This is Dami鈥檚 explanation, as shared with Mofiyin

My father has always been abusive. Growing up with him meant never knowing what could set him off. A small mistake could earn me a beating, and an hour later, he’d expect everyone to act as though nothing had happened. He never apologised or admitted when he was wrong.

My grandmother once told me that when I was two, he beat me so badly that she thought I was dead. She said he broke down when he realised what he鈥檇 done, insisting he hadn’t meant to hurt me. I don’t remember that incident, but I remember what happened when I was nine. 

He got angry with me and chased me around the house, throwing things at me. I hid behind a door, but he kept slamming it against my head until my forehead was badly swollen.

I only began to understand that his behaviour was abnormal when I was 11. That was also when my parents鈥� marriage fell apart. In 2015,  my dad suddenly asked my mum for a divorce. She refused, so he took her to court. The court eventually granted the divorce, but they still had to settle what would happen to the house they鈥檇 built together. My mum had invested heavily in it and had nowhere else to go, so she begged him to let us stay.

He refused. I’ll never forget the day he sent his brother to throw us out while it rained. My mum held my siblings and me close, looking so helpless that the whole thing felt like a scene from a Nollywood film. I watched her, and for the first time, realised that I hated my father.

Not long after, we found out on Facebook that another woman had had a son with him. Even after the divorce, my mum still tried to involve my father in our lives.  When I got my first acting audition in 2017, she asked him to drive me there. But we never made it to the audition. Instead, we spent that time at his new wife鈥檚 naming ceremony. Afterwards, he drove me home without further explanation.

I cried when I got home. I’d been so excited about that audition, and it hurt to realise he didn鈥檛 acknowledge my dream. I became scared to try again and never did. Eventually, my father and his new family moved to another state in 2018. 

My sisters and I stayed with our mum, as the court had decided. But my father kept pressuring her to let us stay with him. In 2020, she eventually agreed to let us spend one holiday with him. 

I expected us to return home when the holiday ended. Instead, the days kept passing. Then the COVID lockdown started, and my father seized our phones, so we couldn’t reach our mum. I knew she was fighting to get us back, but when he enrolled us in new schools, it became clear that we weren’t leaving anytime soon.

What should have been one holiday stretched into seven torturous years.

I went through all sorts of verbal abuse. He鈥檇 flare up over minor incidents and even suggest I was a bastard child. His wife didn鈥檛 make my life easier; she equally played her own part. Through it all, my grades suffered, and I became a shadow of myself. 

In 2024, my mum finally enforced the court order and got my sisters back. But my father insisted that I stay because of my schooling. With my sisters gone, I was left alone with him and things got worse. My mental health deteriorated.

Then, last year, my father’s relationship with his second wife became rocky. Whenever they fought, he took his anger out on me. He blamed me for their problems and said she only behaved that way because I was rude to her. 

When she eventually left him last month, I heard that he was planning to take a third wife. I was already struggling with my mental health and that news pushed me further. One evening, I realised I couldn’t spend another day living with the fear of what might happen next. So I ran away.

I left the house that day with nothing but my charger. I told my dad I was going to buy something at the junction, but instead, I went straight to the park. By 7 p.m., I was on a bus heading to the state where my mum and sisters lived. I switched off my phone so my dad couldn’t reach me.

About two hours into the journey, I dozed off. I woke to people shouting and the bus spinning. For a moment, I thought it was karma for running away, and that I was going to die. The back tyre burst after we hit a pothole, and the bus ended up in a ditch, but some trees stopped it from overturning.

We were stranded for hours before a convoy of buses stopped to help pull us out. It was terrifying, especially because nobody knew where I was. Still, I refused to turn back.

By the time I arrived at my mum’s house, it was past 1 a.m. She was angry that I’d risked travelling alone at night, especially in an unsafe environment, but I could tell she was mostly relieved that I was alive. She gave me food, and I went to bed for the first time in years without a worry in the world.

It’s been less than two weeks since I left. I’ve blocked my dad, but he’s figured out where I am and keeps trying to reach me through my mum. He blames her for turning me against him, but this was entirely my decision. Maybe when I’ve had time to heal, I’ll be willing to hear him out, but I don’t want a relationship with him. 

Since leaving, I’ve realised how much damage that environment did to me. Living in a loving and caring space has shown me that I didn’t have to tolerate him just because he was my father.

With him, I lost the will to live. Getting away became a choice between protecting his feelings and protecting myself. If I had to make the same choice again, I’d risk my life all over again.

Read Next: My Fianc茅 Wouldn鈥檛 Stop Impregnating Other Women. So I Beat Him Up

Here鈥檚 a timeline of how it all unfolded.

February 2025

Before fans fully processed his separation from Annie Idibia, 2face with his relationship with Natasha Osawaru. Videos of their engagement also made rounds online.

The situation got even messier when 2Baba’s mum publicly pleaded with Natasha to leave her son alone, alleging that she鈥檇 used juju on him and abducted him.

July 2025

2Baba and Natasha gagged their haters by taking their relationship to the next level, despite the rumours and backlash surrounding it.

They reportedly in a private traditional ceremony on July 25, surrounded by family and close friends.

November 2025 

of a pregnancy began spreading after Natasha was spotted at public events with what appeared to be a baby bump.

The speculation peaked in November when a Facebook page attributed to that she鈥檇 welcomed 2Baba’s eighth child. 

December 2025

During an IG Live session hosted by Daddy Freeze, 2Baba and Natasha got into a . His ex-managers accused Natasha of controlling him.

Shortly after, clips surfaced online showing a fight between the couple in London. The altercation reportedly led to 2Baba’s arrest. He鈥檇 previously denied the arrest rumours.

February 2026

By Valentine’s Day, 2Baba and Natasha were loved-up again.

Natasha shared of the romantic setup he organised for her, adding that she would choose him “again and again.” 

August 2026

The couple unfollowed each other. Still, with about 20 bouncers. She鈥檇 reportedly been trying to reach him.

Fresh reports also claim 2Baba has ended the relationship. And in the biggest plot twist yet, 2Baba and Annie have on social media.

We’re just watching to see where this story ends.

Read Next: My Fianc茅 Wouldn鈥檛 Stop Impregnating Other Women. So I Beat Him Up

What鈥檚 your current relationship status, and how do you feel about it?

I鈥檓 single for the first time in years and finally free from my baby daddy. Right now, I鈥檓 not interested in dating. Maybe that will change in the future, but my last relationship drained me so badly that dating isn鈥檛 in my cards for now.

How did you arrive at this point? Take me back to the beginning

I grew up very sheltered. I was raised in a very religious environment, so I barely dated.

But that changed when I got into university, where I  met my first boyfriend, David*. We met on a 2go group chat in 2014. We attended the same College of Education, so we became friends. Eventually, he told me he liked me, and we started dating.

What was the relationship like?

It wasn鈥檛 bad. We broke up and got back together several times over two years because he wasn鈥檛 very serious about the future.

He鈥檇 give vague responses whenever I tried to talk about where the relationship was headed. He also didn鈥檛 believe in marriage and didn鈥檛 want to be tied down because he dreamed of leaving the country. That bothered me because I鈥檝e always wanted a family. 

