real tests, not just the small everyday disagreements, but something that could have ended a lot of marriages. The fact that we’re still here tells me we made the right choice in each other. 

Busola: I’ll also say an 8. We’re not a perfect couple, and we’ve had our share of pain, but we’re growing together, doing life together, and whatever happens with the child situation, I know we’ll handle it as a team. Eight years in, I still choose him, and I believe he still chooses me, too.

 *Names have been changed to protect the identity of the subjects.

If you鈥檝e enjoyed reading Love Life, our flagship series on love, heartbreak, and relationships, we have exciting news. We鈥檝e partnered with Cassava Republic to publish a book based on the flagship. Coming January 2026, it鈥檚 about to be your favourite book.

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On this week鈥檚 Love Life, they talk about falling in love after just two meetings, taking the 鈥榰npopular鈥� decision to move in together less than three months later, and how Sarah鈥檚 fear of depending on a man almost destroyed the healthiest relationship she鈥檇 ever known.

If you want to share your own Love Life story, fill out this聽.

What鈥檚 your earliest memory of each other?

Sarah: November 2025. A mutual friend matched us after I shared on WhatsApp that my mum was pressuring me to get married. She reached out and said, 鈥淚 actually know someone if you鈥檙e serious. He鈥檚 a lawyer and a really nice guy.鈥�

I told her I was interested, as long as he wasn鈥檛 a player, and she assured me he wasn鈥檛. When Demola texted me, the first thing I noticed was his profile picture. It was a line from a poem. I鈥檓 a poet, and I immediately became curious. I actually thought he was trying to impress me, so instead of replying to his greeting, I asked about the poem.

Demola: It was a quote from Interstellar: 鈥淒o not go gentle into that good night鈥︹�� I鈥檇 had it on my profile picture for years because it means a lot to me.

Sarah: He talked about the poem, and I realised he wasn鈥檛 trying to impress me at all. The backstory was fascinating, which impressed me.

Demola: But yes, my earliest memory also starts with our mutual friend. At that point, I was laser-focused on myself. Then, out of nowhere, our friend tells me she knows someone I鈥檇 like. I kept saying I didn鈥檛 want wahala because I was perfectly happy being single. But she convinced me to send Sarah a message and even shared her Instagram.

I did a little stalking first. She looked exactly like my type. I liked her job and how she carried herself in her videos. I kept trying to convince myself not to text, but before I knew it, I鈥檇 landed in her DMs and was explaining my profile picture.

Screaming. So how did things progress from there?

Sarah: We kept talking because I found him interesting. I was in the middle of organising my first book launch, so I wasn鈥檛 always available. But whenever we spoke properly, we鈥檇 spend hours talking about our work, values, faith, and the lives we wanted.

One thing that stood out was how emotionally open he was. He sent these ridiculously long voice notes and never avoided difficult conversations. Even when I鈥檇 disappear for days, he鈥檇 simply check in without making me feel guilty.

Demola: I鈥檒l say we both knew what it was from the jump. By the second day, we鈥檇 already agreed we weren鈥檛 interested in wasting each other鈥檚 time. I came in with very strong, 鈥淚鈥檓 here to woo you鈥� energy, and that honesty helped us move quickly.

Sarah: Somewhere in the middle of all that, I invited him to my book launch and asked him to bring cake.

How did that first physical meeting go?

Sarah: First of all, he showed up carrying two cakes. I always joke that the moment I saw him struggling through the door with both cakes, I thought, 鈥淎h. I don catch am.鈥� It was incredibly sweet.

Demola: She barely had time for me because she was running the event, but I knew I had to be there. She was leaving for Nigeria almost immediately, and I felt that if we didn鈥檛 meet before she travelled, we鈥檇 lose whatever momentum we鈥檇 built. 

Sarah already had this 鈥淚 enjoy my own company鈥� energy. She sometimes took forever to reply to messages. Imagine adding another continent to the equation.

Sarah: Even though I remember the cake moment, I don鈥檛 think the first meeting at my book launch registered. I was super busy and nervous, and we barely had time to talk. 

The meeting that really mattered happened the next day.

Tell me about this second meeting.

Sarah: It was at Heathrow Airport the day after my book launch. I was flying back to Nigeria and planned to stay for about three months. Demola didn鈥檛 want me to leave without seeing me again, so he waited for me at the airport.

It was such a hectic day. I spent almost four hours travelling from the West Midlands to London with two huge suitcases and was already irritated by all the travel-day wahala. We kept texting, and I kept asking him to go home because I wouldn鈥檛 get to the airport until 7 p.m. My flight wasn鈥檛 until 10 p.m., but I felt he鈥檇 be waiting for nothing. When I finally arrived, we grabbed coffee and talked for about an hour before I boarded my flight.

What did you guys talk about?

Sarah: We just went on reestablishing things we already knew about each other. I told him about writing and publishing my book, what I planned to do in Nigeria, and he told me about work and his December plans. I just really enjoyed talking to him. I laughed a lot, and a lot. I suddenly didn鈥檛 want to catch my flight. 

Demola: I think she really fell for me at the airport.

Was this why you insisted on meeting again before she travelled?

Demola: In a way, yes. As I mentioned earlier, even from just texting, I had a strong feeling that Sarah was my person. I knew the potential for something beautiful was there. Meeting her at the book launch confirmed it. But I also knew that if she flew to Nigeria without us spending proper time together, we鈥檇 probably lose the momentum. I didn鈥檛 want that; I wanted her that much. And I was right, that second meeting changed everything.

Neat. What happened once you got to Nigeria, Sarah?

Sarah: The wooing became intense. Two days after I arrived, he sent me flowers. A week later, he sent me cake, and it wasn鈥檛 even my birthday. We talked from morning till night. Everywhere I went, my face was buried in my phone. Everyone around me asked what kind of lawyer had this much free time.

The more we talked, the deeper things became. We still hadn鈥檛 put a label, but I already loved how we saw the world. He didn鈥檛 have the typical 鈥渨omen should be submissive鈥� mindset. We agreed on religion, society, politics, and almost everything.

Demola: I鈥檇 say she became much more enthusiastic, too. Before long, we were already talking about love and what a future together could look like.

Sarah: I should note that at this point, I was talking to another guy who also lives in the UK.  He was in Nigeria for Detty December, and I had plans with him.

Wait, what?

Sarah: Yes. We鈥檇 made plans for him to show me around Lagos. But the closer the trip got, the more uneasy I felt. 

So I asked Demola. 

I said to him very frankly, 鈥淚 plan to go to Lagos for a week to spend time with this other guy that I鈥檓 talking to. Would you be okay with that?鈥�

Demola: I didn鈥檛 even know there was another guy until she mentioned it. Normally, I鈥檇 have said, 鈥淒o whatever you want.鈥� That鈥檚 usually how I am. But this time, I couldn鈥檛.

I told her not to go because I really liked her. I even promised that if she waited, I鈥檇 take her to Lagos myself the following year and we鈥檇 do everything she planned to do with the other guy.

Sarah: That was exactly what I needed to hear. If he had said I should do whatever, it would have ended things for me. I hate nonchalance. The funny thing is, I鈥檇 already decided I didn鈥檛 want to go. I just wanted to know if he cared enough to fight for me.

Demola: I think it was her way of asking me to show that I was serious.

Sweet. So when did you guys become official?

Sarah: We were already acting like a couple, but I wanted him to actually ask.

Demola: I ended up asking twice 鈥� first over a conversation that ended up in her asking when I would ask her. I wanted to do it in person, but Sarah wasn鈥檛 having it, so I asked anyway.

Then later, after she鈥檇 returned to the UK, I cooked dinner and attempted to write 鈥淏e my girlfriend鈥� on a plate with chocolate syrup. It looked terrible.

Sarah: I didn鈥檛 think it was pathetic at all. I actually loved it. My Instagram followers thought it was sweet. We became official in December 2025.

Awesome. What were the early days of the relationship like?

Sarah: Things moved very quickly. I鈥檇 originally planned to stay in Nigeria for three months because I鈥檇 sublet my UK apartment. But the more we talked, the more we started discussing my returning earlier. When I mentioned I wouldn鈥檛 have anywhere to stay, he simply suggested that I move in with him.

It sounded completely crazy. We鈥檇 only met twice and had known each other for less than two months. Still, something about him made me feel safe enough to take the leap. Against all good advice from family and friends, I bit the bullet and returned to the UK.

Demola: We both knew moving in together so early was unusual, but there was a lot of reassurance on both sides. I told her if living together didn鈥檛 work out, I鈥檇 still make sure she was okay. But it was still a massive leap of faith for her. Anyone can make promises. Whether they keep them is another matter.

Sarah: Those first weeks of living together were really difficult; definitely not what we both bargained for. The 鈥榟oneymoon鈥� phase disappeared almost immediately.

I was living with a man I barely knew while dealing with visa issues that meant I couldn鈥檛 work. He knew this though; it was part of why I鈥檇 returned to Nigeria, to catch a break from UK wahala. I was moody all the time. I became withdrawn. We鈥檇 also agreed not to have sex until we were both completely sure, so that wasn鈥檛 part of the relationship either. Then my friends started getting into my head.

What were they saying?

Sarah: It was the usual. I was trusting a man I didn鈥檛 know. The UK is dangerous, and I had no family here. It was risky to put my life in someone else鈥檚 hands. That he鈥檇 eventually throw me out because we weren鈥檛 sleeping together, and I鈥檇 end up stranded and regret leaving Nigeria early.

Meanwhile, Demola was doing everything he could to make me comfortable. I couldn鈥檛 cook. I hated house chores. He knew all of that before I moved in, but I still felt guilty watching him cook, clean and take care of me while I lay around feeling miserable. It was like all the love I鈥檇 felt disappeared beneath layers of fear. I became angry all the time. I鈥檇 shout at him. Whenever we鈥檇 argue, I鈥檇 threaten to leave even though I had nowhere else to go.

At one point, he even offered to buy me a ticket back to Nigeria or move into a friend鈥檚 apartment so I could keep staying in his place until I got mine back.

What was this period like for you, Demola? 

Demola: Oh, those days were rough. The excitement died down really quickly. I鈥檇 imagined welcoming the woman I loved into my life. Instead, it felt like I was living with someone completely different from the person I鈥檇 spent weeks talking to.

We barely had any real conversation. Still, I knew she was struggling, so I focused on making sure she was okay.

I kept reminding her that her work situation wasn鈥檛 a problem. Not cooking or doing the house chores wasn鈥檛 a problem. None of those things mattered to me. But she still carried herself like she was a burden. She was always quiet and passive, almost as if she felt stranded in my house. 

Even my lifelines didn鈥檛 help. I offered to send her back to Nigeria, to leave my apartment for her until she got hers. Nothing worked. Eventually, I started wondering whether she鈥檇 arrived and realised I wasn鈥檛 the person she鈥檇 imagined.

