And we found Nigerians living this reality. Here’s what they had to say.

Deji*, 29

I’m currently doing my master’s at UNILAG, and a final-year babe has attached herself to me even though I’ve subtly told her I’m not looking for a relationship. She has clearly fallen for me, and honestly, I’m just enjoying the flow. I don’t spend money on her. In fact, she gives me money and even lets me drive her car. She’s clearly a nepo baby, so my master’s experience has been sweet. The problem is that I’m also trying to force myself to feel the same way she does about me, but it’s not working. Maybe she’s just not my spec. Whatever the case, I’m still enjoying the benefits.

Ibukun*, 29

I moved to Lagos for NYSC without knowing anyone, so I was determined to make friends with people who actually lived there. That’s how I met this guy in camp who seemed like a rich dude. We got close and became intimate towards the end of camp. He wasn’t really my type romantically, but he had free housing, and I thought I could take advantage of that. After camp, I moved in with him and ended up squatting there for almost a year. We dated during that period, but deep down, I knew I wasn’t really feeling him. When I eventually moved back to Osun, I ended the relationship.

Dapo*, 34

I dated a girl in university who wasn’t really my type. She was cute and pretty, but she was also obese, and I wasn’t attracted to her like that. We started as friends, but she began doing things that made me realise how much I could benefit from being close to her. She cooked for me, washed my clothes and gave me money. Her dad was a politician who spoilt her, and she even paid half of my fees on two occasions. People used to troll me for dating her, but they didn’t know what I was getting from the relationship. We stayed together throughout university before she relocated. We’re still cordial, and she still sends me money when I ask.

Frank*, 29

I couldn’t renew my Lagos rent after my landlord doubled it, and I didn’t have enough savings to cover the difference. There was a woman on my street who had always made passes at me, but I never responded because she had a child and looked older than me. When I got my quit notice, I told her about my situation, and she offered to let me squat with her for a monthly fee. The first two months were fine, but by the third month, her advances became harder to ignore. I knew I could lose the housing arrangement if I kept turning her down, so I eventually gave in. I stayed there for over a year before moving out.

Derin*, 30

My aunt once tried to set me up with her wealthy friend’s son. The moment I saw him, I knew he wasn’t for me, but I couldn’t ignore the fact that he had money to throw around. He was also very slow, so I dated him for eight months and made quite a bit of money from the relationship. He gave me a monthly allowance of about ₦150,000, but I never let things become sexual. The most I did was give him a handjob. He’s married now, but he still makes passes at me, and I know exactly what to say when I want him to send me money. I don’t feel bad about it because I never promised him what I wasn’t willing to give.

Blessing*, 27

I dated someone in university whom I didn’t really like. He was loud, rude, and, honestly, not very good-looking, but he had money and was always after me. My parents were struggling financially, so apart from my tuition, I had to figure out my feeding and accommodation. They suggested I stay with a family friend, but the person lived too far away. I eventually gave this guy a chance because of what came with him. He lived in a private residence, had his own car and made sure I never worried about food or money. We stayed together after university, but once I got a good job during NYSC, I knew I could leave. I still can’t believe I dated him.

*Names have been changed to protect the identity of the subjects.

From newlyweds who transitioned to painful long-distance arrangements immediately after saying “I do”, to couples doing the hard work of keeping love alive after every long-overdue reunion, these stories reveal the grit, loneliness, and absolute resilience required to love someone from thousands of miles away. 

“I worried my wife was sleeping with other people” — Tunde*, 37

Three months after our wedding, I relocated to the UK. At the time, we told ourselves it would only be for a year. That year became three. I only went home during the Christmas break to say hello.

Nobody told me that long-distance marriage isn’t just about missing someone physically. It’s about missing the small things, like eating together, arguing over silly things and seeing her face after a difficult day. I sorted my physical needs with sex workers and tried not to think about whether my wife was doing the same back in Nigeria.

Instead, I focused on making sure we became better at communicating. There were times I worried we were becoming pen pals instead of spouses. But now, I’m grateful for the love that kept us together until we could be in the same place again. She’s moved over to my side now, thankfully. Those long years apart taught me how important physical presence is in a marriage.

“I feel like I’m switching between being married and being single” — Ifeoma*, 33

My husband works offshore and can be away for months at a time. Every time he leaves, I have to adjust to life without him. Then, when he returns, I have to adjust all over again. It’s like constantly switching between being married and being single. Sometimes the transitions are harder than the separation itself.

We’ve had to learn to be intentional about reconnecting emotionally because intimacy doesn’t automatically return just because someone comes home. At the beginning, I resented him being away so much that our s*x life began to suffer. We had to go for counselling to get over that hump, and things have gotten better since then.

“I’m watching my children grow up through photos” — Hassan*, 41

The biggest surprise about long-distance marriage is how quickly loneliness can creep in, even when you’re talking every day. I moved to Canada in search of greener pastures, but my wife and kids can’t join me yet. For now, we’re stuck with phone calls.

Even though we talk frequently, there are moments technology can’t replace. When you’re sick, stressed or celebrating something, you want your person physically by your side. It was my idea to go to Canada, but the separation has taken a harder toll on me. Every time my wife sends me photos, I feel like I’m missing crucial parts of our children’s lives. I can’t wait till this part is behind us.

“I was married online but alone in real life” — Bimpe*, 29

My husband moved to the UK six months after our wedding. For a while, I felt like I was living two separate lives. Online, I was somebody’s wife. Offline, I was alone.

The weirdest part was how people treated me like a married woman, but my daily reality looked a lot like being single. I’d go to bed alone, fix problems alone and make major decisions alone. Sometimes I felt guilty about admitting how lonely I was because, technically, I wasn’t alone. I had a husband. He just happened to be thousands of kilometres away. 

Last December, I got a visa, and we spent the holidays together. It felt like the sun had come out again. I don’t recommend a long-distance marriage if you’re a lover girl. 

“I could feel my marriage slipping away” — David*, 38

My wife and I tried the thing where one person moves abroad first, and the other joins later. We barely lasted a year.

When you’re only speaking over calls and texts, you naturally start summarising your day rather than fully sharing it. After a while, we’d tell each other the highlights but not the details. I eventually started feeling a distance between us that scared me.

I hated that there were parts of her daily life I knew almost nothing about. When the UK tightened its policies and made immigration tougher, I called my wife and told her I was coming home. The relief on her face told me I’d done the right thing.

“My wife said she was tired of carrying everything alone” — Saheed*, 48

I’m a truck driver, and I have to travel frequently for work. For a long time, I convinced myself my wife had adjusted to it. After all, I sent upkeep money regularly and made sure she and our kids were comfortable. In my mind, I was doing all this for them.

Then one day, while I was visiting home, she poured out her mind. She said handling everything alone while I was away was too much for her. Hearing that made me feel bad. I thought she was having it easier, but that day she showed me she was struggling.

I now make sure I’m never away from home for more than a week. It’s not perfect, but we’re making it work until we can find a more permanent solution.

“We had to schedule dates just to remember we liked each other” — Tinuade*, 35

When you’re together physically, affection can happen naturally. When you’re apart, it’s a different ball game. You have to create opportunities for connection instead of waiting for them to happen naturally. A few weeks after my husband travelled for film school, I noticed our conversations had become repetitive because all we discussed were bills, work and responsibilities.

We had to stop and decide that we wanted this to work. Then we started scheduling online dates and watching films together. He’ll soon graduate, and I can’t wait for him to come back home to me.

“Distance made me aware of my insecurities” — Chinedu*, 39

I had to briefly move to Abuja to oversee the construction of the home I was building for our family. During that period, I only went home once or twice a month.

The problem was that, over time, I became insecure about leaving my wife alone for so long. If she took longer than usual to reply to my messages, my mind would immediately start creating stories. 

I knew she was probably busy, but the distance made every feeling seem bigger than it was. I was forced to confront and overcome insecurities I didn’t even realise I had. When you’re apart, you need to go the extra mile to remind yourself of the partner you have and the kind of person they are.

“I cried in an empty apartment because I missed my husband” — Kemi*, 28

My husband relocated two days after our wedding in 2025, and for seven months, our marriage was sustained by phone calls, texts, and video calls.

My friends would ask how we were coping with the distance, and I’d always say we were fine. But the truth was more complicated. Some days were manageable. Other days, I’d come home to an empty apartment and cry because I was tired of being alone.

I’d pick fights with him, but he never lost his cool. When I finally saw him again, I was so happy. It felt like those months apart had been a bad dream.

“I stopped wanting sex after years apart from my husband” — Funke*, 61

My husband was an accountant and travelled frequently. During peak periods, he’d be away for months at a time. At first, I missed him so much it was painful. But after a while, I got used to it.

We had two kids, and I poured my time into taking care of them. At some point, I thought he might have a secret family in another state. But as long as they didn’t disturb my children or me, I wasn’t too worried about it.

The constant distance wrecked our intimacy, though. After our third child was born in 1999, I no longer felt the urge to have s*x with him. He didn’t pressure me, and we continued our marriage like that until he passed away in 2019.

“Being apart almost made us forget how to be a team” — Amara*, 52

My husband lived abroad for four years because he was trying to get a residency visa. I had to stay back with our children.

As time passed, I learned to solve problems on my own and make big decisions without him. I think a part of me resented him for leaving me with the kids, but another part of me missed him when he was gone.

The damage was already done by the time we eventually reunited. We’d both developed separate routines and ways of doing things, and it almost broke our marriage. It took prayer and learning how to function as a team again to avoid divorce.

“We almost grew apart while I was away” — Segun*, 38

People often assume long-distance marriages fail because of infidelity. In my experience, the bigger threat is emotional drift. You can love someone deeply and still become disconnected if you’re not careful.