I was raised by my aunt, and although she treated me well, I often felt isolated. So I wanted the kind of close-knit family I didn鈥檛 have growing upHe also smoked, which I wasn鈥檛 comfortable with. Eventually, towards the end of my programme, our differences led us to break up.

The relationship had run its course, so it was easy to move on. After school, in 2019,  I got a job at a school and moved to Niger State. That鈥檚 where I met Paul*.

How did that meeting happen?

I was visiting a friend and walking around her neighbourhood when he approached me. He told me he worked at a church nearby and had noticed me around. He said he liked me and collected my number.

I wasn鈥檛 completely sold at first. He was short and smallish, but the more we talked, the more I liked him. He was very sweet. Eventually, he asked me out and I said yes.

At first, it seemed like we aligned on many things. Then, about two months into the relationship, I found out I was pregnant.

It was a huge shock. I was nervous about telling him because he worked for a church, and pregnancy outside marriage was obviously frowned upon. But his reaction surprised me. He was very happy and kept reassuring me that a child was a blessing.

He started talking about meeting my people and eventually getting married. I鈥檇 always wanted a family, and here was someone who seemed ready to give me exactly that.

Sounds nice. And how did your family react when they found out about the pregnancy?

I kept it from then until I was about four months pregnant. They weren鈥檛 happy about the situation, but there wasn鈥檛 much they could do.

We went ahead with the introduction, and that was when I got my first glimpse into his web of secrets. If his family hadn’t come, I wouldn’t have found out he already had a child.

What? 

His mother came with a little girl who was about six years old. I initially thought she was his niece, but when I asked about the child, she said, 鈥淒idn鈥檛 Paul tell you about his first child?鈥�

That was the first time I鈥檇 heard about any child. I wasted no time confronting him, and he became defensive. He explained that it had happened when he was younger with a woman from his hometown. He also added that it didn鈥檛 matter since he was no longer with her mother.

It hurt to find out that way, but we’d only been together for a short time, so I took it as a mistake from his past.

I see. I鈥檓 guessing you continued with the wedding plans?

We didn鈥檛. We’d planned to have a church wedding, but his pastor refused to wed us after they found out I was pregnant. I suggested having a traditional wedding instead, but he refused to participate in the village traditional marriage rites because they went against his religious beliefs.

While we were trying to figure out what to do, the COVID lockdown started. I eventually moved in with him, and we agreed to have the baby first and sort out the marriage afterwards.

 What was it like when you moved in together?

At first, it was really good. He was caring and supportive throughout my pregnancy.

Money was our main challenge. Neither of us was earning enough, so shortly after I gave birth, I started my own tailoring business. I’d learnt to sew while living with my aunt, and my cousins pooled money together to help me open a shop. The business picked up almost immediately and eventually became our main source of income.

In 2022, his church wanted to transfer him to another state in the East. He didn’t want to go and was already frustrated with the job, so he resigned. I wasn’t happy about it, but he convinced me it was the best decision for our family’s stability.

Unfortunately, that was when things took a turn for the worse.

In what ways?

He started asking for money for almost everything, and whenever I couldn’t give him what he wanted, he got angry.

I kept encouraging him to find a job, but he stayed at home for over a year. His mother would also call me about things she needed, and I’d send her money on his behalf.

Around that time, I’d just had our second child, so the financial pressure became overwhelming. Eventually, I pushed him to start tutoring students in 2023.

I expected him to start contributing to the household, but he still wasn’t giving me any money. I was paying for almost everything, while he always avoided questions about what he was doing with his earnings. His dodginess made me suspicious until I decided to look into it.

 One day in December, while he was out running personal errands, I checked his phone for his bank transactions. 

That’s when I noticed he was regularly sending money to a woman named Martha*.

I searched for her on WhatsApp and went through their messages. I didn’t need to read much before I realised they were romantically involved.

I confronted him and asked why he was sending her money. I was furious about the affair and even threatened to find her myself.

That’s when he admitted that they had a child together.

Wait, another child with another woman?

Precisely. I was devastated. I also realised the child was only a few months younger than our second child, which means it wasn鈥檛 a distant relationship from the past.

I couldn’t believe that after everything I did for him, he could betray me in that way. 

Since I was the one paying the rent, I told him to leave.  But I couldn鈥檛 stay angry for long. I also worried about what people would say when they found out.

So, against better judgment, I asked his family to mediate after I鈥檇 calmed down. He apologised and promised to end his relationship with Martha. Eventually, I agreed to let him come back on the condition that he paid the electricity bill and contributed towards food.

But forgiving him didn’t mean I’d forgotten what happened. I never fully moved past it. I didn’t trust him the way I used to, and our relationship was never the same.

But did things eventually get better?

For a little while. But I also struggled with how uninvolved he was with our children. Even though I was running my business and he was home most of the time, I couldn’t rely on him to look after them. I often had to take them to my shop.

Over time, I got so exhausted that I didn鈥檛 even want him touching me. Our sex life took a big hit, and he often used that to justify some of his behaviour.

Despite his grovelling and promises to right by me, I also found out he鈥檇 resumed his affair with Martha. 

Eventually, I stopped putting so much energy into him and focused on growing my business. And my efforts paid off. Over time,  I started training apprentices and had up to six girls working with me.

I had just begun finding some balance in my life when he disrupted it all again.

What happened?

He impregnated one of my apprentices. She鈥檇 missed work for some weeks until she randomly showed up with her mother one day. She knelt, apologising before her mother broke the news.

Oh dear. How did you react?

I lost it. I kept saying it couldn’t be true. But deep down, I knew it wasn’t impossible. My husband spent a lot of time around my shop, so I knew how easily they could have gotten close.

The girl showed me their messages and how he鈥檇 convinced her we weren鈥檛 married when she resisted his advances. He even promised her that he would leave me. 

She had already told him about the pregnancy, but he denied it. Eventually, the situation escalated to the point where they had to involve me.  

I鈥檓 sorry. Did you confront him?

I went home and waited for him, but he didn’t come. I called him almost 30 times, and every unanswered call made me angrier.

When he finally came home, we got into a shouting match. I could smell alcohol on his breath. I was already so angry that I slapped him.

He started threatening me and tried to grab me, but I pushed him to the floor and sat on him. I hit him repeatedly while shouting and insulting him.

Our neighbours eventually intervened and separated us.

By the next day, I was getting calls from different people. He’d even gone to the hospital because one of his eyes was bloodshot.

Everyone wanted us to resolve the situation, but they were focusing only on what I’d done. Nobody was talking about what had led to the fight or the fact that he’d gotten another young girl pregnant.

I considered trying to work things out, but he said he no longer felt safe around me. He also blamed me for his actions, saying we’d barely been intimate and that I’d become hostile towards him.

Eventually, I realised there was no point staying together. He hadn’t even married me after almost seven years together. When he packed his things and left, I didn鈥檛 try to stop him. 

Fair enough. How have you been coping since the separation?

Despite the relief, it still hurts. I’d considered myself married to him, and I’d been faithful throughout our relationship. He disrupted my life and then still chose to walk away.