Sarah: I should mention that I鈥檇 also never lived with a man before, so I was caught between feeling guilty for depending on him and angry that I鈥檇 left Nigeria earlier than I wanted. It was a very confusing time for me. I knew I wanted to be with him, but I didn鈥檛 know how.

But did you share these worries with Demola?

Sarah: I did. He was very reassuring. He told me over and over that I wasn鈥檛 a burden. He spoiled me with gifts. He was eager to make me comfortable. If I so much as smiled at something, he got it for me. We slowly filled the apartment with my things until it started feeling like home. He never stopped looking for solutions. The problem was that none of those things fixed what was happening inside me. I鈥檇 be happy one minute, then sink back into sadness the next. Eventually, it affected him too. He started walking on eggshells around me.

Was this why you suggested moving out, Demola?

Demola: Not at all. I just wanted her to be fine. They were safety nets I鈥檇 promised in case she arrived, and things were different, and I wanted her to know they still stood.

So how long did this phase last?

Sarah: Almost two months, and winter definitely didn鈥檛 help. But somewhere in all of that, I realised I didn鈥檛 actually want to leave. Even in those dark times, we still had some good moments. Those moments reinforced why I loved this person and wanted to be with him. I鈥檇 never met anyone like him before. He genuinely took care of me. We both wanted the same future. Neither of us wanted children. We both hated the patriarchy. He loved that I was creative, and I loved that he was a lawyer. He cooked and didn鈥檛 mind that I didn鈥檛. He was also very reassuring. It was literally my dream man right in front of me. I was determined to fight for us till the end. It was really difficult, but I started to come around. 

What changed?

Sarah: I finally recognised my subconscious bias was keeping me in that state. A part of me couldn鈥檛 believe I deserved something this good, so I kept waiting for it to be snatched from me. In the end, things started to work out on their own when I began to trust our relationship more. Trust that it was ours, and no matter if it felt too good to be true, I was here now, and I had what I wanted. 

Looking back, Demola, what convinced you to keep holding on?

Demola: As she said, we had our good days in between. She鈥檇 tell me how much she loved me and how she still wanted us to work. I also made more of an effort to step into her world. We used to joke about having completely different interests, but I started embracing the things she loved. It brought us closer.

Sarah: I always told him exactly what was happening in my head, even when I didn鈥檛 understand it myself. I just kept asking him to be patient with me.

Demola: I think we鈥檝e come a long way, and our love is stronger than ever, really. Those first few months taught me silence. I鈥檇 always wanted to tell Sarah everything. Back then, I learnt to hold back because it wasn鈥檛 the time. Now we鈥檙e in a much healthier place, and I鈥檓 actually having to unlearn that silence because she wants to share everything with me. I wouldn鈥檛 trade that for anything.

Fair enough. What鈥檚 the best thing about being with each other?

Demola: Sarah has made me love life more. That鈥檚 the simplest way to say it. I notice things I would have walked past before I met her. My inner child is more alive than it has been in a long time. She has a perspective on the world that I鈥檇 genuinely never encountered before, and it has expanded how I think about everything. Being around someone that sharp and original in how they see things makes you want to be a better version of yourself 鈥� if only to just to keep up. I am more intentional about what matters to me than I have ever been in my life.

Sarah: Before Demola, I had a lot of fear around men in general. I鈥檓 a feminist. I smoke. I have very questionable shopping habits. These are things the average Nigerian man treats as reasons to withhold love or make you feel like you don鈥檛 deserve good things. In previous relationships, I felt the pressure to hide parts of myself for fear of being judged very harshly for being who I am. 

With Demola, I show up completely as myself. I don鈥檛 have to perform anything. My nervous system is calm in a way it has never been. We are together almost all the time, or he is at work, and I have no anxiety about what he is doing. I have never had that with anyone. When my friends try to worry me, I just tell them that my gut being this relaxed is how I know I made the right choice.

On a scale of 1 to 10, how would you rate your love life?

Demola: 10. We are both committed to being better for each other, and we genuinely just want to see each other happy. She is the most beautiful, most intelligent woman I could ask for.

Sarah: 8. We鈥檙e in a good place. The minus two is for the fracture that those early months created, which still shows up sometimes when we quarrel or fight. But we both recognise the problem, and we鈥檙e working through it together. We鈥檙e a very good team

 *Names have been changed to protect the identity of the subjects.

If you鈥檝e enjoyed reading Love Life, our flagship series on love, heartbreak, and relationships, we have exciting news. We鈥檝e partnered with Cassava Republic to publish a book based on the flagship. Coming January 2026, it鈥檚 about to be your favourite book.

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On this week’s Love Life, they talk about the dinner date that forced him to make a move, and a hot air balloon proposal 100 feet in the air that she almost ruined by finding the ring first.

If you want to share your own Love Life story, fill out this聽.

What’s your earliest memory of each other?

Adeoye: It was May 2021, and the one memory I held onto was when I saw her fleet. She had posted one from Landmark Beach, and she looked really good. I reacted to it and told her she was pretty. She said thank you, and the conversation ended there, but I couldn鈥檛 get her off my mind. 

Before this interaction, I鈥檇 seen some of her tweets on the timeline and always thought she was really relatable. 

I texted again a couple of days later, properly this time. We鈥檝e spoken every single day since.

Adebola: My earliest memory of Adeoye is from when I was 13. My best friend in church was his secondary school classmate, and she used to come to church every Sunday with gist about her classmates. So I knew of him from a considerable distance. Then, somehow, we both ended up at UNILAG. I saw him around a few times, but we barely had any interaction. I even followed him on Instagram, but he didn鈥檛 follow back.

Adeoye: It鈥檚 interesting she mentioned seeing me in UNILAG. She was there the whole time, and I had no idea.

Adebola: Anyway, when he reacted to my Twitter fleet in 2021, I already had an idea of who he was. He didn鈥檛 know that, though.

Curious though, did you like him from the jump? Was that why you also followed him on IG? 

Adebola: In a way, yes. I鈥檇 just come out of a really toxic relationship the previous year, and I鈥檇 made up my mind to take a long break from dating. I was talking to a few people casually, but nothing was going anywhere. Then Adeoye texted, he seemed different from the very first conversation. He was easy to talk to. I thought,聽 鈥淥kay, this might be something.鈥�

But I wasn鈥檛 about to rush into anything.

Adeoye: For me, I shot my shot from day one. I didn鈥檛 come and say I just wanted to be friends and then slowly worked my way up to admitting I liked her. I told her she was really pretty from the first proper conversation. But I also had context for why I wasn鈥檛 just looking for another talking stage. 

Earlier that year, I鈥檇 been with someone who had a long-term boyfriend, and I was essentially the side piece. When I left that situation, one of the things I literally prayed for was my own person. Someone I didn鈥檛 have to share with anyone. So when I met Adebola, I already knew what I was looking for, and she felt like the answer to that prayer from very early.

Nice. So how did things move after that first Twitter conversation?

Adeoye: Within the same week, I invited her to my birthday party at my aunt’s place.  When she walked in and sat down in the middle of everyone, she was on a completely different level. She looked prettier than everyone else. Adebola was just a different breed.

Adebola: Honestly, I had absolutely no idea any of this was going on in his head. I thought I was just going to a birthday party with a new friend. But he clearly had a mission.

Adeoye: A few days after the party, I asked her out on a proper date. We went to Papiee鈥檚 Meastro in Yaba on the 29th of May. That was when the conversation moved from surface level to something real. I asked about her family, her background, who she is, what she wants and all of that. I was genuinely trying to find out if she was who I thought she was. The date confirmed it.

Adebola: From the very beginning, he was clear that he liked me. He wasn’t playing the friendship game or being ambiguous. He shot his shot immediately, and I appreciated that because it meant I knew where I stood.

So what happened next? Did you guys make things official?

Adeoye: After our date,  things just kept escalating naturally. We were speaking every day. Our conversations got deeper and deeper. I remember thinking at some point, 鈥漁kay, this is definitely more than just casual interest.鈥� I was spending all my time thinking about her, looking forward to our conversations, and making time for her in my schedule no matter what. She was still in school, and I was doing NYSC while working a side job to survive. Quietly, I was also clearing out. I鈥檇 been talking to other people when we first started, but I began cutting them off one by one because even without a label between us, I already knew where I wanted to put my energy. 

Adebola: For me, it was gradual, too. The daily conversations, the way he was consistent, the way he made me feel safe to be vulnerable 鈥� all of that built up over time. I went from thinking he was just some guy who liked me to realising I actually wanted to build something with him. Once I realised that, I was all in. 

Adeoye: Then I found out she had gone on a date, and everything moved faster.

Wait, what? How did you find that out?

Adeoye: She posted a picture of a space on her Instagram story. Something about it told me it was a restaurant. I’m a culture commentator, and investigative work is part of what I do. I dug around, confirmed it was a restaurant, and then she posted the food later. I knew immediately it was a dinner date. She hadn鈥檛 mentioned going anywhere that day, and at that point, we were sharing our day-to-day with each other. So I knew.

Adebola: For context, it was someone I had talked to before Adeoye. He had promised to take me out for my birthday in March but only followed through in June. So to me, it was a late birthday lunch with no romantic intent on my side. I didn鈥檛 think it needed an announcement.

Hmmm

Adeoye: I understood all of that later. But in the moment, seeing it was the push I needed. I wasn鈥檛 even upset. I thought, 鈥淥kay, this girl is smart. She isn鈥檛 going to sit around waiting for me to figure myself out.鈥�

 So I started plotting. I told my friends I was going to ask her to be my girlfriend. I booked Pondicheri, an Indian restaurant with a great upstairs spot. I deliberately picked the 1st of July because I鈥檓 terrible with dates, and I figured having it on the 1st would make it easy to remember.

Adebola: He says the 2nd, but it鈥檚 actually 1st. He鈥檚 still super bad with dates. Nothing has changed.

Adeoye: Anyway, she said yes. That鈥檚 all that matters.

If you insist. What were the early days of the relationship like?

Adeoye: Interesting times. My NYSC stipend was 鈧�33k, and my job was paying 鈧�60k, so I was living on roughly 鈧�80k a month. At the time, you could take someone on a proper date, even on the island, for about 鈧�40k. So we were going out once a month, seeing each other on weekends, and talking every day. It was a good period. We were also trying to get into each other’s worlds by watching each other’s shows. I watched three and a half seasons of Insecure just for her.

Adebola: I鈥檝e still not gotten past episode 10 of Demon Slayer. Like he says, the early days were beautiful. We were growing as friends and lovers, learning more about each other. But that period also came with navigating friction around some issues.聽

Oh. What issues?

Adeoye: She had a female friend I wasn鈥檛 comfortable with. It wasn鈥檛 like I had any problem with the lady herself; it was more the things she would do. She鈥檇 put Adebola’s head on her lap on Snapchat, kiss her on camera, post it and tag her. I think she felt like she was in some kind of competition with me. Adebola and I had started dating, and I think the friend felt that our relationship was pulling her away.