We were apart for six months while I pursued a diploma in Brazil. Things got so busy that, at one point, we couldn’t find the time to connect.

I didn’t even notice how distant we’d become. She was the one who pointed it out. After that, I became intentional about setting aside time to talk about things other than our responsibilities. It actually deepened our bond. It felt like we were dating again. By the time I returned, we felt closer than we had in months.

“I got so used to being alone that his presence annoyed me” — Kikelomo*, 36

The first time my husband came home after almost a year away on deployment, I was shocked by how irritated I felt.

I’d imagined a romantic reunion, but instead, I found myself annoyed that he was disrupting my routines. I’d gotten so used to being alone and doing things without him. Suddenly, there was another person in the house again.

I think long-distance marriage can make independence feel addictive. Every time my husband comes home, I have to relearn how to share my space with him. But once I adjust, I love having him around, and I hate when he has to leave.

“I felt like a guest in my own home” — Uche*, 46

Spending more time out of the house always makes me feel like a guest in my own home.

Whenever I return from travelling, my wife and kids already have their routines. They know where everything is, how everything works and what their schedules look like.

For the first few days, I’d always feel slightly out of place, like I was visiting rather than returning. It made me cranky and easily annoyed. Only a few nights in bed with my wife could turn it around. Those few minutes we spend gossiping before we fall asleep are my favourite moments on the days I spend at home.

“Hope kept my marriage alive when my husband couldn’t be there” — Nnenna*, 40

A few years into our marriage, my husband and I had to navigate a long-distance situation. He travelled to America for three years, and it threatened to end us.

I spoke to some older couples at our church who had experience with long-distance marriage, and I noticed the same pattern. They genuinely believed the sacrifice would eventually be worth it. The couples who struggled most were the ones who lost sight of why they were enduring the separation in the first place.

That put everything into perspective for me.

Hope is a surprisingly practical way to keep the flame alive, even when your spouse isn’t physically there with you.

“Moving back in together was harder than living apart” — Bayo*, 60

When I retired after years of living apart from my wife and travelling for work, I didn’t realise that reuniting would be difficult.

I expected things to be seamless when I joined her in our three-bed flat. We’d become accustomed to making decisions independently and organising our lives separately. Suddenly sharing a space again required the compromise we’d stopped practising.

We started arguing and raising our voices; something we’d never done before.

Eventually, I figured the small space was an issue, so we moved to a duplex. Our relationship improved almost immediately. It’s been great between us ever since.

Ěý*Names have been changed to protect the identity of the subjects.

If you loved this, you won’t want to miss the next episode. The Long Haul follows couples who successfully navigated marriage for over a decade and more. Dropping Aug 14th.

In this week’s Marriage Diaries, he shares how a failed business deal made him lean on his wife for the first time, why marrying an ambitious woman changed his idea of marriage, and the argument that transformed how they communicate.

Got a marriage story to share? PleaseĚýĚýand we’ll reach out.

I never dreamed about marriage; I just wanted a peaceful life

My mum died when I was young, and my dad never remarried. It was just him raising three children, with my grandmother and two aunties stepping in whenever he travelled for work. My dad was a very strict man, so our lives revolved around school, discipline and doing the right thing. There wasn’t room to think about girlfriends or relationships, and because my dad never brought another woman into our lives, marriage wasn’t something I spent time imagining.

Even when I got to university, dating wasn’t on my mind. I wanted to graduate, get a good job and become financially stable. I only started to consider marriage after school, and even then, my expectations were quite simple.

I wanted a peaceful home, a beautiful wife and children. More importantly, I wanted to be financially comfortable enough to provide for them. Growing up, I’d seen enough families struggle because money was tight, and I didn’t want that to become my story. In my mind, the husband carried the responsibility of providing, while the wife supported however she could. That was the kind of marriage I expected to have.

My wife completely changed what I believed about gender roles

The biggest surprise in my marriage has been my wife.

Interestingly, while we were dating, she sounded even more traditional than I was. She would always say she wasn’t interested in any 50-50 arrangement and that any man who couldn’t provide should stay away from her. I didn’t see anything wrong with that because I already believed it was my responsibility to take care of my family.

But marriage showed me another side of her. My wife doesn’t wait for me to ask before she steps in. If something needs to be done for our family, she’s already thinking about how she can help. Sometimes I even have to tell her to slow down because she’s always looking for ways to chip in.

It made me realise that partnership in marriage isn’t about keeping score or dividing responsibilities down the middle. It’s about two people doing whatever they can to make sure the family is okay.

A failed business deal made me question if I’d really been ready for marriage

I’ve always been someone who plans ahead, especially financially. I like knowing that even if something goes wrong, I have enough saved to keep my family comfortable while I recover. But life doesn’t always respect your plans.

About three years after we got married, I got involved in a business deal that went badly and lost a significant amount of money. If it had only been my wife, our first son and me, maybe I would have handled the pressure differently. But around that same period, my wife was pregnant and eventually gave birth to twins. Suddenly, every budgeting plan I’d made stopped making sense.

I started dipping into savings, trying to keep my business afloat and worrying about how I was going to provide for a family that had suddenly become much bigger.

The funny thing is that I didn’t tell my wife any of this. She’d just gone through a difficult delivery and was adjusting to life with newborn twins. I didn’t see the point of adding my own worries to everything she was already carrying.

Still, she noticed that something wasn’t right. One day, I received a credit alert for more than ₦1 million. I honestly thought the bank had made a mistake. When I asked her about it, she simply told me she’d noticed I wasn’t myself and wanted me to use the money to support the business.

I don’t know if I’ve ever felt more loved than I did in that moment. People often think love is in grand gestures or romantic words, but for me, that action represented something much bigger. It reminded me that I wasn’t carrying my family alone, even though I’d always believed that was my responsibility as the husband.

Learning to support an ambitious wife wasn’t as easy as I expected

One thing nobody prepared me for was what happens when your wife becomes incredibly successful at what she does.

My wife eventually left paid employment to run her event business full-time. The business grew quickly, and with that growth came constant travelling, sleepless nights and long hours.

I admired her work ethic because I could see the impact it was having on our family. She wasn’t just building her business; she was also helping to ease the financial burden on our home.

At the same time, I worried that the demands of the business were beginning to affect the time she could give to our family.

And I struggled to communicate that concern. Whenever I tried to raise it, I worried that it sounded as though I wanted her to slow down or abandon her dreams. That wasn’t what I wanted at all. I just wanted us to remember that, no matter how successful either of us became, our family still had to come first.

It took both of us time to understand each other’s perspective. We had lots of trial and error and hard conversations before we eventually found our footing.

I’ve learnt that timing matters as much as good intentions

After our last child was born, my wife wanted to resume work barely two months later. I suggested she give herself more time to recover because she’d just gone through childbirth.

But, to her, she believed I was only saying it because I wanted her to stay at home, not because I genuinely cared about her well-being.

Looking back, I understand why she interpreted it that way. She’d worked hard to build something she was proud of, and perhaps my timing made it sound like I didn’t appreciate her efforts. Eventually, I apologised. One thing about me is that I don’t struggle with saying sorry. Whether I’m right or wrong, I’d rather apologise than allow resentment to grow.

These days, I’m more careful about how I approach conversations around her work. I’ve learnt that saying the right thing isn’t always enough. Your partner also needs to feel that you understand what matters to them.

My wife taught me that accepting help doesn’t make me less of a man

When I was younger, I believed a man’s value came from being able to provide everything his family needed. Today, I don’t think that’s true.

My wife now earns more than I do because her business has grown tremendously, and I’ve learned not to see that as a competition. We’re building one family, so whether the money comes through her or me, it still benefits all of us.

I remember when we bought our family car. My relatives naturally assumed I was the one who paid for it, but I corrected them immediately and told them my wife bought it.

She wasn’t particularly happy that I said so because she didn’t think it mattered. But I wanted people to know because I was proud of her.

If you’re blessed with a hardworking, generous and successful spouse, I don’t think there’s anything to be ashamed of. In fact, I think more men should learn to celebrate their wives rather than feel threatened by them.

Love matters, but it can’t sustain a marriage

I believe love is important, but I don’t think it’s enough.

There will be seasons when life puts pressure on your marriage. There will be moments when you disagree, when you’re tired, when money is tight or when one person is carrying more than the other. Those are the moments when patience, trust, understanding and respect become just as important as love.

Sometimes what keeps a marriage together isn’t the excitement you felt at the beginning. Sometimes it’s choosing each other on difficult days and remembering that you’re on the same team.

Looking back now, I think that’s the biggest lesson marriage has taught me. I entered it believing that provision was my greatest responsibility. 13 years later, I know partnership is just as important. My wife has supported me in ways I never imagined, and I hope I’ve learned how to support her too. I think that’s what has sustained our marriage more than anything else.

*Names have been changed to protect the identity of the subjects.

Got a marriage story to share? Please  and we’ll reach out.

Tomi and Anu (early 30s) met as teenagers at a New Year party in 2009.Ěý

On this week’s Love Life, they talk about a decade of drifting apart and reconnecting, the life-changing accident neither of them saw coming, and the moment Anu proposed marriage before he ever got the chance to ask.

What’s your earliest memory of each other?

Tomi: 2009. We met her at a New Year’s party through a mutual friend. I was about 17 and went there to dance. But that day at the party, I spotted Tomi and just couldn’t stop staring at her. I’d never felt that kind of pull toward anyone before. It turned into a full-on staring competition between us. 

However, I didn’t know how to approach her because I was clueless and had never really toasted a babe before. After we left the party,  I went to our mutual friend and gave a thorough description of Anu. I described her face, nose, eyes, and what she was wearing. Then she said, “ Oh, that sounds like Anu,” and gave me her number. 