It happened in March this year, so I’m still trying to move forward and let go of the bitterness.

So, how have these experiences shaped your idea of love and relationships?

First, I made a lot of mistakes. I put the cart before the horse by getting pregnant before we were married or had any real security in the relationship. It’s not something I’d advise anyone to do.

I’ve also learnt not to build your life around assumptions. I assumed that because he claimed to be a Christian, he would automatically be a good partner. I also assumed we’d grow together and build a life together.

But none of those assumptions could change who he was.

Finally, how are the streets treating you these days? Rate it on a scale of 1 to 10.

6/10. I’m slowly getting over everything and healing one day at a time. I don鈥檛 have time to think about love.

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The Wheel of Time 鈥� Amina*, 31

I’m obsessed with fantasy, but my boyfriend prefers action. After hearing so many good things about The Wheel of Time, I convinced him to give it a chance. It was the perfect middle ground. The plot was so well done that we got hooked and binged the entire series in no time.  

Watch The Wheel of Time on Amazon Prime

You聽 鈥� David*, 29

I love psychological thrillers, but my girlfriend doesn’t. She only agreed to watch You because she’d already read the book. Surprisingly, it became the first series we were both equally invested in. It even opened her up to psychological thrillers, and it’s still one of the best shows we鈥檝e watched together.

Watch You on Netflix

The Men’s Club 鈥� Shola*, 36 

Everyone raved about The Men’s Club when it was released,  so my wife and I gave it a try. I’ve always enjoyed stories about brotherhood and friendship, but she wasn’t convinced at first. She eventually loved it too, partly because she liked the cast. We still keep up with the episodes.

Behind Her Eyes 鈥� Ayo*, 23  

My partner and I still talk about Behind Her Eyes. I started watching it because I thought it was going to be a romantic drama, but the psychological thriller twist completely caught us off guard. That’s what got my partner hooked, especially since thrillers are more his thing. We stayed up until 4:30 a.m. watching it, and kept talking about it days after. 

Watch Behind Her Eyes on Netflix

 Suits 鈥� Success*, 24

My boyfriend and I watched Suits for the first time last year, and it’s still the best series we’ve binged together. We’re terrible at committing to long-running shows, so I was surprised we stuck with it. The legal drama was so clever that it felt like we were learning while being entertained. We watched all nine seasons, and we still haven’t found another show we’ve enjoyed as much.

Watch Suits on Netflix

Fool Me Once  鈥� Chioma*, 27  

I never thought I’d enjoy Fool Me Once because I usually stay away from crime thrillers. But watching it with my fianc茅 changed that. The relationship drama and family secrets balanced out the murder mystery, so there was something for both of us to enjoy. 

Watch Fool Me Once on Netflix

Love Island (USA) 鈥� Korede*, 25

I’d always dismissed reality TV as mindless entertainment, but my girlfriend was obsessed with Love Island USA. One night, I watched Season 7 with her, and to my surprise, got hooked. We ended up watching Season 8 too. We鈥檇 spend hours dissecting the details, and those debriefs brought us closer than I expected.

Watch Love Island on Peacock

Bridgerton 鈥�  Sayo*, 22 

My boyfriend loves historical dramas, which I’d always found boring, so Bridgerton felt like the perfect compromise. I made him watch it with me, and we both ended up loving Anthony and Kate’s season. Since then, we watch every new season together. Whenever Bridgerton drops, we clear out the weekend and binge together.

Watch Bridgerton on Netflix

Skinny Girl in Transit 鈥� Patience*, 36 

A friend recommended Skinny Girl in Transit, so my husband and I gave it a try. It quickly became our comfort show. We even got my mum watching it when she came to visit, and she liked it too. It’s one of those shows that’s hard not to enjoy. 

Watch Bridgerton on YouTube

Love, Death, & Robots 鈥� Tofunmi*, 26 

My partner loves weird TV shows, so we rarely watch anything together. But Love, Death & Robots won me over. Every episode runs for just a few minutes and tells a completely different story, so it never gets boring. Before I knew it, we’d binged all four volumes in one sitting. It’s one of the strangest shows I’ve ever watched, but also one of the most enjoyable.

Watch Love, Death & Robots on YouTube

Georgie & Mandy’s First Marriage 鈥� Evelyn*, 23 

My boyfriend is a huge fan of The Big Bang Theory universe, but I couldn鈥檛 get into the original series because it felt dated. He eventually introduced me to Georgie & Mandy’s First Marriage, and I was surprised by how much I enjoyed it. Audrey鈥檚 character is interesting to watch, and the 20-minute episodes are perfect for my attention span. It’s one of the few sitcoms we enjoy together. 

Watch Georgie & Mandy’s First Marriage on M-net

Gidi Up 鈥� Uzo*, 44

My wife and I got into Gidi Up back in 2014. We loved how authentically it captured life in Lagos at a time when Nollywood wasn’t telling many stories like that. It also had one of the best casts. Even now, we still talk about rewatching it. 

Watch Gidi Up on YouTube

Black Mirror  鈥� Ismail*, 28 

My partner and I have completely different tastes, but Black Mirror worked for both of us. Every episode explored a different idea, and the stories were so dystopian that we’d spend ages discussing them afterwards. I don’t think we’ve bonded over another show since we finished watching it.

Watch Black Mirror on Netflix

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Inspired by the latest installment in the 麻豆视频 Life series, , we spoke to Nigerians whose relationships look different from the norm. Here鈥檚 how they navigate their relationships and the pressure to commit. 

鈥淲e don鈥檛 want marriage after 8 years鈥� 鈥� Rejoice*, 29

My boyfriend and I have been together since 2018, but we’ve never felt the urgency to get married. I was open to it at first, but he鈥檚 always been uncomfortable with the idea. 

Over the years, I realised I don’t want to get married just because it’s the expected next step. I don’t want children, and marriage would only invite endless questions about when the babies are coming. 

Our families still hope we’ll eventually do things the traditional way, but after eight years together, I don’t think a marriage certificate would make us any more committed. 

鈥淲e prioritised being parents first鈥� 鈥� Ahmad*, 31

My fianc茅e and I had only been dating for a few months when we found out she was pregnant with twins in 2022. It wasn’t planned, but we chose to keep them. There was so much pressure to rush to the altar, but we decided against it.  

Instead, we postponed our wedding until after the babies were born so she could recover and feel like herself again. Our focus became building our family first. 

We’re finally getting married early next year, and waiting has only made us more certain we’re doing it for the right reasons. 

鈥淲e’re not a couple, but we will always be partners鈥� 鈥� Angela* 47

When I relocated to the US, dating was much harder than I’d imagined. By the time I turned 42 and another relationship had ended, I realised marriage might not be in the cards for me. But I still wanted to be a mum.

A close friend I鈥檇 dated when I first relocated wanted children too, so we decided to have a baby in 2022. It wasn’t the future I’d pictured, but it’s one of the best decisions I’ve ever made. 

We’ve never been romantically involved since our son was born, but he gets the love and support of both parents. I also have the freedom to date at my own pace. My mum still insists on calling him my husband, even though she knows he isn鈥檛.