Adebola: In my head at the time, that was just how we鈥檇 always been as friends. We were best friends and very close, so when Adeoye started expressing his reservations, I got defensive. I felt like he was trying to control who I could spend time with. In hindsight, though, I could see it was getting weird, especially when she started posting throwbacks of those things years later, long after I had already told her he was not comfortable with it. That was when I understood it was intentional.

Adeoye: We fought about it a few times. She was defensive, and I was frustrated. But I never asked her to cut anyone off. I just needed her to see what I was seeing. Eventually, she saw it herself, and that friendship fizzled out on its own.

Adebola: The bigger thing for me in those early days was learning not to go on the defensive every time he raised an issue. Every relationship I鈥檇 been in before came with insults the moment there was any conflict. So when Adeoye would bring something to me calmly and just explain where he was coming from, I didn鈥檛 know how to receive it. I kept waiting for the blow-up. I kept thinking, okay, here it comes. But it never did. Once I realised that is actually just who he is, I started hearing what he was saying instead of preparing my counter-argument. And it helped us navigate our issues easily. But life was still lifing, we still had other real-life issues that got thrown our way.

What do you mean?

Adeoye: I mean, it was just the typical life getting harder before it got better. NYSC finished, I quit the job, and I went into music production full-time. That period was rough. I was going to artists’ camps for days at a stretch. Three days at one camp with nothing but alcohol and plantain chips. No real food. Guys promising payments and going quiet. I eventually took a full year off from the media space to figure out my next move. We weren鈥檛 going on dates for months because where was the money?

Adebola: I watched all of it up close. Even when the music was not working, even during the months when nothing was clicking, he never stopped pushing. Watching someone be that consistent made me want to do the same. Before I met him, I鈥檇 already been to culinary school in 2020, but I had no real sense of direction. I knew I wanted to cook, but I had no idea how to build something from it. He kept encouraging me and helping me think through how to approach it strategically. I went back to culinary school in 2022. After that, I got a job as a kitchen assistant, worked my way up to chef, then moved through restaurants. All of that happened inside this relationship, and he had a lot to do with why I actually went and did it.

Adeoye: While she was building all of that, things eventually started clicking for me too. I started making content on TikTok, found my lane as a culture commentator, and it grew from there. But through all the years when nothing was working, she never once made me feel small about it. She was always the loudest person in my corner.

Through these challenges, how were you convinced love was still in the room?

Adebola: Speaking of love, I actually said the word first. I remember we鈥檇 spent a really good day together, and I was on my way home when I texted him that I thought I loved him. This was about two weeks into the relationship.

Two weeks?

Adebola: I know. But that is just how I am. He, however, said he didn鈥檛 love me yet but could feel himself falling, and that he wanted to be sure before he said it. That hurt in the moment. But he was right.

Adeoye: I genuinely couldn鈥檛 say it and mean it at that point. Earlier that same year, I鈥檇 been saying those words to someone else, and it turned out to mean very little. I didn鈥檛 want to do that with Adebola. I needed to be sure I was saying it from a real place, not just because the moment felt good. I said it about three weeks into the relationship. 

But back to your question, it was very hard to doubt the love when we were both cheering so hard for each other, even when we could no longer go on fancy dates. We鈥檇 built something very genuine from the start of the relationship, and that really defined what the future of the relationship could look like. 

Adebola: Looking back, I appreciate that he didn鈥檛 just confess love to save the moment. It made me stop and ask myself whether I actually loved him or whether I just really liked him and was swept up in the newness of everything. It made the whole thing our foundation solid.

Neat. And at what point did you know you wanted to spend the rest of your lives with each other? 

Adeoye: My aunt planted the seed. She had family in the UK, and when she came back towards the end of 2024, she sat me down and asked when I was going to propose. In my head, I still felt like certain things needed to be in place before I could take that step. Financially, I was not where I wanted to be. But she helped me see that life doesn鈥檛 have to be perfect before you make that move. So by late December 2024, I鈥檇 made up my mind. I told my mum and my sister first, then a few more people slowly. I got the ring in October 2025.

October? Why was there such a long gap before the proposal?

Adeoye: I was broke. The magazine I was managing wasn鈥檛 paying what it should have been. I resigned in March last year and went through a dry spell while I was building my own thing. Money started coming in eventually. I took a loan from a family member, sorted the ring, and started planning for May, which is my birthday month.

Adebola: What he didn鈥檛 know was that I鈥檇 already found the ring in March. His sister had just moved out, and I went into the room to see what it looked like without her things. I opened her wardrobe and found a box. I opened it and saw a ring. I completely freaked out and ran to tell my friend. My friend immediately told him. So he went and hid it somewhere else. But I鈥檇 already seen it and had an idea he was about to pop the question.

Adeoye: She is extremely nosy. I cannot stress this enough. Planning a proposal while spending most of my time with this woman was the most stressful experience of my life. I couldn鈥檛 text anyone without her asking what I was laughing at. I had to coordinate everything through her friends because the moment I was on my phone for too long, she would start asking questions.

Screaming. So how did the actual proposal go?

Adeoye: I saw a post about a hot air balloon experience at Heineken on Instagram, and I just imagined how special it would be to ask her out thousands of feet in the air. I reached out, sorted everything out, and had it on lock. 

On the morning of the proposal, I woke her up at 5 a.m. I鈥檇 already made sure her nails and her hair had been done earlier that week. I bought a plain white t-shirt and plain jeans because I wanted her to be the one everyone noticed, not me. Her friends handled all the coordination with the venue, so I didn鈥檛 have to be on my phone around her. 

Adebola: I genuinely had no idea what was happening. Even after finding the ring two months earlier, I had convinced myself he was just trying to throw me off. He made me do a full face of makeup at five in the morning for what he said was a content job. I wasn鈥檛 happy about it. When we got to the venue, everyone was being unusually nice to me. The engineer on site was smiling at me, and I couldn鈥檛 work out why. They put a mic on Adeoye, and I assumed it was for content. Then we went up, we were a hundred feet in the air in this wobbling balloon, and he turned to me and said there was something he wanted to tell me.

Adeoye: I couldn鈥檛 kneel. We were in a balloon. It was wobbling. I just reached behind my back and brought out the ring.

Adebola: I was completely caught off guard, even though I鈥檇 seen the ring. All the preparation I thought I had done meant nothing in that moment. When we came back down, and I turned around and saw all my girlfriends walking towards me, I burst into tears. That was the part that got me the most. He had thought about everything.

Awwwn. Congratulations, guys. What’s the best thing about being with each other?

Adeoye: Life is just easier with her in it. All the hard years, the music camps with no real food, the months with no income, the stretch where we were not going on dates. I don鈥檛 know how I would have moved through any of that without Adebola genuinely rooting for me. 

Adebola: Being with Adeoye has made me more ambitious, more open, more generous, more myself. I can tell him literally anything that comes to mind, no matter how random, and he will sit with me and talk about it for hours. I have never had that before.

On a scale of 1 to 10, how would you rate your love life?

Adeoye: You cannot put a number on something like this. But if you are forcing me to choose, it is a 10. There鈥檚 nothing I would change.

Adebola: 10. This is the best relationship I have ever been in, and I am genuinely excited about everything that comes next. The wedding, the marriage, all of it. No notes.

If you want to share your own Love Life story, fill out this聽.

If you鈥檝e enjoyed reading Love Life, our flagship series on love, heartbreak, and relationships, we have exciting news. We鈥檝e partnered with Cassava Republic to publish a book based on the flagship. Coming January 2026, it鈥檚 about to be your favourite book.

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Dayo* (29) and Tomisin* (27) met in 2022 when a mutual friend connected them. 

On this week’s Love Life, they talk about how a failed NYSC posting pushed them together, dealing with uneven efforts from one party, and how a phone screenshot almost ended it all.

What’s your earliest memory of each other?

Dayo: We met through a mutual friend in 2022. Our mutual friend referred Tomisin to me because I helped people sort out their NYSC postings. 

From her very first message to me, I could tell she was a warm, chatty person. She easily asked questions and made conversation, even though we had never spoken before. It threw me off because I was in professional mode and wasn’t expecting that energy. I actually had to call my mutual friend and ask her, “Does this girl know me from somewhere?” She said no, that’s just how Tomisin is with people. 

Tomisin: I couldn鈥檛 tell whether he was being professional or just rude. I was doing my best to be friendly and warm, and he was giving me these flat, one-word responses. Like he was just tolerating the conversation. I didn’t know what to do with that. 

I thought, 鈥淥kay, this person is not interested in small talk.鈥�

So I pulled back and just focused on the business at hand. But it was confusing because I鈥檇 heard good things about him from our mutual friend, and the energy did not match.

Screaming. But how did the posting conversation go?

Dayo: It was a disaster, which had never happened to me before. My plug failed, and Tomisin was sent to Edo for camp. She鈥檇 been specific about wanting Lagos, and I gave her my word because I always had a 95% success rate. 

Tomisin: I was devastated. I cried and sent him a heated voice note. My mum was also upset, and she sent him a voice note when he didn鈥檛 pick up our calls. It was a whole thing because this was not what we agreed on. He had assured me that everything was taken care of, and that I鈥檇 be serving in Lagos like I wanted.

Dayo: This was the first time my plug had failed me. I didn鈥檛 even know what to do, and her mum鈥檚 voice note made it worse. She wasn鈥檛 even angry. She just sounded really hurt, like I鈥檇 intentionally put her daughter in harm’s way. 

I explained that I would get her redeployed after camp, but she was already in tears. So I went to her house to meet her and her parents in person. I sat down with them, apologised properly, and promised that the redeployment would happen. Then, on the day she was leaving for camp, I followed her all the way to the park. And before she boarded, I gave her 鈧�20k. 

Oh. Why did you do that?

Dayo: I just felt bad. It wasn’t her fault, and she was going somewhere she hadn’t planned to go. I wanted her to at least have something in her pocket.

Tomisin: That gesture really got me. And while I was in camp, he kept checking on me and even sent more money. That was when I started seeing a different side of him. The professional, dry-response guy was gone, and there was actually a very caring person underneath.

What happened after camp?聽

Dayo: I got her redeployed to Lagos as I promised, and I lowkey thought that would be the end of our interaction. But I found myself texting her and checking on her even after everything was resolved. She was struggling with her PPA placement, so I helped with that, too. And before I knew it, we had built a friendship. I always had one reason to text or call her.聽

Tomisin: It was so funny how he went from this 鈥渙ne-word texter鈥� to constantly being in my DMs. We talked almost every day. And what stood out was that he actually paid attention. If I mentioned in passing that something was bothering me, he would come back to it later and ask how it was going. 

Most people let things like that slide, but not Dayo. I don鈥檛 think I鈥檝e met anyone as attentive as him. 