Anu: My earliest memory of Tomi isn’t so different. I noticed him staring at me intensely at the New Year’s party, and I remember thinking, ” Why is this guy looking at me like that?” I was shy, so I just stared back without saying anything. We didn’t talk that day at all; we just kept looking at each other across the room.

Then, I think the next day after the party, our mutual friend asked me if she could give him my number. She told me this guy liked me and wanted to reach out, and I said she could give him. I was just 15, and I wasn’t thinking about relationships. I just expected us to have normal conversations and keep it moving. And that’s exactly what happened. As Tomi mentioned, we were both still really young, and it was a new experience for us. So it was only natural that we started as friends.

Hmmm

Tomi: We spent the next couple of months just getting to know each other. We mostly talked at night, using the MTN night call plans, since daytime minutes were expensive. 

We’d just talk about our likes, dislikes and what we both wanted for ourselves in the future. We were both raised by single mothers, so we were naturally quite disciplined and weren’t thinking about anything physical or intimate. 

And how long did this phase last? 

Tomi: We talked for almost a year before anything was official. One night out of nowhere, Anu said, “Babe, do you realise you haven’t actually asked me out?” And she was right. As a first timer, I’d gotten so lost in the friendship phase that I didn’t even realise I had to make that move. After she raised it, I asked her to be my girlfriend, and that was how it started.

Anu: I remember bringing it up because I think my friends had been asking if he’d asked me out yet, and I realised he genuinely hadn’t. So I just said it to him directly. At that time, we’d been talking for about a year, so there was no point in telling him I needed to think about his request or anything like that. So he got a yes on the spot. 

Sweet. What were the early days of the relationship like, especially since you were both still so young?

Tomi: They weren’t bad. We had the boyfriend-and-girlfriend tag, but much of the relationship was still about building a strong bond. We barely ever met physically, and people find that hard to believe now. In the whole time we dated, I think we saw each other in person maybe four times. If I wanted to see her, I’d take a longer route home just to pass her street and catch her on the balcony. I’d tell her, I’m almost at your balcony, and we’d just smile and wave at each other. It was very Romeo and Juliet.

Anu: Again, I need to mention that we were always both so shy because it was a new experience for us. Even on calls, there were times when we’d just get quiet because we didn’t know what to say. Still, it was a beautiful experience for both of us; we were just fond of each other in a very innocent way. But things took a turn for us around 2011.

Oh. What happened? 

Anu: My family had to move to another city rather abruptly because of financial struggles. I didn’t tell him or call him about the move; I just left. I guess I didn’t want to involve him in what we were going through at the time. It was a whole lot of personal family struggles.

Tomi: That move was a huge shock. But before she moved, there was a Boxing Day party at my place that I wanted her to come to, but she didn’t show up. I ended up dancing with one of the girls at the party that day, and I think word must have gotten to her, building some resentment. It was probably why she didn’t tell me about her family’s move.

Is that right, Anu?

Anu: In a way. I was already dealing with my mum’s illness and a lot of personal struggles, so hearing about him dancing with someone else just added to everything. I convinced myself he’d moved on to someone else, and between that and the move, I just decided to focus on my own life.

So I’m guessing you guys broke up around this period?

Tomi: Well, it wasn’t like we had any official conversation to call it quits. We just drifted apart after the move, and eventually, we only checked on each other once a year through Facebook messages. I took it hard, though. 

After she moved, I remember crying myself to sleep at night, playing sad music. It was a whole lot of strong emotions on both sides that we didn’t know how to handle. She was dealing with life, I was dealing with her absence and even the circumstances around which she left. We didn’t know how to handle something like that, which is why the drift happened. Eventually, even the occasional calls stopped, and just like that, we spent a decade apart. 

Must have been hard. Did you guys date other people during this period?

Tomi: I dated a few people, maybe up to five over that decade, but I never dated more than one person at a time; that’s just not who I am. None of those relationships worked out the way I hoped, but they also helped me grow in a way. I was getting more experience and maturing where necessary. In a way, my heart was always still drawn to Anu.

Anu: I dated other people too, but if I’m honest, what I felt for those people was never as strong as what I felt for him. There was always something different about him that I couldn’t quite explain to anyone else. Through those years we weren’t speaking, I’d check his Facebook page and see pictures of him and his lovers. In my head, I just concluded that he’d moved on, and I honestly wished him well. 

So at what point did you guys reunite?

Tomi: That was around 2018. It happened right after I came out of a relationship where I’d been cheated on. I was completely heartbroken, and one night, while scrolling through old Facebook messages, I saw Anu’s name. I just thought, let me check on this babe. We started talking again, I asked for her WhatsApp number, and the conversation picked up from there, much more openly this time. I remember pouring out my mind to her about what I’d gone through. In a way, I just felt she’d understand. I lowkey knew she’d been keeping tabs on me and knew what my dating history looked like when we were apart. I was always open about who I was dating; I never had any reason to hide, so I knew she wouldn’t doubt my innocence in whatever had happened with the lady.

Anu: When he reached out, I actually felt a bit some type of way that he was sharing all these details about his heartbreak with me before I’d shared anything with him. Still, I allowed him to pour out his mind and listened.

Somewhere in my mind, I felt like maybe God was bringing us back together, especially since I was single and had been praying for a partner around that same time. Outside of his relationship troubles, it just felt really good to reconnect with him after so many years apart. 

I can imagine. So, who made the move to bring the relationship back?

Tomi: That was me. I asked her out on a date that same week we reconnected. I didn’t want to waste time. We met and went to the mall in Ikeja. When I saw her walk up in this red dress, I just thought, ” This girl hasn’t changed at all.” She was still as pretty as ever, and I knew then that I still wanted her. 

That same day, I asked if we could restart things properly, and she said yes almost immediately.

Wait, what? You didn’t have any reservations that he’d just come out of another relationship, Anu?

Anu: To be honest, I had mixed feelings. A part of me was happy and excited that I’d reunited with my first love, and I was even expecting him to ask us to get back together. But another part of me was cautious; I didn’t want to just be someone he used to heal from heartbreak. 

Eventually, I decided to trust God and give it a chance anyway. I didn’t think it was a coincidence that he returned to my life around the same time I was asking God to send me my partner.

I see. And Tomi, did you feel like you’d fully healed before starting things up again with her?

Tomi: If I’m honest, no. I hadn’t fully healed at that point; it had only been about two weeks since that breakup. But the moment I saw her again, something shifted. It felt like it reignited everything we’d had before, and it stopped being about healing from someone else. I already knew the kind of person she was from years back; she wasn’t someone chasing different men around, and that mattered a lot to me. I just felt like, ” What am I even waiting for? Everything I want is right in front of me.”

 And I went for it.

Got it. What did dating look like the second time around?

Tomi: We were a lot more intentional and grounded this time. I’d drive her to work sometimes, we’d go to church together, go to programs and camp meetings, really trying to build our future with God at the centre of it. Things went well for about a year, and then we hit another roadblock. 

What do you mean?

Tomi: I started struggling financially. I was trying to build a business, and I set all these insane targets for myself, like I needed to have made a certain amount of money before I could commit to marriage. When those targets weren’t hitting, I started convincing myself she deserved someone who could already provide more than I could at the time. 

Instead of being honest about it early, I started misbehaving, hoping she’d get frustrated and leave on her own. Eventually, I told her outright to move on, that I wasn’t ready and didn’t know when I would be. I stopped picking up her calls for weeks after that.

Anu: I was confused and wondered what had changed. I remember telling him nobody was rushing him, that we could figure things out together, and that we should keep trusting God. But he insisted he needed time, so eventually I just stopped reaching out. I didn’t want to impose myself on him even though I wasn’t ready to let go. I was heartbroken all over again, especially because we’d already been planning a future together in our minds. 

I moved on with my own life after a while, but the universe still had other plans for us. 

What other plans?

Tomi: On September 12, 2019, while driving an Uber passenger, we were attacked. We got stuck in traffic on a bridge, and two men approached the car, one of them armed. He demanded my phone, and in the chaos, I reached for where I’d hidden it, and he shot me. I passed out briefly and woke up to my passenger screaming. Thankfully, some policemen drove me to the hospital. We were stuck in traffic for about an hour while I was bleeding out.

At the hospital, doctors found out the pellets had lodged beneath my brain and removing them could cause damage. Some are still lodged near my jaw and nose today. Anyway, I was transferred to the teaching hospital in Ikeja. After checking the extent of the damage to my eyes, the doctors told me I might never see again.

I was in complete shock. Depression set in almost immediately.

I’m so sorry. How did Anu find out?

Tomi: My brother knew I’d been seeing her, even though we weren’t speaking at the time. While I was still admitted, he felt like I needed someone. So he took my phone, found her number, and called her himself. I had no clue he’d done that.

Anu: I got a call from his brother at work. Honestly, in the moment, I completely forgot we weren’t even on speaking terms. All I heard was “hospital,” so I left work immediately and went there. I sat outside for hours because his siblings didn’t fully recognise me at first; it had been years. It wasn’t until his mum came out and saw me still waiting that I was finally let in to see him.

I couldn’t even process what I saw once I entered the ward. His face was heavily bandaged and swollen; it was terrible to see. I didn’t cry in front of him, but I broke down once I stepped outside. When I finally went in, I just held his hand without saying anything at first.

Tomi: The first thing I asked her was why she’d even come after everything I’d put her through. She just told me to shut up, that I’d started again, and that she was there, full stop. That was the first time I cried after the accident, though she couldn’t see it because of the bandages.

Anu: After that day, I kept going back to visit him, even after telling myself I’d stop so it wouldn’t look like I was trying to force myself on him again. I couldn’t stay away, though; I genuinely wanted him to be okay.

A few weeks after the accident, I brought up marriage.