鈥淏eing open doesn’t make us  less committed鈥� 鈥� Lekan* 32

I’ve been in an open relationship for the past two years. Before my girlfriend and I got together, we’d both been in relationships that ended badly. We spent a lot of time talking about what we wanted and realised we shared the same views on commitment. After our first year together, we decided to open the relationship. 

The arrangement has worked so far because we agreed on our boundaries from the beginning and always revisit them to avoid jealousy. We also don鈥檛 plan on ever getting married. It would shock our families, so we keep that part of our relationship private.

Would you choose love without marriage? Watch Before We Fall Asleep and tell us where you stand. 

If these stories made you question what commitment really looks like, explores the same conversation through Tola and Nazo’s unconventional relationship. The new episode is out now on . 

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This is Precious鈥� story, as told to Mofiyin

Dozie* wasn’t like my first boyfriend, who spent months trying to guilt-trip me into having sex. Every time the guy visited, I’d silently pray he wouldn’t try to kiss me. His breath was awful, and he’d leave saliva all over my face. I dreaded those visits because if something as simple as kissing him filled me with that much anxiety, there was no way I鈥檇 ever feel comfortable sleeping with him. 

In September 2021, after we moved to Lugbe, Dozie* came along. At first, I kept my distance. He was in his 20s, and every girl in our compound seemed to have a crush on him. To me, he looked exactly like the kind of boy who knew he was attractive and liked to play with girls, so I avoided him.

Then, one day, while we were fetching water outside, he looked up and winked at me.

I rolled my eyes and walked away. But that didn鈥檛 stop him from coming for me. He鈥檇 gone through the trouble of getting my number from a neighbour. I ignored his messages more often than I replied to them until he returned to Jos, where he lived with his family. 

I thought we’d never speak again until he texted me on Valentine’s Day.

He’d written me a heartfelt poem. Every line made it seem like he’d been paying attention to the little things that made me who I was. At the end, he asked me to be his girlfriend.

I was only 17. No one had ever put that much thought into winning me over before, and it made me feel like the most important girl in the world. I didn’t think twice before saying yes.

In the first few months, I experienced love I鈥檇 only ever read about. We’d wait up until I was sure my father had gone to bed, then spend hours talking on the phone late into the night. I fell for him completely. He dreamt of going viral as a content creator, and because he wasn’t making any money yet, I’d happily spend my allowance buying him recharge cards and data so he could keep creating. 

But it bothered me that he posted videos with other girls. Sometimes they looked more intimate than I was comfortable with. Whenever I brought it up, he’d laugh it off and insist they were only creating content. 

I wanted to believe him, but every time I watched those videos, I felt a lick of jealousy. Whenever he noticed, he’d sweet-talk me. Little by little, those conversations became more intimate. He’d tease me about all the things we’d do when we finally saw each other again, and before I realised it, all we talked about was sex. 

I also read erotic books back then, so I鈥檇 built this fairy tale version of what my first time would be like. Little pain because everyone said there always was, but afterwards he’d hold me close, and I’d finally understand why people described sex as this beautiful, life-changing experience.

So when he eventually returned to Abuja and suggested we get a hotel room to make my first time special, I said yes.

***

The hotel was a far cry from what I鈥檇 imagined.

It was a roadside motel that charged 鈧�2,000 an hour. We’d only paid for two. The room smelled damp, and patches of mould covered the ceiling. I stood at the doorway for a moment, taking it all in.  It wasn鈥檛 romantic, but I told myself that didn鈥檛 matter.

Within seconds of the door closing behind us, the fantasy I’d built in my head began to fall apart. 

Dozie was already on top of me, his breath heavy with desire. The whole thing felt uncomfortable, and I winced under the weight of his body.

All he said was, 鈥渆ndure it鈥�, as he reached between my thighs.

Within seconds, he pushed into me.  A sharp pain ripped through my body. It felt as though someone was hammering a nail into me with all their strength. I squeezed my eyes shut and tried to think about anything except what was happening. 

When the bleeding started, I wasn’t alarmed. I’d always heard that happened the first time. I just lay there waiting for it to stop, but it didn鈥檛

The blood trickled down my thighs, soaking the bed beneath me while cramps twisted through my stomach. I gathered what little strength I had and stumbled into the bathroom.

But the blood kept running down my legs, spilling onto the floor until thick clots collected around the drain. Dozie rushed in behind me. The moment he saw the blood, he started pacing the room, muttering over and over, 鈥淲hat if you die? I’m going to jail.鈥� I was the one bleeding, yet I found myself telling him to calm down. Then a wave of dizziness hit me, and everything faded to black.

I don’t know how long I was unconscious. When I opened my eyes again, Dozie was beside me, looking completely helpless.

I told him to buy tissue and milk, but he said he didn’t have any money. In the end, I had to hand him my last cash.

The milk helped enough for me to think clearly again. Once the bleeding eased slightly, we stuffed layers of tissue into my underwear so I could pull my trousers back on. When I checked my phone, it was already 5:30 p.m. My curfew was six, so I asked Dozie to walk me home.

I was already late when I got home, and my father had burning questions on his tongue. But even more puzzling was one that stopped me in my tracks. “Why are you walking like that?鈥� he queried in a voice tinged with suspicion.

I told him I’d unexpectedly started my period at a friend’s house. He stared at me for a moment before telling me to go and prepare his dinner.

Minutes had passed since Dozie almost rimmed me in equal parts, yet the blood still trickled down my thighs as I turned eba for my father. 

My head was getting lighter, but I kept pretending everything was fine. I told myself I just had to get through the night. 

If I could lie down and rest, I was sure everything would be fine by morning.

***

I don’t remember falling asleep, but I remember my sister鈥檚 scream pulling me back to consciousness. She鈥檇 entered the room and seen me in a puddle of blood. Her scream had drawn my parents attention and they鈥檇 rushed to my side immediately. 

Within minutes, I felt myself lifted across the room, my eyes struggling to register which is which until I was carefully placed in the backseat of our car.   I drifted in and out of consciousness on the way to the hospital. 

Every time I opened my eyes, my mum asked what had happened. I couldn’t bring myself to tell her the truth, so I mumbled that someone had given me a drug.

“What drug?” she asked.

For some reason, the first thing that came to mind was “Postinor”

The next thing I remember was the car screeching to a stop.

When they revived me in the hospital, the doctor didn’t buy my story about a friend giving me Postinor. He kept questioning me until I finally admitted that I had sex.

The examination revealed a deep tear inside me. The penetration had caused a deep internal tear, and I needed surgery to stop the bleeding. After the doctor left, I broke down and told my mum everything that had happened with  Dozie, begging her not to tell my father.

I only found out later from my sister that she鈥檇 broken her promise. The moment she told my father, he drove home to grab his machete and went straight to Dozie’s apartment. Around 1 a.m., he stood outside banging on the door and threatening to kill him until neighbours managed to calm him down. When day broke, he reported the matter to the police. 

***

The morning after my surgery, my father insisted we go to the police station so I could make a statement. I reluctantly obeyed. 

The moment I saw Dozie, I felt awful. His face was swollen from the beating he’d taken the previous night, and I didn’t want anyone hurting him again. I kept begging for him and tried to convince the officers that it had all been a misunderstanding. Eventually, my father lost his patience and flung Dozie’s statement at me.