Nice. So at what point did you realise you liked each other?

Dayo: It was gradual on my end. I started noticing I was going out of my way to reach out to her even when I didn鈥檛 have a reason. I was just looking for excuses to talk to her. But even then, I still wasn鈥檛 sure what the feeling was.

Then, one day, during a conversation with our mutual friend, she mentioned that we鈥檇 actually make a cute couple. I think that was the first time I pictured us together and I couldn鈥檛 get the thought out of my mind. I knew she was single, so I felt it was a done deal in a way. 

Tomisin: I actually wasn鈥檛 trying to date anyone. I had relocation plans, and I didn’t want to get into something that was going to turn into a long-distance relationship. So even though I was starting to like him, I wasn’t going to make any moves. I just let things be.

So who made the move?

Dayo: I did. I asked her out in February 2023. 

Tomisin: I said yes. By that point, I had decided to go with what felt right rather than overthink the relocation thing. He was good to me, and I liked him. So it was a very easy yes. 

What were the early days of the relationship like?

Tomisin: Not the best period of my life. I didn’t have a job at the time. My plans to relocate weren鈥檛 going the way I wanted. Things were generally not looking up, and I was in a low mood for a lot of that period. Dayo was trying his best; he was very generous and showed up in ways I genuinely didn鈥檛 expect. I really appreciated that, but I was just unhappy. It had nothing to do with him.

Dayo: I couldn’t stand seeing her sad. I鈥檇 tried to pull some plug for a job, but it didn鈥檛 work. A part of me felt really frustrated because we were supposed to be in the honeymoon phase of our relationship, but Tomisin was constantly sad and worried. 

At some point, beyond offering words of encouragement and trying to speak on her behalf, I felt I needed to do something about her situation. So I put her on a monthly allowance. I also took her out regularly, making sure she had what she needed for day-to-day life.

My NYSC hustle was going well at that time, and I had forex income on top of it, so I was comfortable enough to do it without feeling the strain.聽

I even had the idea at one point of opening a small breakfast cafe and setting Tomisin up to manage it. That one didn’t work out in the end, but I was thinking about how to set her up properly. 

But then, things slowed down for me financially in 2024. And that was tough.

I鈥檓 sorry. What happened, though?

Dayo: My NYSC plug passed away. So that whole side of my income just stopped. And the forex trading had become slow, too. So the money wasn鈥檛 coming like it used to. Luckily, around that same time, Tomisin had started picking up freelancing and was earning well. So I felt relieved that she wouldn鈥檛 feel the bite after I stopped her monthly allowance. 

But that’s when I also started noticing something about her.

What did you notice?

Dayo: That she is stingy. Not frugal, actually stingy. Before, I鈥檇 always assumed she was disciplined about saving and careful about spending. I respected that. But when I was the one who needed something, I saw what it actually was. I would ask her for as little as 鈧�10 or 鈧�20k, and she would look me in the eye and tell me she didn鈥檛 have it. I knew she was lying. 

Sometimes she would give it, but then she would make sure she collected every kobo back. It was strange to me. My girlfriend, whom I鈥檇 done a lot for when she wasn鈥檛 in a position to do for herself.

Tomisin: I prefer to say I am frugal. I have always been careful about money. I don’t believe in giving it away just because someone asks, unless it is a genuine emergency. That鈥檚 how I was raised and how I operate. Dayo is not the first person in my life to call me stingy. I’ve heard it from people who know me. It doesn鈥檛 offend me because I know my intention is to be responsible with what I have.

But doesn’t that bother you? That your partner calls you stingy?

Tomisin: Not really. I鈥檝e heard it many times. I know who I am with money, and I’m not going to pretend. But I also want to push back on some of what Dayo says. Not everything he calls stinginess is stinginess. Sometimes I genuinely don鈥檛 have money to give, even if there’s a number sitting in my account. Money can be allocated; it can be tied to something; it might not even be entirely mine. He doesn鈥檛 always consider that. Once he believes that I have money, he expects me to splurge or readily give when he asks.

Dayo: I hear that. But when you’ve been with someone, and you’ve done as much as I did for her during the period she was struggling, and then when the tables turn, they’re lying to your face about 鈧�20k, that goes beyond being frugal. 

Did you ever bring up these concerns with her?

Dayo: I did. I sat her down and called her stingy to her face, and like she said, she didn鈥檛 flinch. She basically just said, ” Yes, I know I’m like that.鈥� 

That response shocked me because I came prepared for a real conversation, and she just responded as though it was old news.

Tomisin: I also want to say something else about this. I sometimes genuinely question how broke Dayo actually is when he says he is broke. He鈥檇 say he doesn’t have money, and then the next minute he鈥檚 suggesting a date or doing something that costs money. So it鈥檚 hard for me to know when to take the complaints seriously and when it鈥檚 just a habit of speech. I’m not saying he doesn鈥檛 have moments of need. But the signals are often confusing, which affects how I respond.

Dayo: That鈥檚 because I know how to manage. I still want to make it a good time for us, even when things are tight. That doesn’t mean I’m not genuinely struggling.

So, did you guys ever land on a fix?

Dayo: Not really, it got to a tipping point around March. My car broke down and needed serious repairs. I was looking at about 鈧�500k, which I didn鈥檛 have at the time. So I went to Tomisin and asked if she could l loan me. She said she didn’t have the money. I knew from how she said it that she was lying. I found a way to get into her phone, looked at her account balance, took a screenshot of it and sent it directly to her.

Tomisin: That was a serious violation of my privacy. He went through my phone without my permission, then took screenshots of my bank details and sent them to me like it was a normal thing to do. I don’t care what his reason was or how frustrated he was. That鈥檚 not okay. You don’t go through your partner’s phone, and you definitely don’t screenshot their financial information and use it against them in an argument.

Dayo: I wasn鈥檛 trying to invade her privacy for no reason. I was tired of being lied to. If she had just said, I have the money, but I can鈥檛 loanit right now, I would have accepted that. I wouldn鈥檛 have liked it, but I would have accepted it. What I couldn鈥檛 accept was being looked in the face and told she didn鈥檛 have money when I knew she did. I needed her to stop lying to me.

How did you guys resolve this?

Dayo: We stopped speaking for about two months. No calls or texts, nothing. I think that鈥檚 the longest we have gone without speaking since we got together. It was bad. I was angry and missed her terribly, but I wasn鈥檛 going to reach out. Then she did in May.

Tomisin: I apologised; not for everything, because I still believe he shouldn鈥檛 have gone through my phone. But I apologised for my role in how things escalated. I didn鈥檛 want to lose what we had over a fight about money.

Dayo: But it still hasn’t been properly resolved. I love her and I’m not going anywhere. I just need her to actually work on that aspect. Because it’s not even just with me. I watch her decline her siblings’ requests. She’ll say no to family members very pointedly. And that worries me a lot, especially with someone I plan to build a family with. 

Tomisin, is he right about the family part?

Tomisin: He isn鈥檛 entirely wrong. I鈥檓 the same way with money across the board. It鈥檚 not something I only do with Dayo. My siblings and friends have experienced it. I know it can read as cold or uncaring even when that鈥檚 not my intention. I am not someone who says no because I enjoy saying no. I say no because I have always felt strongly that money has to be treated seriously. But I also recognise that there is a version of being careful with money that crosses into cold-heartedness. I鈥檓 trying to do better. It鈥檚 a work in progress.

Dayo: It makes me think sometimes. Not about whether I love her, because I do. But I think about the bigger picture. Marriage, having children, and going through hard seasons. You can鈥檛 do any of that with a partner who disappears when things are tight. 

You mentioned trying to do better, Tomisin. What steps have you taken?

Tomisin: I now have a budget that I put aside for random requests. So it makes it easier for me to pull from that when anyone comes to me. Even if I can鈥檛 give them all they ask for, I鈥檒l have something for them. With Dayo, I鈥檓 learning to do things a lot more in our relationship. I admit I鈥檝e gotten used to having him play the sole provider role, but these days, I鈥檓 opening my purse a little more.

There are times I freak out, especially when I spend huge sums. For instance, we went to a fancy place for his birthday and spent 鈧�150k. I just kept drawing different scenarios in my head of how that money could have been better utilised. 

I think there’s a version of me that can give more freely. I just need to get there in my own way and at my own pace. It’s not something that changes overnight.

Fair enough. What’s the best thing about being with each other?

Dayo: Everything else, honestly. This money issue is real, and I am not trivialising it. But outside of that, Tomisin is genuinely one of the most enjoyable people I have spent time with. She is funny. She has a way of thinking about things that I find interesting. She went through a genuinely hard period when we first got together, and she didn鈥檛 collapse. She kept pushing. I respect that a lot. 

She makes me want to show up. Even when I have my own problems, I still want to make sure she’s okay. That’s not something I’ve felt with everyone. 

Tomisin: He鈥檚 one of the most caring people I鈥檝e ever met in my life. I know I frustrate him with the money issue, and I know it has caused real damage between us. But I also know that what he has brought to this relationship is something I don鈥檛 take for granted.

On a scale of 1 to 10, how would you rate your love life?

Dayo: 7. We鈥檙e a work in progress, and I think we鈥檝e both been intentional about keeping the relationship going. We might get to a 10 before the end of the year

Tomisin: 7 also. We’re still figuring each other out. But the foundation is solid and we’ll be fine.

If you want to share your own Love Life story, fill out this聽.

If you鈥檝e enjoyed reading Love Life, our flagship series on love, heartbreak, and relationships, we have exciting news. We鈥檝e partnered with Cassava Republic to publish a book based on the flagship. Coming January 2026, it鈥檚 about to be your favourite book.

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Mira (26) and  Tom (30) connected on social media in 2015 but didn’t interact until 2023. 

On this week’s Love Life, they discuss why Mira’s escape plan backfired spectacularly, what it means to build a marriage across continents and cultures, and how faith has kept them together through everything.

If you want to share your own Love Life story, fill out this聽.

What’s your earliest memory of each other?

Tom: We met on social media in 2015. We鈥檇 been following each other for about four years on Instagram and Facebook but barely interacted. We just existed in each other’s feeds, occasionally reacting to each other鈥檚 stories and keeping it moving. 

Then, in 2023, I reacted to something she posted on her Facebook story 鈥� I can鈥檛 even remember what it was 鈥� and she responded. That’s when everything changed.

Mira: Tom鈥檚 account always seemed suspicious because he barely posted anything. I thought it was fake for years. Who has a profile with almost no posts?

At some point, he reacted to my Facebook story, and we started engaging with each other鈥檚 posts. Around the same time, though, I found out he was trying to talk to one of my friends, which I thought was weird. So I ignored him until he came around again in 2023. That鈥檚 when our story really began.

Right. Let鈥檚 talk about that first real interaction in 2023

Tom: It was just a normal conversation.

Mira: Was it normal, though? 