Wait, what?

Anu: I remember thinking, instead of going back and forth to visit him all the time, what if I were just there permanently. Before I said anything to him, I sat with the idea for a while and asked myself honestly if my decision was driven by pity. I’ve read enough to know marrying out of pity doesn’t work. Once I was sure it wasn’t that, I told him plainly, “Babe, why don’t we just get married?”

Tomi: My first response was, “Are you blind, can’t you see that I’m blind?”  She told me to stop and said that she wasn’t marrying me because I was blind, she was marrying me because of the man she saw inside me, someone she could build a future with.

How did that actually make you feel, Tomi?

Tomi: I was genuinely surprised because I didn’t think anyone would choose to stay long-term with me in that state. I was still depressed at that point, and I’d even asked doctors at one point to just give me something and let me go. So when she proposed marriage, it didn’t fully make sense to me at first. But I also knew I couldn’t repeat the mistake of pushing her away again. I decided to trust it and told my mum I wanted to get married.

How did your families react?

Anu: It was smooth on my end. I told my sister first, and she encouraged me to tell my mum. My mum’s response was that plenty of people with two working eyes still end up in bad marriages, so if he was a good man and this made me happy, she didn’t see a reason to stand in the way.

Tomi: My side was smooth too. My mum had already grown fond of her without even knowing our full history, just from how homely and respectful she was whenever she visited.

Our wedding was small, just a court wedding, no big party. We didn’t want to spend heavily on a celebration; we wanted to save and invest instead. Around that time, our story started spreading online, and people heard about the accident and her choice to stay, which inspired many. Some started sending financial support, which we used to start building. She started her own business, and I got an Uber car running again.

Nice. What did those early years of actually living together as a married couple look like?

Anu: Those early years were tough. We started out living in a family house, and there are lots of painful memories from that period we’d rather not revisit. 

Tomi and I were fine, though. We’d known each other since we were teenagers, so it never felt like starting from scratch with a stranger; we were already close friends underneath everything. We had a few hiccups around conflict resolution, but we scaled through. 

What sort of issues?

Anu: I go quiet when I’m upset. Instead of saying anything out of spite and anger, I’ll just withdraw into myself. But because Tomi can’t see my face, he wouldn’t always know something was wrong unless he picked up on my tone. It took me time to learn to actually say what was bothering me instead of expecting him to sense it.

Tomi: I’m a big believer in communication. I talk about it often, even in our content. I kept encouraging her, tell me when something’s wrong, don’t hide it from me, I can’t see your face so I need you to use your voice. 

Over time, she’s really grown in that area. On my end, I had to learn to be more patient with how I express frustration. I can get loud when I’m upset, though I’ve never raised a hand or insulted her, that’s something I promised myself long ago because of what I watched my mum go through. We’re not a perfect couple, but considering our unique situation, we’ve grown considerably.

Love it. You mentioned your story spreading online around the wedding. Is that how you got into content creation?

Tomi: Yes, that grew out of it. We started small on YouTube, just sharing our story, then moved into short-form content, comedy skits, and everyday moments. People kept telling us how inspiring it was, so it slowly became something we built intentionally, not just for income, but because we realised we had something worth sharing.

Content creation is also my main source of income these days, alongside the things I’d already been building, like driving. It’s not as much as what she earns, but it matters, and it’s something I’m genuinely proud of.

Curious. Do you have children, and are they aware of your condition?

Anu: We have two. Our son is old enough to understand what happened to his dad. Our daughter is still very young, but she seems to sense it in her own way. She’ll take his hand and guide it toward things, or move out of his path when he’s walking, so he doesn’t bump into her, without anyone teaching her to do that. 

After six years of marriage, what would you say is the best thing about being with each other?

Anu: His positivity. He has this spirit that makes it hard to sit with him and stay negative about your life. He’s helped me grow so much in that area, because I used to spiral badly whenever something went wrong, and now I catch myself handling things much more calmly because of him.

Tomi: For me, it’s her strength. She carries a lot: work, the house, caring for me, and she rarely complains. The challenges we’ve been through together have made us more resilient, not less connected. We’ve built something real, and there’s a peace between us that I wouldn’t trade for anything, even the millions I once thought I needed before I could commit to her.

On a scale of 1 to 10, how would you rate your love life?

Tomi: I’d give it a 9.5. No marriage is perfect; we still have disagreements, but how you handle those moments determines a marriage’s strength over time. We’ve been intentional about not letting issues sit unresolved, and that’s kept us solid.

Anu: I’d give the same, 9.5. He’s my husband, but he’s also my friend, my business partner, and honestly, one of the people I trust most in the world.

If you want to share your own Love Life story, fill out thisĚý.

If you’ve enjoyed reading Love Life, our flagship series on love, heartbreak, and relationships, we have exciting news. We’ve partnered with Cassava Republic to publish a book based on the flagship. Coming January 2026, it’s about to be your favourite book.

.

This is Bukola’s explanation, as shared with  Adeyinka

I met Toye during a random grocery run earlier this year. We got talking while shopping, and before I knew it, he insisted on paying for everything in my basket. I thought it was a sweet gesture, so when he asked for my number afterwards, I gave it to him.

The funny thing is, nothing really happened after we exchanged contact details. For almost a month, we barely spoke. In fact, it got to a point where I wondered why he even collected my number. I wasn’t expecting constant communication from someone I’d just met, but there was almost complete silence.

Things only picked up after I posted pictures on my WhatsApp status one day. He suddenly started replying to almost everything I posted. From there, we began talking more regularly, and he’d occasionally tell me he liked me. Even then, I never really took him seriously because nothing about his approach felt intentional. It felt like we were just passing time.

About three weeks later, he invited me to his mum’s birthday. I wasn’t expecting much, but when I got there, I realised this wasn’t your average family gathering. It was a proper party, and that was when I found out Toye came from a well-to-do family. He introduced me to a few relatives, including two of his older brothers. I also learnt he was the lastborn.

As I was leaving, one of his older brothers stopped me. We exchanged a few words, and then he asked for my number.

I won’t lie, I hesitated. It felt a little strange because, technically, I’d met him through Toye. But after thinking about it for a few seconds, I couldn’t come up with any real reason to say no. Toye and I weren’t dating. He hadn’t asked me to be his girlfriend. We hadn’t even had a proper conversation about where things were headed. So I gave his brother my number and went home.

From that night, everything changed. His brother called me the next day. We had an actual conversation instead of the random chats I’d become used to with Toye. He asked thoughtful questions, listened, and didn’t disappear for days before remembering I existed again.

The weekend after the party, he asked me out on a date. That date confirmed everything I’d already suspected. He was calm, mature and very direct. He had a good job, knew exactly what he wanted and told me from the beginning that he was dating with marriage in mind. There was no guessing or trying to decode mixed signals.

After that first outing, we went on a few more dates, and each one made me like him even more. It wasn’t even about him having more money or being older. I simply liked the fact that he was intentional. At this stage of my life, that’s what matters most to me.

Then he officially asked me to be his girlfriend. I didn’t have to think about it for long before saying yes.

The problem started when Toye found out. He called me, furious, asking how I could start talking to his brother. According to him, I’d crossed a line.

I genuinely didn’t understand where the anger was coming from. I reminded him that we barely had anything. He was the one who spent the first month acting like he’d forgotten he even had my number. Even after we started talking consistently, he never defined anything between us. He never asked me out. He never told me what he wanted beyond saying he liked me.

So what exactly was I supposed to wait for? He’s acting like I left a relationship, but there was no relationship to leave.

If anything, calling what we had a “talking stage” already gives it too much importance. We were just two people who occasionally talked after meeting at a supermarket. His brother came along and did what Toye never did. He was direct and intentional about what he wanted from the get-go.

I’m 28. I’m no longer interested in relationships where I have to sit around wondering whether someone actually wants me. I’m dating for marriage now, and that naturally means I’ll choose the person who makes his intentions obvious.

I spoke to a few friends, and they think I should’ve rejected the older brother simply because he was Toye’s sibling. I don’t agree.

If Toye and I had dated, built a relationship, or even established that we were exclusive, I’d understand why people would say I crossed a line. I probably wouldn’t have entertained his brother either. But that’s not what happened. Nobody can convince me that I owed loyalty to someone who never gave me clarity.

The whole thing eventually became exhausting because Toye wouldn’t let it go. Every conversation turned into him accusing me of betraying him, and I got tired of explaining myself. I blocked him because I honestly didn’t see the point anymore. 

I don’t feel guilty about choosing the person who showed up with intention over the brother who expected me to wait around.

The funniest part in all of these is that he isn’t even confronting his brother. Shouldn’t he have stopped his brother from approaching me or something? His brother hasn’t said anything either, and I’m not sure if I want to bring it up.

Whatever the case, I like what we have at the moment and even though it may sound harsh to Toye, I’d make the same decision again.

 *Names have been changed to protect the identity of the subjects.

From couples enjoying the best sex of their lives to those navigating mismatched libidos, ageing and health challenges, these stories reveal the many ways married Nigerians sustain intimacy through different seasons of life.

“My husband’s size has prevented sex”— Anita*, 30

My husband and I have been married for two years, and we’ve still never had penetrative sex. We did everything else while dating, but every attempt after marriage was unbearably painful. We tried different positions, lubricants and exercises, but nothing worked. It took a toll on us because, even though we found other ways to be intimate, it still felt like something was missing. This year, my husband convinced me to see a doctor. He insisted the issue wasn’t his size because it wasn’t an issue in his previous relationships. I was diagnosed with vaginismus earlier this year and now use dilators, but penetration still hasn’t happened. Sometimes I wonder if I should let him sleep with someone else, though I’ve never voiced it out.