As I read it, my hands began to shake.

He鈥檇 told a completely different story. Somehow, I’d become the desperate girl who’d thrown herself at him, while he was the innocent victim. That was when I realised the love I felt so deeply was one-sided. 

Dozie spent a few more days in police custody. My father intended to press charges because I was a minor, but Dozie’s family begged him to settle the matter instead and promised to pay for my surgery, which cost around 鈧�350,000. 

When the case ended, a part of me still hoped Dozie would reach out. I thought he’d apologise, or at least ask how my surgery had gone. Instead, he avoided me completely before eventually moving away.

As painful as losing Dozie was, living with my father afterwards was even harder. We never spoke about what had happened. For months, he refused to speak to me, and every day I carried this crushing sense of shame.

It wasn’t the first time I’d felt that way.

Four years earlier, my stomach started protruding. I was skinny everywhere else, so it was hard not to notice. My mum always brushed it off as part of growing up, but not everyone believed that. 

It took two nosy women convincing my dad I was pregnant before he dragged me to the hospital.

That’s where the doctors discovered an ovarian cyst that had been growing inside me for almost two years.

After the cyst was removed, no one ever brought it up. I was left to make sense of things on my own. Being mistaken for pregnant and needing surgery at such a young age made me feel different from other girls. I dealt with those feelings by searching for validation from boys who made me feel beautiful and confident. 

I never voiced those insecurities, so after everything with Dozie happened, I slipped into a depression that lasted for a long time. I became afraid of sex. Every time I thought about it, all I could remember was the pain and the blood.

***

It’s been a few years since then, and healing has come slowly. Today, I’m dating someone who makes me feel safe and has been patient enough to let me move at my own pace. Because of him, intimacy no longer fills me with the same fear it once did.

But the biggest change has been within me. I’ve stopped looking to other people to tell me I’m beautiful or worthy. Learning to find that confidence within myself has made all the difference.

*Names and details have been changed for anonymity.

Read Next: I Hid My Condition From My BF Until I Wet His Bed 

Rejoice* (22) has lived with bedwetting for as long as she can remember. The condition isolated her from other people and affected every romantic relationship she has had. In this episode of On the Streets, she shares how years of shame influenced her dating life and how she finally walked away from a controlling partner. 

What鈥檚 your current relationship status, and how do you feel about it?

I’m single, but it’s the first time I鈥檝e genuinely enjoyed being alone. I’ve lived with for as long as I can remember, and it was always a big part of my dating experiences. Right now, I’m focused on rebuilding my self-esteem before thinking about another relationship.

Let鈥檚 talk about the condition. When did you realise it had become a health concern?

I’ve had it since I was a child. At first, everyone assumed I’d outgrow it, but when I turned 13 and was still wetting the bed, it became a serious concern.

My parents didn’t know what to do. They’d beat me because they believed I was just sleeping too deeply. I even stopped eating and drinking in the evenings because I was terrified of wetting the bed, but nothing changed. Unless someone woke me up during the night, I’d still wake up to a wet bed.

I spent JSS1 and JSS2 in boarding school, but I begged my parents to let me leave because of the bullying. I was called names and struggled to make friends because everyone knew about my condition.

My parents only transferred me to the day section of the same school, so the bullying never really stopped. Over time, it completely shattered my self-esteem. I always felt like the condition was hanging over me.

I remember a boy in SS2 who really liked me. When his friends found out, they teased him so much that he started avoiding me. Eventually, our friendship fizzled out.

My parents are also very religious, so they believed it was a spiritual problem. At church, I’d hear testimonies from people who claimed prayer had cured their bedwetting condition. I started wondering if I just wasn’t praying hard enough.

After my WAEC exams, my parents also took me to the hospital to seek medical opinion. I was diagnosed with primary nocturnal enuresis. The doctors explained that some people continue living with it into adulthood and, apart from lifestyle changes, there isn’t a permanent cure. 

After hearing that, I believed nobody would ever want to date me.

I鈥檓 sorry. Did things change when you left secondary school?

A little. The condition had improved slightly by then. Getting into university in 2021 felt like a fresh start because nobody knew about it. I accepted that I’d probably have to manage it rather than expect it to disappear. I lived alone and never spent the night anywhere else. 

I didn’t really think about love until I met Prince*. 

We met in our faculty during our first year. We were both trying to print some materials before an exam and ended up chatting while we waited.

He was really friendly, and we both loved reading, so there was always something to talk about. We’d take long walks around campus whenever we had free time.

About two months into our friendship, I admitted I liked him. He said he felt the same way, and we started dating.

Aww. What was the relationship like?

It was a happy relationship, but I never told him about my health.

I was determined to keep it hidden for as long as I could. Whenever he asked why I never slept over, I’d make excuses. The first two times I stayed at his place, I wore an adult diaper and told him I was on my period.

Over time, I became less careful because the bedwetting didn鈥檛 happen every night. Then, a few months into the relationship, I had a slip-up. 

I fell asleep and wet his bed.

I didn’t even realise it had happened until he woke me up. The mattress was soaked, including his side. It’s still one of the most embarrassing moments of my life.

How did he react?

He looked shocked. I burst into tears, but I still couldn’t bring myself to explain that this wasn’t a one-off accident. I just kept apologising.

He told me not to worry and acted like it wasn’t a big deal, but I knew he was only trying to spare my feelings.

We never spoke about it again. A few weeks later, ASUU went on strike and everyone returned home.

Did the break affect your relationship?

It did. Looking back,  I think what happened that night changed the way he saw me.

At first, we still spoke regularly. We kept in touch via video calls, but as the strike dragged on, he became more distant. He said he was helping his brother with work and didn鈥檛 have much time to talk.

By the third month of the strike, he suggested a break. I agreed because I thought giving him space might help. I still reached out occasionally because I felt guilty. Eventually, we started talking again, but when we got back together, he asked me to respect his boundaries by reducing the frequency of our communication

Did things improve after you got back together?

Not really. When school resumed in November 2022, he wasn’t the same person anymore. Weeks passed and he made no efforts to see me. 

One day, after he ignored my calls, I decided to surprise him at his place.

When he opened the door, he immediately stepped outside and refused to let me in. But before he closed it, I caught a glimpse of another lady sitting on his bed.

He claimed she was his cousin. I asked if I could meet her, but he became angry and told me to leave.

When I got home, I sent him a long message saying I knew he wasn’t being honest. He didn’t even try to deny it. Instead, he said that after our break, he’d only agreed to 鈥渟ee how things go鈥� and that we’d never officially become boyfriend and girlfriend again.

After that conversation, I promised myself I wouldn’t contact him again. When weeks passed and he never reached out either, I accepted that the relationship was over.

How did you handle the breakup this time around?

We were in the same faculty, so we couldn鈥檛 avoid each other completely. That made it a little harder to move on.

For a long time, I blamed myself. Before I wet his bed, he was the perfect boyfriend. Afterwards, he slowly pulled away until he left.

I鈥檓 sorry. Did you try to date again after Prince?