When he reached out again, a part of me felt like, 鈥渙h, this fake account guy鈥�. I wasn’t actively looking for a relationship, but I was open to possibilities. 

I assumed he was in my DMs to flirt so I replied to see where the conversation would go.聽 It was so random, but he started talking about African products. He was telling me how much he loved African black soap, shea butter and cocoa butter. Most people don鈥檛 care about those things the way he did. I remember thinking, “What exactly is this guy talking about?”

 To make sure he was real, I asked him to send me a video. Once he did, I realised he wasn鈥檛 a catfish. But I was still confused about why he cared so much about African products.

Tom: I’ve had a deep interest in African culture since I was young. I remember telling my classmates in Europe that I鈥檇 marry an African. They laughed because there weren鈥檛 any Africans where I lived, but it was something I genuinely wanted. So finding out Mira was African felt like a real connection point for me. Like the universe was saying, “Yes, this is what you’ve been looking for.鈥�

Nice. How did your relationship progress after that first conversation?

Tom: We actually stopped talking for a while and went back to liking each other’s pictures on social media. Then I travelled to Asia for a modelling job, and for some reason, I couldn鈥檛 get Mira out of my mind. So I reached out again. That鈥檚 when we started having video calls and really getting to know each other. 

Mira: We talked for about three consecutive months as friends, and it felt like we鈥檇 never stopped talking at all. It was odd because we’d followed each other for years without talking, and then we suddenly couldn’t stop. 

Tom is a model, so travelling is a huge part of his life. His work also helped him secure a modelling contract in the Philippines, where I lived at the time. So we made plans for him to visit.

Curious, Mira. You mentioned you weren鈥檛 exactly in the headspace for something new. What changed with Tom?

Mira: I saw his pictures and thought, 鈥�Okay, he鈥檚 cute.鈥� But beyond that, he was calm and easy to talk to.

One thing that stood out was how present he was; he replied to messages in record time. I was used to guys taking hours to respond to 鈥渕aintain鈥� some kind of steeze. But that wasn鈥檛 Tom. He responded as soon as my messages came in, and I liked that. Before I knew it, I鈥檇 gone from not being interested in a relationship to wanting to see where things could go between us.

Makes sense. What was it like finally meeting in person?

Top: That was one hilarious moment. I arrived in the Philippines and went straight to the apartment my modelling agency provided. Later, Mira came to see me on her motorbike. The first thing I noticed was how shy she was. She looked like she wanted to turn around and go home.

Mira: I was incredibly nervous and shy. The funny thing is that he didn鈥檛 help matters. He seemed just as panicked, which made me wonder if he wasn鈥檛 happy to see me or if I wasn鈥檛 what he鈥檇 expected.  I was ready to turn around and leave. But I reminded myself that we鈥檇 spent three months talking almost every day. No matter how awkward the moment felt, he was still the same person I鈥檇 been speaking to. So I stayed.

Looking back, I think we were both dealing with first-meeting nerves. Once we got past that, everything felt comfortable again. It was like we鈥檇 known each other for much longer than three months.

Tom: After our first meeting, we started going on dates and spending more time together. Mira stayed with me while I completed my three-month modelling contract in the Philippines.

We鈥檇 already grown so comfortable with each other online that being together in person made everything feel more real. We eventually started dating because it felt natural and right.

Wait, when did you ask her out?

Mira: There wasn鈥檛 a formal 鈥淲ill you be my girlfriend?鈥� moment. We just found ourselves inside a relationship. With Tom, I could be completely myself. He loved me exactly as I was, which meant a lot to me as a Nigerian who grew up in an Asian country. I know how difficult dating can be when you鈥檙e constantly navigating stereotypes and assumptions. Even when I dated other Nigerians, I didn鈥檛 always feel as secure as I did with Tom.

I never felt like I had to second-guess who I was around him, and my feelings naturally grew deeper because of that.

Still, I had to ask questions at some point. Like, 鈥淲hat we have is great, but what are we?鈥� And he was like, 鈥淲e鈥檙e together. We鈥檙e in a relationship.鈥� 

That was towards the end of 2023.

Fair enough. So what happened after you completed your contract, Tom?

Tom: I had to leave the Philippines, which meant we were thrown into a long distance relationship for a year.

It wasn鈥檛 easy, but we stayed consistent. We video-called every day, spent hours talking and remained present in each other鈥檚 lives despite the distance.

Mira: We actually had a conversation in the park before he left. He was completely honest with me. He said he didn鈥檛 know what the future would look like. He wasn鈥檛 from my country, and he was constantly moving around for his modelling career. He couldn鈥檛 promise how things would work long-term.

I was sad because I knew how hard long distance could be. But I trusted God. I believed that if what we had was genuine and real, it would work out regardless of the distance.

So when did you reunite? 

Tom: A year later.  I returned to the Philippines, and  I came back knowing I wanted to marry her.

Mira: I鈥檇 always made it clear that I wanted to date with marriage in mind. I didn鈥檛 want to invest years in anything that wasn鈥檛 going anywhere. Still, I didn鈥檛 expect things to move that quickly.

When he told me he believed I was the right person for him and wanted us to get married, I was shocked. But I said yes immediately. I didn’t need to talk to anyone. I just knew. We鈥檇 communicated so much and spent so much time together, even across distance.

What inspired this decision, Tom? 

Tom: Long distance was incredibly hard. There were temptations, loneliness, moments of doubt and darkness. But our faith kept us together. We called each other every day. We prayed and studied the bible together. We spent a lot of time talking about our beliefs. That spiritual foundation became our anchor. When I came back and saw her, I knew it was time to commit fully. It was time to marry her. 

Mira: Faith played a huge role for me, too. I grew up in a very Christian family, and my parents showed me what faith looked like in practice. As our relationship progressed, I saw Tom become more intentional about his relationship with God. His growth made me feel secure about our future.

I knew that even with the distance and all the challenges we faced, God was with us. That was one of the major reasons I said yes to marrying him.

When did you get married?

Mira: December 2024. My parents were surprised that I was marrying someone who wasn鈥檛 Nigerian, but they never opposed the relationship.

They also saw how intentional Tom was. He called constantly, stayed involved in my life and always showed up for me. They could see he was serious about me. The long distance didn’t worry them because they saw his commitment was genuine.

Tom: My parents were separated at that time, so the wedding logistics were complicated. But we had them on a video call during the ceremony.聽

The wedding itself was beautiful. I had to wear traditional Nigerian attire and do the traditional Nigerian wedding dances and customs. Her family made me go down on the floor and say all sorts of things in Yoruba. It was all new for me and I was nervous about it. But it was fun. I enjoyed it. I loved wearing the outfit and experiencing her culture directly. It was one of the best days of my life.

What were the early days of marriage like?

Tom: Everything was fine at first, but we quickly realised marriage was different from dating. 

Mira: The first year particularly wasn’t easy, and it had nothing to do with our marriage. We didn’t have issues transitioning to living together or adjusting to each other, but I had some unexpected health issues that made it hard for me to be present the way I wanted.

Beyond that, there were huge practical challenges. Long distance is great when you’re dating, but when you’re married, you’re suddenly thinking about where to settle, how to build a life together, nd where to have kids. 

His job requires constant travel. If he stops, he has to start over in a completely new field. And as an interracial couple, finding a place to settle with all the immigration paperwork and requirements is complicated. Instead of enjoying a honeymoon phase, we spent a lot of time figuring out logistics. 

Tom: The good thing is that those challenges never affected our marriage itself.  We never got to a point where the external challenges affected our love or made us want to leave. We kept communicating, praying and working through things together. And things got better over time. We stopped fighting our circumstances and accepted that long distance, travel and cultural differences would always be part of our story.

What were some specific challenges you had to work through?

Mira: The biggest challenge was figuring out where to build our life. We both didn’t grow up in one place. Tom left Europe when he was 18 to model. I grew up in the Philippines, not Nigeria. So we didn’t have a home country to return to together. That was complicated.

Finding a place where we could legally settle with all the paperwork was hard. Eventually, we chose Europe because my passport is stronger. But that meant both of us had to adjust to a new culture.

We also had differences in how we organise things. Tom is extremely organised. He obsesses about where everything is placed. If something is missing, even something as small as a pair of socks, he needs to know exactly where it is. I’m the complete opposite. I just throw my things anywhere. If I can’t find a pair of socks, I’ll just buy another one. Why stress about a pair when I can just get new ones? For him, that’s torture. He would obsess about finding that specific pair of socks. We argued about that a lot in the beginning. 

But here’s the thing that really got me. I thought I married outside of Nigerian culture to escape certain expectations. Then I found out he wants me to cook African food more than any Nigerian guy probably would want.

Tom: Yes, I really love African food. I grew up dreaming about African culture, about marrying an African woman, and experiencing African traditions. Now that I’m married to Mira, I want to experience all of it, including the food. I want her to cook jollof rice, fufu, and all these traditional meals. But I’m also learning to cook some of it myself. Her mum also helps out a lot.

Mira: I was so frustrated because I grew up in the Philippines. I’m not the best cook when it comes to African food. I don’t even eat some of these meals because I don’t know how to cook them properly. I remember thinking, ” Oh, wow, I thought I escaped the matrix鈥�. But here I am, married to a white European guy who wants jollof rice and fufu more than I do. It was ironic. 

Screaming. 

Mira: I think it鈥檚 all about making compromises. My mum cooks real African food for him. Sometimes we go to African restaurants.  Sometimes he gets to eat at my aunt’s house. And I’ve learned to cook some simple things. We figured it out.

Speaking of Tom鈥檚 job, did you ever struggle with jealousy or insecurity, Mira?

Mira: Absolutely. During the long-distance stage, it was hard not to overthink. The modelling industry is full of beautiful women, and I sometimes wondered whether he鈥檇 eventually find someone better. I remember him casually mentioning that one of his colleagues was pretty, and I spent far too much time thinking about it afterwards. But Tom is very honest. He doesn鈥檛 talk about other women in a way that makes me uncomfortable. And I realised that I’m also beautiful. 

Plus, I know him. If he wanted to be with someone else, he would just tell me directly. He would never cheat. He’s not wired that way. Once I realised that, I stopped overthinking. I trusted him, and it鈥檚 worked out.

Sweet. What鈥檚 the best thing about being with each other?

Tom: For me, it鈥檚 finding someone I can talk to about everything. Mira鈥檚 not only my partner; she鈥檚 also my best friend. We know everything about each other. There are no secrets or walls between us. And I love that about her. I love that about us.

Mira: Tom is present. Even during our year of long distance, he was always there for me. He’s loyal, honest and vulnerable. He’s not afraid to show his emotions or be strong when I need him. I love that balance. And the best part is that we’re helping each other become better versions of ourselves. We’re growing together spiritually, emotionally, in every way.

By December, our marriage will be two years. And we have some big news that we’re excited to share. 

Oh?