“We have sex at least five times a week” — Ibidun*, 33

One of my favourite things about my husband is our sex life. I’m plus-sized, and past relationships made me feel like my body was something to tolerate. My husband is the complete opposite. He absolutely adores me, and I’ve never once questioned whether he finds me attractive. We’ve been married for three years, and we still have sex at least five times a week, sometimes more than once a day. It also never feels repetitive because we’re always trying something different. Beyond the sex itself, I love that he makes me feel desired. I spent years feeling self-conscious about my body. With him, I simply feel beautiful.

“My wife never makes the first move” — Tobi*, 38

I genuinely love my wife, but I’ve never really enjoyed our sex life. She hardly ever initiates, doesn’t like giving or receiving oral sex, and isn’t interested in experimenting. She also takes a long time to get in the mood, and most times, she’s simply not interested. It was manageable when we were dating and during the first few years of marriage, but things changed after we had children. I’ve brought it up so many times that I’ve honestly stopped trying. I’ve never cheated, and I don’t plan to, but I’d be lying if I said I had a fulfilling sex life. That’s the reality of my marriage.

“It’s not like the earlier days, but we’re still active”— Jumobi* 57

My husband and I have actually been enjoying sex more lately after we enrolled in an intimacy programme at church. It’s definitely not the same as when we were younger. Our bodies have changed, and there are moments that feel awkward or even a little embarrassing. But we’ve learnt not to put ourselves under pressure. If we both feel like it, we go for it. If we don’t, that’s fine too. One thing we’ve never stopped doing is showering together. Sometimes that’s all that happens, but it’s become our little ritual. We tease each other, laugh, talk and enjoy being close. At this stage of our marriage, intimacy is more about staying connected.

“We’ve replaced intimacy with companionship” — Ajara*, 58

My husband and I have been married for 24 years, and we barely have sex anymore. It’s not because we don’t love each other. If anything, we’re probably closer now than we’ve ever been. We still hug, kiss and genuinely enjoy each other’s company. I just think I’ve outgrown that part of marriage. My husband still tries to initiate sometimes, but my body doesn’t respond the way it used to. I no longer crave sex, and I’ve made peace with that. I think intimacy is something we enjoyed best when we were much younger. These days, companionship means much more to me.

“My wife thinks sex isn’t important” — Ahmed*, 39

Sex with my wife always feels like a struggle. Almost every time I initiate, she’s too tired or not in the mood. After years of hearing the same response, I jokingly told her maybe I should satisfy myself elsewhere. She didn’t even react. That hurt more than I expected because it made me feel like the intimate part of our marriage didn’t matter to her at all. She always says there are more important things to worry about than sex. I’ve never cheated and don’t intend to, but I’ve resorted to masturbating while married. I honestly never imagined my marriage would look like this.

“We started enjoying sex in our third year” — Zinat*, 33

The first few years of my marriage were painful because my husband is quite big, and I always struggled with dryness. I tried everything people recommended, from changing my diet to using different kayamata products, but nothing worked. Everyone kept telling me the only way my body would adjust was to keep trying, so I endured it. Every time we had sex felt like torture, even though my husband was always concerned and asked if we should stop. I kept telling him to continue. Things finally improved around our third year of marriage after we had our child. I still feel some pressure at first, but my body has become much more accepting of his size.

“My wife matches my libido” — Habeeb*, 35

I genuinely don’t relate when married men complain about being sexually starved. My wife and I have been married for six years, and our sex life has been beautiful from the start. She hardly ever turns me down. In fact, I can count the number of times she’s rejected my advances. It didn’t happen by accident either. When I was dating, I knew libido compatibility mattered to me, so I was intentional about marrying someone who matched my energy. Six years later, nothing has changed. We still enjoy each other, and intimacy has never felt like a point of conflict in our marriage.

“Sex is the last thing on my mind” — Tolu*, 33

We’re currently in a dry spell, and honestly, it’s because of me. Since having our baby, I just haven’t felt like myself. I’m insecure about how my body looks now, and the thought of sex makes me feel uncomfortable. My husband has been incredibly patient through it all. I’ve caught him masturbating a few times, and for a second, I wanted to be upset. But then I realised I can’t expect him to completely shut that part of himself down when I’m the one pulling away. As long as he’s not stepping outside the marriage, I understand. I just hope I find that spark again because right now, I’m focused on healing and feeling like myself again.

“Our health has made sex a struggle” — Rasheedat*, 52

My husband and I have managed high blood pressure for years, and it’s changed our sex life completely. When we first got married, he never let me rest. Even after his diagnosis, he still had a healthy libido. But age, medication and eventually a stroke have taken their toll. There are times we go six months without even thinking about sex. At first, it was difficult because I kept hoping things would improve. Now, I’ve accepted that this phase of our marriage is over. We still care deeply for each other, but we’ve found other ways to express love beyond physical intimacy.

“I love oral sex, but my husband doesn’t” — Grace*, 29

I’d say my husband and I have a decent sex life. The only thing I really miss is oral sex. I enjoy receiving it, and it used to be the quickest way for me to orgasm. My husband has tried, but I could tell he genuinely doesn’t enjoy it. Even though he never complained, I’d notice him going straight to the bathroom afterwards to rinse his mouth. I realised it wasn’t fair to keep expecting something that made him uncomfortable, so I stopped asking. It’s all about compromise. There are things he enjoys that I don’t too. For example, he likes using his fingers, and I absolutely don’t. He’s respected that boundary, and we’ve both learnt other ways to make sure we enjoy intimacy together.

“We’re still using condom”— Ibrahim*, 40

One thing I looked forward to before marriage was never having to use condoms again. Ironically, that’s exactly where we are after three children. My wife tried different birth control methods, but they just didn’t agree with her body. One made her gain weight, another affected her periods. It was always one side effect or another. We eventually agreed that condoms were the safest option until we found something that worked. Neither of us enjoys sex with protection, but we’ve accepted it. In fact, these days, I’m usually the one insisting we use one. We tried the withdrawal method a few times, and that’s how our third child arrived.

“Sex is no longer a priority for us”— Tawa*, 60

My husband has been bedridden for about three years now, so sex is no longer part of our marriage. Truthfully, I don’t even think about it anymore. I believe every season of marriage comes with its own priorities. Even before he became ill, my libido had already dropped significantly. He used to complain about it so much that he once mentioned it to our children. But since he fell sick, intimacy isn’t something either of us thinks about anymore. Instead, we’ve found different ways to love each other through care, companionship and simply being present. I think many marriages eventually reach a stage where intimacy looks very different from what it did in the beginning.

“Sex now feels like an item off a checklist” — Demola*, 44

I’ve been married for 10 years, and sex has become more scheduled than spontaneous. At the beginning of our marriage, it happened all the time. Now, we’re lucky if it’s once or twice a month, and I’m almost always the one initiating. My wife just doesn’t seem interested anymore. Since she became more involved in church, there’s always something. She’s fasting, on a prayer programme or avoiding what she calls impurity. We used to argue about it, but I eventually got tired. These days, when we do have sex, it feels less like something we both want and more like we’re ticking another item off the marriage checklist.

 *Names have been changed to protect the identity of the subjects.

Dotun and Enitan (early 20s) met during a casting call in 2024.

On this week’s Love Life, they talk about turning a content collaboration into a relationship, the joint savings account they operate as partners, and how he pushed her CGPA from 1.83 to 4.33 in one semester.

If you want to share your own Love Life story, fill out thisĚý.

What’s your earliest memory of each other?

Enitan: January 2024. I’d posted online that I needed someone tall and fine to shoot relationship content with. Then he reached out with his picture and his name, and he looked like a good fit for the role. A few days later, we met in person for the shoot. 

Dotun: I’d actually seen Enitan around before. She’d attempted a Guinness World Record for the longest continuous hours of washing, about 58 hours, back in November 2023. I was on campus and saw a crowd gathered around her doing this thing. I didn’t think anything of it beyond, “oh, she’ll be fine.” I had no idea our paths would cross again a couple of months later.

Fast forward to January 2024, I’d just gotten into modelling and photography, and I wanted to transition into content creation. When I saw her post, I thought it would be a good way to start doing collaborative content. I didn’t think about it beyond that; it felt like an opportunity, so I went for it.

Right. Take me through that first shoot. How did it go?

Enitan: The first thing I noticed about him was actually how good he smelled. I told him so right away, and he just said a quiet “thank you”. But yeah, he was very calm and reserved while I was the one cracking jokes and doing most of the talking. We shot what we needed to shoot that day, and I told him we’d meet again for more content.

Dotun: Nothing much was going through my mind that day, if I’m honest. It was all still new to me, so I mostly just wanted to enjoy the experience of doing something different. 

Curious, though; how did your partners feel about shooting relationship content? Or were you both single at the time? 

Dotun: We were both single.

Enitan: Even if I was in a relationship, I think I still would have gone ahead with it, because I really wanted to get into content creation and acting. For me, it wasn’t really about him specifically at first; it was about wanting to build that side of myself.

Got it. How did things progress after that first shoot?

Enitan: We actually shot that same night again, and it was a bit awkward because there were other people around, and Dotun was a little uneasy. But he pulled through regardless. 

The following day, our first post went viral, and he texted me about it. 

What was the content, by the way?

Enitan: It was a rizz-interview format. I asked him things like whether he watched football, and he said he wasn’t really a fan, so I said something along the lines of “I actually like Ronaldo but we could actually make things get messy.” I didn’t give him a script beforehand because I like real reactions, so he was genuinely caught off guard by a lot of my questions, and that came through on camera. People loved the video so much.

Sounds sweet

Enitan: From there, we started speaking more about content ideas and what we could try next. He’s a very reserved person, so I was usually the one carrying the conversation. 