In 2023, I met Mike*. It was around the time tech was really taking off, and I wanted to learn web development. Someone introduced us because he was experienced and could mentor me.

At first, we only talked about work. He was nerdy and not my usual type, so I never imagined we’d be more than friends. Then, a few weeks later, he told me he had a crush on me.

 I wasn’t sure I had romantic feelings for him at first, but they grew over time. 

We started dating in February 2024.

Did your experience with Prince change how you approached this relationship?

It did.

By then, I’d joined a Facebook group for adults living with nocturnal enuresis, and one piece of advice kept coming up: if you’re serious about someone, be honest about your condition.

Even then, I struggled with the thought of being that vulnerable. For months, I avoided sleeping over because I didn’t know how to tell him. He鈥檇 always ask why I always made excuses.  So, one day, I sat him down and told him everything.

How did he respond?

Better than I ever imagined. He told me none of it was my fault and that he wasn鈥檛 going to judge me.

I was so relieved that I cried. For the first time, I wasn’t constantly worrying about being “found out”, and that made me feel very safe with him.

For a while, we had a really good relationship.

What changed?

As time went on, he became controlling. By then, I’d become much more confident. I was networking within the tech community and making new friends, but he wasn’t comfortable with that.

If I posted a picture with another man, he’d ask me to take it down. At first, I dismissed it as overprotectiveness, but it gradually became suffocating.

Soon, he was questioning almost every friendship I had, including my female friends. At one point, he insisted I stop talking to a close friend because he thought she was rude. It made no sense to me, but I still cut her off just to avoid another argument.

Whenever I told him how his behaviour made me feel, he’d remind me that he’d been badly hurt in a previous relationship and struggled to trust people.

In January 2025, he moved to Europe on a scholarship.

You’d think the distance would’ve given me more freedom, but it was the opposite.

Oh. What happened?

I started hiding things from him. If I wanted to post pictures with friends, I’d block him from seeing them. Sometimes I’d even lie about where I was because I already knew how he’d react.

Around that time, I started my internship and got an amazing opportunity to work closely with my boss, including travelling for work.

I was excited to tell Mike, but instead of congratulating me, his first reaction was that he didn’t trust the arrangement.

His attitude was exhausting, but I kept telling myself I might never find someone else who鈥檇 accept my condition the way he had.

Last December, he came to Nigeria for Christmas and bought me an iPhone as a gift.

A few months after he returned to Europe, I noticed something strange. Whenever I was somewhere I hadn’t told him about, he’d call repeatedly until I answered. It happened often, but I didn鈥檛 think much of it until May this year.

The phone developed a fault, so I took it in for repairs. That鈥檚 when the technician discovered spyware installed on it that could track my location and monitor parts of my activity. The moment he told me, I knew it was Mike.

Did you confront him?

I did. He admitted he’d installed it but only to keep me safe.

That was my breaking point. I didn’t feel safe anymore, and no explanation could change that.

He’d always promised that once he settled abroad, he’d bring me over as his dependant. A few months earlier, that sounded like a dream.

But after discovering the spyware, all I could think was: If he’s this controlling while we’re living in different countries, what would happen if I became completely dependent on him?

So I ended the relationship. He didn’t take it well, but by then my mind was made up.

And how are you doing now?

It’s only been a few months, so I still have moments when I wonder if I made the right decision. 

Dating is already difficult, and my condition makes it even harder. I know how insensitive people can be, and the fear of getting hurt again remains.

But I’m trying not to dwell on that. Right now, I’m focused on graduating. I can worry about love later.

Right. How have these experiences shaped your idea of love and relationships?

I’ve learnt that honest communication is everything. Be open about who you are and don’t spend your life worrying about what the other person might think. I still struggle with shame about my condition, but I鈥檝e realised hiding it only makes things harder.

I’ve also stopped trying to rationalise people’s behaviour. I used to spend so much time asking why someone treated me a certain way or making excuses for them. Now I know that if a relationship no longer brings me peace, it鈥檚 okay to walk away. 

Finally, how are the streets treating you these days? Rate it on a scale of 1 to 10.

7/10. I’m not looking for a relationship or talking to anyone, but I鈥檓 putting myself out there in healthier ways. I’m making more friends, saying yes to new experiences. Hopefully, all that will help me be more self-confident.

Read Next: I Left My Talking Stage for His Elder Brother

Here鈥檚 a list of some of our favourite sweethearts.

Adekunle Gold & Simi 

Before they became our favourite music power couple, Adekunle Gold was a graphic designer, while Simi was still finding her footing as a singer when they met at one of her performances in 2013. Over time, their friendship grew, and they kept their relationship private for years before getting married in 2019.

Olamide & Bukunmi 

They鈥檝e been together since 2008, back when Olamide was still performing at small gigs. She stayed by his side through the early years of his career, long before his breakout in 2010.

After nearly a decade together, Olamide proposed in 2018, and the couple got married soon after. Since then, they’ve built a private family life.

Peter Okoye & Lola Omotayo

They met in the early 2000s at a corporate event in Enugu, long before P-Square blew up. At the time, Peter was still chasing his big break, while Lola already had a successful corporate career. Peter sometimes still jokes about being a 鈥済old digger鈥� because Lola supported him financially.

Omotola Jalade & Captain Matthew Ekeinde

When Omotola married Captain Matthew Ekeinde in 1996, she was still a student and a year into her Nollywood career. As her fame grew, Matthew was there every step of the way. Omotola has credited him with being her biggest cheerleader as she became one of Africa’s biggest movie stars. 

Timi & Busola Dakolo

Timi and Busola Dakolo met at House on the Rock church in 2010. They started dating when Timi was fresh off his win on Idols West Africa and on the rise in the music industry. Busola still jokes about those early struggles, especially the branded Kia Picanto Timi won on the show. She’d tease him about how funny it looked and even asked him not to park it where her co-workers could see.

Real Warri Pikin (Anita) & Ikechukwu Asuoha

They got married in 2013, just after she left school. Their marriage started with very little, and they later opened up about how years of financial struggles and debt nearly tore them apart before Anita finally got her big break in comedy.

In 2023, they celebrated their 10th anniversary with the dream wedding renewal they couldn’t afford when they first got married.

Deyemi & Damilola Okanlawon 

They first met as students at UNILAG, while Deyemi helped his mum’s baking business by selling bread and cakes long before his acting career. 

They tied the knot in 2013, and just months later, Damilola backed Deyemi’s decision to leave his corporate job and pursue acting. More than 15 years later, they’re still building life together.

Omoni & Nnamdi Oboli

They first met on a movie set in 1996, but after that film, she stepped away from Nollywood to finish school and focus on her family. 

Omoni and Nnamdi married for nine years before Omoni returned to Nollywood in 2009. They built her career together, with Nnamdi becoming both her manager and business partner. 

Tara & Fela Durotoye 

Tara and Fela Durotoye met through a mutual friend in 1998, who introduced them because he thought they’d be a good match. At the time, Tara was a law student building House of Tara from her living room, while Fela was squatting with the friend and exploring different business ideas.

They got married in 2001 and built their dreams side by side, supporting each other through the early hustle before becoming two of Nigeria’s most respected entrepreneurs.