I’m pregnant. We’re going to have a baby soon. I feel like God made him to be my partner in this life.

Congratulations, guys. Excited for you. On a scale of 1 to 10, how would you rate your love life?

Mira: Definitely an 11. We鈥檝e survived almost two years of marriage. We navigated a long-distance relationship for a year. We overcame unexpected health challenges. Everything we thought would break us, we got through it with God. 

His constant travelling is still a challenge sometimes. But right now, we’re in such a good place. We’re really happy.

Tom: For me, it’s also an 11. Maybe even higher. I believe that everything, the good and the bad, is bringing us closer together and strengthening our relationship. 

I couldn鈥檛 ask for more.

If you want to share your own Love Life story, fill out this聽.

If you鈥檝e enjoyed reading Love Life, our flagship series on love, heartbreak, and relationships, we have exciting news. We鈥檝e partnered with Cassava Republic to publish a book based on the flagship. Coming January 2026, it鈥檚 about to be your favourite book.

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Mayowa (25) and Mfon (23) first met in high school in 2017 but didn’t reconnect until 2023 at church. 

On this week’s Love Life, they talk about how a health crisis brought them together, the vulnerable moments that solidified their commitment, and why they knew marriage was the plan from the very beginning.

If you want to share your own Love Life story, fill out this聽.

What’s your earliest memory of each other?

Mfon: It was 2017. I was in year 10, and my dad had just transferred me from my old boarding school to a day school. My new school  really far from home, so I had to take the school bus every single day. Starting senior school as the new kid was a bit intimidating and overwhelming. 

One day, a year 11 student sat next to me at the front of the bus. His name was Mayowa. We didn’t have long conversations on that ride, but I remember distinctly noticing how quiet and withdrawn he was. That’s my clearest earliest memory of him.

Mayowa: I didn’t notice Mfon much at first. I’d been at that school for a while and was more like an OG on the school bus. We shared the front seat because there weren’t many spots up in the bus, so we were forced to interact. And that was how we started talking. We’d have random conversations 鈥� just typical teenage stuff. We probably knew each other for about half a term, maybe six weeks total, before we both left that school. It was really just a brief moment in time.

That was in 2017. How did you guys reconnect?

Mayowa: Church. We hadn’t spoken for about six years, but I knew Mfon on X because she tweeted a lot. That鈥檚 how I found out that we attend the same church. One day, I sent a text saying I’d been seeing her posts but never spotted her at church. I suggested we link up because I really loved seeing people I know at church. The day she finally showed up, I introduced her to everyone and told them we had gone to secondary school together.聽

Mfon: My memory of our reunion is a bit different. A mutual friend reposted his photo on IG, so I checked out his profile and followed him. Then a few months later,  the church text happened. 

We didn’t meet for a month after he texted. I’d been attending for over a year but hadn’t connected with anyone. I was walking toward the back when I heard people laughing. I turned around, and there he was, cracking everyone up. That surprised me.  I remembered him as quiet. 

He walked over, said hi, and introduced me to a bunch of people. That’s how I made my first friends in that church.

I鈥檓 guessing your friendship started that day. What happened next?

Mfon: He was in a relationship when we reunited, so we kept being friends. But then I fell ill and needed a blood transfusion. I dropped a message in a group chat we鈥檙e both in, saying I needed blood, and I included my mum’s contact.  I was shocked when he came to the clinic to donate blood for me. We weren’t even that close, but he showed up.

Mayowa: When I saw her message, I knew I had to go. She was family to me in church. Sadly, I wasn鈥檛 even able to donate, but I still went to check on her. 

About a week later, I called her phone to check on her, and her mum picked up. I was taken aback and asked about Mfon鈥檚 whereabouts, and she told me she鈥檇 relapsed and returned to the hospital. I rushed down immediately.

Mfon: It probably sounds weird, but I was so ashamed about relapsing. I didn’t want to tell my friends, including Mayowa. After he found out, he kept checking on me. I think that really solidified our friendship. We were constantly talking and texting each other. It became our daily routine.

Sounds sweet. Was this when you realised there were romantic feelings involved?

Mayowa: I can’t pinpoint an exact day or moment when I realised I had developed deeper feelings for her. For me, we didn’t plan anything; we kind of talked ourselves into it naturally.

I聽started to realise something was changing when聽it was becoming weird not to talk to Mfon every day. I鈥檇 also gotten out of my previous relationship, but I knew I had to be clear headed before getting into something new.聽

I gave myself about six months before I even said anything about my feelings to Mfon. I wanted to make sure it wasn’t a rebound or a mistake. I was also being really careful because I’d struggled with communication in past relationships, and I didn’t want to repeat those same patterns with her. 

Mfon: For me, it really came from an admiration point of view. I started observing and noticing so many incredible qualities about Mayowa that I hadn’t given much attention to; how thoughtfully he looked after his friends, how serious and intentional he was about his faith and his relationship with God. I began thinking about what the possibilities might be if we crossed the line from friendship into romance, but I wasn’t entirely certain or confident about it. I just knew that I had developed a soft spot for him and that he was becoming increasingly special to me. 

Then, one day, a few months into our friendship, he told me that he liked me. My exact response was, 鈥淚’m buying what you’re selling.鈥� It was such a simple statement but it felt true and right in that moment. 

Around the same time, a close friend sat me down and said something eye-opening. She said, 鈥淒o you realise you talk about him literally all the time? Your daily plans and activities are completely synchronized with his. We can’t plan anything without consulting him.鈥� 

That’s when everything clicked. She was absolutely right. I genuinely liked this guy more than a friend.

Mayowa, let鈥檚 talk more about confessing your feelings. How did that go?

Mayowa: I was on a trip when this conversation happened. I told her that I liked her and wanted to marry her. Not just casual dating, but getting married and building a life together. But I also laid bare my fears about entering into a relationship with her. 

I acknowledged that we’re really great friends, and I was genuinely scared of ruining our friendship if things didn’t work out. I also shared my struggles in past relationships, particularly with communication and vulnerability. I was honest about those weaknesses and told her how I was working to improve myself. I didn’t come in pretending to be perfect. I was transparent about where I was at.

Mfon: I didn鈥檛 take his words seriously at first because he was on a trip. I thought maybe he was just having a moment. But then he came back and asked for a proper conversation. He shared his concerns and fears openly, and I felt safe sharing mine in return. I told him that I needed to really know him on a deep level, not just for fun or surface-level companionship. I needed to truly understand what he stands for, his values, likes and dislikes, so I could predict his reactions and fully understand his personality. 

Now, I had this rule about not dating my close friends. I’d always said I couldn’t do it, especially with someone I saw regularly and felt close to. But then a pastor said something that really challenged that belief. He asked, ‘Those of you who say you won’t date your friends, is your enemy the person you want to marry?’ That comment stuck with me and made me reconsider my own rules. So I did a lot of soul-searching. I thought deeply about my future and what I actually wanted to have in it. I prayed about it extensively. And after all that reflection and prayer, I decided to give him a real chance.

When did you become official?

Mfon: He told me he liked me in September 2024. But we were in a talking stage until April 2025 because I had a personal standard of needing a long talking stage before becoming officially exclusive with someone. I always said I would never date anyone until I’d had substantial conversations with them for a full six months. If it took too long to wait, they were free to leave. But once we both understood clearly that we wanted to make the relationship work, it just made sense to take it to the next level and become official.

What were the early days of dating like?

Mfon: They weren鈥檛 much different from when we were in the talking stage. The transition felt seamless. We just kept talking constantly and being together. We literally did a 56-hour FaceTime call at one point. We were so immersed in talking to each other that we kept the call going and going. We’d fall asleep on the call, wake up, and continue the conversation without missing a beat. 

I’d be at work and ask my boss for a minute to talk to him. Even during meetings, I’d step out just to check in. By 10 p.m. every single night, no matter how exhausted he was from work, he would call. It became such an ingrained habit and routine for us.

Mayowa: It felt that way because we weren’t spending tons of physical time together. She was staying with her parents, and I was staying alone. We’d see each other at church and go on dates, but we got so used to talking every day that if we didn’t see each other’s face on FaceTime, it felt like we were arguing. Even now, I promise we just talk. It’s embedded in our system. I think talking like that really helped us become great friends, genuinely. We talked ourselves into affection. 

So Mayowa鈥檚 communication struggles from past relationships were non existent with you? 

Mfon: He turned out to be the extreme communicator. If something happens now, he wants to talk about it immediately. He’s always calling and messaging. He even jokes that he’s the caller in the relationship. I never experienced the things he said he struggled with. I think he just saw me and decided he was ready to be serious.

Mayowa: If something bothered me, I鈥檇 mention it right away. 

But there was one time we had a bigger misunderstanding and we couldn’t settle it on a call. 

We apologised and communicated like we used to, but it still didn’t feel settled. The next day was church, and when I saw her, I was wondering why I’d even been mad. I asked her if we could go out after service because I just wanted to be with her. Once we were together, the situation was resolved.

Sweet. At what point did you realise you wanted to spend the rest of your life together?

Mayowa: There was a moment, I can’t say exactly when, where I laid down my fears completely. I was completely unfiltered about where I was in life and where I was trying to get to. That day we didn’t say 鈥滻 love you.鈥� We said, 鈥淚 choose you.鈥� That word felt deeper than love because it showed that in thick and thin, I’m choosing this person for life. 

When she said she chose me, something shifted in my head. I realised this was someone who fell in love with a basic version of me and chose me despite everything. That meant so much.

Mfon: It was the same moment for me. There was a time when I genuinely thought he was going to leave. We鈥檇 gotten into a little squabble, and I wasn’t 100% sure we were going to end up together; this was still during our talking stage. But he drove to my house in the middle of work and shattered my walls with his words. Later that night, he sent me text messages saying he never thought anybody would really love him if they knew the true him, and how thankful he was. That day we both knew we’d choose each other forever.

So after that moment, how did things move towards marriage?

Mayowa: I was ready for marriage from the moment I asked her out. The next step after dating was always going to be marriage. It was only a question of when.

I proposed in April, and it wasn’t a shock to her. It was just me officially asking her to be my fianc茅e and giving her the proposal of her dreams. I’d already planned the wedding venue and everything.

Mfon: After my last relationship in university, I made a rule that the next person I dated would be my husband. I spent years in other situations and talking stages, but nobody ticked my boxes. Then Mayowa came and hit every single one. I had my non-negotiables, and he just came in perfect. Five out of five on everything. Honestly didn’t think I would be surprised when he proposed, but I cried. I actually helped plan my friend’s birthday earlier, and I thought the proposal event was for that. But it was mine. I was shocked and just so happy. We鈥檙e getting married in June. 

Congratulations. Has wedding planning stressed you?

Mayowa: We鈥檝e been able to work through it together. I’m very involved in the planning. If she’s tired, I take over. If someone is stressing her, I stress them back. If there are things that really matter to her, I prioritise them. We just make decisions together without fighting about colours or styles. If something matters to one of us, we do it.