Then one day, I travelled for a job interview and wanted someone to talk to. I texted Dotun, and he stayed on the phone with me throughout. Around that time, he also dragged me to watch an AFCON match with him, even though I don’t like football. Gradually, he started coming out of his shell a bit more.

Dotun: I’m naturally the type that only really talks once I’m comfortable with someone, so that was why I seemed reserved in those first few weeks. There was also a time when a brand sponsored us to go to the cinema, and we had a great time together. We talked properly for the first time that day. We got really personal about details of our lives, our past experiences, and just general life struggles. I remember thinking, ” This person is actually fun to be around.” I also liked someone industrious, and Enitan happened to be doing laundry, running errands, and juggling several things at once, and that stuck with me.

How long did this phase of just working together last before feelings started coming into it?

Dotun: Close to a month. We were spending a lot of time together because there was always a shoot to plan. I’m naturally very careful about relationships; I’d never actually been in one before, so I didn’t want to rush into anything. It was around that three-to-four-week mark that we started having deeper conversations, and that’s when I started to understand her differently.

She talked about how a close friend had betrayed her, and it turned out I actually knew the person. I’d had a similar experience myself, someone I’d tried to be there for who ended up not being genuine. Realising we’d both been through that kind of thing made me feel like we understood each other on a different level.

Was this when you realised you were falling for her?

Dotun: In a way. There was a day we were talking, and I asked her, somewhat nervously, “Is this still content?” I wanted to know whether what was happening between us was still just work or something more, but I wasn’t bold enough to ask her out directly. She told me to ask her when I got back to my place instead of in person. I left, but I was too scared to actually send the text that night. It took a couple more weeks before I finally worked up the courage.

Enitan: When he first asked, I told him I’d rather he ask me later, over text, because I don’t do well with serious conversations in the moment. When he left that day, he didn’t bring it up again, and honestly, I was relieved, because at that point I wasn’t sure I was ready for anything serious. For me, it was always about our work together, but that feeling was also somewhere beneath the surface.

About two weeks later, he said he wanted to talk about something, and I panicked and pretended I was receiving a phone call to avoid it. He said it was fine, we didn’t have to talk about it, but I told him to go ahead anyway. We ended up in the common room of my hostel, and he finally asked me properly, and I just blurted out a yes without overthinking it. This was on February 2,  2024.

But did you have any worries going into a relationship with someone who had never dated before?

Enitan: Since this was only my second relationship, I wasn’t really worried about whether he could handle it. In a way, it was a new experience for both of us. I was more concerned about whether he’d know how to be romantic. As I mentioned earlier, he’s quite the reserved one, and I wondered if he’d be able to keep up with the sweet talk, PDA and all those sorts of things that I like. 

I also worried about finances. From our time working together, I realised he prioritises collaboration with people over getting paid. I like money, so I wondered how I’d get him to understand I wasn’t being desperate, just realistic. But he turned out to be very easy to talk to.

Fair enough. Let’s talk about the early days of the relationship.

Dotun: The first two to three months were the honeymoon phase. They were calm, sweet, and we didn’t have any real issues. I was still shy then, so if there was something I didn’t like, I’d just stay quiet about it rather than confront her about it.Ěý

Eventually, small things that shouldn’t have mattered became actual issues between us.  What helped me get through those moments was learning to understand where she was coming from, that the way a person behaves usually comes from somewhere, and accepting that, instead of just reacting.

Enitan: Everything he said. Those first few months were really precious and sweet, even though I struggled with the fact that he only seemed to be my man when we were texting. He always felt so distant whenever we were together in person. He’s also naturally introverted, so in public the most affection I can get from him is a hug, and if I try to hug him too much, he gets uncomfortable. 

There was a time we were walking somewhere, and I told him not to bother walking me the rest of the way, so I just sat down on the floor where we were. Can you believe he left me there? I felt so hurt. He told me later that he found it embarrassing, that we were adults and shouldn’t be doing things like that. I told him I wasn’t trying to be an adult whenever I was with him; I just wanted to be his baby. Eventually, I had to learn to hold back until we’re alone.

Dotun: I grew up in a family that wasn’t very expressive, so it’s not something I do on purpose. It’s gotten better over time, not because I made a conscious decision to change, but just from being more comfortable with her the longer we’ve been together.

Enitan: The money conversation was also still a struggle for both of us.

In what ways?

Enitan: I made it clear early on that I know what it means to have nothing, and I’d appreciate it if he reduced his collaborations and charges to reflect his worth. He just had a way with finances that didn’t seem to be optimising for the best opportunities we could grab. And whenever I raised it, he always had one reason or an excuse.

Dotun: I wouldn’t say I was defensive about it. I’ve always wanted to learn from my parents’ mistakes and be someone who actually listens to their partner. When she’d tell me to increase my rates or ask when I planned to start saving properly, I took it seriously, even if I didn’t always act immediately. 

Earlier this year, she pushed me again to raise my prices, reminding me I’d built a name for myself and shouldn’t be undercharging. As much as I understood where she was coming from, I was also scared of losing customers. Eventually, I decided to trust her on it. I now charge close to double what I used to, and I’ve actually gained more customers, not fewer.

Curious though. Have these money conversations spilled into your working relationship? 

Enitan: We’ve never had an actual fight about money. As he mentioned, the only time we’ve clashed is when I frown at him for undercharging himself, but that’s not really a conflict.

I think we’ve also been able to avoid issues because I’m very upfront about finances. Once we started dating, I told him I wasn’t in it for his money, that whatever he had at the time was his, and we’d grow together from there. 

Earlier this year, we opened a joint savings account, the kind where we can both see what’s in it, but neither of us can withdraw from the other’s contribution. We use that account whenever we need to fund a shoot, rather than using our personal money. And that has helped us. 

Finances aside, what other issues have you navigated?

Enitan: There was a period when a girl who liked him kept calling me from different numbers, using my name to make anonymous calls and stir things up. It wasn’t his fault, but I gave him a lot of attitude about it anyway. He asked why I was projecting my past relationship issues onto him when he hadn’t done anything wrong. 

Dotun: She ended up blocking me everywhere and removing our collaboration credits from our shared social media content.

Oh. And how did you two resolve this issue?

Enitan: Honestly, I don’t remember the exact details of how it got resolved. I knew I eventually had to decide that if I wanted this relationship to work, I needed to stop holding on to past hurts and projecting them onto him.

Dotun: I can’t remember the specifics either, but I know I eventually had to report the situation to her mum because she checks in on me and prays for me regularly. That’s become a pattern when things get serious between us, I go to her mum, because I don’t really open up to friends about relationship issues.

How do you feel about him bringing your mum into your disagreements, Enitan?

Enitan: I’m actually fine with it. He doesn’t talk to anyone about our issues, so I know that if it’s gotten to the point where he’s telling my mum, it’s genuinely serious. He’s also very proud, so he won’t be the one to text me first after a disagreement, which is usually how I found out my mum already knows what’s going on. But my mum has been a steadying hand for us during rocky moments. 

Nice. It’s been over two years together. What’s the best thing about being with each other?

Dotun: Having someone to share everything with. If something happens, good or bad, Enitan is always there to figure it out with me.

Being with her also changed how I approach business. I used to just post occasionally and hope people noticed, but she taught me the value of consistency, creativity, and standing firm on my pricing. She’s also the reason I started saving properly; she opened a savings account for me herself, and I’ve been using it for almost two years now. I used to just spend whatever I had, but now I know I have something to fall back on.

Enitan: Dotun is home to me. If something upsets me, he’s the first person I want to talk to, and even when he can’t fix it, he reassures me and calms me down. But the bigger change is academic. When we met, my CGPA was around 1.83. He found out I’d hidden my school portal password because I was embarrassed about my grades, and instead of letting it go, he went to my school’s IT office himself to get the password reset. That semester, I made a 4.33, all A’s except for one B, something that had never happened to me before. He also taught me to sacrifice quietly for the people I care about, and I’ve had to learn to tone down how much I need public affection, even though it’s still something I miss.

He’s my friend, my brother, in a way, and I think we mentor each other more than anything else.

Speaking of, do your followers know you’re dating, or do they think it’s still content?

Enitan: If you go through our content, you’ll only ever see us referred to as best friends or homeboy, homegirl. We’ve never posted anything intimate, so a lot of people genuinely can’t tell if we’re dating, related, or just close friends. I actually call him my twin, and I still do, even now.

Honestly, I used to enjoy the confusion. I find it entertaining it when people ask if we’re dating,. But whatever people think we are, that’s what we really are.

Gagging. On a scale of 1 to 10, how would you rate your love life?

Dotun: I’d say an 8. There are still things we’re figuring out, still ups and downs, but overall it’s solid.

Enitan: I’ll say 8.5. The extra half is for surviving a 90-day long-distance stretch while he was away, something I’ve seen break other couples who hadn’t been tested that way before. 

He still has room to grow with words of affirmation, but he shows up for me in every other way that matters.

If you want to share your own Love Life story, fill out thisĚý.

If you’ve enjoyed reading Love Life, our flagship series on love, heartbreak, and relationships, we have exciting news. We’ve partnered with Cassava Republic to publish a book based on the flagship. Coming January 2026, it’s about to be your favourite book.

.

This is Mary’s story, as told to Adeyinka

My life took an unexpected turn on January 16, 2019.

I’d been battling arteriovenous malformation (AVM) since 2010, so losing my right arm didn’t happen overnight. But no matter how long I’d lived with the condition, nothing prepared me for the reality of life after the amputation.

In those first few days, I wasn’t thinking about the future. I wasn’t thinking about the life I’d have or the things I’d still be able to do. I was simply trying to understand how my life would continue. 

When I finally returned home from the hospital, reality truly set in. I realised life wasn’t going to pause because I’d lost an arm. I still had to wake up every day and figure out how to live.