Peter & Margaret Obi 

They got married in 1992, long before Obi entered politics. He followed in his father’s footsteps as a trader before building a successful business career, and the couple spent more than a decade building their family and businesses together.

It wasn’t until Peter became Governor of Anambra State in 2006 that they stepped into the spotlight.

Read Next: Nigerians Explain Why They Chose to Become Side Pieces

Chinelo* 34

I’ve never wanted marriage or the level of commitment that comes with it, so dating married men ended up fitting the kind of life I wanted. The first time happened by accident. I didn’t even know he was married until we were already deeply involved, but I warmed up to the arrangement.

He was mature and didn’t demand constant attention because he already had a family and life outside me. I’m not asking anyone to leave their wife or neglect their family for me, so I’m not harming anyone.

David* 32

When we met in 2023, she told me she was leaving her boyfriend because he was emotionally and financially abusive. I believed her, so I didn’t feel guilty when our friendship turned romantic. She later told me she’d left him for good and had chosen me. But after stumbling on their Instagram messages, I realised they were still in contact. 

A few months later, we argued and she asked for a break. That’s when I discovered she’d never really left her boyfriend. She chose not to continue our relationship, and they got married last year.

Ann* 25

I became a side chick because I was still in the closet. She was my friend, and we started sleeping together while she was dating a man. She was struggling to accept her sexuality, and I stayed because I understood what that felt like.

Being with her also felt safer than putting myself out there or telling more people I liked women. I kept hoping she’d eventually choose me, or at least be honest about who she was. In the end, she chose to stay in her relationship and cut me off.

Faiza* 24

In my first year of university, I developed a crush on my faculty president. I was always around him, and eventually he started paying attention to me. When he confessed he also had feelings for me, I knew he had a girlfriend, but I believed I could eventually make him leave her. Looking back, I was just young and delusional.

About a month later, she found out after someone spotted us together. She came to my room with other girls and beat me so badly I still have a scar on my arm. The embarrassing part is that if he hadn’t started avoiding me afterwards, I probably would’ve gone back. 

Jumoke*, 27

He’d always been a friend who flirted with me, but I never entertained it because he had a girlfriend and I was in a relationship too. Then one night, we went out together, got really high and hooked up. It was supposed to be a one-time mistake, but it happened again and again. 

For the next eight months, we kept going back to each other. Every time, I told myself it would be the last, which made it easier to ignore the guilt. I never really thought of myself as a side chick because I believed it wouldn’t last. It finally ended when he moved away in 2024.

Treasure* 25

I didn’t know he had a girlfriend when we started dating. If I had, I would’ve never gotten involved. He’d been so discreet because she lived back home while we were in school. Finding out broke my heart, and we even split up for a while.

But I liked him too much to stay away. I believed their relationship had always been on and off, so eventually he’d leave her for me. He never did. Instead, I stayed in that situation for months before finally walking away.

Titi* 29

We’d been friends for years before we started sleeping together. We even considered dating, but quickly realised we weren’t compatible romantically. We were only sexually compatible, so whenever we found ourselves in the same place, we’d hook up.

Sometimes one of us was in a relationship, other times both of us were. I’ve never really thought much about the people he dates because, in my head, we aren鈥檛 together. 

Hafsat* 28

We would’ve dated if not for our different religious backgrounds. While we were stuck in that situation, another woman came into the picture and quickly became his girlfriend. It bruised my pride, and we stopped talking for almost a year.

When we reconnected, he immediately started complaining about the problems in his relationship. By then, I didn’t even want him anymore, but sleeping with him was my way of proving I still had the upper hand. I鈥檝e grown a lot since then and it鈥檚 not something I’d do again or advise.

Ahmad* 36

I had an affair with my married coworker. Her husband lived abroad, and she’d often tell me how unhappy she was and how he didn’t care about her or their children. At the time, I was struggling with my mental health, and she was one of the few people who supported me.

She insisted the marriage was only a partnership on paper, so I held on to the hope that she would one day leave.  Walking away after two years was one of the hardest things I’ve done. In the end, I had to quit my job just to move on.

Aisha*, 47

I knew he was married from the start. We met through his niece while I was in university, and because his family lived in another state, I’d often spend time at his place instead of travelling all the way home during the holidays. One thing led to another, and we started sleeping together. He was helping me financially, so I planned to just date him for a short time.

But a few months in, I got pregnant. This was in the early 2000s, so abortion wasn鈥檛 an option, and I just had to stick with him. We even did an introduction, though I never wanted him to leave his wife or marry me. I only wanted him to take responsibility for our child. The situation has caused so much pain that if I could go back, I wouldn’t do it again.

Linda* 28

I was in a really bad place when I met him. He was kind and always there for me. Before long, we started hooking up. He never told me he had a girlfriend, but there were signs. Because we were casual, I never asked questions.

By the time I wanted him to commit, I found out about his relationship and chose to look the other way because I was already attached. What finally made me leave was learning that his girlfriend was religious and had chosen not to have sex before marriage. I realised that was the only reason he was with me. I was just filling the gap until he could get what he wanted from her.

Read Next: My Girlfriend Left Our Six-Year Relationship to Become a Reverend Sister

Victor鈥檚* (29) relationship ended when his ex chose to dedicate her life to God. Years later, after finally opening his heart to someone else, he found himself nursing another heartbreak. On this week’s episode of On the Streets, he talks about how those relationships shaped his self-worth and the lessons he’s learned about letting go. 

What鈥檚 your current relationship status, and how do you feel about it?

I’m single because dating hasn’t really worked out for me. I’ve been hurt multiple times, and it got to a point where I started asking myself the point of relationships.

I still want love and marriage, but I’m currently focused on my personal growth. I’m happy to let love happen when it’s meant to.

How did you get here?

I was a very shy person growing up, so I never really approached girls.

Esther* was my first girlfriend in secondary school. In 2012, when I was in SS1, she joined my class, and everyone thought she was beautiful.

I admired her from a distance because I didn’t think I’d stand a chance. Then, in SS2, we became close through a mutual friend.

I loved writing, so I’d write her little notes. It was a very innocent relationship. The most we’d do was kiss. A few months after we became friends, I asked her out, and she said yes.

What was the relationship like in the beginning?

At first, everything was great. The problems started in 2014, after Esther got confirmed in her church.

Esther was Catholic while I was Pentecostal. Religion hadn’t been an issue when we started dating because she wasn’t particularly strict about it. But after the confirmation, she became much more devoted to her faith and started talking about dedicating her life to God.

She also had an older mentor in church whom she deeply admired and who had a big influence on her.

At first, I didn’t think much of it because she still went back and forth. Sometimes she’d be fully immersed in church activities, and other times things between us would feel completely normal.

Then, after our WAEC exams, she suddenly stopped speaking to me.

What happened?

I kept trying to reach her, but she became completely distant.

When we eventually spoke again, she told me she’d been going through a spiritual conviction and needed space.

Eventually, we reconciled, but things were never quite the same.

How did her faith begin to affect the relationship?

She became even more committed to her faith and began to question whether she should be in a relationship at all.