Mfon: It’s been really easy because we’re doing it together. He’s very hands-on and takes a lot of the weight off my shoulders. The only stressful part was planning the female Aso-Ebi because I did that alone. But he’s always protecting the things I want. He makes sure to emphasise why the things I want are important and why they have to happen. This whole process has really helped us bond because we realise that prioritising each other over everyone else is what matters. If he doesn’t want something, it’s not happening.

What’s the best thing about being with each other?

Mfon: The best thing is the assurance of growth. I know that by the end of this year, I won’t be the same person. He reminds me of the things I said I would do. We have financial, spiritual, and career goals. Being with Mayowa is an assurance that you鈥檒l grow in so many areas. And the growth isn’t one driven by tough love. I鈥檝e felt loved while growing. I鈥檝e never felt alone.

Mayowa: Honestly, the best thing is getting to spend the rest of my life with her. Before we started dating, one of my biggest goals was to move from being avoidant to being secure. She’s the most loving person I know. When someone loves you that much, it’s easy to love back.

I used to love my personal space, but when she’s not in that space, it doesn’t feel personal anymore. I want to spend every single day with her. That’s how much she means to me. I’ve never felt this way about anyone before.

On a scale of 1 to 10, how would you rate your love life?

Mayowa: I’d rate it a 10, or even more. I don’t know what more I need. I’m extremely happy. The only greater love story I know than ours is the one of Jesus Christ on the cross. 

Mfon: Definitely a 10 and then some. Every time I think this is the best it can be, it just gets better. I know that by the end of this year, something will happen that makes me love him even more. 

If you want to share your own Love Life story, fill out this聽.

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Dasola* (31) moved to Ibadan in 2024 to start over after her mother’s death. Then, she met Tayo* (39). 

On this week’s Love Life, they talk about going from a temporary distraction to moving in together and dealing with the mother of his eight year old son. 

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What’s your earliest memory of each other?

Tayo: I first noticed Dasola at a hotel in Ibadan in March 2024. 

She was working in the lobby, and I immediately became interested in her, so I sent the receptionist to get her attention. When that didn’t work, I sent a waitress. Eventually, I had to summon the courage to approach her myself. That first conversation turned into a mini-date. 

I found out later that she worked remotely and used the hotel as her unofficial work station.

Dasola: That’s not exactly how I remember it. 

I had just moved to Ibadan after my mother passed away. I left Lagos and all its chaos and got a hybrid job as head of marketing and communications at a travel and exam prep agency. On the days I worked remotely, I’d go to the bar of a hotel near my house to use the light and just relax while working. 

One day, I went there as usual and noticed the bar was closed as I was getting off my bike. While I was figuring out my next move, he walked up to say hello. I was impatient because I had a meeting in a few minutes, but he assured me the place would open soon. He sounded so confident that I decided to wait. 

That’s how we started talking.

What piqued your interest in each other?

Tayo: I’d been coming to that bar for a while, but she was the first unfamiliar face I’d seen. That immediately sparked my curiosity. But she was always working on her laptop, really focused and career oriented. That’s what got me genuinely interested in her.

Dasola: I didn’t really notice him at first. But once I did, there was a bit of platonic interest. I’m very attracted to the fine things of life and Tayo looked really good. But I couldn’t pursue anything because I was seeing someone else at the time.

I just wanted to have fun, make new friends in Ibadan, and cope with my grief after losing my mum. But Tayo was very persistent about going on a date. He seemed really sweet and gentle, so I agreed for him to be my friend.

Tayo: I’d been in a lot of on and off relationships but nothing seemed to stick. I also had a baby mama who was still in my life, but I had no intention of getting married to her. I was looking to date seriously and find someone who could be my lifetime partner.

How did that first 鈥渕ini-date鈥� go?

Tayo: We talked and you couldn’t even tell we’d only just met. I wanted to get to know her as a person and see if she’d be a great fit for me. I didn’t want to end up in a situation where things got serious, we got married, and then realised we weren’t good for each other. I’d already had the baby mama situation and didn’t want to repeat that mistake. So I asked a lot of personal questions about her life and her work, and I liked everything I heard.

Dasola: We went to another bar just beside the hotel. He ordered everything I wanted and I ate with so much relish. I immediately told him about my relationship status so he could manage his expectations, and that helped keep things controlled. 

He was a perfect gentleman and completely non-judgmental. Smoking was my coping mechanism at the time. There’s a stereotype about girls like me who smoke cigarettes, but Tayo was gentlemanly enough to light one for me, and when it finished, he sent someone to get more. 

Tayo: I was sad when she told me she was in a relationship, but I didn’t give up. A part of me felt like whatever she had going on with the guy wouldn’t work out. And I was right, which is why we’re here today. I was very patient and consistent with her.

Did you also immediately tell her about your baby mama, Tayo?

Tayo: I didn鈥檛.

Dasola: No.聽I didn鈥檛 know until one random day after we鈥檇 started dating. I got a call from a strange number.

Before we get to that, how did things progress from friends to dating?

Tayo: We went on many more friendly dates together. Dasola is very entertaining to be around and that made it easy to grow our bond. We both don’t keep a lot of friends, so we were all we had. I got so comfortable talking about everything with her, and my feelings kept getting stronger.

Dasola: I felt he love-bombed me. Things moved faster than I intended. He was constantly calling me, morning, afternoon, and evening, and he insisted we see each other every day. 

At some point, I tried to draw back because I didn’t want to jeopardise my relationship. But it was a long distance relationship, and my partner rarely made time for us. So it was easier to lean into the friendship with Tayo. He knows I like food and was constantly taking me to try new places. 

Even when we stayed out late, we’d drink together and enjoy each other’s company. But I hadn’t invited him to my place and he hadn’t invited me to his.

Tayo: I remember how strict she was about not letting me come to her place or inviting me inside when I did. At some point, I wanted to give up the chase and move on. But because I felt certain that she was who I wanted, I knew I couldn’t back down.

Dasola: One day, we went out and got back really late. I was way too tipsy, but I refused to go over to his house. We ended up sleeping at a hotel, and we had sex.

Oh

Tayo: She was less resistant to me after that.

Dasola: I was still reluctant to accept him as another lover. So I made him a fling and kept my boyfriend around. Since Tayo was big on honesty, I told him what I’d decided, and he was cool with it.

How then did things become official?

Dasola: We continued with the fling situation for about eight months, and everyone was happy. But Tayo was still persistent about wanting to settle down with me. The following year, I turned 30 and started to realise that I wanted something serious that actually led to marriage. 

My partner was still telling me he needed five years before he could consider settling down, and I didn’t have that time. Meanwhile, here’s Tayo who had been nothing short of sweet and perfect. So I took stock of my situation and decided to give him a real chance.

Tayo: As soon as she said yes, I wanted to move fast because I’d waited long enough. I don’t know if my baby mama was stalking me, but she heard about Dasola and me. 

Is that when you got that call, Dasola?

Dasola: Yes. 

Shortly before Tayo took me to see his parents. Someone called, warning me to steer clear of him, that he isn’t a good person, he鈥檚 a serial cheat who has a baby mama and an eight-year-old. It was surprising to hear, but I didn’t react emotionally. I simply called Tayo and told him everything the caller said. 

That’s when he came clean, told me about his baby mama and how his parents didn’t like her.

Tayo: On another day, while we were at the bar where we used to hang out, my baby mama waylaid us and attacked Dasola. It was a really chaotic scene. I had to calm both women until things settled down. 

Dasola went home and then invited me over to her place. We had a long conversation about what happened. She seemed very calm and genuine despite what had happened, and that inspired me to speed things along. After that incident, I took her home to my parents and they received her with open arms.

Dasola: And true to his words, his parents were honest about everything the day I met them.

Tayo: My parents really liked Dasola from day one. They could see she was different from my baby mama.

How did you really feel about the incident, Dasola?

Dasola: I wasn’t fazed about her. I saw it as fair competition. We both weren’t married to him, and even though she lived with his parents, they didn’t like her. I knew in my heart that Tayo would never end up with someone his parents were against. He respects them, so she wasn’t real competition.

How has the relationship progressed since?

Dasola: The early days were filled with fights. We argued so much that people kept asking why we were still together. Many of the issues stemmed from the way Tayo spoke to me. He raises his voice when he’s upset, and I don’t respond well to that. Sometimes, his tone was condescending, which only made our disagreements worse. There were moments when it felt like we were arguing more than enjoying the relationship.

Tayo: Looking back, we were still figuring each other out and learning how to communicate. It took time, but we’ve gradually found a balance. These days, when one person is upset, the other usually tries to stay calm. Dasola is the more rational one when emotions are running high, and I think that’s helped us handle disagreements much better than we did at the beginning.

What’s the best thing about being with each other?

Dasola: I’ve gotten to know him beyond the version most people see. We started living together just a few months into the relationship, so I got to see what he’s like in his most vulnerable moments. I鈥檝e learnt a lot from him. I grew up in an environment where most chores were outsourced, and even after I moved out on my own, I still preferred to outsource almost everything. 

I’m also a little disorganised. Tayo is the complete opposite. He gets upset if shoes aren’t arranged properly or if I move items around the house. Living together taught me to be more intentional about those things.

Tayo: Living together helped us understand each other much faster than we would have otherwise. We approach certain things differently, but we’ve found a system that works for us. Instead of expecting one person to do everything, we both contribute in our own ways and support each other where we can.

On a scale of 1 to 10, how would you rate your love life?

Dasola: I’d give us an 8. We’ve had a rocky start, but I think we’re finding our balance now. We’re learning how to communicate better and support each other. I’m hopeful about where we’re headed.

Tayo: I’d also give us an 8. She’s very hardworking and career oriented. I thank God that I have her in my life. 

*Names have been changed to protect the identity of the subjects.

If you鈥檝e enjoyed reading Love Life, our flagship series on love, heartbreak, and relationships, we have exciting news. We’ve partnered with Cassava Republic to publish a book based on the flagship. Coming January 2026, it’s about to be your favourite book.

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Ife* (27) and Ibrahim* (30) met as freshers in 2016 after gaining admission into the same university.

On this week鈥檚 Love Life, they talk about the housing scam that brought them together, falling in love as coursemates, the six-month relationship break that pushed them into other people鈥檚 arms, and the difficult journey back to each other.

If you want to share your own Love Life story, fill out this聽.

What鈥檚 your earliest memory of each other?

Ibrahim: I met Ife in 2016, during our first few weeks in university. We were coursemates, so we saw each other almost every day, but were just two people who exchanged greetings whenever our paths crossed. 

A few weeks before resumption, I paid an agent for accommodation. The hostel was undergoing final renovations and was supposed to be ready shortly after school resumed.  But when I got to school, the agent kept giving excuses. Every day, it was one new story.