That sounded simple, but it wasn’t. The physical recovery was intense and uncomfortable, but the emotional recovery was even harder. Looking back now, I realise what I thought was the end of my story became the beginning of a completely different one.

I had to relearn almost everything. There were days I cried because simple tasks suddenly felt impossible. I’d look at ordinary things like cooking and wonder if I’d ever be able to do them again. I couldn’t imagine carrying babies someday. Even the idea of ever living independently felt uncertain.

But I had to choose whether I would remain trapped in that pain or start figuring out what my new normal looked like.

Thankfully, I wasn’t figuring it out alone. My husband, who was my fiancĂ© at the time, became one of my biggest support systems. He encouraged me through the moments when I doubted myself, and my family stood by me, too. 

Even with that support, there were moments I felt alone.

No matter how much people love you, they can’t fully understand what you’re feeling unless they’ve lived through something similar. Sometimes, more than anything else, I wanted people to stop feeling sorry for me and believe I was still capable.

Eventually, I realised I also needed to believe that about myself. I started proving those fears wrong. I learnt to cook again. I became comfortable managing my home. I travelled, worked and created content. None of it happened overnight, but little by little, I realised that many of the things I’d written off as impossible simply required a different way of doing them.

Motherhood also reinforced that lesson in many ways.

After losing my arm, I became a mother to three boys. That experience completely changed how I saw myself because my children have never looked at me and seen a disability. They simply see their mum.

They don’t measure me by how many arms I have. They measure me by my love, presence and the way I care for them. Becoming a mother reminded me that I was still capable of building the family I’d always wanted.

My marriage evolved in much the same way. Like every couple, we’ve had seasons that required adjustment. Losing my arm meant we had to learn new ways to support each other, and it taught us patience, teamwork, and understanding. We’ve continued to grow together, just like any other family finding its rhythm.

After I settled into this new life, there were still days I struggled emotionally. And that’s actually how social media found me.

At first, I wasn’t trying to become a content creator. I came online because I was battling depression. It became a place where I could distract myself and gradually reconnect with life. As time passed, something unexpected happened. People began reaching out to tell me my story had encouraged them.

That changed how I approached my content. I decided I didn’t want to build a platform centred on disability. I wanted people to see my ordinary life. I wanted them to see me cooking, laughing with my family, raising my children, creating and working with brands. I wanted them to see me making mistakes like everyone else.

My missing arm is only a part of my story; it isn’t the whole story.

When I look back at the woman I was in January 2019, I’d tell her not to be afraid. I’d tell her she’s still going to laugh. She’s still going to build a beautiful family and become a mother to three amazing boys. She’s still going to build a community online and inspire people she’s never met.

Most importantly, I’d tell her that losing an arm will never mean losing herself. That’s also what I hope people remember when they come across my content. I hope they remember my smile before they remember my disability.

And if someone watches my videos believing that life doesn’t end because something difficult happens to you, then I’ve achieved exactly what I set out to do.

I want people to see possibilities instead of limitations.

ALSO READ: My Husband Died After Our Daughter’s Autism Diagnosis

Dehinde* (41) and Busola* (38) met at a wedding party in 2016. On this week’s Love Life, they talk about the pregnancy scare that led to their engagement, the work trip that resulted in Dehinde getting another woman pregnant three years into their marriage, and how they navigated a crisis that would have broken most homes.

If you want to share your own Love Life story, fill out thisĚý.

What’s your earliest memory of each other?

Busola: 2016. I’d just come out of a five-year relationship a few months before we were introduced properly at his sister’s wedding. My mum saw how sad I was and kept trying to get me out of the house. When Dehinde’s family sent an invite to their event, she insisted I attend.

Dehinde: My mum literally walked Busola over to me and told me to take care of her. It was such an awkward moment. We knew each other a little; our families had crossed paths, but not well enough for my mum to hand her over to me like that. Still, I ended up hosting her for most of the party, and she seemed to have a good time.

Busola: Yes. He was a fantastic host. He kept sending food and drinks my way, even though he didn’t really stay around for conversations.

God abeg. So what happened after the wedding?

Busola: The following week, my mum asked if Dehinde had reached out to me. I was confused. I remember asking her why he’d need to. 

Dehinde: Funny thing is, my mum also called to ask how things were going with Busola. I was just as confused. There was nothing going on. We exchanged numbers at the party as a courtesy. We didn’t even text or call each other. But my mum’s question made me realise they’d actually tried to set us up, and neither of them had told us.

Mothers! Did you eventually call her?

Dehinde: If I’m being honest, I called mostly to satisfy my mum. She kept pestering me, and it was starting to get on my nerves. I wasn’t dating anyone and wasn’t planning to. I was seriously considering relocating, so dating wasn’t on my mind. My mum knew all of this, so I didn’t understand why she was moving funny. But I called Busola anyway, just so my mum would stop asking.

Busola: My own mum just asked about twice and didn’t bother me. She knew I was still recovering from my last relationship and wasn’t looking for anything new. In fact, we were both still hoping that my ex and I would reunite. She’d grown fond of him and was already referring to him as her son-in-law. But we had some family issues that couldn’t make the relationship move forward. 

Anyway, Dehinde eventually called, and I was surprised at how easy it was to talk to him. We had a decent conversation that flowed easily. Even though I later found out that his mum put him up to call, it didn’t feel like that.

Awww. Sounds sweet.

Dehinde: One call led to another, and before I knew it, we were talking almost every day. I told her about my dating history. She also told me everything about her ex, and I felt for her. Not pity, just genuine understanding, because I’d lost a long relationship too.

Busola: I liked that he didn’t try to rush me or push past what I was comfortable sharing. Some people would want to know exactly what made your last relationship fail. But he just listened to what I was comfortable sharing and didn’t push further. That made it easy to keep talking to him, even when I wasn’t sure what we were really doing. 

After about three months of constant talking and hanging out, we agreed to date properly.

Nice. Did your families know at that point?

Dehinde: Not right away. We kept it quiet at first. Both our families already knew each other, so we knew word would travel fast if we weren’t careful, and we wanted some time to figure things out between ourselves first.

Eventually, they found out. But we were already solid enough that it didn’t feel like a big deal.

What were the early days of the relationship like?

Busola: They were sweet. We understood each other a lot. We knew what we’d both been through in relationships, so there wasn’t a lot of explaining ourselves to do. We gave ourselves a lot of grace. Since our families already had a relationship, introducing him properly wasn’t stressful either. If anything, everyone was happy. I eventually found out it wasn’t even just our mums’ idea to set us up. Our siblings and aunties were involved. 

But yeah, things ran smoothly. We’d talk on the phone most evenings after work, and on weekends he’d come by my place, or I’d go over to his to talk for hours about nothing in particular. I don’t think we had any major issues.

Dehinde: I think I fell harder than I expected to. I went into it thinking I was just satisfying my mum, and somewhere along the line, I actually fell in love. Soon, everyone around us started expecting we’d take the next step, and honestly, we didn’t see a reason to wait.  We both had stable jobs, so there wasn’t really anything holding us back. I always told my mum I’d be married by 30. I was already 31, and a part of me just felt an intense push to take things to the next level.  Still, I wanted to take my time. I wanted the relationship to go on for over a year first.

Fair enough. So, when exactly did marriage enter the picture?

Dehinde: About a year into dating, Busola had a pregnancy scare. In the days we waited to find out, something in me felt like it was a sign to take the next step. I knew then that whether she was pregnant or not, I was ready to marry her. 

It turned out she wasn’t pregnant, but that whole experience had already shown me where my head was. I proposed two months later, at her parents’ house, with both our families there. I hadn’t planned for a public proposal, but the whole thing just kept getting bigger. Everyone wanted to be there.

Busola: I know he didn’t really go into details, but that pregnancy scare was actually quite serious. I was extremely sick, which didn’t help. But the way he was so calm and reassuring really helped. I suddenly went from being scared to asking, “What’s the worst that could happen?” I didn’t get pregnant for a random person, and our families already knew we were together. I honestly don’t know why I was even worked up. 

In March 2018, he proposed. I was embarrassed because I hadn’t dressed up for the occasion at all; I thought it was just a regular family visit. Apparently, everyone else but me knew what was going on. We got married in August 2018, about six months after that.

What was the first year of marriage like?

Busola: Blissful. We were settling into life together, and it felt like we’d figured each other out well before the wedding, so there wasn’t a lot of adjusting to do.

Dehinde: But then our parents started asking about making babies almost immediately, which is normal for us as Nigerians. We weren’t in a rush, though. We just told ourselves that if it happened, it happened, and we carried on with our lives.

Busola: Towards the end of the second year, we started to worry a bit ourselves. I’d have delayed periods sometimes, get my hopes up, and then nothing. We tried not to treat it as an issue because it was still fairly early, but the pressure from family didn’t stop. My mother-in-law would call sometimes just to ask how I was feeling, and I knew exactly what she was asking about.

Dehinde: Honestly, two years isn’t that long in the grand scheme of things, but the constant questions from both sides of the family made it feel serious. I remember telling my mum to relax, that these things take their own time, but she wasn’t fully convinced.

Busola: It was a weird period. At some point, we even stopped attending family events because someone was either praying or asking about kids. 

Then Dehinde went and made things worse.

What do you mean?

Dehinde: I travelled for work that year, and I had a fling with a lady I met on the trip. I regretted it almost as soon as I got back to Lagos, and I genuinely tried to put it behind me and move on. I told myself it was a one-time lapse. I wanted to tell Busola immediately, but since I’d decided it wouldn’t happen again, I told myself there was no need.

Then, about two weeks later, I got a call from a strange number. It turned out to be the same lady. She told me she was pregnant and said I didn’t need to worry, that she only needed money to take care of it.