I cared about her so much that I told her if she wanted to wait until marriage before having sex, I’d respect that completely. But it wasn’t really about sex. She felt the relationship itself no longer aligned with the life she believed God was calling her to live.

Even so, I fought for us. We stayed together and eventually attended the same polytechnic.

Did things improve once you got to the polytechnic?

On the surface, yes. I respected her boundaries. The bigger issue was that I always felt she wasn’t completely sure about us because of my faith.

Whenever we talked about the future, she’d question whether a Catholic and a Pentecostal could really make a marriage work. To me, it didn’t seem like a problem worth worrying about. I figured we’d cross that bridge when we got there. But for her, it was an issue.

She also criticised parts of my lifestyle that she felt weren’t Christian enough. If I went partying or did something she didn’t approve of, she’d take it as proof that we weren’t spiritually compatible.

Eventually, I stopped being completely honest. I’d hide things from her or avoid telling her what I was doing because I didn’t want another disagreement. I was constantly on edge, trying to be the version of myself I thought she wanted instead of simply being myself.

I believed it was worth it because I loved her. I also knew she meant well and only wanted me to become a better person.

The last thing I expected was for her to tell me she wanted to become a Catholic sister.

Woah. How did that happen?

I first heard about it during our second year at poly. Looking back, the signs had been there for a while. She’d become deeply involved in her parish and volunteered for almost everything. I simply thought she had a generous heart.

She didn’t tell me herself at first. A mutual friend told me Esther had been thinking about becoming a Catholic sister, but was afraid to tell me.

I laughed it off. I couldn’t imagine her giving up our relationship, so I tried not to think about it.

Eventually, she brought it up herself. She told me she felt called to become a sister. She wasn’t entirely certain, given how life-changing the decision was, but she believed it was what God wanted her to do.

How did you react?

I was devastated. Her parents weren’t fully on board either. She’s their only daughter, so they were understandably worried, even though they were deeply religious themselves.

That gave me hope. I convinced myself it was just a phase and that she’d eventually change her mind.

Then she disappeared again for a few days, and  I realised she might actually be serious. I eventually told her that if becoming a sister was truly what she wanted, I wouldn’t stand in her way. But I asked if we could stay together until she finished her OND before making a final decision.

During that period, I prayed constantly and hoped her parents would eventually convince her to reconsider.

Did things work out the way you hoped?

No. About eight months later, after we finished our OND, our parents expected us to continue to HND, but she had other plans. She’d already started applying to different religious congregations and was eventually accepted into one.

When she told me, I was shattered.

I’d always believed that, given enough time, she’d change her mind, especially because she loved family life and seemed to enjoy so many parts of ordinary life.

I kept researching different ways she could still serve God, hoping she’d see another path. But she’d already made up her mind.

I’ll never forget how I felt when she officially ended our relationship in October 2018, before she left for her training.

How did you handle the breakup?

Not well.

I was angry and said things I regret because I couldn’t understand why she was choosing that life over the future we’d planned together.

At the time, all I could think was that if she loved me enough, she would change her mind.

I understand her decision much better now, but back then, all I felt was rejection.

I’d never been especially religious, but I knew there was nothing that would’ve made me walk away from someone I loved.

Moving on was incredibly difficult.

We’d been together for almost six years, so losing her felt like losing the future I’d imagined for myself.

Even after we broke up, I reached out to apologise for how things ended. I tried to stay friends, hoping we’d eventually reconnect, but she seemed uncomfortable around me.

I know she probably didn’t mean it that way, but I always felt like she could barely tolerate my presence.

For a long time, I couldn’t stop researching religious life. I kept wondering whether people ever left the convent or changed their minds. I held on to the hope that she’d come back.

We eventually drifted apart, and I accepted that she wasn’t going to change her mind.

Did you date anyone after Esther?

Not for a long time. I couldn’t bring myself to get close to anyone. I was afraid of investing so much in another relationship only to end up heartbroken again.

Even when I met someone I liked, I’d lose interest because I was scared of getting attached.

I didn’t have another serious relationship until 2023, during my NYSC year, when I met Faith*.

Tell me about Faith

We served at the same PPA, where we were both interns. As we spent more time together, we naturally became close.

Faith was the complete opposite of me. She was bubbly, caring and always had my back. There was never a dull moment with her.

It also helped that, while she was a Christian, she never imposed her beliefs on me. After everything I’d been through with Esther, that mattered a lot.

We spent a few months getting to know each other before I asked her to be my girlfriend towards the end of our service year in November 2023.

She said yes.

What was the relationship like?

It was really good in the beginning.

The biggest challenge came when I moved to another state for work. We went from seeing each other almost every day to trying to make a long-distance relationship work.

That’s when the problems started.

I struggled to fully trust her.

Faith had many male friends and was naturally very social. She felt I was being insecure, while I felt she didn’t have the boundaries I needed to feel comfortable.

It became a recurring source of conflict. As time went on, I convinced myself that if we were more intentional about our future, the relationship would feel more secure.

What made you feel ready for that?

Around our first anniversary, I realised I wanted reassurance that we were building towards the same future.

During one of my visits, I planned a surprise for her at a hotel. I decorated the room, bought gifts and asked her to marry me.

She said no.

Why do you think so?

She said she wasn’t ready.

I was hurt because we’d already talked about dating intentionally. I’d always made it clear that I wasn’t interested in casual relationships, so I genuinely thought we were on the same page.

Besides, I wasn’t asking her to marry me immediately. I just wanted to know we were working towards the same destination.

Afterwards, she told me she still wanted to achieve certain things before thinking about marriage and that she’d simply panicked. I accepted that explanation and agreed to give her more time.

But the relationship wasn’t the same after that.

She slowly started pulling away. Our conversations became less frequent, and it took her much longer to reply to my messages. Eventually, she told me everything felt like it was moving too fast.

I reminded her that I wasn’t asking us to get married immediately, but she said I was projecting my fears from my relationship with Esther onto her, and that it had become toxic.

She also said we weren’t aligned anymore. She talked about her plans to leave Nigeria and said she didn’t want to tie me down. Deep down, though, I knew she simply didn’t want to be with me anymore.

How did you take the breakup?

I was devastated. I kept asking myself why the people I loved never seemed to choose me. I started questioning my worth. We broke up in December 2024, and for a long time afterwards, I couldn’t imagine opening up to someone else.

There were times when I’d relapse and reach out to Faith. We’d talk for a while, but nothing ever came of it. Eventually, I had to accept reality. I’m in a much better place now and completely over her.

Great. How have these experiences shaped your idea of love and relationships?

Not to force what isn’t meant to work. For a long time, I tied my self-worth to whether someone chose me. My self-esteem is still something I’m working on because those experiences really changed how I saw myself.

These days, I’m putting my energy into my career and feeling better about myself. I believe the right people will come into my life naturally, and I don’t have to force relationships anymore.

Finally, how are the streets treating you these days? Rate it on a scale of 1 to 10.

Being single isn’t easy. I still miss having someone to talk to or share my day with.

But as more time passes, I’m adjusting. I’ve started a new job where I鈥檓 building meaningful friendships. I鈥檝e realised being single isn鈥檛 the end of the world.

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