I was squatting with a friend at the time, so I didn鈥檛 panic initially. But after about four weeks, I realised something was wrong. The agent stopped answering my calls and nobody knew him. It turned out that I鈥檇 been scammed and the hostel didn鈥檛 exist.

Then, the friend I was staying with gave me a deadline to leave. I remember sitting in class that week, completely stranded.

After class one day, I stood up and told everyone what had happened. I said, 鈥淚f anybody knows somewhere I can stay, please help me.鈥� Nobody really responded, and I left feeling embarrassed. A few minutes later, Ife came after me.

Ife: Most of us were still new students trying to find our footing, so I could imagine how stressful it must have been. We exchanged pleasantries, and he seemed like a cool person. I had a cousin who was a year ahead of us and lived off campus with some friends, so I told Ibrahim I鈥檇 speak with him.

I didn鈥檛 even know if there would be space. I just felt compelled to assist him at that moment.

Ibrahim: Two days later, she called and said her cousin said I could move in. She didn鈥檛 stop at connecting me with her cousin. She actually helped me move. I still remember her carrying bags and helping me settle in.

I鈥檇 never experienced that kind of kindness from someone who didn鈥檛 owe me anything.

Aww. What happened after that?

Ife: We just started spending more time together. We studied together, attended classes together and ate together. Sometimes, we鈥檇 leave class and spend hours talking about random things. It was a lot of getting to know each other better.

People started assuming we were dating long before we actually were. But assumptions like that were pretty normal in 100 level. Once people see students of the opposite gender moving together, they automatically assume something is going on.

Ibrahim: Looking back, I can see where the assumptions came from. If I was going somewhere, Ife was probably there and vice versa. Ife would call me when she was confused about an assignment. I鈥檇 call her when I wanted company. We became each other鈥檚 favourite person without ever discussing it.

I knew I was starting to like her more than a friend. I just didn鈥檛 know if she liked me too. Unless they expressly state it, you can鈥檛 assume they like you like that. 

Did you like him, Ife?

Ife: I definitely did. He was funny, dependable and easy to talk to. Our friendship felt effortless. We had this stupid game where we鈥檇 see who had the loudest fart. I couldn鈥檛 do that with any random dude without fear of judgment. That鈥檚 how free I was around Ibrahim.

Even though I could tell he liked me, I wasn鈥檛 really thinking about dating at the time. We were freshers. School had just started. I wasn鈥檛 trying to jump into a relationship.

At what point did things change?

Ibrahim: Towards the end of our first year. 

We were preparing for our departmental dinner, and everyone was so excited about it. I didn鈥檛 think it was a big deal, but then I was nominated for 鈥渂est dressed fresher.鈥� That was when I really got into it. 

As I was planning outfits and tickets, I heard another guy was planning to buy a ticket for Ife and ask her out. I was so livid when I heard that, I suddenly realised I wasn鈥檛 comfortable with another guy making a move on her. I knew the guy had eyed Ife a couple of times, and we鈥檇 even joked about him together, but I didn鈥檛 know he was that serious about her.

I was initially planning to attend alone, but after this revelation, I had to switch tactics. I can鈥檛 even remember what I told my parents I needed money for, but I got it and bought a couple鈥檚 table for us. 

Ife: I remember laughing because I genuinely didn鈥檛 think it was a big deal. The guy could鈥檝e bought all the tickets he wanted but it doesn鈥檛 mean I鈥檇 have accepted him. The fact that he didn鈥檛 even think to ask me before telling other people was enough of a red flag. 

But Ibrahim became strangely interested in the situation, and showed up with our couple鈥檚 ticket. It was both funny and sweet at the same time because I kept wondering where the energy was the entire time before that. 

How did the dinner go?

Ibrahim: We were the only ones in our entire 100 level set to sit on a couple鈥檚 table. Everybody was looking at us, and honestly, I liked it. 

Ife: In a way, it felt like our relationship status changed that night without either of us formally saying so. The whole energy was different, and you couldn鈥檛 tell anyone we weren鈥檛 already an item.

Ibrahim: After the dinner, I finally asked her out properly. Thankfully, she said yes. I was so elated that I didn鈥檛 even have time to brood over losing the best dressed award. 

So you were officially dating

Ife: Yes. The early days were very simple. It didn鈥檛 feel like we had to do anything extra to fit into the boyfriend and girlfriend role. 

It helped that we were already close friends before anything romantic started. We didn鈥檛 have to learn about each other from scratch. We already knew how the other person spoke, what annoyed them, and how they reacted when they were stressed. If we misunderstood each other, it never lasted long. One of us would call, or we would see each other on campus and talk things through until it made sense again.

So it felt natural. It didn鈥檛 feel like we were trying to build something new. 

Ibrahim: Everything was so easy and we both didn鈥檛 have to try too hard. We were always around each other. If I didn鈥檛 see her in the morning, I would see her later in the day, and if I didn鈥檛 see her on campus, I would probably run into her on the way back to the hostel or in a friend鈥檚 room.

We would eat together when we could, study together when exams were close, and just sit and talk about anything when we were tired of school. 

Ife: We basically grew through university together. It got to a point where it was hard to talk about my university experience without mentioning him. If I had something good happen, he was usually the first person I told. If I was stressed about something, I also went to him. 

Even our friends started seeing us as a pair. If they saw either of us apart, there was the slightly accusatory 鈥淲here is XYZ?鈥� question that came at us. It was funny. But then, almost like a blink of an eye, graduation happened in 2021 and we had to be apart for a really long time.

But why?

Ibrahim: I had to go back to Lagos, and she returned to Ede.

We were now in different places, trying to figure out what came next. It wasn鈥檛 like we suddenly stopped caring about each other, but you don鈥檛 even realise that you鈥檙e slowly pulling away from this person.

At first, we tried. We would call, text, try to maintain the same energy we had in school. But it didn鈥檛 feel as natural anymore. Sometimes, one of us would be busy with our own things and forget to check in. Slowly, the gaps became noticeable.

Ife: We talked less frequently, and when we did talk, the conversations didn鈥檛 last as long as they used to. Sometimes, we would go a full day without speaking, then two days, then it started stretching longer.

And because we were both adjusting to life after school, it was easy to excuse it. We would say we were busy or tired or trying to figure things out. But underneath that, the relationship was changing. We also started arguing more. Things that we would normally laugh off or talk through quickly started turning into issues. 

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Curious. Did you guys discuss what a long distance relationship would look like before graduation?

Ife: To be honest, it always worried me, but Ibrahim would wave it off. There was this one time we went on ASUU strike, and our communication was complete shit. That was when I first thought about what life after graduation would look like, but Ibrahim didn鈥檛 think it was an issue.

Ibrahim: I take the blame for that. I don鈥檛 like to overthink and stress about problems that don鈥檛 exist yet. So every time she brought it up, I鈥檇 reassure her that we would cross the bridge when we got there.

So how did you resolve things?

Ibrahim: Ife brought up the idea of taking a break from the relationship.

Ife: It was just something I felt we needed at the time. I was very intentional about assuring him that we were not breaking up. At least that was how I saw it. I just felt like we needed space to breathe and figure ourselves out without the constant pressure of maintaining the relationship.

It felt like maybe if we stepped back a little, we would come back better.

Ibrahim: I didn鈥檛 like it at all. I remember telling her that breaks usually don鈥檛 end well. In most cases, they just become the beginning of the end. But I could also see that we were struggling. So I eventually agreed, even though I wasn鈥檛 comfortable with it.

I didn鈥檛 want to be the one holding us back from trying something that might help. But I was right. The break was a terrible idea.

What happened?!

Ibrahim: At first, it felt like a release. With no emotional responsibility on my shoulders, I got with some girls I鈥檇 been eyeing while Ife and I were together. Some stopped at casual flirting and some involved no-strings-attached sex. But I told myself the flings wouldn鈥檛 go anywhere because I still had Ife. 

But after a while, it wasn鈥檛 as freeing as I thought it would be. I would be out, and I鈥檇 still think about Ife. Sometimes, I would catch myself comparing conversations, or wondering what she would think about something I had done.

Ife: I wasn鈥檛 interested in going from person to person or trying to replace what I had with Ibrahim. But there was someone I had always had a quiet interest in, and during the break, we got closer. 

Yet, I still found myself thinking about Ibrahim more than I expected.

Did you actually agree to see other people during the break? 

Ibrahim: It wasn鈥檛 expressly stated, but I guess it was just somewhere in the air. Like, do whatever you want and I鈥檒l do whatever I want.

Ife: We still spoke occasionally during the break. Just small check-ins or greetings, small interactions that felt strange. We were no longer speaking as a couple, but we were also not fully disconnected.

After a while, I started hearing things from mutual friends. People were saying Ibrahim had been with other girls. I told myself it didn鈥檛 matter because we were on a break, but hearing it still got me upset. That was when I realised I was still more emotionally attached than I wanted to admit.

Ibrahim: I also started hearing things about Ife. I remember that it stayed in my mind for a long time. Even though I was also seeing people, hearing it about her felt different. That was when I realised the break was actually doing more harm than good. We didn鈥檛 specify how long the break was for, but it felt like it was time to have a frank conversation about what we were doing.

Who reached out first?

Ibrahim: I did. I told her we needed to talk properly, but in person.

Ife: I wasn鈥檛 sure I wanted to see him at first. Too many things had happened, and I didn鈥檛 know what the conversation would even look like. But I also knew we couldn鈥檛 keep avoiding each other forever. So I agreed. 

We both told our parents we had clearance matters to attend to so we could travel to school.

Ibrahim: We stayed in a friend鈥檚 hostel. I remember the first time I saw her again. It didn鈥檛 feel like seeing the same person I left behind. We just kept going around the bush and asking unrelated questions. It was all super awkward until Ife said something like, 鈥淲e have to be honest.鈥�

Ife: I told him we had to talk about what we鈥檇 gotten up to during the break before we could even consider reconciliation or where the relationship was headed. 

Ibrahim: We talked for a long time, and it was a tough conversation. Even when I didn鈥檛 go into detail, she would stop me and ask questions. That made me very uncomfortable, but we kept going because there was no other way to deal with it.

Did talking change anything?

Ife: It helped in a way. It hurt hearing everything, but we鈥檇 both agreed to take a break, and we didn鈥檛 expressly state the terms of what the break entailed. So there was no point trying to hold anything against each other.

If anything, the break only reminded us how we truly felt about each other.

Ibrahim: At some point, we just sat there without talking. And then, I leaned in to embrace her. We started crying together until things got intimate. We had another conversation the next day, and that was when we decided to try again.

It鈥檚 been two years since then, and we鈥檙e still together. She worked her NYSC to Lagos and has stayed since then, so distance is no longer an issue.

On a scale of 1 to 10, how would you rate your love life?

Ife: I鈥檒l say 8. We learnt a lot the hard way, but we are still here.

Ibrahim: I鈥檒l give it a 9. We found our way back to each other.

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