Oh

Dehinde: Part of me felt like I should have just sent the money and let it end there. But something pushed me to tell Busola first. We were already in our third year of marriage without our own child. As strange as it sounds, hearing that this woman was pregnant felt like confirmation for me that whatever was happening wasn’t necessarily on my side. So I went to her pastor and told him everything.

Curious. Why go through the pastor instead of telling her directly?

Dehinde: I needed someone else in the room. I’d stepped out and gotten another lady pregnant. I knew I’d deeply broken her trust and  didn’t know how to confront her alone. The pastor married us, so he felt like the right person. With him, I knew we also wouldn’t have to worry about our families hearing about what was going on in our home.

Right. So how did the conversation go? 

Busola: The moment the pastor showed up unannounced, I already sensed something was wrong. He doesn’t visit without a heads up. Once he explained what Dehinde had told him, I just sat down there. I didn’t cry or make a scene. I just said plainly that the lady couldn’t carry the pregnancy to term. I remember the pastor looking a bit surprised at how calm I was.

Dehinde: Her reaction threw me off a little. I’d expected her to yell or even walk out on me. She wasn’t dramatic about it at all, but she was very firm that the pregnancy couldn’t stay. She said it almost as if she were stating a fact, not a demand. I sent the money not long after, and that was the end of that issue, at least on the surface.

Busola, what was going through your mind at the time?Ěý

Busola: I was hurt that he would even step out. But, oddly enough, I also felt a strange sense of relief that he was fine, health-wise. I should mention that all this time, we’d not really been committed to fertility treatments. We refused to let external pressure make us feel like something was wrong. Again, this was just our third year.Ěý So for me, it was like, no matter how his actions hurt, I knew he was fine.

Whatever emotions I felt were internal. Almost like I now had to figure out if I was fine. Why did someone else get pregnant so easily when we’d been trying, and nothing happened?

Was this why you stepped out, Dehinde?Ěý

Dehinde: It was purely coincidental.

Got it. Did your relationship feel different after this rough patch?

Busola: It did. We grew distant. We didn’t talk about it much because we didn’t want to give our families any reason to get involved. If word got out, it would have only added fuel to a fire we were already trying to douse. We kept up appearances at necessary family functions and barely said much to each other at home.

Dehinde: For about a year, it genuinely felt like we were living like strangers under the same roof. We still had a physical relationship, but it lacked the connection we once had. On top of that,  we’d started going for fertility treatments, both traditional and hospital-based, trying to figure out what was actually going on. Some weeks we’d go to the hospital for tests, other times my mother would insist we see someone she knew back home. We tried it all just to see what works.

Did the affair come up again between you during that period?

Busola: Not really. He’d told me it was a one-time mistake, and whether or not I could ever fully verify that, I believed him. 

Dehinde: I constantly reassured her that nothing like that had happened again, because it hadn’t. It was a mistake I regretted immediately, and I was determined never to put us in that position again. 

So, where are things now, after eight years of marriage?

Dehinde: We’re in a good place. We’ve built a lot together — careers, a home and a life we’re both proud of. We still don’t have a child of our own, but we’ve stopped letting that define how we see our marriage. There was a period where every conversation somehow circled back to it, but these days we’re able to talk about other things, plan for other things, without that hanging over every discussion.

Busola: We’re still trusting God with it. We’re still fairly young, so we haven’t lost hope. But even if it doesn’t happen the way we originally imagined, we know we’ll be fine. We’ve proven that to ourselves already, through everything we’ve survived together. I used to think a child would make our marriage complete, but I’ve come to see that we’re already whole as we are.

Have you ever talked about what things might look like if you’d kept that pregnancy and raised the child together?

Dehinde: We have, actually. We wonder what it would have looked like to raise that child, especially now that so many years have passed without one of our own coming along.

Busola: We don’t dwell on it for long, though. We made the decision, based on where we both were emotionally, and we’ve made peace with it. Bringing another woman’s child into the marriage in the middle of everything would have been a lot, and I’m not sure either of us could have handled it well back then.

What’s the best thing about being with each other after everything you’ve been through?

Busola: Dehinde is dependable. Even through the hardest parts of our marriage, he never gave up on us, and I never gave up on us either. I know exactly who I’m dealing with, for better or worse, and I like that level of certainty. He’s not perfect, but I’m able to tolerate his imperfections, just like he tolerates mine.

Dehinde: My wife is stronger than she gives herself credit for. I don’t take our love for granted. A lot of marriages wouldn’t have survived what ours went through, and I think about that often.

If you want to share your own Love Life story, fill out thisĚý.

On a scale of 1 to 10, how would you rate your love life?

Dehinde: I’d say a 9. We’ve been through real tests, not just the small everyday disagreements, but something that could have ended a lot of marriages. The fact that we’re still here tells me we made the right choice in each other. 

Busola: I’ll also say an 8. We’re not a perfect couple, and we’ve had our share of pain, but we’re growing together, doing life together, and whatever happens with the child situation, I know we’ll handle it as a team. Eight years in, I still choose him, and I believe he still chooses me, too.

 *Names have been changed to protect the identity of the subjects.

If you’ve enjoyed reading Love Life, our flagship series on love, heartbreak, and relationships, we have exciting news. We’ve partnered with Cassava Republic to publish a book based on the flagship. Coming January 2026, it’s about to be your favourite book.

.

“Men and women in white wrappers stormed the event” — Dotun*, Wedding photographer

I’ve covered quite a number of weddings, so you can usually tell when something feels off.  The dĂ©cor was almost entirely red with heavy traditional aesthetics, and the groom looked like he was in his late 50s while the bride couldn’t have been older than her mid-20s. He was obviously wealthy.

Halfway through the reception, we heard loud chanting outside. Suddenly, shirtless men in white wrappers and barefoot women dressed the same way walked into the venue. They marched to the stage and continued chanting. The groom calmly stood up and joined them. That’s when everyone realised he belonged to whatever group they were part of. The display lasted about 20 minutes before they left, but the atmosphere never recovered. Even the bride looked blindsided.

“The stepmother halted the event for one hour” — Emmanuel*, Wedding photographer

Everything was running smoothly until it was time for the groom and his groomsmen to dance into the reception. The moment the alaga announced their entrance, a woman suddenly blocked the doorway with a basket and declared that nobody was entering unless they dropped money. Apparently, she was the groom’s stepmother.

At first, everyone thought she was joking, but she wasn’t. She refused to let anyone pass without paying at least ₦1k. The alaga begged her to stop delaying the programme, but she refused to budge. The groom’s parents came over to intervene, and she still stood her ground. Eventually, the groomsmen reluctantly started dropping money just to move things along. The whole drama lasted almost an hour, and by then the entire hall knew what was happening. 

“The bride’s dad publicly called out the alaga iduro” — Towobola*, Usher

At the engagement ceremony, the bride’s dad looked irritated and refused to participate in any of the playful activities the alaga asked the parents to do. The family didn’t seem surprised, so I assumed he was always like that.

Then, without warning, he stood up, collected the microphone and blasted the alaga in front of everyone. He said if they didn’t wrap up the engagement in 30 minutes, he would leave the venue. Everywhere went silent. People started murmuring because nobody expected it. The bride burst into tears while other family members tried to calm her down. Her dad didn’t seem bothered in the slightest. He just sat back down as if nothing had happened.

“Guests refused to touch the food” — Derin*, Food vendor

The reception was going perfectly until people suddenly started screaming from one corner of the hall.

A guest was throwing up and looked like he was choking shortly after eating the seafood boil we served. Honestly, it looked like one of those Nollywood poisoning scenes. Everyone panicked as he was rushed to the hospital. 

After he left, guests started refusing their meals, believing the food had been poisoned. It was most likely an allergic reaction, but nobody wanted to take chances. The bride’s mum eventually climbed the stage, assured everyone the food was safe, and even tasted it herself to calm people down. It was so awkward. Despite her efforts, almost every table still had plates of food left untouched by the end of the reception.

“The bride had some weird older friends” — Jaiye*, Alaga

This wedding felt strange the moment I stepped into the hall. I can’t fully explain it, but I felt a weird presence around me. Throughout the programme, I struggled to focus because it felt like I was seeing things.

Then, the bride quietly came over and whispered that I should acknowledge a particular table of women. She even wrote down their oríkì and insisted I hailed them exactly as she’d written. That’s when I realised she wasn’t an ordinary person. The moment I finished acknowledging them, I felt normal. Those women also refused to let anyone sit with them or even come near their table. I’ve anchored countless weddings, but I’ve never forgotten that one.

“The bride and groom’s ex got into a fight” — Toye*, Content creator

Apparently, the groom had invited his ex, but she only showed up at the after party. From where I stood, it looked like she greeted the groom with a hug, and somehow the bride saw it.

The next thing I heard was screaming. Before anyone knew what was happening, the bride and the ex were dragging each other, pulling wigs and exchanging insults. It was complete chaos. Guests quickly rushed in to separate them and eventually escorted the ex out. Thankfully, it happened during the after-party when the music was loud and the lights were dim, so many guests didn’t even realise what had happened.

“The bride got slapped for smoking” — Ben*, Drinks vendor

I was backstage with the couple while they waited for the next part of the programme. They were smoking weed and just relaxing. Out of nowhere, the bride’s dad walked in.

The man is a reverend. The couple tried to hide, but it was already too late. He saw everything and completely lost it. He started shouting, asking what kind of disgrace he was witnessing on his daughter’s wedding day. Then he called the groom’s parents, his wife and a few close relatives into the dressing room. Before everyone else came in, he slapped the bride across the face. Once the family gathered, they asked everyone else to step outside, so I never found out what was discussed.

*Names have been changed to protect the identity of the subjects.